Mar 24, 2011

If There Were No Birthdays. A Poem From Dr. Seuss’ Lost Archives

If there were no birthdays
(Wouldn’t this be true?)
There’d be no silly ages to measure me from you

And if there were no birthdays
There’d be no birthday cake
We’d still eat sweets, without a thought, to which day they were baked

And if there were no birthdays
There’d be no birthday bash
So we could look for better ways to spend our hard-earned cash

‘Cause if there were no birthdays
There’s nothing to return
Like presents bought in icky stores, no longer a concern

And if there were no birthdays
We wouldn’t have to buy
Those packs of broken candles in our pantry piled high

If there were no birthdays
There’d be no birthday week
No frame of time to act like an attention-grabbing freak

And if there were no birthdays
There’d be no birthday wish
That’s just as well since those things never work — not really — ish

If there were no birthdays
No birthday days at all
There wouldn’t be those Happy! posts on all our Facebook walls

And if there were no birthdays
Be it May or in December
There’d be no dates stuck in our heads, less numbers to remember

And if there were no birthdays
We’d live a longer time
There’d be no shortening of years as we move from our prime

But if there were no birthdays
Most folks would feel cheated
So what happens to this poem? Well, of course it is deleted.

editor’s note: it’s not bossy’s birthday, even though several of bossy’s esteemed council assumed it was in the comment section. this made bossy think about why she wrote this. she has no idea. and then bossy thought to check the date of when she began this blog and, lo and behold, tomorrow is i am bossy’s 5th birthday!

permanent link to post

26 comments

1. 1
   on March 24th, 2011 at 10:59 am
   Heide said:

   Happy birthday Bossy!


2. 2
   on March 24th, 2011 at 11:01 am
   Larainel said:

   Theodore would be proud.


3. 3
   on March 24th, 2011 at 11:05 am
   Teri said:

   Have a wonderful birthday, Bossy.


4. 4
   on March 24th, 2011 at 11:07 am
   Suzanne said:

   Happy Birthday!


5. 5
   on March 24th, 2011 at 11:23 am
   Elsewhere said:

   Happy Un-Birthday!


6. 6
   on March 24th, 2011 at 11:23 am
   bossy's friend amy said:

   since your birthday was last month – who’s birthday is it?
   happy birthday whoever (whomever) you are!


7. 7
   on March 24th, 2011 at 11:23 am
   BossysMom said:

   and if there were no birthdays
   Hallmark would just be crushed
   so lets promote that no-birthday
   you finish it Bossy….(I can’t do crushed!)


8. 8
   on March 24th, 2011 at 11:28 am
   BOSSY said:

   Hah. It’s not Bossy’s birthday! So why this post today? Bossy has no idea!


9. 9
   on March 24th, 2011 at 12:23 pm
   KathyB said:

   Love the Cat’s hat on Bossy. Happy Birthday, blog.


10. 10
    on March 24th, 2011 at 1:14 pm
    Gramps said:

    Happy B-Day “I AM BOSSY”
    My life is better since I found you—sort of


11. 11
    on March 24th, 2011 at 1:19 pm
    Dacia said:

    Bossy did it today because today is *MY* birthday. Thanks, Bossy!!


12. 12
    on March 24th, 2011 at 1:29 pm
    Dacia said:

    Ok, well, it is my birthday but probably not why Bossy posted this today.


13. 13
    on March 24th, 2011 at 4:09 pm
    Lovelyn said:

    Bossy’s a poet too.


14. 14
    on March 24th, 2011 at 5:21 pm
    Bush Babe (of Granite Glen) said:

    Happy Birthday Dacia!
    And Bossy’s Blog… clearly you subliminally knew this fact when you posted this delightful poem up today?
    
    BB


15. 15
    on March 24th, 2011 at 6:22 pm
    Ruth said:

    Happy Birthday to dooce Ouhmmm I mean Bosssy’s BLOG!


16. 16
    on March 24th, 2011 at 11:39 pm
    Leaf Probably said:

    Ah, well… Happy birthday to Bossy’s website, then?


17. 17
    on March 25th, 2011 at 12:27 pm
    Arli said:

    Happy Birthday “I am Bossy”!!!


18. 18
    on March 25th, 2011 at 3:13 pm
    foolery said:

    Dammit, it’s SOMEBODY’S birthday — where’s my cake?

    Happy Blogthday . . . Blirgthday? Birthdog? Whatever. To iambossy.com. And happy birthday to Dacia.


19. 19
    on March 25th, 2011 at 3:14 pm
    foolery said:

    I forgot — NAILED the poem, BOSSY. High fives.


20. 20
    on March 25th, 2011 at 4:18 pm
    Cactus Petunia said:

    Happy Birthday, dear Bossy
    you’re still one of my faves
    even after five years you’re still garnering raves
    Here’s wishing you five more
    or ten more, or twenty…just you
    keep up the writing-you have readers aplenty!


21. 21
    on March 25th, 2011 at 4:51 pm
    Beth said:

    Happy Birthday iambossy.com!!!!!!!!!


22. 22
    on March 26th, 2011 at 7:45 am
    Makya McBee said:

    This brings up something I’ve always been curious about…what exactly is he a doctor of?


23. 23
    on March 27th, 2011 at 8:37 pm
    brucee said:

    I like to happy post, but one more year is too most
    if we were shy, i would try
    to wish birthday to the sly host.


24. 24
    on March 28th, 2011 at 12:25 am
    Jess said:

    Wait- we’re supposed to wait for birthdays to eat sweets?


25. 25
    on March 29th, 2011 at 6:15 am
    Sparx said:

    5th? 5th birthday? Did we start blogging on the same day?? Seems like yesterday, ah me.


26. 26
    on April 3rd, 2011 at 10:36 pm
    mtmanor said:

    If we didn’t have birthdays
    We could be as happy as a Jehovah’s Witness?