Apr 13, 2008

The Next Time Bossy Is In San Francisco She’s Not Going To A Starbucks, She Swears.

Tonight Bossy is in Eugene Oregon and there are absolutely no cute Eugene stories to be told—because as it turns out Bossy is actually staying in Approximately Eugene, which means a Holiday Inn Express built directly on the highway off-ramp.

Also as it turns out: Bossy is too goofy to drive a few hundred yards into Eugene proper and check out the many sweet ethnic restaurants because as it turns out she is practically too tired to walk across the asphalt parking lot to the family restaurant where Bossy is currently sitting in a paisley booth eating her millionth Caesar salad, and about that? Who is this Caesar and why are his croutons made of pumpernickel?

Anyway. Back to the Holiday Inn Select hotel room, of which there is no cute story to be told. Bossy would normally be telling a very cute story about how Holiday Inn Express sponsored Bossy with hotel room vouchers and how nifty those rooms are, but Holiday Inn Express didn’t sponsor Bossy. So she won’t tell you all about how each and every one of their reasonably priced rooms across the fifty states could easily be featured in Metropolitan Home:

holiday

See how Bossy did that? See how she promoted Metropolitan Home who didn’t sponsor her, while not promoting Holiday Inn Express who didn’t sponsor her either?

But this post isn’t about Eugene Oregon—this post is regarding San Francisco California. Bossy was there yesterday, and about San Francisco, Bossy has this little known fact to report: it’s very hilly.

hill

In fact, Bossy doesn’t know much about gravity and that business about what goes up must come down—because in San Francisco the theory concerns itself over this: What Goes Down Must Again Go Up.

house4

In fact, throughout the day Bossy kept spying crazy drunk people walking uphill in her direction, until she remembered they weren’t drunk or crazy, they were simply walking uphill. At a 75º angle.

house1

Bossy did plenty of walking while in San Francisco. She situated her car in a parking lot in Chinatown and then she walked uphill to Chinatown.

chinaown2

And then she walked downhill to Chinatown:

chinatown

And she walked to the right to Chinatown and she waked to the left to Chinatown and exactly how big is fecking Chinatown?

All this walking within Chinatown was very consistent with what Bossy’s host told Bossy the previous night: San Francisco covers an area 7 x 7. Bossy thought her host meant blocks. But she apparently meant hectares. Wrapped inside miles.

house3

And speaking of hills and driving Saturns on hills because you suddenly realize you’ll never make it out of Chinatown on foot: Bossy doesn’t know much about automatic transmissions, but if your car is in the drive position while stopped on an upward hill, aren’t those Saturns supposed to stay put?

house5

After pausing in a Starbucks to check her email and hang her head in shame, Bossy went to her house because she was the world’s cutest host hosting the San Francisco blog event in the world’s cutest apartment:

party-host

And she was there and a couple of women from this were there. And she was there and thank gah she was there. And she was there and she was there and she was there, and even Bossy’s second San Francisco area host was there.

And for those keeping score at home, there was even a real live man there:

gang

Bossy had such a good time in San Francisco, she fell asleep wondering how long it would take her to pack up the contents of her basement, and exactly how much money Bossy would have to spend in order to purchase this little fixer-upper so she too could live in the City of the Four-Way Stop Sign:

fixer-upper

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