Feb 6, 2008

We Have A Winner.

And for once Bossy isn’t talking about the elections. She is referring to the winner of the Name That Spread contest:

Bossy is particularly excited about the results of this contest because Tempered Woman stretched the dip photo in some sort of computer paint program and that’s when she spied the capers sitting behind the dip and therefore guessed Smoked Salmon spread, which is so cute and reminds Bossy to never again post a photo of anything in Bossy’s house.

Other honorable mentions go out to Sister Honey Bunch and we be toys and
Amy W and Flea and Rusalina and Mary Gese and especially Peg who said, “Lord if I win, whatever you do, do not send me any more junk from your basement.” Bossy has the most thoughtful readers reader.

Also? A big shout-out to Anne Nahm who didn’t just guess it was salmon spread but guessed it was the Barefoot Contessa’s salmon spread—which it is.

And here is the exact Ina Garten recipe: you take some cream cheese and add something else, and then lemon and dill and then talk about your husband Jeffrey, and then add one other thing while your gay friend strings lights in the garden, then you mix that with some chopped smoked salmon while sucking air through your teeth at the mere mention of sour cream. Delish.

Next Bossy wants to talk about Oprah:

Who else watched Oprah yesterday when Dr. Oz revealed the solution to insomnia? Dr. Oz says that our lack of sleep, “strips years off of our real age,”—not to be confused with our pretend age, which is:

But Bossy doesn’t understand why Dr. Oz is making all the fuss because isn’t years stripped from our age a good thing? It’s years stripped from our life that isn’t so swell. Anyway. And so Dr. Oz revealed the secret to beating insomnia and that secret is: Drift into sleep.

Gah, why didn’t someone tell Bossy that years ago? And all this time she thought the secret to sleep is remaining awake!

And speaking of secrets, Bossy can’t wait because today’s Oprah show is the secret behind the Secret. Last year Bossy wrote about the secret secret behind the Secret and it involves placing an order for a man with an enormous pickle—if you missed it now’s your chance!

And This Is Dr. Oz On Oprah. Well, Not On Oprah, Although Bossy Doesn’t Think Oprah Would Mind.

permanent link to post

56 comments

1. 1
   on February 6th, 2008 at 9:38 am
   A Whole Lot of Nothing said:

   Oh, Bossy. You know my thoughts on Dr. Oz so well. May we all live the perfect life he lives. BTW – they did a feature on him at his house w/ his wife a few months ago. She did not look like a very nice lay-day. Maybe all that quinoa and chia got to her head.


2. 2
   on February 6th, 2008 at 9:38 am
   dlyn said:

   I hate to be the one to tell you this but there is something wrong with your frog.

   I would like to know what, other than drifting, more abrupt way there is to get to sleep, short of having someone thonk you on the forehead with a rubber mallet.


3. 3
   on February 6th, 2008 at 9:39 am
   dara said:

   I saw those “capers”, but I thought they were lentils….which makes no sense, what-so-ever.


4. 4
   on February 6th, 2008 at 9:48 am
   anne nahm said:

   Whoooo-hoooo! I am so smart! S-M-A-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T! Thanks for the shout out!

   I am not even bummed about missing out on those floater candles. As a mom of small children, ‘floaters in the bathtub’ still brings flashbacks and a certain amount of shuddering on my part.


5. 5
   on February 6th, 2008 at 9:55 am
   All Adither said:

   Who do you like better? Steve Jobs or Dr. Oz (both names sound kind of dirty if you think about it for too long)?


6. 6
   on February 6th, 2008 at 9:55 am
   Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

   Boy, Laura must have been so excited to be on that panel!


7. 7
   on February 6th, 2008 at 9:57 am
   Amy said:

   After the Oprah about The Secret please head over to my blog and read about my experience with The Secret:

   http://prettybabies.blogspot.com/2007/07/universe-is-sarcastic-btch.html

   Love,
   Amy
   (who hopes she’s still on the road trip)


8. 8
   on February 6th, 2008 at 9:58 am
   Momo Fali said:

   Damn the capers!!! I so wanted those candles.


9. 9
   on February 6th, 2008 at 10:00 am
   JennyM said:

   Our local news previews have been agog recently over the fact that on Thursday, at the 5:00 broadcast, right after Oprah, Dr. Oz, HIMSELF, will join our local anchor to answer YOUR QUESTIONS.

   (My husband: “Who’s Dr. Ox?”)

   Oprah is secretly taking over the world, isn’t she?


10. 10
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:09 am
    Peg said:

    I now really regret removing myself from the contest. It came to me in the middle of the night, if I collect enough of your stuff, I can fulfill my dream of moving to Paris and opening a Bossy brocante.


11. 11
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:16 am
    Sister Honey Bunch said:

    OMGosh I got a mention on Bossy! I would much rather have some crap from your basement, but what-evah.


12. 12
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:25 am
    nancypants said:

    Oh my gosh. That doctor is a genius. Someone needs to give him a real job!

    In the mean time I’ll just be here drifting off to sleep (for 4 hours every night) stripping years off my age! Who knew it was so easy!?


13. 13
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:29 am
    Kristi said:

    I would love to see your mind dissected. Without fail, you crack me up in brilliant ways, EVERY SINGLE DAY.


14. 14
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:32 am
    Sarah is Ok said:

    I was so close! I was sure there was white chocolate in there.

    JennyM, bossy is secretly taking over the world. What do you think this road trip is all about.

    Dr. Oz is a genius. Drifting off to sleep. I guess that means no more alcohol induced siestas.

    I gotta run–I’m missing the secret secret right now.


15. 15
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:35 am
    Deb on the Rocks said:

    When the Secret Lady told me not to look at poor people and ugly people and weird people and people with skin funkiness because I would ATTRACT those qualities, I realized I can’t look at the Secret Lady! Ta-da. I have a free hour today!


16. 16
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:43 am
    laura said:

    Thanks for cracking me up Bossy!


17. 17
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:52 am
    anastasia beaverhausen said:

    Curses! I have lost more contests over the omission of capers than I care to count. When will I ever learn?


18. 18
    on February 6th, 2008 at 11:18 am
    Laura said:

    Dang it-I thought nailed it w/my asiago, artichoke, cheddar guess. Another dang it, I am going to miss Oprah today! I need to know that Secret big time.


19. 19
    on February 6th, 2008 at 11:25 am
    jody said:

    I have to tell you how much I enjoy reading your posts. Just too damn funny!


20. 20
    on February 6th, 2008 at 11:25 am
    Scout's Honor said:

    Rawr. I did see Dr. Oz start to strip on Oprah yesterday. Those 15 pull-ups were delish. Sadly, the show made me cry because I realized I’m like the 48 year woman with the body of a 60 year old. I’m so old at 35. I feel old. But he said wine was good, so I immediately sloshed myself a glash of shiraz. Then, I slept with my feet in the air on the upside of the couch to get some sleep last night. Maybe you should try it??


21. 21
    on February 6th, 2008 at 11:27 am
    William said:

    My wife must have sent out vibes about me and my pickle.


22. 22
    on February 6th, 2008 at 11:28 am
    Tempered Woman said:

    uhm- ohmyfrackingah! I about peed (ok- i did a little) when I saw a comment from you on my blog. Like~ holy crap she’s real. I’m not just imagining this right?? And then I mosey on over here and get the second biggest heart stopping event of my life. My name- held in your fingers. Like Bossy actually wrote down MY name (blog- close enuff) and held it up and took a picture (how the hell did you manage that by the way? don’t you need fingers to push the little camera button thingy?)and maybe you even said my name out loud. Holy crap on a stick!
    Uhm, so I’d just like to say I’ll never begrudge my cheap art software again. Photoshop schmotostop. And uhm, so do I actually get to have the candles? And will you autograph them? Like really? I just need to know if I should pretend I don’t want them so I’ll appear cooler in your eyes. Whatever Bossy wants Bossy can have. Oh~ Bossy wants me to be quiet now. K.


23. 23
    on February 6th, 2008 at 11:29 am
    Tracey said:

    Dr. Oz for president! A man who can solve all of our insomnia with “drift into sleep” M U S T be good for the job. Right?


24. 24
    on February 6th, 2008 at 11:31 am
    Biddy said:

    i’m bossy’s reader…

    i feel like i’ve finally made it in the world


25. 25
    on February 6th, 2008 at 11:54 am
    David said:

    So your saying I’m NOT getting the candles?


26. 26
    on February 6th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
    C said:

    Bossy, you are too funny! Hey, let’s see a pic of your new and improved hair!

    PS-What does Bossy’s husband do for work anyway?


27. 27
    on February 6th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
    Sparx said:

    Ah me, to think I was away and missed this spiffing competition. By the way, when ARE you going to organise that Euro blog tour? London is feeling Left Out.


28. 28
    on February 6th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
    Susan said:

    I can’t even begin to think of anything remotely clever enough to post here, but I must say I absolutely love your blog!! I sit here at work laughing through the entire thing. I totally agree about Ina (love her, though – and I have the same wallpaper in my kitchen!), and Dr. Oz, and all that good stuff. Who ever knew that The Secret to fighting Insomnia was simply Drifting Off to Sleep? Here I thought there was an actual technique involved. Heh.

    Thanks for brightening my days!


29. 29
    on February 6th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
    we_be_toys said:

    Hey! I’m just cheesed to have even come close – I never eat salmon dip unless its the one with chipotle that my brother makes – which is why I guessed that!

    Is it me or does Dr. Oz kind of look like a chunky version of Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees?

    Drift off to sleep…and he’s getting PAID to tell us that – that’s the part that pisses me off.


30. 30
    on February 6th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
    Flea said:

    All those doctor’s appointments, the sleep apnea diagnosis, all the fancy machinery, the tubes up my husband’s nose, and all he had to do all this time was DRIFT OFF TO SLEEP?!?


31. 31
    on February 6th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
    Jenny, Bloggess said:

    I miss the contest but I wouldn’t have guessed it right anyway. I assumed it was a trick question. I would have guessed “There is no spoon.”

    Are you coming to Houston on your road trip? If so, let’s host an intervention together. I don’t know who for but I bet we can find someone.


32. 32
    on February 6th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
    Foolery said:

    Your frog has an enormous snot bubble, and it’s NOT clear. Time for the vet.


33. 33
    on February 6th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
    Ree said:

    Bossy. You have to square (cute shoes + belt) once they’re added, not just square belt.

    So, it’s

    Pretend age = [real age (cute shoes + belt)^2]/bad habits.

    Can you tell I’ve been helping with far too much homework lately?


34. 34
    on February 6th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
    jessicab said:

    Sleep is the one thing I don’t get enough of.


35. 35
    on February 6th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
    Noelle said:

    I get the Barefoot Contessa confused with Paula Deen. But that’s because the only time I watch the food network is while I’m in the waiting room at the physical therapist’s office and I’ve never waited long enough to see an entire recipe made.


36. 36
    on February 6th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
    Luann said:

    I want one of those frogs


37. 37
    on February 6th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
    Ava Von Snarky said:

    I thought of you when he said drifting off to sleep. Maybe you should really practice the drifting part, that must be it.

    I love Dr. Oz. I wonder though, why the other doctor barely speaks.


38. 38
    on February 6th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
    Scott-O-Rama said:

    Rigged! The contest was rigged, I tell you!!

    I demand a recount.


39. 39
    on February 6th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
    The Dairy Wife said:

    Wait a minute! Wait a MIN-UTE! I want to talk about that pickle! I like pickles! I hope you were referring to a real pickle. (hanging my head in disgust at my thoughts)

    Dr. Oz is the man! Well… sometimes, but Oprah thinks so all the time, I think!

    Tanya


40. 40
    on February 6th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
    Heather said:

    I missed that episode, but it doesn’t sound like I missed anything after all. I will stop drifting to sleep every night, thus stripping years from my age and adding years to my life. And then I will go to medical school.


41. 41
    on February 6th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
    Maddy said:

    Huh! Sleep is a very over-rated pastime in any event. Anyone who needs more than 4 hours is a sissy!

    Cheers

    [that's once a week mind, not every 24 hours = super sissy]


42. 42
    on February 6th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
    Prof. J said:

    I’m going to try DRIFTING into sleep tonight. After listening to my CD of the Secret.


43. 43
    on February 6th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
    Oh, The Joys said:

    What? I go to one little eensy weensy three day meeting and miss the contest?
    Gah!


44. 44
    on February 6th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
    Kelley said:

    Oh Bossy! I referred to Dr Oz and his S shaped strangled turds and NO-ONE understood what I meant!

    These people living under a rock?


45. 45
    on February 6th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
    Haley-O said:

    I SAW that Oprah yesterday. And, I never admit I watch Oprah! I’m in big trouble apparently because I have two kids under 2.5 — I don’t know WHO’S sleeping in my house (well, the hubby and the 2.5 year old are….).


46. 46
    on February 6th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
    Redneck Mommy said:

    How does one drift off to sleep if one has insomnia?

    Damn that cute Dr. Oz, talking in riddles.

    Oh well, at least he gave me s shaped poops to understand…


47. 47
    on February 6th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
    kate said:

    bossy. how did i miss the secret secret behind the secret post? it would’ve helped about a month ago when i couldn’t sleep (clearly, i hadn’t heard the drift off method) and ordered the movie “the secret” on pay per view expecting a 2nd rate knock off of the da vinci code, and was instead treated to a 2 hour infomercial. frick. i am envisioning myself ordering GOOD movies on pay per view. superbad, here i come.


48. 48
    on February 6th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
    Grandma J said:

    I had to go back and re-read this whole Dr. Oz thing. Thank God because I couldn’t figure out why any man with an enormous pickle would be wearing pull-ups.

    I still think there was a green tree sprout growing in the dip.


49. 49
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
    The Domestic Goddess said:

    Dang. You mean, all this time I’ve been TOTALLY EXHAUSTED and all I’ve had to do is sleep? No shiat. How about that. The things you learn every day…


50. 50
    on February 6th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
    diesel said:

    Sometimes I drift out of sleep too. That’s when I get what I call “driftwood.”


51. 51
    on February 6th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
    Queeny said:

    And just WHERE can those orders be placed?


52. 52
    on February 7th, 2008 at 5:33 am
    psychophant said:

    Oh Bossy, dear Bossy,
    hear my plea
    That googley-eyed orange thing?
    Send it to me
    I will pay you some money
    Help ease my stress
    April 15th approaches,
    And I work for the IRS


53. 53
    on February 7th, 2008 at 8:34 am
    Mallory said:

    I bet Dr. Oz has a big pickle–at least a youthful one. Can I order up him?


54. 54
    on February 7th, 2008 at 9:59 am
    deb said:

    I wouldn’t mind some Dr. Oz on me.


55. 55
    on February 7th, 2008 at 10:47 am
    donna in mid michigan said:

    Diesel’s “driftwood” comment is crackin me up!! LOL.
    THAT man, (Diesel) is more than the Doc will EEEEVaaar be!

    http://www.mattresspolice.com Check HIM out…


56. 56
    on February 7th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
    Heather said:

    Where can I get me one of those goofy ass frogs with the bug eyes!???