Dec 14, 2006

Blog Kindergarten: A Bossy Tutorial. Brain Surgery.

According to archeological findings in France, brain surgery dates back to the Stone Age in 7,000 B.C. The Neoliths used very advanced surgical implements – and all evidence suggests that the surgeries were very successful. Of course this was still the result:

In 3,000 B.C. the Egyptians named the brain – and in 2,000 B.C. those crazy pre-Incans used brain surgery to successfully treat mental illness, epilepsy, headaches, and traumatic injury. Their surgical tools were made from bronze and sharp-edged rock.

In 470 B.C. Hippocrates studied the brain and wrote very accurately about seizures and head trauma while his sidekick Aulus Cornelius Celsus operated on skull fractures and obviously kept the excess hair for his own head.

In 800 A.D. the Islamics opened the first brain surgery school while the Christian church banned the study of anatomy. A certain Leonardo da Vinci studied the anatomy anyway.

Modern brain surgery is employed to diagnose and treat a wide range of issues involving:

• Alterations of the brain tissue – for instance brain cancer.
  
• Alterations in blood flow through the brain – for instance a hemorrhage.
  
• Alterations in the cerebrospinal fluid – for instance infection.

Symptoms that may lead to brain surgery include:

• Headache
  
• Nausea
  
• Drowsiness
  
• Vomiting
  
• Disorientation

Otherwise known around Bossy’s house as Sunday Morning.

In order to access the brain a Craniotomy is performed. Under general anesthesia, the neurosurgeon peels back a very localized area of the scalp and then cuts a hole through the underlying skull and removes a small portion of bone for safekeeping. Following the brain repair the bone fragment is replaced and the muscle and skin are stitched up.

Risks of Brain surgery include:

• Reactions to medication
  
• Difficulty breathing

Other risks include:

• Bleeding
  
• Infection

Additional risks include:

• Brain tissue injury
  
• Blood vessel injury
  
• Nerve or muscle paralysis
  
• Loss of memory, speech, understanding
  
• Loss of senate control

The results of brain surgery vary depending on the overall health of the patient, the specific problem being treated, and whether armed guards can prevent republicans from smothering the patient under a heap of hospital pillows.

Read About Senator Tim Johnson Of South Dakota And How Democratic Senate Control Is Hinging On Keeping Those Republicans Away From His Recovery Room.

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1 comment

1. 1
   on December 15th, 2006 at 9:02 am
   Adorable Girlfriend said:

   They always need one, Professor. It’s whether they have one beyond their pants…AG is looking at you Slick Willie.