Feb 15, 2008
A Very Bossy Photography Lesson.
It’s just the oddest thing—Bossy has a dial on the top of her camera and it looks like this:
For the sake of scientific experimentation, Bossy decided to feature the same photograph taken in all of the different settings to learn about the intricacies of exposure and depth of field. Shall we begin?
The subject is a Saab belonging to Bossy’s son. It is twelve years and 180,000 miles old. Bossy’s son didn’t put all those miles on the car—he piloted approximately 1,000 of them. 1,007 if you count the late night trips to the convenience store to buy his mother Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
The Saab used to belong to Bossy. She purchased the car from a neighbor for $2,000 and drove it for one fabulous roof-window year but then she got annoyed because her 5’ painting ladder wouldn’t fit in the back, even with the rear seat folded down, which it never really does, it just goes down-ish.
Other fun-filled facts: sitting in the back makes everyone nauseous, and the car sort of hums even after the key is removed from the ignition. Where were we? Right—photography:
This is the Saab using the Auto setting:
And this is the Saab using the Portrait setting:
And this is the Saab using the Landscape setting:
And this is the Saba using the Macro setting:
And this is the Snaab using the Action setting:
And this is the Sbaa using the Night Landscape setting:
And this is ckkdorkf dkdo0er ddkdkoe Night Portrait:
Well that certainly clears that up.
Perhaps Bossy needs to select an indoor subject. Speaking of Indoor Subjects, did Bossy tell you that her kids are home from school today? Yes they are—because it is an In-Service day. Oh yes it is. Of course this from the same
school district that recently sent the children home from school in the middle of the day due to the following inclement weather conditions:
That’s right, they dismissed the kids at noon because it was snowing. Somewhere. Maybe Peoria? But anyway. Back to photography.
For Bossy’s next subject she selected a romantic Valentine’s Day still life. These flowers were given to Bossy Bossy’s daughter. They were a gift from Bossy’s Husband a few kids at school. Let’s get started:
This is the Valentine’s Day still life using the Auto setting:
And this is the Valentine’s Day still life using the Portrait setting:
And this is the using Day the Valentine’s still setting life Landscape:
And this is Bossy putting herself back to bed for a month:
Hey, wait a minute! Bossy has taken Martha’s car and put a roof rack on it. Well then, she’ll have to pick Martha up after work. (Oh and Martha will be checking the odometer.)
Bossy’s camera may be broken. In the action shots, the car and flowers should be running.
Thank you for clearing this up. Now that you’ve done it, I don’t have to. Frankly, I think I might be a bit relieved about that–not that it doesn’t look like it was an exciting way to pass the day.
BTW–I have gotten my 23 year old daughter (in whose old room you should be sleeping on your road trip), addicted to you. So she is spreading the Bossy word among the young and hot in L.A.
My camera does the exact same thing. Freaky!
Well, I will say that Bossy’s son’s Saab looks slightly better in the portrait setting (I think it brings out the headlights), but other than that, I am very disappointed. Not at your pictures, but at myself because I just bought a brand new digital SLR with alllll those fancy settings, and now I know they don’t do squat. Dammit!
I can help with the flower setting. I love tulips and hoped that all my pictures would come out flowery on that setting. No luck. But when you’re within 4′ of your subject, it focuses on your subject and not on the background.
After numerous blinkings of eyelids, I come to this conclusion: same?
Wow. Bossy’s camera settings work great.
Maybe Bossy should try a night portrait?
And that, my friend is precisely why I stick with the 3:00 o’clock spot: AUTO.
And no, mine is far from SLR, it’s a tiny little Canon the huz bought for my birthday, and I LOVE IT.
My camera is the same way, except for the minor difference that all of my pictures are blurry.
I only have two words for you: SCOTT KELBY.
Any book by him will have you in-the-know immediately. And he’s funny as hell.
Bossy has summed up my own camera experiences. I thank Bossy.
Now I know for sure that my husband is wasting his time turning all the dials and fiddling with exposures. I think he does it just to look like a professional photographer.
Mine worked the same way!lol till i read the instructions!..
Before Bossy takes the camera to be fixed mabey Bossy should read her camera instructions,just to make sure it’s the camera’s fault and not operator malfunction! lol
Thanks for clearing that up for me Bossy! I’ve always wondered what those were for!
This is how you will be able to tell the difference – set the vase of flowers on the hood of the car at midnight. Put the rear seat down-ish and put the ladder in. Put your son in. Put $2000 in. Now take all your photos. See? Totally worth it, right?
Bossy’s How-To Guide To Everything You Need To Know About Everything You Need To Know About!
With Exceedingly Helpful Charts, Illustrations, and Diagrams
It almost writes itself, doesn’t it?
I think I have a similar camera, but mine has some extra categories, including one for “fireworks”..yep, just for fireworks.
I tried out some of them when we were looking at Christmas lights; night portrait, museum, fireworks…and there was actually quite a bit of difference.
In fact, when my Beauty is at dance class, I sit and watch through a “two way mirror”….with my old camera, if I took a picture (no setting options) I got a photo with a big flash. With my new camera, using “museum”, I get a perfect picture!
Dont be jealous of my new camera, because I have an old computer, which does not support the software for my new camera, which is kind of like not having a new camera, because I can only look at the pictures on the camera itself, but have no way of sending the pictures anywhere to post or print.
BTW, I have been worried sick about Dondi, Bert and Walt….can you update us please?
vuboq’s brother used to sell SAABs. He said SAAB buyers were the most informed and educated car buyers he’d ever met. He also mentioned one day, in passing, that SAABs have some sort of special paint which makes photos taken under different camera settings look exactly alike … or was that to prevent rust? Whatever.
Bossy would be interested to learn that my SIL just bought a new Saab…the ONLY one in all of Central Texas, I’m sure.
Funny thing, Bossy’s son’s Saab looks just as new and shiney using the Night Portrait setting.
Instructions, Bossy, instructions…we share similar photographic skillz. My camera can’t take a decent, focused picture unless its subject is, minimum, four feet away. Sort of like the camera I had when I was in college that cast $350 less.
school here in VA gets cancelled THE NIGHT BEFORE IT MIGHT SNOW. it’s… unreal.
Well thanks for clearing that up! Now I know what all of those buttons do not do.
And, as for the early dismissal Tuesday: WTF! WTF time eleventy! Talk about annoying! I wanted to go seek out Mr. Superintendent and hand my kids to him for the afternoon, I was NOT a happy camper. Sheesh.
I see the problem — you have a PlaySkool camera, don’t you? Me too. I have to say CLICK after I say CHEESE.
The threat of Not Snowing is imminent every day here in California; should I be worried?
I think this post will give your close personal friend, Ree, a laughing induced heart attack!
When I was taking my “12 of 12″ pictures earlier in the week, for a brief time the camera would only take videos and I could not for the life of me make it stop. Now it’s back to being a camera but I can’t stop the telephoto lens from automatically engaging. Technology is fun!
I’d read the manual but my eyes keep crossing.
I use the snow setting always. The camera gets pissed off and confused when it is 70 and dry.
Obviously the Still Life Action setting is what Bossy should use all of the time.
This is hilarious. I laughed audibly. AUDIBLY. I think my camera is full of fake buttons, too. All I ever use is auto, and the camera manufacturers know that—but that also know that I like my camera to LOOK as if I do more than take pictures on auto.
Thank you, BOSSY, now I don’t have to wonder about the little buttons on my camera!
And, I have that same car, different color, no roof rack, four doors – but same car.
oh Bossy, thou doest cracketh me up.
Hmmm, I’m not a professional but they all look the same to me. I keep mine on all auto, all the time, because I can’t tell the difference!
Funny “snow day” scene lol
Things definitely look FASTER on the action setting.
Thanks for the lesson-I had no idea what all of those settings were for. My kids are home today too, but our district went the distance on Tuesday-our superintendent does not mess around! He’d have the kids go to school in a blizzard, open-with no transportation, walking, backwards, with no boots on…………
Last August, my then beau bought me a really cool digital camera for my upcoming trip to the Galapagos. I spent three hours in his office taking pictures of the industrial carpeting. It had circles. Colorful circles. Regardless of the setting, the circle looked the same. Moral of the story? I’m not a photographer.
It seems your camera is stuck on the Andy Warhol setting…HMMMMMM
Ah yes – of course. The differences are clear.
I am very proud of your son because I am a Saab snob. I will only drive a Saab. Ever.
Still interested in that arranged marriage because X is all about the Saab too?
I like the action setting the best, because I like action.
I wish I had some brilliant advice to offer. Instead, my response is something to the effect of “ha ha, hee hee.”
The non-difference is so clear and lifelike!
The one thing I know: Macro is for super-close-up. Try it, your pores will look livelier than ever before.
I have now bestowed upon you all my knowledge of photography. For free. You’re welcome.
The flower setting is great for taking pictures of cookies for your blog.
ohhhhh! I get it. I thought they were just pretty pictures to distract me. And I was correct.
Thank you Bossy.
I am blinded by your amazing ability to conduct scientific experiments. Where you a microbiologist in a former life? Admit it, you were!
Is it a “point and shoot”? I find those buttons only serve to make a picture blurrier. They’re just not capable of much. I’m dying to get an SLR. You can actually DO things with those, like buy them special lenses for $300 dollars!
My only trick with a “point and shoot” is to always turn off the flash and if it’s dark, turn up the “exposure compensation”.
Still not a very good picture, but it’s better than a not very good picture with a giant flash shadow all around it.
Funny, I have the settings and mine all come out looking about as abstract as a first ultrasound.
Oh, that clears it all up. And to think I bother with aperture and shutter speed settings.
Ah. So very useful. Perhaps the most useful Bossy tutorial yet. Thank you.
Try taking a really really closeup picture of a flower that your daughter is waving around, and maybe the action vs. portrait thing will make a difference. Because I know you need to take pictures like that A LOT. So you should be grateful for those camera settings…
My camera has all those same buttons…..you have solved the mystery of what they all really do! Yay!
You have to love when Technology has a mind of its own, thanks to the geek squads that invented them.
I think they sit around all day, passing around a hat for people to toss “Things to Annoy the Consumer to No End” ideas into it. Then, they randomly choose a certain number of them.. say about EIGHTY.. and put them into effect.
Then they purposely write the manual in yiddish, so that it never made sense anyway. They keep the camera intriguing enough to the consumer that they keep it just long enough for any return policy on it to go bad, so that when they are at their wits end, they run out and buy a new camera (made by the same company with a different name) and the journey begins over.
My camera, for instance, has 4 settings for the flash alone. I’ve tried them all, in all forms of light.. just to find that my camera likes to make me feel moronic.
It really has 2 settings, not the 4 it claims to possess. It has flash, and no flash. It does NOT have flash, light sensing flash, auto flash, and no flash. It lies!
Bossy, I’ll trade you my one button crappy digital for your evidently nice one
Then you won’t have to worry your pretty little head about it and I will have a wonderful camera that I’ve been lusting after.
Here in good ole’ Baltimore County, MD they closed public schools because it rained… the day before. Yes, it was icy that morning, but every other school district was under 2 hour delay… except Baltimore County. If only schools were closed for the chance of rain that week. There’s always next year.
-jeff
I think all those photos are the same because you’re just That. Damn. Good.
Just this week I’ve been thinking about how I need to learn how to use the other settings on my camera. Now I see there’s no point, yay to saving me some time
well then, that clears THAT up!
Well, I’m glad you had the time to do that… because, you know, I wouldn’t have bothered. I’ve always just assumed that little dial is mostly for the appearance of knowing what you’re doing.
ohmygod. why is it that i can never read one of your posts without laughing my ass off?
You are so funny.
But I want you to try one more thing….purty please….
Put your camera on “A”.
Set your aperature to as small as a number as it will go. (2.2 or 2.8 ish)
Then go out to take a picture of that car.
The background will be blurry.
I promise. You will love it.
I’m thinking maybe there’s some kind of little button somewhere that says “activate the dial on top or just take pictures dammit” and maybe since you didn’t activate it then it might just be taking pictures. I dunno. I know that if your camera is like mine then the flash will only work when it’s turned off and very bright outside or if it feels happy but never when your kid is doing something really funny that can’t be duplicated. ever. But I’m going to try that whole “a” thing she mentioned above because I always wondered how they made the background blurry. I wonder if I can do that on my phone??? I’ll bet the iphone can do it. (deep sigh and wistful look into space where i see myself (and you of course) blogging from my iphone- they come in pink, right?) I’ll be you didn’t know you could double parenthesis, huh. Wow- I blogged on your comment page, so nasty- sorry.
Very funny post! Just added you as a favorite, I’ll be sure to check back again. Good stuff!
Sewmouse used to work for Saab. Many, many years ago… in a galaxy far, far away…
Sewmouse noted that most Saab buyers were Doctors and Lawyers, back then. Both of which categories are rather litigiously oriented.
The differences are stunning.
wow. what an important photo lesson.