Mar 12, 2007
Project Shit To Shinola
When last we saw Bossy’s house it looked like this:
(note the beautiful shutter color.)
So Bossy decided to design a new porch for the house she’s already lived in for seven long years — longer sometimes when Bossy’s son sneezes in the basement and Bossy screams, “Bless you!” while sitting on the john in the second floor bathroom.
So the first thing Bossy’s husband did was tear off the old porch.
That photo is Evidence A in the case against the funky discolored denture bricks that were on Bossy’s house when she bought it. Which is also the reason she decided to paint those bricks white fifteen minutes after the moving truck backed out of her driveway.
Next Bossy’s husband secured a platform and a couple of posts. Then it was up to Bossy to decide what kind of a pitch Bossy wanted for her porch roof. Meanwhile the only thing Bossy knows about pitch is the pitcher of margaritas Bossy is going to consume while sitting on that fecking porch.
To help with the confusion Bossy’s husband nailed up a simple frame to act as an example roof, and Bossy and her mother stood in the driveway and criticized him lovingly proffered their opinions.
This roof pitch was too steep:
And this roof pitch was too shallow:
But this roof pitch was just right:
Bossy will keep you posted.
Juliloquy thinks Bossy’s husband must be a patient and talented man. She will also look for an invitation to sip margaritas ‘neath lovely new porch once she is done being pregnant.
So, will Bossy’s husband be knocking out the front section of the house to make a full dormer?
Bossy’s husband did a smart thing with the temporary porch rig. Bossy’s husband is rather wise with the ladies, The Genius guesses.
The Genius has yet to be trusted on home improvement by his sister-in-law, despite being right on more than three home improvement projects. The Genius thinks that this distrust from sister-in-law may result from The Genius owning exactly no home nor having no contrsuction experience outside rain gutters or theaters. The Genius reminds his sister-in-law that he is a DAMN FREAKING GENIUS and should be trusted in certain matters.
The good news is, after a pitcher of margaritas, you don’t care about the pitch of the porch.
Are you married to Norm Abram? Especially since Norm is like Home Improvement’s Al: The one who actually knew how to do shit!
HBM’s husband – HBH – tears stuff down and builds stuff up. And tears stuff down again and builds it up again. And, sometimes, just to mix it up, he tears stuff down and leaves it down and then just waits to see how things are with things down.
Like our bathroom walls. It’s good times.
Good luck, Bossy! I haven’t done a home improvement in forever. Be nice to your hubby! Or he may pitch you! Just kidding. Who the heck am I to talk?
Hey we had a porch just like that (the house was pretty close too). But instead of wood posts, imagine 50 year old ironwork painted with 10 coats of cheap white paint and embedded in concrete steps. We ripped out the porch, the steps and even the door and bricked it all up. It disappeared like a Canadian at a Rumsfeld Christmas party.
Bossy’s husband is far more handy than Brando, as you can see.
My husband is crazy talking about home improvement.We are making one every year because he want our house to look amazing.I am a little bit tired of this but will help him.