Oct 16, 2008
Meet Joe The Plumber.
OK, it’s not really Joe The Plumber, it’s the star of Bravo’s docu-drama, The Rachel Zoe Project, which follows the life of celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe.
If you haven’t seen this show, which just concluded its first season, here’s everything you need to know:
She dies.
No, she doesn’t actually die—it’s an expression she uses whenever she falls in love with a piece of designer apparel or jewelry or handbag—except when Madonna Rachel Zoe says it, she clips the words with her puckered jaw while elongating syllables otherwise silent, “Eye-eh Die-ah.”
Other things to know:
Madonna Rachel Zoe has lots of help with tasks such as combing all of New York and L.A. for the perfect “Hero Dress” to wrap around celebrity clients like Joy Bryant:
For instance she has her assistant Taylor Jacobson. She’s a Styling Associate:
And she has her assistant Brad Goreski. He’s a Gay Associate:
And she has her assistant husband Roger. He’s the Associate to the Associate’s Associate:
Assistants aside, most of the time there is no substitute for Madonna Rachel herself, who knows precisely when she’s discovered the perfect Screen Actors Guild Awards dress for Debra Messing because she gets A Witch Vibe. Witch Vive, Witch Vibe.
And speaking of Debra Messing’s dress, Rachel Zoe pronounces the garment, “drass”, a noun and verb muttered approximately seventy times per minute while riding in the back of limousines, pounding on her blackberry, crying in the mirror, and holding meetings about Building Her Brand.
The End.
Rachel and her overly dramatic friends are my new favorite show to teach my daughters how NOT to act. No nipple covers in the bag? Off with his head! I’m not sure who needs to get a life more, them or me.
I can tell I would rather read your version than see this show. And I get to keep 23 minutes of my life I otherwise would have lost. Thanks, Bossy! You’re my hero.
I’m gonna have to just take your word for it on this one.
No, thanks. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that Tabitha woman who takes over the hair salons.
Your Joe the Plumber post was better than mine. Commenters are being mean to me!
You mean, Rachel Zoe is Madonna’s plumber? I thought she was Sarah Jessica Parker’s.
Are you going to pitch “The BOSSY Project” to Bravo soon? I can be the Gay Associate (if the salary and working conditions are acceptable)!
I can’t watch the show, because it would cut into the amount of time I dedicate to re-watching the 1st 5 episodes of True Blood.
Since I read your blog, I am going to dedicate those 30 minutes that I would have wasted listening to someone say “drass”, and instead use that time for more important things… like gouging my eyes out with a spoon.
I thought that top picture was Michael Jackson. Happily oblivious to Rachel Zoe – and now I know I want to stay that way.
Rachel Zoe is just waaaay to exhausting for me- and Madonna? I USE to be one of her biggest fans, you know, back in the day..now- not so much. She is a hag and a nasty one at that. Get a life Madge, your 50 years old, stop grabbing and rubbing youself….it just is gross.
Lisa
coastal nest
I need some associates, I need some drasses. I definitely need some witch vibe. What I do not need is more addictive tv shows! I can hardly sleep as it is with the nightly mad tivo scurry.
Who is Joy Bryant?
I seriously thought before I started reading that the top picture was BOSSY. Who I would watch FOREVER doing things like saying “drass” and “eye-eh die-eh” crying in the mirror. Because, well, it’s BOSSY.
I also have no idea who Joy Bryant is. DURR.
If she wants to build her brand, she need look no further than Bossy.
What gets me is that on the shows she’s only 36! I have a feeling that we’re not seeing how she spends the rest of the day when she’s not saying “drass.” It’s “Where the !@$% are my Marlboros?”
This post is bananas………
I’m sorry, who is Joy Bryant and why is blonde Whoopie Goldberg picking out her wardrobe?
Seriously, I was all set to hate on Rachel Zoe, but no, she’s BANANAS (will I ever be able to type that w/o channelling my inner Gwen Stefani?).
She. Shuts. It. Down.
Love her.
Rachel Zoe and Jeff Lewis should be locked in an empty room together for hours. I wonder which would survive. (Now I’d watch that.)
And isn’t Joy Bryant Kobe Bryant’s wife? (That’s what I had assumed, at least.)
The show just cracks me up! And the drama, oh the drama…if they gave out Emmy’s for Drama Queens this show would take it home. I love Brad, but who the hell does Taylor think she is?
I think I need to keep that particular part of my virginity just a leeeeeetle while longer — like until death, maybe. I have enough drama and tears and clothing malfunctions in my own home with two little girls too small for most Disneyland rides.
Poor Roger makes Bossy’s husband look as though he has a completely nag-free life.
Dharmamama says she thought the first pic was Michael Jackson; after looking at your artistic interpretation of Brad Goreski, I thought he has Michael Jackson’s skin disease. Coincidence? I think not.
I missed Bossy’s feeds in my google reader, and apparently she changed her website to something bigger and more spectactular that IamBossy was already, but now I have Bossy’s new feeds carefully deposited to my google reader again.
And all is well with the world.
* I mean, spectacular.
I think that would work as an Olsen twin illustration, too.
I guess I live under a huge rock. I’ve never watched any of these style-reality shows like this, or Project Runway. And don’t gasp, but I’ve never even watched Dancing with the Stars.
BUT….I don’t have to watch them because I can come out here and get a recap with cool artistic interpretations to boot!
P.S. I kinda feel bad for faceless dude. A face is a terrible thing to waste…or um, not have, as is his case.
Poor Bob – the media is tearing the dude apart today!
The only way he will be able to leave his home in the near future is if he dresses up just like your picture of Zoe.
Note to self; never talk to a politician, especially when there are cameras around. Or when you are an unlicensed tradesman!
I don’t know who you’re talking about and I’m not sure it matters.
I agree with #2, I’d rather read your recap than watch!
Why I am no longer getting updates on your blog via my Blogline account? Is your feed messed up?
Not if you paid me.
I die. I love that show so much I die. I am sucked into the downward spiral in this economy in a big way, yet when I watch that show, my angst is completely absorbed by “OMG SHE HAD NO HEEL PADS AT CAMERON’S HOUSE? WILL BRAD GET FIRED?”
Also? When her gay husband gave her the porsche, and he said it was because Dylan McKay drove it on 90210 and it was, like, literally Rachael’s favorite show ever? And then when she saw the porsche and said, “Babe! You got me Dylan McKay’s car!”
I die.
She also constantly says ‘ohmygawd’……
Ohmygawd, bossy! Best one yet!
There aren’t many,but this is one reality show I don’t watch. Yet. After your post I’m thinking I’ll keep it that way.
Why is this show not screened in New Zealand? I’m sure I’d love it.
joe the plumber, he is most definitely McCains new subject. from maverick to joe the plumber. next he will bring up the thumb monkey because it is a small endangered species that noone cares about
Ummm. Right. This looks, well, very HOLLYWOOD. I think I might need to see the original to see what the hey you are on about. Or maybe not. THere is quite enough shallowness in my life already!!!
I shore don’t need to “daigh” any more than I already do (‘cpet my snuffing it usually occurs when I see another tornado has hit my kids rooms! Or that the willy wagtail’s nest has almost fallen off the pipe in our laundry. So similar to this show, methinks!)
BB
That is ba-nan-as that you wrote about this because I just finished watching an episode! Yeah I pretty much love that show and I am not sure why!
I’ll watch the show if you don’t make me click on “keep reading” to read the whole post! Promise! Pleeease!
#1 I am totally Team Brad.
#2. Here’s a thing that makes me extremely suspicious about all things Rachel – Mr. Rachel spells his name “Rodger.” I know, right? What’s with the with extra letter? What’s that “d” about?
Okay, call out the Bossy 12 Step Program. This is yesterday’s blog and here I am on today and there’s no new today’s blog and what oh what am I going to do??? Where is it??
I am so grateful to know that you will watch it and I don’t have to- I tried really I did.
omigod, I die. I got a witch vibe whilst watching this show!!
Bossy, you have the shut it down taste in TV shows that I go bananas for!!
I was totally addicted to the show myself. Loved Brad, hated Taylor. Was it me or did Rachel look like she was 15 years older than Rodger? There is NO way she is 36. And I totally don’t get the stress they put themselves under…clothes? Seriously?
I haven’t seen it. Must I really watch a new show? Find a new addiction? Don’t do this to me. Please.
I LOVE that show, it can suck me in for hours with its talk of “I die” and “bananas.” LOVE IT!!!
[...] reading and lounging while Bossy shouted things like, “Put that book down this instant and imitate Rachel Zoe for the amusement of your [...]
LOVE this post!!! so true! but i have to confess I was quickly hooked when watching it for the first time today…. “OH MY GAAAAWD..YOU ARE GONNA DIE..LIKE, SERIOUSLY?”….. hahahaha!!!! think Brad’s brilliant though, reminds me of a good friend who’s actually a fashion PR!
[...] there was Bossy, dressed in her 80s clothes, thinking about how Rachel Zoe said the fashion industry is in full-out 80s revival [...]
[...] remembers Bossy’s friend, that ridiculous Rachel Zoe? She’s the celebrity stylist whose life is documented in the Bravo series The Rachel Zoe [...]