Apr 6, 2010
Notes From A Far-Flung Correspondent
Welcome to Notes from a Far-Flung Correspondent, which features the weekly interests and musings of Bossy’s Son, who is currently enjoying his sophomore year at Columbia University in the City of New York.
This week: A Lesson in Perspective.
Lately, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about perspectives — perspectives in the academic, social, and naturally the physical sense. It seems to me that what we see is a combination of our physical environment, mood at the time, projections of the future, understanding of the past, and more. So here’s a brief reflection on a few of Bossy’s Son’s recent perspectives.
Scene 1: watching, in my window seat on my flight to San Juan, the sun set peacefully right as the plane approaches the island. It had been a long trip up to that point — the first flight canceled, rescheduled flight in a different city delayed, connecting flight delayed even further — and Bossy’s Son was beginning to wonder just how far south (see how Bossy’s Son can do it too? Create a cardinal direction pun in the middle of his reflections?) his trip was heading. But, through this small window of reinforced glass and plastic, he sees the natural world “set its sun” on all the negative turns of the trip. Sunsets are normally the metaphorical moments of lamentation, but this was one of redemption — it was like an environmental manifestation of the deep breath that Bossy’s Son needed.
Next:
Scene 2: staring uphill at a quiet street in Viejo San Juan, Puerto Rico, having just arrived for the first time in this mystery of a city. This perspective is equal parts thrill and comfort, because there is something remarkably contradictory in the streets of San Juan. Maybe it’s equal parts familiar and strange; maybe quaint and exotic; maybe old world and new. But whatever it is, there’s a certain tension, a must-explore impulse, confronting Bossy’s Son in this perspective. It’s time to figure this city out.
Next:
Scene 3: enjoying a panoramic view from Castillo San Cristóbal, a remarkable stone fort on the coast of San Juan. This particularly view comes from a WWII observation post built onto the 16th-century fort — again, the mix of the new and the old — but what’s most important is the associated subjective response to the view. It would be an oversimplification to call it the whoa feeling, so instead let’s call it awe-struck. A longer day of exploration has led almost determinatively to this moment, this big-picture perspective, the view of land and ocean and city. It’s the emotional counterpart to the airplane picture — exhilaration rather than calm, amazement rather than contentment.
Next:
Scene 4: at a certain point, the awe-struck feelings begin to take on an almost fictional, mythical, even fantastical element. This view from a ferry to the small island of Vieques, Puerto Rico —which not only hosts incredible beaches and the world’s brightest bioluminescent bay, but which was also the last stop in Bossy’s Son’s truncated trip — is beautiful, pristine, unquestionably picturesque. But floating at the background of this image is the experience, the dull and at first indiscernible feeling of panic in the pit of Bossy’s Son’s stomach — that these images, though fantastic, are impermanent, and that all good things must come to an end. Simply put, this is the Oh my gah my vacation’s almost over perspective — a tricky combination of outright joy and growing despair.
Next:
And so it is true — all good things must ultimately come to an end, and now Bossy’s son is peering, not over the railing of a historical San Juan landmark or an exotic ferry, but over the railing of a packed study space in the bowels of Columbia University’s Butler Library. Not quite sure what to say about this one, how to balance just the undeniable suckiness of being back at school with a massive workload with the lingering pleasure of the Puerto Rican Excursion. They — the notorious they — say that the less-awesome times are necessary to give value to the better times, and this may be true to a certain point.
Council, Bossy’s Son wants to know: how do you think of the good times and the bad? Does one give value to the other, are they completely opposite, can they both have value? How do you balance the perspectives, the positive and negatives, the sights from atop a 1500s fort in San Juan and amidst interminable books and work in a dark-lit library?
See, now wasn’t that better than a big hot tub and a cooler of beer?
Ecstatically good times usually have me searching for the 16 ton anvil that’s going to fall. Mild struggles intermixed with a pretty good life is more to my liking. Not that I don’t appreciate little moments of paradise.
Take it ALL with gratitude.
When I’m actually in the midst of sucky times, I have conversations with myself in which I break the suckiness into little bite-size, manageable bits, then take deep breaths before I eat them. The only way out is through, as they say.
The nice thing is that when I try to reflect back on the suckiest of days, I can hardly remember a thing about them. But I always remember the happy times (and there are many more of them than bad times).
One day the fact that you spent some of your college time –semesters, even!–under a heavy workload will seem like a cakewalk to you. Getting through this with grace will prepare you for the bigger struggles you will someday face. Good luck to you, Bossy’s son!
Read CS Lewis’ “The Shadowlands”.
I balance it all knowing that life is circular.
The bitter makes the sweet better.
Besides, that is the most lovely study space ever… (even if you have to, gasp, study there).
Call me a tad bit biased but that library is amazing
For me, managing perspectives is anything that makes *me* smile. Apart from the books, that street makes me smile too with it’s whole I’m-here-but-so-not-here feeling, if that made any sense.
The only way to balance the sucky is to plan another trip. Savor everything, get through the drudgery, and start Googling the next place to visit.
Yup. Gotta have the crap to appreciate the not-crap. Every time I start bitching in my head about dealing with our enormous, old, and constantly-in-need-of-repair house, for instance, I remember my disgusting studio apartment in a ghetto in Phoenix and feel LOTS better.
Not exactly a beach paradise vs. college studying parallel, but the same idea.
One always gives value to the other. They are completely opposite and both have value to your life, giving you the gift of perspective that ONLY comes from experiencing both. Life is the sublime and the heartbreaking and everything in between. You don’t balance the perspectives. They do that all by themselves. Although I must say that when things get out of whack, a change of perspective, seeing things from a different angle, like the top of a fort say, is precisely what is called for.
Bossy’s Son-
I work with undergrad students in a big public univerisity in the largest state in the lower 48. Wish they were as wise and mature as you!
Bossy (and Bossy’s Husband)-
You’ve done a good job with this one!
I could go into some long and convoluted (and long-wordy to prove I do remember SOME big words from my college days) speech here… but I reckon some chick called JK Rowling said it best at some place called Harvard:
http://harvardmagazine.com/commencement/the-fringe-benefits-failure-the-importance-imagination
So… what she said.
BB
Dear Bossy’s Son, always make sure you have the proverbial motivational carrot dangling in front of you. It really does take the edge off of the aura of suckiness.
Enjoy the moment. Coach K understands this, too. Tomorrow, I return to my university with 32 students for a state-wide Journalism Day. When I walk through the doors of the library, it will smell exactly the same as it did 38 years ago, and I will be taken back to another cherished place and time. Life is very rich, enjoy the moment.
I’ll bet you’ve seen this – but I love this perspective:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r1CZTLk-Gk
And here’s a sweet video, with a different focus on perspective:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCiThCeY2Uc
I don’t think you need bad times to appreciate the good; when I’ve been happy for a long time, something happy makes me even happier. It’s why I work to create a joyful life – screw the Puritan view, you don’t ever need to be miserable! And, to achieve that, it sometimes requires a BIG shift in my own perspective, a feat I achieve by using lots of tools, mostly this one:
http://thework.com/thework.asp
The huge, awe-inspiring moments and the quiet, joyful moments have obvious and immeadiate value; i love to bask in the adrenelaine or peace and really feel alive. However, every moment of life has value if you can put them into perspective. Unfortunately, it is normally only after i have survived the terrible moments that i can find the value in them. Cliches become cliches for a reason; you really do appreciate Spring more after a hard Winter. (i went to college in FL and the warm weather gets old after a few years)
There is always a moment about midway through an adventure that i realize that it is going to end, but i use that feeling to spur myself on to greater enjoyment of the final moments.
Glad to see that you had such a fulfilling time over break. your pictures look great.
Every day I wake up and vow to not take anything personally and by noon I usually fail at this. Then I vow to be more compassionate with people who I find to be intolerant and I am reminded that I am hypocritical and then I vow to lean into it all as opposed to grasping for comfort and running from discomfort which seems to be at the root of all unhappiness so I remind myself of this and I plunge forward with my mind set on the next time I get to take a bubble bath.
What lovely comments, what wise commenters, and truly, what a heartfelt and poignant post! For me, both good and bad times are always accompanied by the thought: this, too, shall pass. That, of course, is a glass-half-empty way of looking at the happy times, but can also be a fairly optimistic way of viewing hard times. It sometimes seems to be the case for me, as well, that I don’t fully recognize the profundity of my joy or hardship until its moment is over; that is to say that I need the perspective that time provides before I can hash out what I feel about something that’s happened.
As in the microcosm, so in the macrocosm. And in between, a moebius curve.
What a thought provoking post and comments…
I have a lot of thoughts but will have to collect them…
See you around 32.
The good times usually outweigh the bad times. That is, if you look at life that way. Don’t think of the general suckiness of school work. Think about how the end justifies the means. You will do something great indeed, my friend. Truly great. Just because of who you are and where you came from. The rest is gravy.
San Juan will be there again someday. To remind you why you do the sucky stuff.
I would say something deep and meaningful regarding perspectives or whatever, but, alas, the only thing I can think is “Dude, are those card catalogs?”
(As far as I’m aware, they no longer physically exist at my school as everything is electronic. (Thank God.))
For starters, can I just say how much pleasure these B.S. (sorry) posts continue to provide Bossy’s loyal readers?
Apparently I can, and so I did — and I do continue to appreciate, more than you could ever imagine possible inasmuch as we are complete strangers, this wonderful window on the world (your ‘perspective’ as it were) you offer to us moms of now-grown-and-gone sons whose personae, like your own, continue to warm the cockles of our hearts.
As for the memories, my own experience is that yes, appreciation of the positives is enhanced by awareness of the negatives, but that time, bless its heart, tends to mute the negatives while illuminating the positives into a really wondrous tapestry of things past. If it were all one color or intensity, it wouldn’t be nearly as interesting. The darker patches make the bright ones all the more luminous and wonderful. So yes, we need them all — and jolly well better get used to having them, ’cause that’s life, y’know?!
Life to me is all about how you view things. I try to find a small piece of “wonderfulness” wherever I am. If you appreciate the little things it’s all good. Sometimes settling into the best ,most comfortable seat in the library can be almost as exillerating as the view from a ferry in a far-off land. And so it goes…. What a fabulous question you posted!
It seems that for every truth there is an equal, opposite truth. In this relative world of appearance, it seems that we know one thing by its opposite. Sweet without sour would become bland, etc.
One’s perspective is changed by one’s age. I know that sounds patronizing, and I don’t mean it to be. I was in your shoes once, in that general part of the world: 19, wondering at the brilliance and the magic of new and exotic places. While I would still be exhilarated by the views, I would also be thinking about a comfy chair and a pina colada at the end of my excursion. You are reaching out to embrace an ever-expanding world; I am reaching inward to see what I have missed near my armchair.
You express yourself beautifully. BOSSY’s entire family are gifted.
Bossy’s Son, it’s all about being in the moment and looking back on it. I try not to think about things too much while it’s all going on because I miss it. And I agree with the folks above who said to be grateful for all of it: good and bad, all of it makes you who you are becoming. As much as you might feel well-defined now, you’re still getting there. Enjoy the process. Try not to think too hard. There’s time for that later.
This council member can’t help thinking that in less than three years, you will feel another undeniable panic in the pit of your stomach as your college career – crowded libraries, workload suckiness and all – faces its own impending conclusion. In my opinion, if you honestly feel “thank gah college is over,” then you did it wrong.
But then I didn’t have all the outstanding job prospects (bet you a ten spot) you will have well before you take the “walk.” It is indeed all about perspective.
Horrible is driving alone eight hours a day keeping oneself awake with chewing gum that eventually tastes like Robitussin. Wonderful is what happens 8 hours and fifteen minutes into the day, when Bossy pulls into a new town and discovers someone else’s “story.” Stories never disappoint, good and bad, the various perspectives, if you have the patience to listen.
I hope no one remembered that I was going to “kick out” some profound thoughts on perspective at around “32″.
1. Really? “Determinatively”?
2. Yay! Real live card catalogs!
3. My favorite quotation about perspective: “Hæc olim meminisse iuvabit,” a line from Virgil’s Aeneid, roughly translated as “someday, it shall be pleasing to remember these things.” It seem like Bossy’s son already thinks like this — enjoying the moment, while completely understanding that the moment is fleeting.
I keep checking hoping to see a new post.
BUT then, I think…oh good, no post, he’s taking care of school work.
Oh…thats not perspective
that’s CONFLICT.
Dear Far-Flung Correspondent,
Where art thou? Are you too far-flung? Please un-fling yourself and post!
we have become addicted to your smart self. but, weekly?weakly? which?
bossy’s son! where is your erudite self?
Studying, studying, studying?
Umm, that’s what you’ve been doing since Spring Break, right?
Good luck with finals, Bossy’s Son!
Take care, p.j.
Only connect, the prose and the passion. Forster.
o.k. Finals are over. You are now a Junior! Where is the time going? No more excuses, Son of Bossy. Make your Mama proud.
Looking forward to your next post! Have a great summer. p.j., whose boy came home this a.m. Yeah.
Okay, I know you posted this a long time ago, but every time I visit your mom’s page, I see this and wonder what conclusion you (and everyone else) came to. I add my measly two cents as this: good times are still good times. Chocolate is still really yummy, even if I never have to eat canned peas. I can still enjoy the chocolate right? Relativity might enrich an experience — for instance, I enjoy the crisp air of fall more b/c it’s more beautiful and refreshing than summer, but I would still love fall b/c it is beautiful and refreshing. Does that make sense?