Apr 23, 2008
Bossy’s Excellent Road Trip. Day Thirty.
First a little Road Trip experiment: how many consecutive days can a blogger drive before she falls face first in her platter of Key West shrimp?
Answer: twenty-nine. Bossy is tanking.
Lucky thing Saturn provided a surge of excitement when they arrived at the home of Bossy’s Chicago host to exchange Bossy’s cars:
Meet Bossy’s brand new Chicago husband. That’s him approaching Bossy’s Saturn Aura, which she has been driving since San Francisco. Bossy doesn’t actually know her Chicago husband’s name, but she is going to call him André:
When people ask André why he fell in love with Bossy, he will point to the dirty socks and stool softeners that Bossy keeps behind the passenger seat and he’ll chuckle lovingly.
And when people ask Bossy why she fell in love with André, she’ll say it was when André taught her how to open her trunk by pushing the little button. Because it’s not just that he taught her how to open her trunk, but that he so patiently pointed and said, “It would be that button right there, the one that looks like an open trunk.”
And Bossy’s husband André didn’t just bring Bossy a new trunk and the button to open that trunk, Bossy’s husband André brought Bossy a whole new shiny red car:
After Bossy was finished loading her new car with various water bottles and running shoes and used washcloths and gum wrappers and wrinkled sweatshirts, Bossy and her husband André enjoyed a honeymoon, and this honeymoon was a walk all the way to the end of her host’s driveway. And then, André?
Wait—where are you going? André?
Lucky thing within the hour Bossy had a houseful of Chicago bloggers to distract her from her sudden and unexpected divorce. Like her and her. Also her and her. And her. And her.
And has Bossy mentioned her Chicago host, who is Bossy’s literary soul sister, and a great advisor, supporter, giggler, and drinker of afternoon wine:
WHOO HOOO!! Can’t think of a MORE FUN place to be than a Great debater, and I think WINNER of Crazy Craig!!! WELCOME to Midwest !! I Wish I could meet you this weekend, but I am stuck on a bus going to Washington DC with my American Sign Language Kids.
We LOVE us sum Bossy here!!
Andre is HAWT!!!
Stool softeners and used washcloths? You vixen.
S t e p h e r
I am not a car fanatic. In fact, I barely know what kind is what. Well, I’d recognize one of those icky humvee tank things, or a cute VW bug, but other than that they all kind of blur together.
But that red car picture… it’s so shiny and pretty! I’m hypnotized! I want one!
Andre? He’s cool too.
But you take one hell of a car photo.
Um, Andre came back home… to me! (Yeah, I wish…).
I’m still bummed that I didn’t get to see you when you were in Seattle. So, um, can you come back here for a do-over???
Key West Shrimp? Dude, Bossy, could falling face first have something to do with the fact that you’re about a thousand miles from, uh, Key West?
Can you please point Andre and his Saturn due West?
OOOH! Arrest me red!]
Dang, Andre sure is purty. I’m in love, too…
So Much Fun!!!! Loved meeting everyone. Bossy is tres cool. (Now, if I could only put that little thingie above the tres)
What color is the new Saturn – Arrest Me Red???
Bossy is incredibly lucky to have such a thoughtful Chicago husband, who brings her a bright red car she’ll easily find in any parking lot, no matter how firmly Bossy’s contact lenses are welded to her corneas. That Andre, he’s a keeper — if you can catch him.
No tanking allowed! Not until after tomorrow night anyway!
Wow. Bossy. You’re not in Dallas anymore. Lookin’ good. I say you’re just as beautiful as you were on the night we met, when you looked into my eyes and told me I look like your freind Martha. *sigh*
Yay! I see some favorite people there!
That’s not Andre. That’s BEN HARPER! OMG!!!!!!!!
You couldn’t have just put him in the trunk and brought him home?
I hate to say it Ms. Bossy, but you’re looking pretty gorgeous. You got that Andre kinda glow going on!
Bottle him and sell it on QVC. I’ll buy!
I think you should not go home, but come back down to Orlando. Hang out for a week this time.
Oh my gosh, Andre is some good-lookin’. He kinda reminds me of Andrew Danjumbo(sp?) but he is even better looking than Andrew.
You have a rather extended “soul” family, my dear.
is andre into bigamy?
Divorced already and he didn’t even buy you dinner. No dinner with Andre . . .
Whoa, Andre, Ben Harper, whoever he is – he looks delish.
you should have had the red car from day one! Sweetness.
Me liketh Andre. Could he be heading back west? We miss you, too. Only a few more days and then …you write a book. Right? Right?
I don’t suppose you know who makes the really cool backpack that Andre was wearing. As a bagaholic, I feel the need to shop. I’m sure I won’t look as cool as Andre and his man bag, but I’m tired of toting around half my life in a duffle bag and want to look stylish for a change.
Though Bossy may be tanking her use of depth of field is still intact.
Andre IS h*a*w*t .. MmmHmm.. yes, WE know how to grow em in the MidWest. MmmHmm. Bossy, youre an amazing person..and oh my word .. an awsome photographer! Andre may have just been DISCOVERED.. courtesy of Bossy. Woohoo!
WOW… that Saturn sure is the mack-daddy car company…sending you one hot little number after another, including Andre!!
“What happened to Andre???” (say it like Tim Gunn)
Andre is hot! I’d totally be drowinng my sorrows in some drink if he left me at the end of the driveway! Good thing you had all those bloggers to pull ya thru.
I feel less like a dork for taking stool softeners on vacation with me now. How is it that when faced with a strange toilet, one’s bowels lock up?
Also, I am going to steal Andre’. He is pretty.:)
I was about to comment on how hot Bossy’s Chicago husband is, and how I may have to visit every Saturn dealership in the greater Chicagoland area to try to paw him myself, but I’m instead laughing hysterically over the google ad on your sidebar that offers “Asian Girls for Love & Marriage.”
MUST get me one of those.
1. Andre is definitely hot – kinda cleaned up Lenny Kravitz.
2. The “Asian Girls for Love and Marriage” are back…
3. I like the black car better than the red; it looked more high-end and less entry-level. Entry level seats are uncomfortable for long drives.
4. LOVE the Chicago host’s neighborhood.
I’m not one to gush over a product, but now that we’ve met Andre, I’m seeing one more thing that I love about Saturn.
I think Andre will be wonderful addition to the Bossy Family-A Bossy Big Love.
You left out the best part of the story, where John Cusack appears in a jealous rage and challenges Andre to a strip-off for your affections.
Oh no, not again, and this time Bossy gets the victim to show her how to open the trunk just before he is shoved inside!
1. Cowboy Josh
2. Starbucks Joe
3. Some Nice Lady’s Brother-in-Law
4. Hopefully not the male Roloffs (we’d have heard by now)
5. Cusack
6. Andre
And because my memory is so bad, I may have forgotten one or three others.
Breaker, breaker, one-nine, this an all points bulletin: Bossy’s Serial Man-’napping Spree is officially back on.
We really missed you here in Salt Lake. Good to see you’re managing to get along without us.
You’re my hero, Bossy. I could never do all that driving alone and then be all smiley and social. For all this great promo you’re giving them, SATURN needs to give you a BIG PRESENT!
Yeah, sounds like my honeymoon.
Chesapeake Bay Woman, you’re forgetting the fishmonger from Seattle. I think that’s what he was, anyway!
Andre’s dimples. They are part of my DNA, and that makes him mine.
Yes, I have dimples. No, they aren’t wrinkles.
Yes, but did you see any Cusack abodes, hangouts, etc.? You were in *Chicago*. He’s got a place downtown. You could chain yourself to his front door… oh, no, wait – that’s what *I* would do. Never mind.
CRAB MAN OR FISHMONGER, YES!! I knew that list was too short. And that my memory was bad.
Is it me or did the Aura have seats that matched Bossy’s slippers? WTG Saturn!
And Andre, well, I would buy whatever Saturn was selling (even if it was Pluto) if he was delivering! WTG Saturn!
Boy that Bossy is some type of man magnet she is just picking them up everywhere and from all walks of life! Can’t wait to see what she gets at the next stop…
Sorry about the Andre thing.. he was a looker!
I hate to complain about your road trip adventures (which I am enjoying very much) but do you know how much bigger you have made my blog roll woman??
But seriously, thanks for introducing me to all these great bloggers!
Oh André. wooooo. *call me*
Well, I am completely and totally bummed to have missed this bloggy party at Pat’s house!
Waaaaaaaaaaaah.
If you head back to chicago on your way back, you got a place to stay at Manic’s house. Possibly Mr. Manic for husband #3? I’d maybe share, or trade ya if you can find a better model on your trip! hee hee!
Is Eddie still available??
You AM one funny woman!
Love your blog and your guts for taking the roadtrip. I lived in metro DC for a while and never found the Nordstrom in Bethesda MD. Now I live in SoCa. and only go south of my town under duress.
HMMM, could Eddie be my personal driver? I know where Panera is!