Jan 25, 2008

Dear Steve Jobs, And By The Way You’re Sexy.

Bossy has been busy researching Apple’s technological advances, and here are just a few of the reasons Bossy thinks you should give her a free Macbook Air for her Excellent Road Trip:

1. It fits in a manilla envelope, and Bossy has one of those:

   

2. It looks like a clam. A thin clam:

   

3. The ‘O’ is still sandwiched between the ‘I’ and the ‘P’ and Bossy likes that in a keyboard:

   

4. It hovers:

   

5. When it’s opened it resembles the letter ‘L’:

   

6. When two are opened they look like bookends:

   

7. There are plenty of places for Bossy to store her orange Tic Tacs:

   

8. Look ma, no wires!

   

   This Apple Is So Luscious Bossy Can Taste It.

   And Guess What? It’s A Green Apple. Read About It Here.

permanent link to post

89 comments

1. 1
   on January 25th, 2008 at 10:00 am
   jessica said:

   you seem to want one for all the same reasons as me!! however, the lack of a cd drive is what intrigues me most…


2. 2
   on January 25th, 2008 at 10:01 am
   All Adither said:

   Steve Jobs is dreamy. He looks a lot like your husband.


3. 3
   on January 25th, 2008 at 10:03 am
   Nilsa S. said:

   My household is Granny Smith Green with envy over the new Apple. Seriously, I don’t know how that company doesn’t take over the world.


4. 4
   on January 25th, 2008 at 10:14 am
   Dr. Monkey said:

   You hate our balls? Damn. My balls are my best characteristic. Now you hate them. Thanks for ruining my day.


5. 5
   on January 25th, 2008 at 10:16 am
   liv said:

   Oh, it’s a sexy lappy to be sure. It makes me sort of loathe my 1 year old macbook, in the same way that seeing my bf’s enormous screened iMac made me loathe my 17″. I kind of think that there should be at least a discount for alls of us bloggers what’re tryin’ to change the world thru navel gazing.


6. 6
   on January 25th, 2008 at 10:21 am
   Suzy said:

   Bossy does not really want one because when the battery dies, you have to SEND THE WHOLE THING BACK TO MAC to get a new one.


7. 7
   on January 25th, 2008 at 10:26 am
   Miss Britt said:

   I bow to your genius Bossy.

   Seriously.


8. 8
   on January 25th, 2008 at 10:32 am
   Tempered Woman said:

   So I’ve been living in a cave and just saw a commercial for this yesterday and about wet myself I coveted so much. I’m a whore for processor speed and memory though and there are issues with battery (hubby said so). Still, I’d probably trade in the first born for one just to try it out.
   And sorry Dr. Monkey- tis true. The only thing worse is the sight of them dangling when you bend over naked. Eww- I just shivered as I wrote that.


9. 9
   on January 25th, 2008 at 10:36 am
   claude said:

   OMG!!!! mens balls!!!! i’m dying. SOOOO TRUE. balls are yucky.


10. 10
    on January 25th, 2008 at 10:45 am
    Alice said:

    that IS a pretty computer. so pretty. my preeciiouussss. ACK NO DO NOT NEED. i don’t even USE macs, and i want one of those.


11. 11
    on January 25th, 2008 at 10:46 am
    Nancy said:

    I’ll wait for round two when they get the bugs out. I heard about the battery too, and that they heat up fast ‘cuz they are so thin. ?!?!

    Balls? *cough* neutered


12. 12
    on January 25th, 2008 at 10:47 am
    Mr Farty said:

    Balls aside, what is it with women and wires?


13. 13
    on January 25th, 2008 at 10:49 am
    Robin said:

    Oooh, yes, balls are icky. Another good place to store your orange tick tacs though no?


14. 14
    on January 25th, 2008 at 10:50 am
    soNOTcool said:

    Orange tic tacs = Juno.


15. 15
    on January 25th, 2008 at 10:54 am
    erin said:

    Some of us LIKE the way men’s balls look!

    Just Joking:)


16. 16
    on January 25th, 2008 at 10:58 am
    Hotdog said:

    I’m a huge tech-whore myself. And shoot, if you could get some smuck to give you one for free, why not? lol
    i agree about men’s balls. they. are. nasty.


17. 17
    on January 25th, 2008 at 10:58 am
    Junebug said:

    Bossy, I saw these new air Macs and I want one too. I have a orange tic tacs in my purse right now. When you visit, I will share. I sometimes eat them in church because I am hungry. ;D


18. 18
    on January 25th, 2008 at 10:59 am
    Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

    Plus, Apples are healthy and it wasn’t too long ago that Bossy was feeling under the weather. Using an Apply each day could avoid a repeat of that!


19. 19
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:00 am
    Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

    Okay,should have used the preview feature. That would be an APPLE each day, not an APPLY.


20. 20
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:04 am
    Marriage-101 said:

    I didn’t think I wanted one but you convinced me with the orange tic tac storage capability.


21. 21
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:04 am
    MarathonMom said:

    Have Eljo write a personal recommendation. Then there’s no way he can turn you down.


22. 22
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:10 am
    Howard said:

    If you get one after this, I’m going to be sooooo… well… jealous.

    I can’t wait until I can afford my new iMac. Then I buy one.

    Patience come to me.


23. 23
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:15 am
    ricky said:

    Boss, just got into a fight with the boss, but this post made it better… i like the commentary on men’s balls and where you can put your tic-tacs. i’m a gonna try that.


24. 24
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:18 am
    Avitable said:

    With battery problems and no CD/DVD option, I don’t think it’s as awesome as it looks.


25. 25
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:24 am
    Kathy said:

    Apple must have known I’m in the market for a new laptop.

    No CD drive, eh? Between that and the storage, I think I’ll wait.

    (It sure is pretty, though.)


26. 26
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:25 am
    Deb on the Rocks said:

    “Look ma, no balls.” That’s what I should have said when I introduced my new girlfriend to my mother.


27. 27
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:35 am
    magpie said:

    they’re paying you, right? they should be.


28. 28
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:37 am
    Oh, The Joys said:

    Maybe you shouldn’t have said the “men’s balls” thing whilst sucking up to Mr. Jobs.

    I can just see him now with a mirror between his legs going, “What? What?”


29. 29
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:37 am
    Jason said:

    I hope you sent this post to his “people”.
    I would give you one after that plea!

    Wait, women hate men’s low hangers??


30. 30
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:45 am
    Tootsie Farklepants said:

    The “men’s ball’s” comment was totally unexpected, equally hilarious, and sadly true.


31. 31
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
    andrea said:

    I would be the happiest girl alive if I could get a Macbook or whatever they’re called these days. I would be very happy too if you got one of those super skinny ones and brought it when you visit ME on your road trip so I could drool over it.


32. 32
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:48 am
    Vanessa said:

    While the lack of the cd drive makes it less appealing to me, I am lusting after a new MacBook. Badly.


33. 33
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:54 am
    Momo Fali said:

    Thanks to loads of Christmas candy, my pants are almost big enough to put that in my back pocket.


34. 34
    on January 25th, 2008 at 11:58 am
    Peg said:

    We took a bite of the Apple in Dec and got an iPhone and an iMac. We are so in love, the MacBook will be next. Besides, this will leave more room in your van for you to load all of the crap, I mean trasures, in your basement and pass them out along the way. See how that works out?


35. 35
    on January 25th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
    Ava Von Snarky said:

    I love the levitating part. That is a nice feature in a computer, so space saving.

    I agree, I can’t stand to look at men’s balls either. Blech!

    Thank you for making me laugh.


36. 36
    on January 25th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
    mr.lootiatto said:

    thank god I got rid of mine, and the wires and speakers. take it from me, women hate those things.


37. 37
    on January 25th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
    Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said:

    I heart it too. Tell Steve to hook me up. You can just bring it by on my stop.


38. 38
    on January 25th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
    jessicab said:

    Bossy definitely deserves to be hooked up.

    Yeah, mens balls, not so attractive.


39. 39
    on January 25th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
    dlyn said:

    Rats – and I just bought a new computer. Whatever – Macs aren’t compatible for work anyway. Hope you get one though!


40. 40
    on January 25th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
    anastasia beaverhausen said:

    I heart Steve Jobs. And the stuff he dreams up. Smart is so Sexxaay!


41. 41
    on January 25th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
    we_be_toys said:

    Those are definitely three things that THIS woman hates to look at, unless the balls are arranged in what is known as a “Fruit Bowl” – then I’m compelled to look!


42. 42
    on January 25th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
    Tracey said:

    *SLURP* That is me licking up the drool running down my face. Apples are ever so yummy, are they not?


43. 43
    on January 25th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
    Redneck Mommy said:

    It would be hard for me to actually use that computer.

    I’d be too busy fondling it to actually, you know, work.


44. 44
    on January 25th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
    Jacki said:

    You always crack me up! My hubby keeps hinting around that he would like one of these….


45. 45
    on January 25th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
    qt said:

    I was laughing so hard at the nastay balls comment, that as I quickly scrolled down through the comments, I saw that one started with SLURP and I got really, really scared.

    But it was not a comment directed at the balls portion of the post, so I am able to exhale now, and continue laughing.


46. 46
    on January 25th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
    davido said:

    You women and your billionaires-so-sexy lust! I bet I’d be pretty sexy with a billion dollaz hanging from my balls.

    I have a monstrous laptop, which either compensates for or correlates with other parts of my anatomy. 17″ Dell 9400. I decided to get the kind that spontaneously combusts when I say the magic keywords o’ destruction, because I’m radical like that.


47. 47
    on January 25th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
    Manic Mommy said:

    I strongly agree with OTJ that you should never insult a man’s balls when you’re trying to cajole him into giving you something for nothing.

    Unless the sexy thing is letting him know maybe it could be sumthin’ for sumthin’


48. 48
    on January 25th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
    Foolery said:

    I’m Twittering this post because Twitter is dominated by MacLusters, who will appreciate it.

    My old eMac will have to last me a while, unless, of course, Mr. Jobs is willing to give you a twofer for your left coast Mac friend Foolery. Let’s ask.

    And is it me, or does Steve Jobs look an awful lot like Gelman?


49. 49
    on January 25th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
    HRH said:

    So right and the fact that you don’t have one (yet) is so wrong.


50. 50
    on January 25th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
    Scott-O-Rama said:

    I’ll totally get you one. Right after I sell my kidney. And get me one.

    Women hate the look of men’s balls? Gawd, I didn’t know that. You miss so much when you’re gay. For the record though, I’m not to found of the look of a woman’s whoo hoo.


51. 51
    on January 25th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
    Sarcasta-Mom said:

    If Stevie gave all of us fabulous bloggers those sexy new machines, just think of all the great press he’d get throughout the blogoshere. Huh, huh? Hint, hint.

    When I saw the commercial for that the other day, I wanted it so bad I almost cried….


52. 52
    on January 25th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
    Dharmamama said:

    Ricky said: Boss, just got into a fight with the boss, but this post made it better… i like the commentary on men’s balls and where you can put your tic-tacs. i’m a gonna try that.

    *then* the slurp comment.

    Too many orange tic-tacs in close proximity to men’s balls. And apples. I’ll never see the fruit, the candy, or the… fruits… in the same way again.


53. 53
    on January 25th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
    Dharmamama said:

    Oh, yeah – just remembered this tid-bit: Steve Jobs *totally* dissed writer and sex educator Violet Blue:

    http://tinyurl.com/2q4yf3 (link to her site, with various explicit items)


54. 54
    on January 25th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
    Sewmouse said:

    I think Steve Jobs in that picture looks rather like the guy who played “Uncle Martin” in “My Favorite Martian”.

    Sewmouse is old. Sewmouse cannot “do” Mac’s – Sewmouse is one of the few people on the planet able to cause a Mac to go BSOD.


55. 55
    on January 25th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
    Flea said:

    Hy hunny drools every time he even THINKS about the new Mac. But we just bought new Inspirons. But Espresso is a nice laptop color. That’s what I keep telling myself.


56. 56
    on January 25th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
    Miss Wisabus said:

    It *is* rather splendid looking, but I can’t see myself ever needing one.

    Who am I kidding? That’s so not about NEED.


57. 57
    on January 25th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
    Amy @ M&M of a Mommy said:

    Come on Steve, you can’t resist Bossy can you? And look at all the fabulous attention she is giving you.
    I hadn’t even heard of this new-fangled MacBook Air until I visited her site.


58. 58
    on January 25th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
    Alex Elliot said:

    Steve should definitely give Bossy the Macbook Air! Her reasoning is brilliant.


59. 59
    on January 25th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
    Gigi said:

    Yum, orange Tic Tacs..


60. 60
    on January 25th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
    David said:

    You just haven’t seen enough men’s balls.


61. 61
    on January 25th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
    Julie Pippert said:

    You should get a case or twelve, one laptop for you and the rest as party favors.


62. 62
    on January 25th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
    nancypants said:

    It does look nice but I think I would accidentally run it through the washer and dryer and then I’d have to stick in a bag of rice to see if that would dry it out. But I don’t have a bag of rice that big.

    I did have a Mac laptop but I traded her in for the glorious iMac desktop and I couldn’t be happier!


63. 63
    on January 25th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
    islaygirl said:

    So true about men’s balls, and David (a couple of comments above)? Is that an invitation?

    I too love the macbook air. i REWIND THE TIVO just to watch the commercial over and over.


64. 64
    on January 25th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
    diesel said:

    And when the batteries go out, you just throw it away, right?


65. 65
    on January 25th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
    Reese said:

    yeah, I’m not a big fan of looking at guys’ balls either.


66. 66
    on January 25th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
    Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants said:

    Mah Beloved Bossy, I never disagree with you but, just this once…

    Wires? No
    Balls? Yes

    Shh! Don’t tell.


67. 67
    on January 25th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
    Suebob said:

    I tried to get one from the tech guy at work today. All he had to offer me was a Dell desktop. Sigh.


68. 68
    on January 25th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
    Kristen said:

    ohmygod, I’m crying. LOL


69. 69
    on January 25th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
    flutter said:

    yep that is pretty sexy, those expensive bookends


70. 70
    on January 26th, 2008 at 5:18 am
    Kelley said:

    I am in love with my MacBook. Her name is Maya. But I would drop her like last seasons shoes for one of those babys.

    Poor Maya is now covered in drool while I do a Homer Simpson over her hope-to-be replacement.

    Good luck Bossy. Get me one too will ya? I will call Steve hawt too if it helps.


71. 71
    on January 26th, 2008 at 8:10 am
    Balls McGee said:

    Ugly balls???????????? Not if you dress them up a little. When I was first runner up in the State Fair Mr Balls Beauty contest, I put little bow ties on them and dipped them in silver and gold glitter. They were adorable!


72. 72
    on January 26th, 2008 at 11:33 am
    PLO said:

    The last line about the balls is too funny, you made me laugh out loud.


73. 73
    on January 26th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
    Dara said:

    Now, Bossy…I must take umbrage on the “balls” remark. Having just had a baby boy, I cannot stop gazing at his balls, or as my husband puts it, “his baby man junk”.

    I know it makes me a bit of a freak, but being a female and giving birth to a male, is mind-blowing…the miracle of conception and all that jazz.

    So, I am a big fan of the package. Also of the Apple of which you speak. Perhaps if I pay special attention to my hubby’s balls, he may feel inclined to purchase me one of those….I’m just sayin’.


74. 74
    on January 26th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
    Omyword! said:

    I don’t know who said “I’m a whore for processor speed and memory,” but that person is my new best friend.

    But Bossy, I think that just on account of the time you put in to making all those pretty pictures, Steve should just come over and give you one tomorrow.

    That said, I think I want to have sex with Air, but I don’t necessarily want to own it.


75. 75
    on January 26th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
    FENICLE said:

    Now those are expensive book ends!


76. 76
    on January 26th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
    Madame Jozet at Halushki said:

    It’s so sleek!

    I’m sure it would make an equally lovely place mat or pantyliner.


77. 77
    on January 26th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
    Mrs. G. said:

    It is a sweet and crisp looking apple.


78. 78
    on January 26th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
    BrentD said:

    Wires are a no no?

    I guess that explains a lot the failure of my romance novel, Cables of Desire.

    Should have checked with you first.


79. 79
    on January 26th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
    seattle mamacita said:

    fancy book ends might have to get me a pair then…


80. 80
    on January 26th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
    Haley-O said:

    I waaaaaaaan it! And, I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Cracked me right up. BALLS.


81. 81
    on January 27th, 2008 at 9:09 am
    Helen K said:

    Hahahah excellent!

    If you get one of these for free on the back of that post you’ll have to let us all know so we can do the same!

    Love your work bossy! x


82. 82
    on January 27th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
    Haley said:

    It’s pretty hot I must say. You posts are always the best for laughs!!!


83. 83
    on January 27th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
    erin said:

    I want a floating laptop!


84. 84
    on January 27th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
    Leaf, probably... said:

    Oh… I want. I don’t care How many Kidneys I’m going to need to sell for it. It will all be worth it when I have that sweet, sweet manilla evelope hovering above my desk, covered in cocktail sauce.


85. 85
    on January 27th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
    di said:

    you certainly have no problem with asking for anything and everything


86. 86
    on January 27th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
    Prof. J. said:

    You should so get an Apple. For free. The good will of your readers should sway Mr. Jobs.


87. 87
    on January 28th, 2008 at 11:16 am
    Emily said:

    In all it’s perfection, is missing one thing: the CD drive. That’s like not having a kidney.


88. 88
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:14 am
    mj aka sugarmama said:

    Women hate balls? really? hehe…


89. 89
    on January 29th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
    Lori said:

    I totally hate the look of wires and balls. Totally. And I wish I had saved for a Macbook instead of the piece of crap that has Vista installed.