Apr 3, 2008
Bossy’s Excellent Road Trip:
Sunglasses 3, Bossy 0.
The following is all the news not fit to report: Bossy left her new aviator sunglasses at Bossy’s close and personal friend Her’s house. The sunglasses in the above photo are her new sunglasses, purchased a few hours ago at a truck stop. The convenient thing about these new sunglasses is they manage to rub her eyelashes raw while bloodying the backs of her ears.
Bossy lost her sunglasses because ddjeiekdlllslwk it’s a very long story and involves a pasture, flames, and a hastily borrowed sweatshirt meant to entice Cowboy Josh with its manure stains sexiness. Bossy is talking about the very same hooded sweatshirt which features a kangaroo pocket now housing Bossy’s previous sunglasses; the same hooded sweatshirt that hangs in a coatroom on a ranch one thousand miles from Bossy’s road weary eyes.
But it was a worthwhile optical sacrifice, as Bossy had a blast hanging with the punks and cataloging their many emergency room trips. And Bossy picked up useful camera tutorials from her friend Ree, such as how to quickly adjust the exposure speed with the flick of a thumb, and how to remove the lens cap before photographing your subject.
And after two days and twenty-seven minutes sleep, Bossy once again propelled out the door onto the open road:
Which is approximately the exact moment the fog descended:
Unfortunately for Bossy, the fog amplified the isolation and it magnified the desolation and before you knew it, Bossy was on the phone to her mother and oh my gah where is the closest cardiac surgeon and what kind of helicopter will they use to airlift Bossy to the nearest facility?
But after two hours of distraction delivered via XM radio’s comedy channel, Bossy realized she wasn’t alone. Not even close. After all, she has her trusty sleeping bag friend:
Eventually, give or take a hyperventilation episode or two, the fog lifted and the landscape began to transition:
After a total of ten driving hours, Bossy reached her New Mexico destination, and guess what? It’??s a hotel! Bossy wants to take a shower watch TV jump on the bed poo bathe in bubbles eat read sleep. And that’s just in the first three minutes:
Tomorrow: Scottsdale Arizona.
You’re not alone. But, at least on my screen, there are some funky dingbats in your post. Go toward the light Bossy
So you went to Dallas, PW’s and now Santa Fe? That Hotel Room is prettier than my bedroom. Perhaps I oughta check out the Holiday Inn Select.
I’m telling ya, Tarzhay has nice sunglasses that don’t hurt your eyelashes or backs of your ears.
i have some super cute sunglasses that would be perfect for bossy. only, i left them in abilene when i made the trek to see you.
if you were going to be anywhere longer than 3 hours, i’d mail them to you
Are the stops on this trip already planned? I can’t seem to find the cities & dates.
It is so sad, but I am pretty sure I know EXACTLY where the foggy photo was taken.
Enjoy New Mexico!
your mama (aka mr lootiatto) will expect a kinder gentler bossy about the loss of glasses! 3 pair within a few days. And watch those truck stops, they will grow on you. The divineness of those rigs was what brought me to driving the big ones.
Hey, everyone – I discovered the REAL reason for Bossy’s Excellent Road Trip: Woman Charged with stalking John Cusack http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,344311,00.html How could you get caught? All the sunglass and car changes should have thrown him off!
Oh well, glad you enjoyed the visit with Ree and the ranch.
you either have gotten some sun on your checks or are really pissed about the sun glasses! How I want to take my girls cross country. bfms (bossy’s friend Martha’s sister…)
Fantastic!!! I hope your hotel room has one of those beds that you put the quarters in and it vibrates. You have my permission to use my entire 9 bucks from your tip jar for that purpose!!
Hi, I hope you’re enjoying the journey at least 1/2 as much as I am reading about it.
Have a good poo Bossy, you’ve earned it!
Oh.Em.Gee. VUBOQ totally *hearts* New Mexico ever since he spent one crazy college summer collecting scorpions with one of his professors (WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?!). AND! You are, like thisclose to Scott-o-Rama! Teh Excitement!
*smooches*
I think it will be interesting to see how many pairs of sunglasses you go through on your Excellent Road Trip!
If we’re betting, I say 10.
S t e p h e r
The bedskirt is crooked.
I’d say those cheeks must still be burnin from your day out burnin grass on the ranch, or maybe windburn from hangin your head out the window to keep awake??
Great read, am cathing up here
Enjoy the hotel perks!
Will see your 10 pair of sunglasses ‘Stepher’ and raise it to 12…
You could all be like “Mr. Sleeping Bag, you’re my very bestest friend and you always know just what I’m thinking,” and draw a happy face on him a la Tom Hanks on that shipwreck movie and talk to him and be BFFFFFs.
You’re definitely not alone. It just feels that way until you realize we all feel alone most of the time, too – and we’re all at home. Hang in there. It will get easier.
Enjoy Scottsdale! It should be beautiful this time of year! Getting excited that you’re almost to California!! Oh – btw – I hear Phoenix cops ticket cars with out of state plates like CRAZY! So keep to the speed limit!
Those new sunglasses sound SUPER comfortable…! Just remember: It’s better to look good than to feel good…!
A fire can sure give you a sun burn. Vaya Con Dios.
How fortuitous is it that my I AM BOSSY shirt arrived yesterday?
although chance of me wearing it in public are slim. um yeah. MUFFIN TOPS UNITE!
There’s nothing like that hotel poop after a long, long drive to make you feel like a million bucks.
Just think — you could be lifecasting this, and we could all BE THERE when you take a shower watch TV jump on the bed p–
oh I can’t go on
You are on one fast road rally! I hope you are enjoying this as much as we are.
Get a good rest, poo, and sleep in girl!
Have your thumbs started “talking” with each other as you drive?? That’s usually a good indication it’s time to pull over and catch a snooze. What an awesome adventure. Thanks for taking us all with you!!
I’m just glad to hear Bossy finally got some actual sleep – I was startin’ to worry.
I predict that when BOSSY returns home she will be met with several packages of lost sunglasses. Yay for poo!
I say leaving the sweatshirt and glasses at Ree’s was all a ploy…..so you have an excuse to go back to see Josh again!
Come on, just swing by on the way back!
What setting are you using for these night pictures? They’re wonderful. xoxo ShallowGal
No pictures from PW’s ranch??? and the fires?
Maybe in addition to the Saturn sponsorship you should have been aiming for a sunglasses sponsorship too!
You must be very mean to your sunglasses if they keep trying to escape from you like this.
I knew we should have stopped at the French Market for the awesome 3 for $10 Chanel sunglasses! Authentic? Not so much. Worthy of remorse when lost? Not so much, either. Therefore, perfect.
those sunglasses remind me of the TV Show from the 70’s: Chips. (and they are awesome)
wow…I hope you have been taking your Metamulcil and maybe a colace or two…
Anyway, have a nice poop.
Clear the bowels, clear the mind.
I think Freud said that..
I once, on a long trip shepherding students across Italy (and sharing dorm accommodations), had a cabin to myself on the overnight ferry to Greece. I walked into the room, closed the door, and said aloud with glee, “I’m sleeping in BOTH bunks tonight!” I hope you slept on every inch of that bed and now feel rejuvenated.
Good thing you bought those truck stop sunglasses. You know, for all that fog.
(Actually, fog can be very blinding).
Can’t wait to meet you!
Love the Cool Hand Luke fascist-cop sunglasses. The self-mutilation is worth it!
But that desolate desert landscape eats away at my soul.
I read “poo bathe bubbles” as “poo bath”. For a moment I got a little scared and thought perhaps you needed 40 more house of sleep in the next 24 hours but then I realized I can’t read.
Happy trails!
Bossy – I totally get the “OMG I’m going to have a heart attack alone here on the road and I will die and someone will steal my car and my iPod and chuck my pathetic corpse into a well somewhere and my darling husband and wonderful children will be left motherless and I will never be heard from again!!” thing.
Just remember – we all adore you and are with you in spirit so just feel the fear and do it anyway! You Rawk!
(sorry to be so serious – but that anxiety stuff can be hell!)
xoxo Bonnie
That room makes me feel comfortable.
The good news is, all of your Google ads are now for sunglasses! So we can all get new sunglasses like Bossy! Yay!
Boy, I bet Wisconsin sounds reeeeaaally far away right now. Rest, friend.
Hey, Arizona is next to California. That MUST mean you’ll be in San Diego soon. I’d better get busy with the party plans!
You’ll be just a few miles from me.
It’s a gorgeous day here today. I hope you enjoy Scottsdale!
That sleeping bag needs a seat belt! And maybe you could draw a face on it like the basketball in that Tom Hanks movie?
I am loving all of the Wilson references.
At least the sunglasses weren’t another expensive pair…I always leave expensive stuff that I might take off at home.
Just remember when you are on those long stretches that you are almost home to someone.
I can’t wait to hear about the parties out west. Did I miss Orlando…?
If Saturn had equipt you with a CB you could have a blast….”trucker, trucker”…Keep on truck’n Bossy.
Wahoo! Relaxing in a hotel room! I bet you went to sleep for hours!
I want to know who else is with you. You obviously have someone strapped to the hood in order to take that picture of you and Wilson the Sleeping Bag. (OK, there’s a joke to be made about “sleeping bags”, but I’m not going there considering how much sleep you’re NOT getting.)
Denise can relate. I still have her sunglasses from Monday’s trip to the church! She hasn’t really needed them though because we have been busy having rain and tornadoes. Lucky you missed that. That NM picture sorta looks like Mars if you blur your eyes a little bit, but I can’t really talk. Dallas looks like a pancake with a Dandelion sticking up out of it.
Paul and I once drove thousands of miles, and he left MY sunglasses behind THREE times. I’d brought two pairs with me, but he was doing all the driving and had not brought any sunglasses with him so he borrowed mine. He left one pair in a restaurant bathroom. He left the second pair on top of the car. I bought a third pair (for myself, but for him to borrow) at a rest stop and we don’t even KNOW where he left those behind. Finally I bought him a very tacky neon tie-dyed pair and of course he never lost those.
I’m so terribly sad I’m going to miss you tomorrow! I wish you were coming next weekend!
Man. All this time there was an “f” after the “m” in the dot.com of my email addy here on i am bossy. WOULD SOMEONE IN LOS ANGELES PLEASE GIVE ME MEETING DETAILS?!?!?! tootsiefarklepants@yahoo.com
Well Bossy~ I would think a night ALONE without having to be “the polite overnight guest” would be a relief!! Not that Bossy can’t be polite … but it can be an effort. Hurray for you to be alone and catch up on some sleep!!
Keep us posted thougth THE MINUTE you start up your road trip again!
Thank goodness!! I was getting worried about all that driving and no sleeping…or pooing.
Sorry about your sunglasses. Maybe you can get some more comfortable ones in Cali. Hope your CD is working for you…I forgot to test it out before I gave it to you.
OK….my Blog circle of reading is WAY too small. I read on PW about her “visitor” and saw all your pics during the burnin’ day. Then I end up here a day later, & read about your adventure. WHAAAAT? Too crazy!
I live down the street from June Cleaver Nirvana/HRH so I’ll bake you some cookies for the road if you come to our neck of the woods in TX!!
Since you didn’t stop by the coast of NC, would you please swing up to SW South Dakota? I am at my mother-in-law’s house, surrounded by brown cornfields. So signs of spring here yet. Thank God for internet access.
wow, at least the san diego bossy posse knows what to buy you for a hello and goodbye gift…aviator shades, anyone?
Please get a good pair of sunglasses again. I’ll appeal to
your vanity and say that those
inexpensive(although interesting
aviator) sunglasses are going to give you lots of eye wrinkles..
did that work ?
I totally think that during any
driving, good sunglasses are
not a luxury, they are a necessity.
Just like some sleep in that hotel room.
Kate
Hope the wildflowers are spectacular. You picked a perfect time to come through the desert.
We’re looking forward to seeing you in LA, even though we come off as a bunch of flakolas.
Ironically, the ad on your site right now features row upon row of sunglasses.
Your relationship with low lying fog sounds like mine with blizzards. Hyperventilation, one last phone call to my mother to tell her my dying wishes and to tell her to pray that we don’t die of snow storm or that I don’t die of lack of oxygen, full on panic attacks…
Glad you survived the fog. And I guess you could have always just turned around and gone back through the insidious fog and asked Ree for directions to her Dad’s office if you really needed a cardiac guy because if you really need a cardiac doctor, what’s three more hours of weather related, panic induced constricted blood vessels?
You must be exhausted. You are going to love your own bed more than you ever have after all of this. :^D