Jun 28, 2006

Dear Bossy

How do I paint a wooden floor?

- Carpet Bagger
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Dear Carpet,

Place your three-year-old in a room with a box of paints and an easel.

Not what you had in mind?

First decide if the floor is the desired consistency. If any areas need smoothing, sand them now. Use the back of your husband’s head.

Next clean the floor as if you were once and finally going to eat off of it with your mother-in-law who is wearing white gloves and in her spare moments wiping them along the tops of your doorframes. Rinse thoroughly.

Now head to the paint store while your floor dries. You’re in luck: although a decade ago this paint was only available in Juniper Green (think Maine back porch) or Brick Red (think Firehouse driveway), deck paint is now available in all the colors of the fan deck.

The paint store will even color match your Jonathan Adler throw pillows or the tuna salad stuck between your mother-in-law’s front teeth! And these days the acrylic deck paints are just as durable as the smellier oils.

If you’re painting a wooden floor that has never been painted, consider priming it first. Consider is just a suggestion. I once painted a raw floor without using primer and had perfect results:

Now you’re ready to paint. Use a paintbrush to cut-in the edges of your room.

Then outfit a roller cage with a smooth ¼” roller cover and an extension rod.

Apply at least two coats. Allow the floor to cure according to can instructions before walking on it. Sorry – did I fail to mention you should paint yourself out of the room, not into it?