Feb 19, 2010
Now Look Who’s Suckin’ The Hind Tit
Imagine for a second this is an endcap sign in Bossy’s nearest chain drugstore because it is — and so imagine having to stand there under the neon green sign and identify yourself as someone who needs these products, which come to think of it is a slight step up from Incontinence! or Erectile Dysfunction! and sister mercy no wonder people are all about drugstore.com.
And who would like to know where Bossy is going with this? Bossy put your hand down. The expression Look who’s suckin’ the hind tit is used frequently around the Bossy house to refer to any situation where one gets a raw deal.
This is the diagnostic ultrasound machine which delivered the news that the greater saphenous vein recently ablated in Bossy’s leg caused the formation of an organized thrombosis resulting in an enormous subdermal hematoma, which is to say Help! Bossy has a rock under her skin which the vascular surgeon recently tried to manually squeeze out of a small tender incision, much like one births a baby, except in this case the baby was the size of a sophomore at Columbia University. Ouch.
And so to handle this thrombosis problem in a more proper way, along with issues Bossy is having in her other leg which her recent ablation procedure couldn’t solve, Bossy is scheduled to return to the O.R. this coming Monday. This makes Bossy all kinds of excited considering her other bruising hasn’t even had the chance to resolve.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of Varicose Barbie, coming to a flog blog near you.
Oh, Bossy! I’m sorry. Hang in there.
We are very familiar with the expression “Sucking Hind Tit” at the Ducks Mahal house. First introduced in the duckling childhood home of Ron by Ron’s mom (Hey, that rhymes, Ron’s mom) and used fairly often thereafter by Ron’s mom throughout Ron’s childhood in efforts to punctuation Ron’s overall luck and misfortune growing up. But you know the way I see it, if it weren’t hind tit, I’d have no tit at all.
As for the leg, (OY+10)3*5.
Frakk! I can’t say we ever used that expression in my family, but I certainly know it from somewhere. I think David would get cross with me if I started using it, though. Either way, hope you get it all sorted soon.
The only thing more unsettling than lice and warts is to have them pointed out in lime green. *urp*.
Sorry to hear about your medical woes. It’s truly a drag when problems seem to bundle up like that at times. Hope your surgery goes well and you’re back up and running on those legs soon.
All I can say is: OW!
Hope all is better after Monday.
Why is it that any expression with the word “suck” in it is probably the most offensive of all words for BossysMom.
It’s even much worse for me that the rhyming word F—
Purely generational. When someone says something “S—s, I just curdle up…So cynical, so negative.
OMG Bossy! Isn’t that a blood clot? Thank God I had finished my breakfast!!! I hope you feel better real soon! Cuz I don’t like cussing.
Wishing you “back on your dancin’ feet” soon! Hang in there….we are all thinking of you!
awww, Im so so sorry that your so so, acky feeling. If it makes you feel any better, we were always suckin the hind tit at our house growing up, too.
take care of yourself, girlfriend!!
Ugh. Sorry your medical life sucks. Hope things clear up soon. Keep us updated. But not visually updated. Thanks for that.
Aw, crap. That does suck.
The sign made me guffaw! But then AWWWW! poor Bossy! You hang in there…nice of you to continue to entertain us during your procedures! We’ll make it up to you when you No Book Tour it!
ours has a “warts and lice” too. And a “tampon intimacy”
That bites. Speedy and gentle recovery, Bossy!
Oh, Bossy! Hope you’re up dancing again soon!
Sorry, Bossy! That really does suck the hind tit.
As for that ridiculous sign, when we see ones like that in our local drugstore, I say things like “Oh, look, CVS started selling warts and lice!” because it totally doesn’t fit in with the other signs. At all!
warts, lice, crabs, the plague- Aisle 4, thank you!
Move along,
Poor old Bossy. Veins and thrombosis and all these old fart words . These are not Bossy afflictions, they are too geriatric for her.
Ouch! So sorry that you’re having such a time. I hope that you repair quickly and are out pounding the mean streets of NYC for highlights and something tasty from the corner bistro.. something in the form of alcohol I’m thinking!
Bummer! So sorry to hear this Bossy, please get better, we don’t want anything to mess up the fabulous no book tour road trip!
I thought that the diagnostic ultrasound machine was a keyboard so I’m still trying to figure out where the ENTER button is.
Ow! Poor BOSSY. Get well soon.
Note to me: Stock up on warts and lice.
Oh, that just bites. I’m so sorry. (Resolve to stop complaining about my petty complaints….)
May the force be with you!
That is a raw deal! Sorry you’re having such a hard time.
But do you think this ruins your chances in the Super-G?
Take care of yourself, Miss BOSSY, and let others take care of you too. Have a peaceful weekend.
Sorry Bossy. Dangitttt….I guess that means no more ice skating for a while.
I knew there had to be a reason that Bossy was not skating in the Olympics !!
Good gravy! Bossy better get those legs in shape quick for the (no)book tour…and I was just wondering: is an organized thrombosis better than a disorganized one?
Sending healing thoughts your way!
I really have no idea what any of those words meant, except for bad news for Bossy ! So sorry for Bossy! Glad a case of head lice or worse lice is not part of your health issues!
Oh, so sorry Bossy, that you ended up with an incompetent doctor that couldn’t fix you properly. (and thanks for not posting the photos)
Wow, Bossy! Sorry to hear it and hope you’re feeling better soon…
Ha, ha, ha, ha about the commenter thinking it was a keyboard – I did, too! And I thought it was the keyboard of a clean freak! I was thinking, Huh, somebody’s pretty anal…
Feel better, darling!
bossy – i am so sorry you have to go through that torture. at least you don’t have a t-t on your behind. that would not only be awkward when sitting or wearing a swimsuit, but also very painful to remove.
surgery sucks. make them give ya the GOOD drugs. Don’t take no for an answer
At least you don’t ALSO have warts with lice (or lice that have warts?). You would probably have a hard time standing so long under that green sign anyway, what with all the gigantic boulders in your veins and such!
Bossy,
How ’bout you get a load of that cheese the skiier that hurt her leg used to get it to heal enough to get the gold medal for skiing. Here is the link
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/02/12/cheese.cure.vonn/index.html
Good luck with everything.
or maybe a load of leeches…might work.
The fact that Bossy can prepare a post so overflowing with funny tells me:
- shituations such as these do not diminish Bossy’s genius and
- Bossy lives in a town where warts and lice have their own check out aisle and
-I thought those places were called Wal-Mutant and
– shituations such as these make us stronger however
-shituations are still shituations and the sooner they’re over the sooner they can be tossed in a bucket labeled a distant memory, where they swim begrudgingly with the likes of warts, cholera, troublesome thrombosisablations, bad boyfriends, vacuum cleaners that don’t work properly and kitchens that are accidentally set ablaze.
This too shall pass, but stay positive, Bossy. Get well soon.
Oh Bossy..I’m sorry you’re thromobosising….I hope you’re better soon…I’ll be thinking of you on Monday and sending good vibes….Especially because I had lice in 3rd grade…EW!
I am so sorry to hear that you’re having to go through so much crap. The larger issues, I got nothin’, but vitamin E may help with the bruising.
@Bossy’s Mom – This is so true! My mom HATES the s. word and I spent a lifetime trying NOT to say it…managed beautifully until I was in labor with my first baby…she came in to the room and I looked at her and blurted it out: “THIS S.;s!” I have felt terrible ever since!!!
That chemist shop (that’s what we call ‘em) is WILD. Subtle too. How much do lice and warts cost, I am wondering? And who buys them? Naughty boys looking to inflict them on others… the possibilities are endless.
Really feeling for Bossy and her Barbie legs… sending positive vibes and healing hugs across the waves.
Axel sends you a lick-and-lean.
BB
Oh Bossy !! You are really going through the mill!! Hope, as you do that, this is the last. Maybe later next week the dancing will start again!!!
Oh Bossy! Many thanks for not posting the hematoma; I had to brace myself for what I thought was coming. Wishing you a speedy recovery and onward to the No Book Tour!
@ BOSSY’s Mom: Ditto with my Mom. She hates when my sister and I let those words pass our lips. Which they do. Frequently.
Your homies will be pulling for you. Sorry you’re going through all this. I hope you push your way to a better tit soon.
BOSSY needs a) better tits. Wait. That’s not what I meant. They’re fine. Better than fine. As we all discussed one drunken evening in South Philly. But that’s a story for another (drunken) day (night in South Philly).
b) treats. What do you want, friend? This sounds heinous. Shout, and the virtual and literal communities will come a running.
It would be cool if they sold condoms, tampons, and Preparation H on that aisle too.
Oh, Bossy! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having to deal with this. Hope you are feeling (much)after the surgery.
Bossy,
Oy. vey. I am so sorry you are having all sorts of problems with the veins in your legs. My brother developed a subdural hematoma after brain surgery a couple of years ago. He became crabbier, I think. BUT that will not happen to you.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy and full recovery – - after successful surgery. (And may your surgeon have an excellent night’s sleep tomorrow night!)
Take care, p.j.
Jesus, Bossy. Knock this crap off. (I will be thinking of you & the whole Bossy clan on Monday. Hang in there & feel better.)
I hope all your followers can ask GOD for your successful surgery. I Believe!!
Your leg sounds like pure misery, and I hope you’re soon healed. Gazillions of people are sending kind wishes your way.
Ouchie wa-wa. Sounds scary. Reminds me of when, after my 4th childs birth I had a hu-mongo ‘roid (sorry) and when I called my Mom to sob–she reminded me that she had to have SURGERY to remove a ‘roid. I had nightmares thinking of the ouchie wa-wa associated with *that* one. Hope your ouchie wa-wa’s are well soon (PS I did NOT have to have surgery. Praise jeebus).
Meleah hopes Bossy’s surgery goes well on Monday. And Meleah feels REALLY badly that Bossy has to go through this at all.
Jenn’s sending good juju Bossy’s way for a successful surgery and quick recovery.
Hey Bossy!
I can’t get on Flickr to see your bruise and that sucks big time because I really wanted to see Bossy’s big ol’bruise! But seriously, I hope all goes well tomorrow…sending good thoughts.
LJ
Heres to a speedy recovery!
Bossy,
Starting to get a little anxious here not having heard anything new from you since this went up. Fretting about you like a mother.
So sorry Bossie/Barbie. I hope and pray for your complete recovery from this. There were a lot of funny words in the comments. Heinous is one of them.
and wouldn’t you know it, if you purchased a product that you didn’t want advertised all over the store when you got to check out they would need a price check on aisle wart/lice or condoms/lubricant?
Bossy sending all sorts of get well vibes! Perhaps while you are taking a nap, Bossy’s family can find another starlet for “Varicose Vein Barbie 2″ because, let’s face it, having MaryKateAshleyOlsen play BOSSY is just all sorts of wrong!
Mwah!
1. BossysMom, I feel guilty pleasure when I say you-know-what. Of course, the word “stupid” wasn’t allowed in the vocabulary of my childhood. Although my sister certainly was that.
2. Bossy, I’m the sort of person who was disappointed that there was no bruise photo.
3. Maybe you can paint it onto Barbie/MaryAshley, so we can see it that way.
4. May your legs stop giving you trouble. And stay that way.
Thank you for the new expression which I plan to introduce into heavy rotation starting…. NOW.
Hey, at least it’s not bathing suit season! You can cover up those bruises with jeans and leggings ’till the snow melts, which according to my calculations will be approximately NEXT YEAR, so the bruising should be all gone by then.
That should say…
WARTS! AND LICE!
…to make it a little more, ahem …exciting.