Jan 2, 2009
Only Two Days Into 2009 And Already A Wardrobe Malfunction.
Every winter it’s the same thing: Bossy is freezing and has nothing to wear. This is entirely different from her summer predicament, in which she is suffocating and has nothing to wear. Shall we begin?
First up is this turtleneck, which Bossy purchased a few years ago at H&M:
There is something vaguely familiar about the way Bossy looks when she wears this turtleneck, which she does nearly every day. Bossy flipped forward and back through her rolodex but still she couldn’t pinpoint the reference. Finally she had it:
Next up is this fashion-forward belted sweater dress, where fashion-forward equals Who Has The Remote So Bossy Can Forward To A Time When She Can Afford To Buy Warm Clothes?
The next item in what will now be referred to as the Shmata Collection is Bossy’s favorite and yours, the cowl neck:
And finally, Bossy has the following long underwear top that she purchased from Target, where long equals the thing she puts on when she wants something cozy to cover her arms:
Whyizzit I have a closet full of stuff on hangers and nothing to wear! I keep reaching for the long sleeved “favorite tee” from gap outlet (black of course). I try to add color, but always fall back to the black. I don’t have the wingspan prob, just the opposite. Remember in high school PE when you had to try archery? The arrows needed to be matched to arm length. Guess whose arms were shorter than all the arrows? I never realized I was part dinosaur till then.
I need to call on my friend the ruthless closet evaluator and have a purging session – too much stuff in there that doesn’t work on me!
I’m with you on the wingspan. I’ve always said I was a knuckle-dragger.
If I took a picture of my closet you’d never stop throwing up. The only good thing? There’s a lot of black in there. And I’m not even sorry.
Trying to find a warm long sleeve tshirt these days is impossible. All the tees are so thin you can read a newspaper through them. I’m all for cable knit sweaters.
Yeah, that kind of defeats the purpose of LONG underwear.
I am something of an expert in dressing warmly, since I live in what may in fact be the coldest house in the country (I’m not exaggerating, either–ice forms on the walls INSIDE), and I have three words for you: flannel-lined jeans. They are incredibly frumpy and make you look like you’ve gained 30 pounds overnight, but they are warm. I pretty much live in them for 5 months. And then I feel so thin and pretty when I put on regular jeans in the spring! Bonus.
My 9 yr old dd looked at me last week and said “why are all of your clothese black, black, red, and black?”.
Get ya some black in there and you’ll be fine. But I’m partial to the first one (look-a-like that is)
I feel your pain. I keep hoping/dreading that Stacy and Clinton will show up at my door with a $5000.00 debit card.
ET…phone Rome!
Bossy needs some expert fashion advice.
Since I’m sitting here in a shirt that isn’t long enough for my yards-long torso, wearing jeans with the underwear elastic sticking out, wearing clogs that do not fit but had to be purchased because they were such a steal (where steal = they couldn’t give these things away they’re so ugly) I have no input on the topic of fashion.
I have some clothes that are slightly too short for me, but would probably work on you. Do you want?
Isn’t it funny how that works:
In summer all my clothes are wintery and I Have Nothing To Wear. In Winter?? The Opposite. What the hey? I’m with Amy. I’d like that debit card too! Only I could do without the part where Stacy and Clinton insult me and my current wardrobe.
Hmmmn. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed there seems to be no more extra click on a continued line??? (Which I was okay with but many didn’t like much.)
This Girl Scout has one word for you in search of warmth – LAYER!
oh, you skinny little shit..you look good in aaaalllll those poorly made garments..
At least you have a neck, Im 4 (of those bones, vertebret?-gaa-the poor speller) short in my neck. head sits right on shoulders! poor self. Turtle neck comes up under the eyes.
Its alright, I still think you look mahhhvelous, dahhling..
coastal nest
At first, I was all, like, what is that *THING* growing out of BOSSY’s chest? After about 3 pictures, I finally realized that it was the camera. My brain is working v. v. slowly this morning.
My Winter Wardrobe consists of a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers. There’s something nice about not leaving the house for three months …
All those pictures, and nothing black on.
The resemblance to ET is striking!
I know what you mean having a wardrobe full of clothes but nothing to wear. I tend to live in the same jumper until it’s falling apart. The rest of the clothes just hang there and take up space.
I dream of Tim Gunn rescuing me.
First thanks -for clearing up that neck resemblance thing for me – it has been niggling at me for awhile now, though in my case I don’t really need to put on the turtleneck. And sleeves? Hello clothing merchandisers/designers/sellers/whatever – tall women have long arms. That is all.
Oh, I too have the wing span problem. I HATE 3/4 length sleeves as well which never make it past my elbows.
My problem is that I love solid color clothes but am a slob, so end up with a stain right in the middle of my chest or stomach. It doesn’t matter the color, I can stain it. I need to embrace clothing that looks pre-stained.
Whaatt? Wearing turtlenecks makes a blogging genius?
I should have kept all my MA Winter Wear!
The good thing about turtlenecks is that you can pull them up to your eye sockets when you walk outside in freezy weather. That’s why they call them turtlenecks.
The temp here is 79 degrees today and I have to go check if I have any clean tank tops.
Stay Warm, Bossy.
Here is what you need: (1) a bunch of short-sleeved t-shirts, and (2) several men’s flannel shirts. All year ’round, wear the short-sleeved t-shirts. In winter, wear an unbuttoned men’s flannel shirt as a second layer. If this is a little too warm, roll up the flannel sleeves; if this is a little too chilly, button up the shirt. Voila.
Oh, wait. I’m the LAST person who should be dispensing clothing advice. Never mind.
you’re like Ironman, but instead of having that heart lamp thingy, you’ve got a camera in your chest. kick ass.
two words…thrift store. They are so in right now. We have a Goodwill warehouse near us that sells clothes by the pound. My 14 yr. old daughter and I love that place. The clothes are out on pallets and you dig. We come home with a big bag of clothes for $30 and we are happy. Plus you get an upper body workout going through the clothes.
I’m having a similar problem. I just moved to England from Florida and I have nothing to wear. All of my winter clothes are ten years old and just not cutting it.
I will NEVER again buy a turtleneck. I even have doubts about mock turtlenecks. I mock not.
I do recommend silk long underwear as an underlayer. Loooooooooooooog arms. Not bulky. Wears well. Comes in black.
I am always cold. Ever since I cut my hair short, from October ’til April I live in turtlenecks and hoodies, or I pretend to be European and wear scarves if I pull out a crew neck of come sort.
Vickie’s secret had a cool boucle turtleneck in several colors on the clearance page. It’d probably look like frump on me, but the model was tall and wingy…
oh Tim Gunn, wherefore art thou?
I challenge you to an ET neck-off. I’m constantly trying to find ways to underplay the giraffe-ness of my neck, despite not actually being a tall person.
Bossy, just buy that Snuggie thing they advertise on TV. All your warmth and arm-length problems will be solved.
1. Just go to Goodwill: cheap and fun.
2. Lots of black is just fine, unless you’re feeling gloomy and dark.
3. Box up all those teeny summery useless shortsleeved affairs, stick em under your bed, and revel in all the additional closet space for your *new* Goodwill stuff.
4. Do not buy anymore cowl necklines, and ditch the ones you have. Unless you need to carry shampoo with you at all times.
It’s only just now cold enough for you to need warm layers?
And also:
Try scarves, wind-around-the-neck for warmth and coolness (so to speak) on top of your non-t-neck long sleeve tops.
Meanwhile, my new $9 Palais Royale had-wrong-clothes-during-Texas-visit-cold-front mock tee is bunching up in my armpits and making me hate this new garment. What to do about armpit squeeze?
I’m reminding you to tell us about a theory your mother has that ties one’s I.Q. to the way a shirt fits around the neck.
Holy shit ! That cowl neck is the answer to my prayers! I had been wondering where I could keep all of my extra stuff that always seems to fall out of my purse and left everywhere! It’s the cowl neck miracle solution!
I am laughing SOOOO hard over that pic…
Here’s to ‘09!!
One thing ET had going for him was the ability to change the length of his neck to best accentuate the type of collar his shirt had. Did he need a long graceful neck? Going up! Could he do with a shorter neck? Coming down!
Oh, yeah, the only time he had clothes on was when Gertie turned him into a Drag Queen and then he was a ghost. Oh well.
Oh, and I’m with dlyn, not only do tall girls tend to need longer sleeves, they could use longer torsos in their shirts too! (not everyone wants their gut hanging out for the masses to see!)
Ok, Bossy. Go to Wal-Mart and in the women’s department, there are thermal shirts in several colors right now. They are about $8. They have extra long sleeves and long enough to tuck the top into your jeans to keep your butt-crack warm. I’ve got solid green, red, and blue colors.
or move to san diego and be all turtleneck who?
Welcome to the Wing Span club. We can all take flight together. It’s scary, actually.
)
Gigi#32 and I still wanna hear your mother’s theory.
YOU ARE FUNNY !!!!
Does it matter that my turtlenecks are all coming apart and the seams and yet, I still wear them. In fact, I wore one today to talk to a financial planner (not because I’m rich, but because I’m unemployed and have a 401k), hoping that he would feel sorry for me and give me enough to have a clothing allowance.
He didn’t notice.
Long underwear in silk is the best solution. It’s not bulky and so smooth and slippery that your shirt doesnt get all bunched up against it, as if it were velcro. It’s pretty, too, so it can peek out at the neck of your shirt. Then, of course you must have a chamois or corduroy or flannel boy shirt on top. What? IQ and shirt neck??
I SOLVED my wardrobe problem by ridding myself of my mix-matched hangers. Now I love the way my wardrobe looks in the closet with matching Ikea wooden hangers and some plastic but black, like my clothes.
p.s. are plastic hangers recyclable?
and really I got the idea from…..MARTHA….
In high school, one of my teacher’s nicknamed me “orangutan arms”.
what kate said.
First,
You are a picture of loveliness, regardless of what you think about your neck. I, at age 29, covet your skin and hair.
Second,
I cannot relate to your wingspan problem, as I too suffer from dinosaur arms. I also suffer from tiny legs & gigantic chest; I am very disproportionate. In fact, I have the same measurements as Marilyn Monroe (what I tell myself when I’m feeling blue) however I’m about 4″ shorter than she. This means, I look as though I could topple over at any given moment.
I am thus forced to wear a variety of button-down shirts (with darts,) and the traditional v-neck tee and sweater. These are basically my two options. What I wouldn’t give to wear a basic long-sleeve t-shirt or turtle neck without looking like I was carrying a couple of watermelons under my shirt.
Better a long neck than no neck at all. You know I dated a guy once that had no neck. At all. It was chest then chin with nothing in between. I wonder where he kept his throat?
You act like you’re so not put together but really, you so totally are. But it makes for funny stuff!
i am in the same predicament. well i moved from one country to another which explains a lot! i have turkey winter clothes not texas winter clothes. AND i am beginning to get texas belly as well. my heavy winter, small belly turkey clothes are becoming increasingly more uncomfortable in a texas winter, big belly sort of way.
Hey, I just noticed that you have the same nose as my wife. You could be nose-twins.
Someone once told me to try silk camisoles or underwear under your normal clothes. I guess silk is a light-weight year-round fiber. Also, I have worn cotton leggings under pants or jeans in really cold weather.
Ditch those unflattering turtlenecks and cowl-necks! Try layering under your nice shirts, instead.
you call that a black wardrobe? Bossys mom is with New Yorkers who say that black will have to do until something darker comes along……
How is it that I went shopping for plain winter clothes that I could use just a week ago and now suddenly I don’t have anything to wear AGAIN? Thanfully I got £60 of clothes vouchers for Christmas. Not that I’ll ever get the time to go and spend them…
I don’t even have the guts to take photos of what I wear. It would range from “ATTACK OF THE MUFFIN TOP” to “Jeans Gone Wild – Covering everything but a butt crack.”
My closet is the size of a small bedroom and the horrendous thing about that is that I can not even get far enough into it to take a picture of the awfulness that IS my wardrobe. Hell, I don’t even know if the clothes I own even constitute a wardrobe.
And I’m totally with Domestic Goddess…I don’t and probably wont ever have the guts to take photos of what I wear…pics of ME are bad enough.
3/4 length sleeves on me look like I’m just retarded and shop in the little girls section. Turtlenecks look even worse. The hoodie reigns supreme in my house.
Forget the clothes, can we talk about your skin? I know different things work for different people, but I want to know what you use on your skin. It is INVARIABLY perfect and i COVET it.
What VUBOQ said about the camera.
Also? Turtlenecks are for people with turtle necks. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And BOSSY has it in ♠
I know what Mr. Farklepants thinks cowl necks look like but I won’t use that kind of trashy talk in your comments section.
hehe, I’m currently doing the ‘feck! it’s too hot, and I have nothing to wear!’ dance. My wardrobe is both far too big, and far too small.
I can’t do turtlenecks – the minute I get them on I start to feel claustrophobic.
I have a very crowded closet but it seems like I always wear the same 3 pairs of pants and 4 tops.
You are so on the money and I’m so glad we are not alone..
This was great and the pictures are a scream and as I laid out my clothes for work tomorrow yup…there was a black turtleneck…I may wear a blouse..
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
I always find food or coffee or SOMETHING in those big old scoop neck sweaters…lol. Great pics. I, too, am a fan of the Black Color.
Where can I buy a shirt that holds my deodorant?
I should try that storage trick with the hoodie that I wear every other day (who needs a purse!)- the black one that I accidentally splashed a little bleach on,so I colored in the bleach spots with black sharpie because… no one will ever notice- I tell myself- oh well.
This is why you should live in Florida – no winter clothing needed!
GREEN is the new colour this year. You hears it here FIRST lol.
Green in the form of a Plymouth Argyle FC home strip !!!! rofl
Happy New Year everyone!!!! lmao
I can’t wear turtlenecks because I am claustrophobic. I am the only one?
ET Neck is but a small sacrifice for a garment that covers up Waddle Chin.
(I’m talking about myself, of course. Bossy has not a speck of Waddle Chin. Nubs, maybe, but no Waddle.
I’ve come to the point where I’ll buy any color shoes … as long as they’re black. The Mate thinks they all look alike.
Oh, and Bossy has lovely cheekbones.
Nothing says happiness quite like a great pair of long underwear
Oy. The neckage.
I can’t wear those… they itch. Though the carrying capacity… I never considered that utility… might be worth seeing how much it will hold overall. Can you carry more? Try, please.