May 14, 2010
Blog Kindergarten: A Bossy Tutorial. Microwave Popcorn
You are looking at a photo of a hotel on the outskirts of Albany, New York — and it was here, a few nights ago, that Bossy encountered the strangest of appliances.
Bossy should begin by apologizing if her intensive knowledge of cutting edge technology leaves anyone in the dust. Bossy can’t help it if she finds herself in the position to bring you a very early, exciting look at a product that may improve domestic science as we know it.
Shall we begin? The first thing Bossy spied was this, in her hotel’s vending machine:
It appeared to be popcorn, but it was contained within a flat pouch, which Bossy couldn’t reconcile. Still, for the price of one dollar, Bossy was up for the experiment. Once secured, Bossy looked for a receptacle that could transform this pouch into an overflowing bowl of popped kernels. What Bossy located was this:
It was a cart pushed into the corner of her hotel’s dining room, and it featured a toaster and a basket of dust-covered stunt baguettes — but what captured Bossy’s attention was the plant stand:
It was a black plastic box covered with buttons — but that’s not all! It also contained a beveled handle which, when opened, revealed a belly within the box. And within this belly within the box was a round object and — maybe it’s just Bossy’s adventurous spirit — but Bossy wanted to know what would happen if she placed her popcorn pouch on this round object:
It became obvious to Bossy she was going to need to depress one of the many buttons featured on the front of the black plastic box in order to activate the technology. The dilemma was deciding which button to choose:
In the end, Bossy went out on a limb and randomly selecting an unrelated setting and hoped for the best:
The only thing remaining was to wait:
And wait:
But before Bossy could say What exactly is faster about this compared to when Bossy’s friend Jason pops the corn on his stovetop, the pouch began to expand within the belly and the black box beeped its conclusion:
Next Bossy removed the now expanded pouch and retired to her hotel room in order to complete the experiment. Bossy meticulously breached the pouch in order to reveal the contents:
Bossy is loathe to reveal the outcome of this technological experiment before a complete digestive cycle has occurred, but early results seem to suggest: it was popcorn. Don’t try this at home.
I looove new technology. I wonder if there’s an App that makes microwave popcorn? And I’m quite the opposite when it comes to opening packages – it’s gotta be a clean break.
At least you didn’t burn the popcorn. We have a popcorn nazi in our office and she makes popcorn just about every morning at 10:00…and BURNS it. Considering her hair extensions always look like they’re about to fall out, I’m not surprised.
I suspect that at the end of the digestive cycle, it will be CORN, without the POP. Hopefully.
OMG, Bossy and my husband are both unable to properly open packages. What is wrong with you people????!!
Empirical evidence suggests Bossy may be bored.
I have attempted to use the “Popcorn” button on the device on my kitchen countertop, and have succeeded in creating charcoal from small pouches of corn kernels.
Methinks the button doth lie.
huh? Bossy+microwave= first!
don’t worry kid, it won’t become addictive. You still have my stubborn gene.
I too am amazed (and impressed) that Bossy was able to pop the corn without creating a fused, smoking mass of very bad smelling caca. Even though I make a lot of microwave popcorn and generally set the timer for less than the recommended duration, it often burns. Kudos, Bossy!
Oh, and let’s hear for the dusty stunt baguettes! Best laugh of the day so far!
Hey! My RadarRange does not have a popcorn setting.
I despise microwave popcorn. I have been known to make popcorn, on my stove, in a pot, in the morning to take to work with me for my snacking pleasure later in the day. That stuff in the pouch is not even close to edible. But hooray for you conquering technology and not setting off the smoke detectors in the hotel. Because that is what happens in our office if the microwave is employed for this purpose.
Also, don’t fail to note the remarkably robust and seasonally astonishing holiday poinsettia atop the magical appliance. Triple ill-fittingly potted, no less! Quite impressive for the middle of May in a commercial establishment with dusty baguettes!! Clearly they’ve watered it, given it some doses of Winter sunshine…or was it artificial and just not put away with the rest of the holiday decor?
You cannot beat popcorn popped on the stove.
And I am also not capable of opening packages correctly. Especially the sleeves of crackers. I make them look like Edward Scissorhands opened them.
I am not proud. I think microwaved popcorn, especially ACT II low-fat, is a great product. As Weight Watchers taught us, “popcorn is your friend”. I’ll readily admit that stove-top popped is better, but it is exceedingly impractical to pack in a suitcase or make at work. When I am sooo hungry at 3:30 p.m., it is great.
That said, the box of Trail’s End Boy Scout Fundraising popcorn that I reluctantly bought from a co-worker has been a dud. One bag leaked oily orange goo all over the office microwave machine. This week, I set the timer at 2:10, left to get ice water, came back to hardly any popping. Turns out, there was only a 1/2 dose of popcorn in the bag. Burnt. Argh.
Looks like you have a new skill, ms. bossy!
p.j.
You can never get enough Poinsietta’s in late Spring … I bet it was, too, covered in dust!
Sorry, we do that a lot around here
I was just getting here to point out the poinsetta on top of this machine and how totally inappropriate that is in spring, but joeinvegas beat me to it.
Are you not home yet?? Just wondering.
Microwave popcorn and a microwave in the hotel, serendipity. Glad you enjoyed the adventure. We did.
Hotel vending food is not to be confused with real food. Bossy made a great choice and nailed it!
Stunt baguettes…that’s just what we call ‘em in the photo styling world.
And Bossy really must try to get more sleep!
Oh dear Bossy and Bossy’’s Mom (hi!) I think we three were the only ones I know that despise cooking with radioactive waves, and now our ranks are down to two, step away from evil cooking technology, Bossy!
It’ll do in a pinch but nothing beats real melted butter and real salt on real popcorn.
bossy,
this Albany area reader is sad, as I live near Albany, and signed up for the tour but only got the nyc info, and could have saved you from bad popcorn….
Oh, gah, Bossy!! You were a mere hour from Cooperstown! Too bad I have the four punks under 9 years old keeping me too busy to meet up, or host you in our fair village.
Maybe next year…..
Mater had no idea that Bossy was microwave challenged. The faux baguettes do add a certain … je ne sais quois, to the whole evening. Gift-wrapping is definitely not in your future. Amazed that you did not burn those kernels by using a popcorn setting. You may have a future in appliances. For now, though, Bossy should continue to travel and pleasure the masses with her blog!
Thanks for a wonderful night out! It was great to meet you in a microwave-free zone.
ok, I love the “dusty stunt baguettes” and am going to use it EVERY change I get. “Get outta my way, you dusty stunt baguette!” I LOVE YOU for that
and for many other reasons. I lurve popcorn too. just about anyway I can get it – even air popped 
Bossy doesn’t have a microwave? How does Bossy defrost the food in her freezer?
When we opened things like that popcorn bag, my Dad ALWAYS said “did you open that thing with a chain saw?”
Please. If I had time to do all of that, I’d be writing a cooking blog.
SK
Why are we not all discussing “stunt baguettes”????
People. This is serious.
Oh Bossy! I wish I had been paying closer attention…That’s the hotel near my office!
I hope you enjoyed your stay in the Capital Region and I admit that I”m a microwave popcorn kind of girl.
I had to explain this very appliance to my neighbors when they recently redid their kitchen and ADDED A MICROWAVE. Because they hadn’t had one before.
That’s just where I keep my baked goods: on the bottom shelf as close to the floor as I can get them. Without, of course, actually touching the floor, because EWWWWWWW.
Can’t believe no one mentioned the last paragraph. It collapsed one of my lungs and needs to go in the BOSSY Hall Of Fame.
Now I want to see Naked Barbie Theatre do: “Bossy, the Baguettes and (Harrison) Ford: a Love Story” or somthing like that.
I know, (Harrison) does his own stunts, maybe he can give the baguettes a few tips.
Bossy.. ur awesome! ^_^
i luvvvv ur writing style!