May 1, 2008
And Now For An Excellent Road Trip Flashback.
Bossy wants to tell you the following Excellent Road Trip story about her mornings. Every single day Bossy would wake up and take a shower and get dressed and pack her things and leave her host’s house and drive for three hours. And then the sun would come up. And then Bossy would career off a cliff, the end.
If Bossy played her cards right she could stave off hunger until 8 a.m., except there were no cards and there was no one to play cards with and there wasn’t any light or signs of life and what was Bossy saying again? Right. Breakfast.
Every day Bossy would search the exit ramps throughout the country for the McDonald’s arches and she would fall into their fine establishments for a delightful morning poo followed by a breakfast sandwich and yes it’s easy to confuse the two.
Every morning Bossy would stand at the counter in her support hose and order a Sausage Egg McMuffin with Cheese, even though there really is no such thing as a Sausage Egg McMuffin with Cheese—there is only a Sausage McMuffin with Egg which happens to have cheese on it, but who can blame Bossy for never assimilating the McDonald’s vernacular just because she ate this piece of nasty thirty-five days in a row.
Anyway. Bossy has two little-known facts to share about McDonald’s. The first fact is: they are not all created equal. Some are cleaner and happier, like the following light-filled McDonalds in Louisiana where the Senior Center residents gather very early in the morning to play Bingo:
The second McDonald’s fact: their Sausage Egg McMuffins with Cheese do not all taste the same. Bossy’s favorite breakfast sandwich was purchased in a Texas McDonald’s, and what made it so good were the burnt bits on the soggy McMuffin and the slight chew to the microwaved egg:
The third little known fact about McDonald’s—and Bossy knows she was only going to provide two facts: they are not all priced consistently. Take for example New Mexico, which despite prosperous Santa Fe must have one of the poorest populations across the continental United States:
But would you believe out of the twenty-eight states Bossy visited, New Mexico wins for highest priced McMuffins?
Wow – you should contact Morgan Spurlock about that *EG* Seriously, what does your CARDIOLOGIST say about all that crap you were eating every.single.morning? We need our Bossy fix. Bossy’s kids were fun, but WE NEED BOSSY.
Hmmm, I think there’s a documentary in this. Oh, wait, somebody already made it and it was scary. Dear Bossy, are you feeling alright?
The most frustrating thing about a McDonalds breakfast is that they inevitably stop serving it 10 minutes before I get there.
No, I don’t want a damn Big Mac, I want an Egg McMuffin! You can yell at them all you want or wheedle or cry, doesn’t matter–if it’s after 10:30 on a weekday they ain’t giving you breakfast.
UG. My stomach hurts just looking at that so called sandwich that you ate every morning for 35 days in a row. Your “delightful morning poo” must have been, um…eventful, to say the least.
Shame on hosts for not making Bossy a proper breakfast of oatmeal and bacon from their Mormon mother’s food storage.
Um, what they said! I knew a guy who exercised pretty regularly, BUT ate McD’s almost EVERY day. He died of a heart attack in his 50’s. McBossy, I am also a McFan of the McMuffin, but I also have McProgrammed my mind to think: “EEEK! McPoison!!”
But to quote my McDaughter: “Fine! At least you’ll die happy!”
So to summarize your brain washing exercise for today: McMuffin .. McPoison .. McCain
Hilarious!
First, I am so impressed that you could be so darn ‘regular’ especially on a road trip!! Personally, I leave home and ’stove up’…
Must be those Egg Mc Nasties… Gads…
How much were they?
The poorest places, the highest prices…absolutely.
I used to live near a little backwater town on the jersey coast and nearby was the remnants of an African American community. Very poor.
I would stop in at their only grocery within miles and find that the prices were staggeringly high. So sad.
I’m surprised you have any working arteries at all. ugh.
The cost of that egg mcblechin sandwich in NM is dependent on who is stopping in there to eat. If it’s locals, than that was highway robbery. If it’s primarily out-of-staters with higher per capita incomes, then that is just good business.
It astonishes me that the same company can charge different prices for the SAME PRODUCT made from the SAME INGREDIENTS. How is that fair, monopoly men?
Also … my stomach is crying for yours, for HOW IN THE WORLD did you eat that shit for a whole month and not systematically implode (or explode, depending)?
RE: high-priced mcmuffins in NM. What is it with the general occurance of higher prices in poorer places? Visions of Dubya, “heh, heh, heh…you see, they work 3 jobs so they can pay more for stuff…heh, heh.”
Does Saturn know you ate in their cars?
They do now.
I would like to know how BOSSY stays so thin with massive fast food consumption and the lack of exercise from sitting in a car for hours on end? Because this regime has the opposite effect on me. Thanks in advance.
The future of our planet is on a slippery slope indeed, and New Mexico…well, they’re the first to go. How dare they??
I never, ever, and I mean ever go to McDonalds. I was scarred for live 20 years ago on a 5,000 mile road trip with my in-laws. They stopped for Mickey D’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I finally just quit eating.
The most expensive McFood is in the airports…friggin off the charts.
Bossy probably figured out that all of that cholesterol sticking to her veins was only temporary. Afternoon Martinis and margaritas, with new friends, have the same effect as draino cleaning her pipes.
That is precisely why I avoid the bathroom at McDonald’s. Although, if I knew I MIGHT run into Bossy, I’d go LIVE in the McDonald’s Bathroom.
Why Bossy? Why!?! McDonalds!? Have you never seen “Super Size Me”? Oh Bossy.. Oh my dear sweet Bossy .. Madness is even more pleased NOW that you did make it home alive.. McEvilEstablishment 35 days in a row should have rightly killed Bossy. Bossys Excellent Road Trip Take Two, Bossy will surely pack plenty of granola an’shit and avoid McEvilEstablishment at ALL COSTS.
When Bossy showed up in her support hose, did those senior citizens hand her a BINGO card?
You MUST try the cinnamon melts…heaven in your mouth! I posted about them a few days back, and they serve them ALL day. And, they’re like a buck, 79.
WW followers be careful, they are half a day’s food!
Dear McSeptic tanks . . .
I’m still reeling over the fact that Louisianan has a FLAT SCREEN TV in their McYucks…Wow. They must loiter there a LONG time!
Did you watch Super Size? You should be scared… very very scared! :>)
Man, humor AND public service! Bossy has transcended the blogsopere’s timid parameters ONCE AGAIN!
(Also I love envisioning the concerned look on the earnest faces of the McD.’s counter help, day after day–”But, but, we don’t HAVE a McMuffin with Cheese! Would you like a regular McMuffin? It comes with cheese!”)
Who would have thought Santa Fe was the highest. Interesting.
Did you know prices vary within cities as well as across states? In Dallas, the McMuffins are more expensive on the ritzy side of town. Good thing I didn’t live there, how would I have made it though high school.
Fourth little known fact. Did you know Audubon Ron’s sister actually made him sing Karaoke in a McDonalds in Hawaii. Audubon Ron sang You’ve Got a Friend to people with bare feet and eating out of their own ice chest because people in Hawaii are smart enough to leave the McD thing alone. Of course, you probably don’t want Audubon Ron to describe the sea creatures the local motion was eating in lieu of the Big Mac. (Hooo Buddy!)
The fact that someone had used the wrapper in your lap to squash big red spiders AND YOU STILL ATE THE McYUCKIN it covered should indicate the depths of your addiction! You need to get help now! And then get your arteries Roto-Rootered, just in case.
Wow, that’s the first time ever that a blog post about food did NOT make me hungry. It did make me want to poop, though.
I hope you are enjoying fresh fruit and eggs from a shell =)
I hope you were kidding about eating it every day for a whole month. Wait, didn’t they make a movie about that?
Also? Folks? Don’t eat and read Bossy at the same time. You might be eating, say, refried beans? And be reading about poo? And suddenly lose your appetite?
Ooof. I can’t eat McD’s, because no matter what I order, I get McDiarrhea every time. Do they have THAT with cheese?
Oh. my. goodness. Domestic goddess, I am ALSO eating refried beans right now! Well, I WAS, but NOW I’m not. Thanks for the visual.
Santa Fe has a higher minimum wage than the rest of the state so they pass it on to the customer. But most New Mexicans don’t go to Micky D’s for breakfast we eat “Breakfast Burritos” with lots of chilé that are much better.
I salute your ability to choke those down very morning!
You just paved the way for your end of the road trip stop in Detroit for White Castle sliders!
You need a fasting cleanse!
Sounds a little Morgan Spurlock to me.
Am so excited to see “delightful morning poo”.
I have a habit of ONLY stepping foot onto McDonald’s property when out of state. It’s like the road trip mother ship.
The picture of the old ladies playing bingo made my day. My grandparents used to go to McDonalds all the time for breakfast…and get pancakes! And I was all like, “Just go to Perkins, for God’s sake, if you want pancakes. Who goes to McDonald’s and gets pancakes?”
Now I’m hungry.
I love the seniors playing bingo! Priceless. I agree with Bossy, it is either the sweetest or the most depressing. Kind of a toss up.
I thought the whole goal was to make everything taste the same everywhere so you never have to try anything new. There goes my whole argument against chain restaurants.
And you know what? I’m glad. Eating all this healthy crap was getting so tedious. Viva la variety!
Hey, it’s protein. Better than downing Krispy Kremes in every city.
oh bossy, i started reading your blog towards the end of your road trip. THIRTY-FIVE days of Micky Ds? you are a brave woman. also THIRTY-FIVE mornings using micky D’s bathroom? i shudder. i truly do.
Oh no, you ate a McMuffin every day! Yikes!
The fanciest Mickey D’s I ever saw was on Rt 301 in Virgina just before the Richmond bypass. The bathroom looked like a spa!
(Blogged at the bottom of my Sept 2007 archives.)
Easy to confuse the two–freakin’ hilarious. But then I love a good poop joke. I’m classy like that. And biiitch, you are not that skinny after eating one of those everyday.
Did the MOST EXCELLENT road trip make you supersized?!
I am in awe of your constitution – all those days of Mickey Ds and still blogging!
I going to bet money that Bossy has never read the book nor seen the movie FAST FOOD NATION.
I can’t remember the last time I ate fast food. That book/movie will change. your. life.
Stepher
Sounds like you’d enjoy the cooked in lard fish and chips at ‘Meaty’ Jones.
Impossible not to enjoy even if you know your guts can’t really take the pace.
Got a feeling your McD’s habit and ‘delightful morning poo’ could be connected. He he.
How about the Big Macs? Were they priced different in different areas of the US? How about the taste?! Do you know? Huh? NO you do not because you only show the McMuffin McLovin’.
WHY DID YOU SHUN THE BIG MAC?!?!
I have tried on numerous occasions to recreate the Sausage McMuffin with Egg, and even its less creative brother, Egg McMuffin, at home, and the results are shady. I don’t know if it’s because I wasn’t using fake egg, fake sausage or fake muffin, but it’s just never quite as good.
Oooohh, My favorite morning activity: Bingo at McDonalds. It’s the best way to wake up.
Sometimes I long for the days when I can just be wheeled around to games of bingo, and sometimes I fear them.
I am really impressed with Bossy’s McDonald’s-breakfast-research-project-within-a-roadtrip. I will take note, to not eat there when I am in NM.
That reminds me, my sister lived in NM (the sister now in CO) and when I visited her, I felt as if I were trapped inside a Walmart…very oppressive. I told this to her, and she was offended, but in any case, she is not in NM any longer (maybe she secretly agreed with me OR I showed her the light)…THE BOTTOM LINE…I doubt Ill be in NM anytime soon or ever.
BTW Dear,
I like the fairy-tale style mat…is that a door mat?? Pretty!
And…not to rush you or apply any kind of intense pressure, BUT….that cute gal has been leaning on that car for a long time, and I think she would like to get on with her story.
And you didn’t slump over the steering wheel in a coma each morning after breakfast? The McEgg and McBiscuit with McCheese makes me very sleepy…Food coma…
On that diet, I’m happy that Bossy had a regular poo at all.
As for the early morning Senior Bingo Gatherings … kill me now.
I’ll be 60 in 2 years.
So, along with your membership to AA we need to all pitch in for a heart cath too? sheesh…
hehe leave it to texas to win for best egg mcmuffin AND cloud bed AND stalker…
dude, texas rocks
I once had a Lobster McSomething at a McDonalds in Maine. It is true, they vary from location to location.
What happened to the seagull?
Okay, so normally I wouldn’t push a link to one of my posts, so excuse the bad form, but seriously, you HAVE to see MY MCDONALD’S. I still can’t get over it.
http://mommypie.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/welcome-to-mars-may-i-take-your-order/
And, I’m officially coming out of lurkdom. Just so you know.
OK. You ate McDonald’s every breakfast, you drank most nights (every night?), ate onion rings, and there is no way you had time for exercise.
I’ve seen the photos of you with various groups. And you’re still skinny!!
If I ate breakfast at McDonald’s for a week I’d be shopping at Lane Bryant.
How do you do it?
I consumed said mcmuffin about three times a week during first pregnancy aka that ten months I gained 60 pounds. Resulting daughter hates McD’s. Coincidence?
That was more about McDonald’s than I ever wanted to know… So selfless of you to suffer through all that for us!!
…McBossy needs a McDetox stat!
)
…McBlessings…
I like how McBossy is not a McVegetarian.
If I may…
Q. How do you make 50 little old ladies say “shit”?
A. Shout “BINGO!”
Thank you.
Have no fear of your daily road diet, Bossy. Remember, eating well won’t make you live longer, it will just seem like it.
Who knew?
I hope your arteries won’t be affected like that man on Super-Size me . . . that would be terribly unfortunate. I’d have to sue McDonald’s!
I will never be able to eat McDonald’s again, without thinking of your road trip adventures
All very believable. Except for the showering part.
I have always been a proponent of a steady junk food diet for good health. Works for me, works for Bossy.
I’ve never visited New Mexico before, and now that I’ve seen it, maybe I don’t need to!
Mc D’s is advertising a skillet burrito? What the crap is that!?
Wait. . .I thought all old people had discovered wii??? Are they still playing bingo?!
I used to work at a McDonald’s. Believe it or not, egg mcmuffins are made with real eggs. Like out of a shell. And they cook them on a grill. They have little rings that look a bit like biscuit cutters to make them that shape. The scrambled eggs come out of a milk-carton-looking container. And if your at home attempts don’t turn out right – cook your muffin longer, use fake butter, but you’re probably using the wrong kind of fake cheese.
The only thing I like about McDonald’s is their breakfast, but I’d never consider eating it 37 days straight. It’s so easy to burn out on food. I forgive you if you don’t want to eat another mcmuffin for 37 years.
You know, on this entire escapade I kept thinking you were like the SuperSize Me of long distance travel. And here you are, just adding grist to my mill.
I am wondering how you managed a McPoo every morning after eating that every. single. day.
A creature of habit, eh? I would probably have explored the different fast food options. Hardee’s, Popeyes, Burger King, what have you. Thrown in some has browns now and then.
Hi, Bossy. Totally off topic but…
Remember her? http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A9j8eu_WrRpIImMAPBLQtDMD;_ylu=X3oDMTBjdmNoOTVjBHBvcwMyBHNlYwNzcg–/SIG=12rg0au09/EXP=1209794390/**http%3a//news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080502/en_afp/usprostitution_080502021848
:s
McDonald’s serves breakfast?
There’s actually a theory called “the Big Mac index” about McDonald’s pricing.
http://goingofftheshallowend.blogspot.com/2008/01/shallowgal-and-posse-take-field-trip.html
Also when do you get to the part of the story where you lose eleven pairs of sunglasses?
Cheese must be very expensive in New Mexico.
LOL. I tried to click on “delightful morning poo”… I thought it was a link. Too funny.
Interesting point because economist look at the price of goods based upon McDonald’s Big Macs around the world. I once worked with a crazzzzy women who did it in the US based on Diet Coke.
I threw-up in my mouth while reading this.
Ummm… thanks!
If Bossy had stayed with me, not only would I have done your laundry, I would have been up at 2:30 a.m. to serve you breakfast in bed when you got up at 3. Or packed you a lovely breakfast to eat later. And geez, didn’t your hosts let you use their bathrooms, is that why you ended up in truck stops and McDonald’s all the time?
i know i shouldn’t approve of bossy’s road trip eating habits, but what i wouldn’t give for a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit right now. yummmm. this is what happens when you live in a pork free country. even drippy soggy sausage looks appetizing!
Woot! TX makes the best McMuffin. Suck it all LA.
Well, this is going to be a very boring and typical comment.
You are so stinkin’ funny!
Is Bossy going to some day take a World Tour like as unto The Amazing Race?
Perhaps Bossy did not travel to states with Waffle Houses? How very sad. If she’d stayed with me, there would have been real eggs, and bacon, and maybe even English muffins. But then, as there’s no parking in San Francisco, she’d have needed the sustinance to walk to her car.