Feb 27, 2008
A Very Bossy Contest. The Birthday Edition.
A few weeks ago Bossy celebrated her birthday, where celebrated equals painting the underside of greasy kitchen cabinets and then falling asleep watching Elizabeth: The Golden Age.
So now Bossy is a year older and readers reader? Bossy embraces her advancing age like she embraces the reading glasses she must now wear to cut her fingernails, like she embraces knowing that grey hairs aren’t just grey but an unholy texture like something you’d expect to find growing out of a chin in the general vicinity of Quasimodo’s face.
The one highlight of Bossy’s recent birthday was a wrapped present she found propped on her front porch—kind of like a baby left on a doorstep except no basket and no baby.
Bossy couldn’t wait to see what the package contained and so she ripped it open and found this: a delightful bamboo olive boat.
Cute, right? And totally useful in Bossy’s house where olives have been designated a food group.
So the next thing Bossy did was open the attached birthday card to see who gave her this fine gift, and this is what she saw:
Which is funny because Bossy doesn’t usually exchange presents with Mdkjdjr9e90e.
Help! Bossy has no idea who signed this birthday card and gave her the Olive Caddy, and therefore she can’t even thank Mmgkkr9900e who apparently signed the birthday card while running a red light and finishing a bottle of Smirnoff.
Here’s the contest: please tell Bossy what in hay that card says. A prize will be awarded to the person whose guess is the most logical. If more than one person guesses correctly, Bossy will pick the winner from a hat—the hat she wears to cover the grey that frames her new reading glasses.
The prize? This delightful gift from Tiffany’s Bossy’s Basement:
It’s your very own porcelain Olive Dish, which is Microwave Safe for those times you crave Steamed Olives.
Enter now! Good luck!
Martha? It’s clearly a female given the heart, the kiss (x) and hug (o) at the end. The first letter is M and the last appears to be an A. Either it is Martha or someone whose first name begins with M and last ends in A and they’ve smooshed both names together.
Given my caffeine defficiency this morning, I may well end up changing my guess later in the day after I’ve fueld up unless there are prohibitions against entering more than once….
WELL, DUH, ITS SAYS “MOLLA”!!!!!
DONT YOU KNOW A MOLLA??? HeHeHe!!
It’s Melissa, but she’s written her name so many times (or she’s drunk) so she just includes first & last letter, plus the important double S. To hell with the internal vowels, which are not that important (as demonstrated by the rise of contractions in the English language).
I love olives!
Oh for heaven’s sake! It’s from Stella. Those Dane paws make it hard to hold a pen correctly. Now, if I win, I get to send YOU something from my basement. I have plenty of olive dishes, thanks.
What a beautiful olive tray. They’re a food group in my house as well, though not for me. My kids put them on their fingers and play with their food before eating it.
I think it’s Nalla. Or Malla. I knew a Malla once. Didn’t like her very much, but then, she never gave me such lovely gifts.
Ooh Bossy has a secret admirer! I think someone signed “me” and then started to draw a heart but then decided to make it a butterfly.
Happy Belated birthday Bossy !
It definitely says “Mofla” or “Mefla”. Whoever Mofla is, she/he should have his/her name legally changed.
But that’s what it says. Mofla.
Oh Good Grief. I have not idea. I would probably also guess Molla. I’m thinking they don’t want you to know.
Peg was right!! A special gift from you big galoot Stella~ WITH hearts and butterflys! She loves her mama and her mama loves olives….
Mosla?? I’m anxious to find out. I hope someone comes up with the answer so I can sleep tonight.
Obviously it’s Mama!
I think it’s Nolla…XO of course. Can’t wait to try my steamed olives!
My guess is Melissa…
O.M.G. You got a present from MOTHRA!!!! That is so cool. What did Godzilla get you? A cheese board?
If not Mothra, then I’m going to guess MARTHA. Which is equally cool, because Martha Stewart has never given me anything.
I think it is Mosla, which is actually a weed, but it has a pretty flower (search google images). Someone might actually name a child after a weed if it has a pretty flower, right?
Maybe you’ll get lucky and Mosla reads your blog…
Well, I know it wasn’t me, I make my “M” a bit more roundy and there isn’t a “j,z or y” at the end. But, the rest looks nearly identical to my md-like siggy. We don’t have an olive dish at Casa de Sonier, the kids scarf them straight from the jar(can) before the adults get a sniff. They don’t eat the green kind though.
I’m putting my guess in at Mafla or Maflo, or Maslo or possibly even Mobla, Mesla, Mefla, Marla?…
Who knew the Mafia signed their name so fancy? If you find this Mafia, Mosla, Mefla person you might want to suggest a handwriting workbook (and an AA meeting)
ummm…Nana? Mona? Misha? NoBloMe?
xo
Melissa. (a very drunk or artsy or both Melissa.)
could it be the elusive muffaletta? for whom the olive is major ingredient?
Yeah, that’s it.
Love,
Muffaletta
hugs and kisses
It says, “Modla”, and obviously this was written by a doctor – I mean, come on, its illegible – and nothing says “MD” like an illegible scrawl!
btw, Olives are not only a food group, but I believe they are one of the more important foods as well – a day without olives is like, well, a day just not worth getting up for.
Egg salad made with green olives is a really great breakfast – I should know!
Obviously it says:
Holla, Yo.
Could it be someone named Nola??! That’s my best guess.
It’s Stella! And you were right, she had just finished drinking a bottle of Smirnoff. But running a red light? No way. Dogs can’t drive silly!
Hmmm. I would guess Martha, as being written after 1 whole bottle of smirnoff.
It’s from Eljo Kuslasik’s wife, Mousey!
Maslo, clear as day. Or Maola.
well if you trace it, it comes out MEPEA. xo
Nosea? Mosta? Mosla? Nesla? Nesta? Motha? (as in “hello motha,”? Nesle? What? Those are actually real names…not necessarily of people, but real names nonetheless.
Here is my handwriting analysis….
Mofla, female, between the ages of 22-36, outgoing and affectionate.
Happy Belated Birthday!
I’m guessing it’s actually from a man. A superbly intoxicated gay man named Marsha.
Clearly, it says Quasimodo.
Mulva?
Delores?
Lumpyheadsmom should win for being so freaking funny.
It is obviously your bff Mosla. Duh.
It clearly says NILSA XO. I dropped off the gift. During my morning commute. From downtown Chicago to the northern suburbs by way of Pennsylvania. Duh!
Clearly, she is lovely whomever she is, she just didn’t take penmanship in school.
Nolsa, Molsa, or Mo8la
Medusa? No?
I’m assuming you would realize if it had been Martha…
so, melissa? magda?
no! wait! it’s scribble for “Biddy” yeah, that’s right. I dropped it off on my morning paper route.
oh GAWD the suspense is killing me!
How can everyone be so far off?? It’s Nora. But Nora is musically inclined and tried to put a treble clef in the middle of her signature. But, as Nora was carrying her cello with her while buying the card,(along with said gift, purse, tote and makeup case) trying to sign at the counter with a very irate flute player in line behind her…she had to scrawl it all rather quickly, but she knew, in her heart bossy would know who it was.
Duh??!! People, I”m so winning that ashtray in the shape of a four leaf clover that bossy is giving away!!
It’s Missoula. The whole town of Missoula, Montana dropped off a gift for you.
Dang, I have no idea what that card says. I can barely make out the xo at the end, and there’s clearly an “8″ in the middle of the name. No olive dish prize for me.
What a mystery you have on your hands, Bossy!
Um… it says “heart, Mofla-kisses and hugs”
My question is…who names their kid Mofla…or maybe its an acronym…
Mother Of Freaking Lazy Ass
Many Olives From Longing Admirer
ps. If I win the dish I will buy many types of olives and snap a picture with them in the dish! And then I will send the rest to you!
molla. mutant olivebowl leaver of announcements.
Whoever she is, she’s clever. On the one hand she wishes you peach and happiness. On the other hand she’s ensured you are without peace until you figure out WHO THE HELL SHE IS!
I’m going with a very drunk Marsha.
At times like this( because I don’t have cool reading glasses) I squint my eyes and turn my head, then I shake my head, you know to see it differently. In this case it didn’t help. And it was way to early for the head shake…
I hope it isn’t the mafia, but I am gonna guess its Nola! or Mollaxo! Malaxo? o.k. keep the olive dish- we don’t really eat them anyway.
It’s gotta be Martha, can’t think of any other name that starts with an M (that much is pretty clear) and has two tall letters in the middle. But really, i just like the little plate that looks like a daisy.
Duh – it says ” Obama” – he totally knows about the snowman support….
That’s not an M. It’s an H. It’s from Jimmy Hoffa, who was a flaming queen with excellent taste in olive boats. Little known fact. You’re welcome.
I would have to go with the Seinfeld method of trying to remember/find out a name. First, it must rhyme with a female body part. Would it be Mulva?
I think it’s Maya, mostly because that’s my daughter’s name and she’s a real sweetie.
Uofla … Volla … Holla?
Sneaky neighbor!
I think you are right about the Smirnoff. It says Vodka, although many of my other thoughts (Melissa, Jimmy Hoffa and Mulva are already taken).
Either that or it was written by someone trying to write with there opposite hand while dirt bike riding.
I say “Mosla” or a bunny hiding in the grass among two easter eggs. It’s a two-fer gift: birthday and Easter.
Mosla. Your new Scandinavian neighbor. She’s been watching you eat olives from the bushes outside your dining room window.
I think it’s Moka with a puffy K.
I don’t have a guess.
Okay, maybe “Melissa”.
But Happy Birthday! (It’s my firm belief that any day I get a birthday present qualifies as my birthday.)
Yes. Mosla. It was definitely Mosla. Mosla is such a sweetie.
Nessa, perhaps???
That’s easy, it’s your friend Molive. She also gives a kiss and a hug.
it says…
eternal love, now and forever,
john cusack xo
mafia. uh oh.
Well.I can make out the M at the beginning. Unless it’s a lower case L, or maybe it’s a U. That’s followed by an E for sure, except it’s pretty round, so it could be an O. Absolutely positive there is a capital, cursive S right there in the middle, and then an N, or maybe an R. Definitely a lower case A at the end. So that would make Mosna, or Leosa, or Uosra, or maybe Lunsa.
Do you know any of these women? I think Uosra could be in my English class…
I believe it says “Marsha” and I’m pretty sure that’s Marsha Brady. Or, it could have been signed by Jan, who merely forged Marsha’s name in yet another vain attempt to BE Marsha. Marsha, Marsha, MARSHA!
Do you have a friend names Nasla?
Uossa! No? Mossa, Melissa? Jeezum crow! Perhaps its the initials MOA with a heart above it? Yeah, that’s it!
And happy birthday!
i’m pretty sure it says “john cusack.”
Melia xo
Not to totally pown everyone else but I know exactly who signed this card. Read it and weep, my assessment of the situation.
Melba
32, brunette, shops at Whole Foods, has 3 cats rescued from terrible circumstances, maybe yoga instructor, maybe works in herbalists shop, definitely smells like sprouted grains
well it is obviously someone who remembered it was your birthday!
I traced over the writing and I think it is either Mosla or Nosla. Could that be an abbreviation for something? Do you have any inside jokes with any of your girlfriends? “M”y “O”ther “S”illy “L”ady “A”dult
“N”o “O”ne “S”ings “L”ike “A”ngie
I can’t wait to see who it was from….what fun!
I haven’t a clue, but since I am full up on amoeba shaped olive dishes at the moment, I am not too concerned with winning.
I can’t tell you who signed that card. But I CAN tell you that my gray ones have the unholy texture of pubic hair.
Yuck. That was gross. I am sorry, Bossy.
It is from Uvula, obviously.
Leslie
Mosla, with a hug and a kiss!
This is an easy contest – It’s Martha!!! or maybe Mothra – Gah, I hope I win the white blob thing from your basement.
Marla?
Like many others, I was thinking Mofla or Mafla or Mosla or Masla. Or…
Mazola. Or Maalox.
Or the Israeli Mossad. They grow olives in Israel, you know, but the Mossad has to be secretive because they’re, like, a secret spy organization.
(I’d go with Maalox just because of the “O” and the “X”.)
I think it’s “Viola” and she’s being very forward with BOSSY by hugging and kissing her. “Viola” is fresh.
Obviously it’s “Ms. LA”, baby! Who do you know in Hollywood? They do everything big and with style and flourish – hence the M flowing into the S and then the L. Does anyone know if Briney’s out?
I mean Britney…of course Briney ain’t too far off!
It distinctly says “Adam Heath Avitable”. I just jumble all my letters up when I sign my name.
It’s from Moesha! Her pal Hakeem gave it to her and she re-gifted it to you. You can also use it as a holder for your new reading glasses.
I’m on the Mosla XO bandwagon. And since I’m not an olive kinda girl, I would be putting dark chocolate on the olive dishes.
It says George Clooney, although I’ve SPECIFICALLY told him to stay away from you and your two giant olives.
Marla?
I say Mosla or Molla
MOsla
Melissa
M. Osla
M Ofla
Nefla
Good lord…what happened to 3rd grade cursive skillz anyway?
Oh, shit, these comments are funny.
I’ve studied it carefully and am certain it’s Mogula. Since it’s capitalized, it’s not a rich and powerful person (a mogul) but rather a member of the force that under Baber conquered India in 1526. A woman, though, and thus feminized with the ‘a’. Mogula, I’m pretty sure that’s it.
I think it has to be maya
Mosla
Molla
Mosea
Mesea
Mella
These are not common names, no? Hmm, good luck, lady!
My pharmaceutical background has prepared me for this moment (and by ‘pharmaceutical background’ I of course mean that I’m a clerk at a drugstore . . . ) The card is signed “Mobic” which is an anti-inflammatory for arthritis. In other words, the gift giver was rubbing it in that you have become a year older. That bitch Mobic is making fun of you!
I’m thinking it starts with “N”
Nosla? Nasla? Nasa?
Obviously your very gorgeous friend Martha. Plus xo. Cause she loves you.
This looks like what ex-Mormons would call a “love bomb”. A seemingly-personal and heartfelt gift given by, what turns out to be, a member of the congregation assigned to fellowship you back into the fold.
If this is the case. Beware of pimply-faced kids in suits and bike helmets.
Who is Urslla? She can’t even spell her name right..Not enough Smirnoff apparently.How can you have peace when NO olives came with the bowl.GEEZ! The nerve of some people.
Duh. It says Volla. Which is Allov spelled backwards. Like Olive, but Allov. Piece of cake.
Nesla? Is that a name? Even if it isnt that is TOTALLY who it is from. Good, I’m glad that is all cleared up, time for some steamed olives.
It’s totally Martha.
Damn. Was gonna guess MOESHA but Jenny beat me to it. I’m keen to win the Laugh-In cereal bowl, so I must be different –
Constance. Does Constance have a little crush on you?