Apr 14, 2008
And Now For A Guest Post Compliments Of Bossy’s Son.
Bon día! Son of Bossy here, forced against his will volunteering to weigh in with the goings-on back home.
Bossy has been gone three weeks. Or, to give bliss its deserving respect, approximately 27,360 minutes. But already the house is adorned with the marks of machismo:
The most interesting thing about living in a Bossy-less universe is that so many of her life lessons endure. Take, for example, her pleas to maintain a
well-ordered living space:
Or her constant endeavors to keep a well-stocked refrigerator representing all corners of the nutrition pyramid:
It’s true that life sans Bossy isn’t quite as glamorous as expected. The family Dane misses Bossy so much she can’t even keep her ears straight:
But Son of Bossy thinks the Dane is being a bit of a baby. After all, who dares to pout in an environment as nurturing as this?
We’ve all been dealing with our melancholy in different ways. Son of Bossy compensates by keeping careful watch of his mother’s movements: I think she’s in Carolina? Dakota? Myanmar?
Bossy’s Daughter copes by generally ignoring the circumstance completely, instead gallivanting around town with her older theater friends and attending to her own circuit of sleepovers. But Bossy’s daughter does a nice job, when home, of mimicking many of Bossy’s habits—such as walking around while brushing her teeth, and filling the house with the loud clatter of her peck-style typing.
Meanwhile Bossy’s husband passes the bulk of his days manning the Strategic House Initiative Table, where his role is to guide the perpetually cursing Bossy to the closest Mocha Latte.
Son of Bossy won’t even venture into the implications of how Bossy’s Husband’s bass somehow manages to be situated in all of Bossy’s favorite spots throughout the house. We’ll just call it cute. Because psychological transference doesn’t have the same romantic ring:
In other news previously reported here, ohmyfeckinggodBarackO’Bamacametomyhighschool. Luckily Son of Bossy kept his cool around Barack O’Boyfriend. That’s probably why he had the presence of mind to snap this beautifully centered artistic masterpiece of Obama entering the gymnasium:
Obama’s speech was brilliant, and although Bossy complained that no one captured Barack and Bossy’s son sharing a moment, she didn’t realize a photo does exist of the two soulmates, and here it is:
The Barack town meeting invigorated Son of Bossy and other members of the community—and soon the Obama Headquarters was overflowing with volunteers. In one instance, they shuttled the phone-bankers out to a speech given by a little known politician who Son of Bossy likes to call John Kerry. Son of Bossy ended up with a lovely hand-written note from the former presidential candidate:
Son of Bossy doesn’t really know what the note says because penmanship isn’t a prerequisite for congress–but it’s either “Good luck at Columbia” or “For Christ’s sake, hire me to speak: I need the work.”
Apart from the political excitement, a few days ago Son of Bossy got a chance to meet his future classmates and roommate at Columbia University’s Days on Campus program:
Other than that, life goes on much as it has. Bossy’s humor is greatly missed, as are her occasional wild-hair tirades and her late-night monopolization of the family room, and did Bossy’s son mention the wild-hair tirades? Ah, those were the days.
One last thing: in order to hedge against the inevitable divorce papers, Bossy’s Husband requested at least one representation of the neat, orderly, and tidy house that the family has worked to maintain:
It’s been fun. Son of Bossy, signing out.
Son of Bossy is a riot!! Great photos,and wonderful descriptions.
I’m sure Bossy feels very relieved, and not at all anxious to rush home.
Does SOB (Son Of Bossy) do house-sitting for others?
Son of Bossy, your mother has taught you well. She spoke fondly of you at our meeting, and gave her strong opinion that you MAY NOT take a bicycle to Columbia, as well as the fact that you have not yet expressed a desire to take a bicycle to Columbia. Based on that conversation alone, I know you are missing her terribly.
You do your mama proud, young man!
I can see now why you’re going to Columbia; its takes a lot of brain power to understance the psychological transference can be broken down into “cute”.
Ha, ha, ha!!
Bossy’s son does not disappoint!
I see the apple does not indeed fall far from the tree!
Looks like Bossy’s son has his bread buttered, and his banana peeled.
I like the Strategic House Initiative Table. It looks completely official, and yet, unassuming.
You Da Man!! What a stellar fun-filled loooong substantial post!! Bossy’s-son.. you are great!
(I love the reflection in the blue Columbia thingamajig!)
I’ve been wondering about the homefront; glad to know all is well. Pass the hot peppers and mayo, please!
Son of Bossy…Question, Does Columbia University know that they are getting a REAL internet star? One that doesn’t need to get naked or go to rehab to have thousands of Cougar like women adoring him? No..well I guess it’s better that way….
Thanks for the guest post!! You lerned good to blog.. :0)
Chocolate Martini’s with Son of Bossy’s Mom on Sunday..woo hoo
Thanks son of Bossy! And congrats on meeting all those cool Democrats. All you need now are your Al Gore and your Walter Mondale signatures to complete your collection!
PS – I would ditch the middle aged woman get-up if I were you. It doesn’t do you justice.
Bravo, bravo, and bravo, Son of Bossy! Encore!
And regarding the neat, orderly and tidy?
Sounds exactly like how Bossy’s handling her Excellent Cross-Country Man-Mapping Spree. Bossy’s attention to order and “a place for everything” fits neatly with my theory of there being one Cowboy Josh stuffed in a “sleeping bag” strapped very orderly–if not lifeless–in the back seat of her vehicle.
Man Mapping, Man Napping, it is all the same thing. Map ‘em first, nap ‘em next.
Hilarious! What a fun post to read. Well done Grasshoppa.
Now we know where Bossy gets her sense of humor! ;*)
I can see that the boys are missing What’s-Her-Face terribly. But will two weeks be long enough to tidy up before she gets home? Methinks there’s a storm comin’!
yet another reason i’m in love with son of bossy.
when will he be moving to texas?
Son of Bossy is BRILLIANT! I’m sure Bossy is proud.
Dear Son of Bossy,
If was 10 (ok 15. Oh, ok 18 years younger), I would so be crushing on you!
You look very convincing as a middle-aged woman.
I’m pretty sure this post will have Bossy beaming with pride and perhaps even shedding a few tears?
Now THAT was a HOOT!! You have done yo Mamma Proud!! Loved it : )
Roxanne
Great post son of Bossy! Have a great time at Columbia!
Son of Bossy needs his own blog. And maybe even his own Excellent Road Trip.
What’s this Columbia stuff? WHERE IS YOUR BLOG?
Would Son of Bossy like to move to Laguna Beach and be a role model of general excellence to a couple of punky tweens?
I think S.O.B. needs to make his own blog at some point – it would be very entertaining.
Excellent post SOB. I missed you at the show saturday night, but I did ask “little Bossy” So, do you miss your mom yet? And with that adorable face she looked at me and said “No, why, did she go someplace?”
Excellent job, young man! Your mama would be proud… except for the parts poking fun at her, the pink stuff she owns and all she and her stuff represent.
Or did I mean “especially” instead of “except”?!
The apple does not fall far from the tree. He has his mother’s sense of humour and his father’s good looks.
Poor Stella. Poor, poor Stella.
Son of Bossy. S.O.B. SOB! Get it? MWAHAHAHAHA!
Well done, Son of Bossy, and may I add you have your mother’s excellent sense of humor. Good luck at Columbia.
I’m a little bit in love with Son of BOSSY. He is very funny.
That’s one tidy house. Well done.
Bwaaaaa! That was a hoot. Man, you have the bossy style lingo down pat.
It must be a hoot to live in your house. When the fridge is full and it’s picked up, I mean.
Son of Bossy? I’m not seein’ a problem with the state of the house and the vitamin/nutrient dense refrigerator; it looks vaguely similar to mine, and I have three young grunts running around. Now granted, they are all weak, malnourished and smell of dirty hair…
Also, I think Son of Bossy should get rid of the black dress and man purse. This Spring is all about color, you know.
son of bossy must start his own blog. today.
Except for the fact that you’re voting for the wrong Democrat and not A WOMAN, you were still funny.
Go women!
Thanks, Son of Bossy. I’ve been wondering how things were going back at the ranch…
Son, I love your self-portrait! And I think Kerry wrote “Do it faux with calendars.” He’s kind of deep, so I’m sure that’s good advice.
{Cackle!}
SOB,
Good post and if you’re roommate situation doesn’t work out, I will gladly take the position. I don’t think it matters that I’m 1)A girl and 2)not going to Columbia. Those are minor details, just like me not living anywhere near Columbia.
Whoot for being the youngest blogger in the group! (I think)
Also, while it is unfortunate that your nickname initials are SOB, I have a feeling they are going to stick. You knew they would.
Well played, sir! I tip my hat.
BTW, Bossy’s hair looked awesome last Tuesday.
Son of Bossy? I’m not seein’ a problem with the state of the house and the vitamin/nutrient dense refrigerator; it looks vaguely similar to mine, and I have three young grunts running around. Now granted, they are all weak, malnourished and smell of dirty hair…
Also, I think Son of Bossy should get rid of the black dress and man purse. This Spring is all about color, you know.
My FAVORITE was the note from John Kerry and the inclusions that come with the Columbia tuition.
Funny, funny stuff, kid.
Son of Bossy and Bossy should collude to rule the blogging world. If Mom of Bossy got involved, your family could prett much cover every demographic!
Son of Bossy – your mama might think of allowing you to have your own day, once a week, to rule the blog. BTW love the red purse, excellent choice when dressing as a middle aged woman…..now go let that dog back in the house for fecks sake.
Loved it….
Son of Bossy is a formidable guest blogger with an excellent sense of the family prose style. Also excellent taste in hats.
This was a fantastic read, and I’m sure Bossy is delighted with the home-front update, particularly that the oven door in Tidy House is apparently being left open continually as a means of economizing on the heat bill while she is gone. Good thinking!
Hysterical! Good one!
OH
MY
GAH!
Son of Bossy got the funny gene!
you RAWK!
that was one hilarious read, even better coming from you, son of bossy, cause it is a fresh change. i see the writing humor runs in the family! I don’t chime into this blog often, but i am glad i did. this was fuuunnnny.
hope mom comes homes safely and just give you guys enough time to clean up!
Dear Son of Bossy:
I’m so glad that your education hasn’t drained you of a sense of humor and some creativity and your penchant for dressing like middle aged (?!! if total age is 142) women.
Well done.
Now do your homework and make sure your sister brushes her teeth.
-WRH
Holy Moly. Get that brilliant (available?…for my friend, of course) a web site!
Jolly good read.
Why is Son of Bossy bothering with college when he has a solid future as a comedy writer?
Please don’t tell Bossy I said that.
I had to look up Myanmar.
Bossy’s Son, wouldn’t you really rather go to Hahvahd? That way, when your mom came to visit you she could come visit me too.
glad to hear you are eating your veggies.
Fantastically hilarious, wry boy wonder! I hope you end up with a regular gig here, at least throughout the campaign.
Don’t tell BOSSY, but this may be one of the funniest posts ever to be published on her site.
I would stalk you, too, but I only have time to deal with your mom.
Megan (Bossy’s Unofficial Official Blog Stalker, thank you)
The Bossy Family needs their own TV show. You ALL are a hoot!!!
OMG, frekking hilarious. Good job young man!
I’m glad you deciphered Kerry’s note, Bossy Jr., as it clearly seemed to read “Don’t bonk at Columbia.” While this might be very good advice, it hardly seemed appropriate.
Enjoy your spring semester of your senior year!
– Laurie @ Foolery
Hold on everyone. Wait just a minute. That was NOT Son of Bossy. That was really Bossy making everyone THINK it was her son. I’m sure he’s very witty and talented, but Bossy HAD to have written this post.
That is hilarious. I wish my children kept their dollhouse that neat!
That bass makes me giggle. Just because of a story of my own that I need to write.
That ear thing freaked me out.
Son of Bossy is teh awesome.
Dude, as an alum, I can assure you — Columbia is going to be the best times of your life!!!
Dear SOB,
We’ve all been taking good care of your Mom.
I think I can be so bold as to speak for all of us that she’s met on this trip when I say she’s wonderful and made us all feel just as wonderful.
Shayera
Shit fire hell, that was piss funny.
Bossy and son of Bossy are getting famous in the UK too, I blogged about you on our intranet about how Bossy is an inspiration.
Rock on!
PS I can’t believe you got meet Barack O’Boyfriend, I’m soooooooooo jealous
it just amazes me that SOB and GSOM (grandson of mine) was able to clear my many cassaroles out of the frige, and caught that one picture of his messy room as I was sorting things out and putting them in place, constantly tidying and quietly nurturing every minute of their
(bliss while bossys away)alone time.
Nice job, Bossy’s son! And stellar use of the word transference. I think you just brought Bossy’s blog up a notch!
Well, that was brilliant!
Yer Pop
you rock son of bossy. you should have your own son of a bossy blog.
Excellent job Bossy’s son! The genes have been passed on well.
Son of Bossy – do not fret about the Obama O’Boyfriend moment – Bossy spent time with P-Dub and I am sure she will know EXACTLY how to Photoshop your cross-dressing photo into one of you in your “normal” clothes.
Keep the home fires burning! well done!
I agree that Bossy’s Son needs his own blog! You are TOO adorable!
OMG – with the pictures and phrasing, are you sure that wasn’t Bossy writing this post? If not, boy, did she pass on her style.
Son of Bossy, I think you have a career in blogging! Don’t they teach bloggy courses at Columbia? Perhaps you could major…
P.S. Your mom has been staying in my house exactly 14 hours and I haven’t witnessed a hair tirade yet. I’m waiting…
I’m with Jason. That was BOSSY. And now I’m starting to doubt if SOB even exists, or if she just made up this whole “family” thing.
yes, Son O Bossy does seem to channel the blogmistress in an eerily uncanny way.
This is one of the best posts I have read in a really long time. You are brilliant!
S.O.B. is very witty. I love this post. Bossy should be so proud!
Love the Great Dane.
You should consider entering his pic in my contest!
Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
Ahem, Miss Emily.
Don’t ever call Bossy a liar. She’s sweet, wonderful, and for those of us who have met her know that she’s the real deal. Also, some Bossy fan in your area will hunt you down.
Also, if you go to bossy’s youtube, you will find an excellent (OMGAZ I’M IN LOVE) video of SOB tearing it up on some tenors during indoor drumline.
So. Freakin. There.
OMG. HEART SWOON SWOON FAINT. At the risk of sounding like a creep as I a nice healthy eight years older than Son of Bossy (who is not at all an SOB!) I would like to say that I am in love, and of child bearing age. Can I be betrothed to this handsome, whip smart creation of Bossy? DAG.
Oh, Bossy. You done brung him up right. That is one hellafunny, hellacool young man right there. Much impressed.
Dear Bossy’s Son:
My husband has a crush on your mom. I can’t decided if I have a bigger crush on you or your dad.
That sounds icky even to me.
Good luck at Columbia.
You’re brilliant, son of bossy. I would have killed for an incoming student who wrote like this when I was teaching writing. Heck, I would have had you teach the course. Good luck at Columbia!
I read you all the time, but Son of Bossy has made me come out of hiding…
brilliant post!
The Bossy style is obviously genetic. Way to go, Son of Bossy! As a Barnard grad way, way back in the Triassic Period, I can tell you that the heaps of vanity and pride are a gift that keep on giving. Use them wisely, young man.
Son of BOSSY got a shout out in DC as well.
Enjoy Columbia. Shoot, enjoy college.
bossy son is tooooo funny, just like his mama… good job!! jeff and i want to get up there and have dinner with this family…you all seem like a riot!
Well done!
I demand a full-time Son of Bossy blog immediately!
Is SOB reading Vonnegut in his messy pink room? How very hipster cool/progressive cool cat of him!
Bossy’s son is hysterical…but I feel so bad for that poor puppy!
Bossy’s Son must, must, must start his own blog while attending Columbia!
He cooks, he’s cute, he’s funny… Bossy’s son has just made it to the list of my future husbands!
holy criche.
bossy’s son needs his own blog!
That was too, too stinkin’ funny. Well done, SOB!
Son of Bossy is quite the silver tongued devil. Mother of two – a 3 and a 4 year old is optimistic that someday they too…will achieve great writing skills.
This is great! I wonder who he gets that from. Please have him back again. Too funny.
It looks like things are in good hands, Son of Bossy. It would be good to learn to buy groceries before you leave for college.
OMG this was one of THE funniest posts I’ve read in a looooooooooooong time (with the exception of yours, dear Bossy)!!
The bossy apple indeed does not fall far from the bossy tree!!
Bravo! Bravo!
Encore! Encore! (please?)
Son of Bossy???
You rock.
Career as a comedy writer? Probably beneath a Columbia grad, but you sure are funny Bossy’s son. I don’t usually laugh out loud while reading blogs. Very rarely, in fact. And I am so jealous about Barack Obama and John Kerry. Jeez. (or is that Geez?)