Feb 8, 2007

Blog Kindergarten: A Bossy Tutorial. Orlistat.

Orlistat — also known as Xenical®, tetrahydrolipstatin, C29H53NO5, 1-(3-hexyl-4-oxo-oxetan-2-yl)tridecan-2-yl 2-formylamino-4-methyl-pentanoate, or the little tablet that turns your poo orange, is a prescription diet pill.

Usually taken three times a day with meals, the pill prevents the absorption of 25% of the fat you consume. This is because it inhibits pancreatic lipase, which is an enzyme that hshheo sksoarkr chjfdjfir kfkfeopv in the intestine. The undigested fat is than excreted. On the john. Side effects include loose, urgent, oil poops. Side affects include blushing and difficulty breathing.

Which is why it’s such terrific news that the Food and Drug Administration announced yesterday that Orlistat is now available over-the-counter without a prescription. The marketers of the pill carefully chose the name Alli to indicate a weight-loss partnership with consumers, which unfortunately doesn’t stop Bossy from pronouncing it Al-lee.

Do not take the pill if you are pregnant, nursing, have a transplanted organ, diabetes, thyroid disease, kidney problems, gallbladder issues, or think poorly of passing gas like the winds on Lake St. Clair.

Read More About The Pill That Is Supposed To Make You Feel Shitty.

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6 comments

1. 1
   on February 8th, 2007 at 9:30 am
   1peanut said:

   blech,5 years ago my doctor gave me a prescription for these pills. disgusting. There are definately better ways to lose 18lbs.


2. 2
   on February 8th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
   Brando said:

   Hey, it’s O-Lean, in pill form! I didn’t think we’d see the “shit yourself” thin diet again.


3. 3
   on February 8th, 2007 at 10:10 pm
   on a plain said:

   Jesus, is this OTC Olestra? The shit they used to put in potato chips that would clear parties faster than a ‘Best of Engelbert Humperdinck’ CD? Horrors never cease.


4. 4
   on February 9th, 2007 at 12:29 am
   Adorable Girlfriend said:

   I read about Alli earlier today. It’s not worth the money. It simply doesn’t do what it promises to do.

   It’s easier to put down the Cheetos and move on…


5. 5
   on February 10th, 2007 at 11:05 am
   Get-off said:

   Thank God the FDA has come to their senses and legalized it! My years as an Orlistat mule are finally behind me!


6. 6
   on February 14th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
   Res Publica said:

   I take it from your description of the side effects that you have some personal experience. I finally convinced my doctor to give me a scrip for xenical, but it’s so freaking expensive that I could either buy food and not afford the pills, or buy the pills and not afford the food that makes me need the pills in the first place. I’m guessing that the OTC version won’t be any cheaper. So I got a gym membership. It sucks, but at least there are no oily stools involved.