Apr 23, 2007
Blog Kindergarten: A Bossy Tutorial. Honey Bees.
According to scientists, honey bees originated in Southeast Asia over 35 million years ago even though the first fossil record of bees is actually from Europe because apparently Southeast Asia doesn’t have fossil records and if you ask Bossy Southeast Asia is kind of sensitive about this.
Honey bees are similar to humans in that they communicate with each other by dancing. And because the virgin Queen mates with multiple drones before surrendering to her domesticity — an existence where she is the sole breeding female living in a suburb colony with thousands of other drones and worker bees who spend their days building the Queen a family room addition.
Other similarities with humans: they have two pairs of wings, five eyes, and six legs.
Honey bees fly 20 miles per hour balancing their pollen in a basket between their hind legs. They are responsible for pollinating one-third of the American diet — including fruit, nuts, vegetables, and the Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese.
Except they’re disappearing. Beginning late last year, billions of honey bees went Missing In Action from crop fields in the United States, Europe, and Brazil. Missing. No dead bodies. Just: gone.
But Bossy is happy to report she’s solved the mystery! Pesticides Schmesticides: Do you know where the bees are? They’ve relocated to Bossy’s very own new front porch!
One theory is that cell phones are to blame. Well, hell, that’s fine with me. I’d love it if we could finally find some kind of reason to shame people for attaching themselves to those things 24/7.
Then again, I was just out watering my ridiculously giddy apple and almond trees and there was a troop – and not of girl scout-sized but of marine-sized proportions – working those blossoms like nobody’s business. Which just goes to show, nature is nothing but one big fat mystery.
But I think I’ll push for blaming the cell phones regardless.
The bees just keep getting busy (so to speak) right out the window near our changing table. I’m hoping I don’t have to have “the talk” with a toddler.
You mean that whole “thing” about the birds and the bees is true??!! Gah, why didn’t somebody tell Bossy years ago!
I miss seeing honey bees and butterflies. They have disappeared from these parts. It makes me very sad. They are both beautiful creatures and my first learning of science was through them.
Yeah, Bossy, it’s true. Though I’ve heard it’s also fun with birds/birds, bees/bees hookups, too.
Thanks for the PSA.
Shit. I just spent the last hour reading your blog while “working”. Funny funny funny!
This is great! These photos of the house will really come in handy when I come a’stalkin’!
At least the bees have good taste.
Plenty of them here in Embra too. Big mofo’s.
Although I know the importance of honey bees and such, bugs just give me the heeby geeBEES.
Uh-duh, that should say heeBee geeBEES.
Are they too sexy for the bugspray? Too sexy for the bugspray? Too sexy???
I heard that too, about the cell phones possibly being the cause. But if you think that’s for one minute going to stop people from calling up their bestie to say, “Oh my gawd!!! I’m at the beach!”, yeah…keep wishing.
Bossy, you da BOSS!
I ought to make my children read this – can’t get them to go outside at all at the moment due to an excessive amount of Spring insect life.
Cheers
Ah yes, the return of the winged masses. Happy spring! I’ve been dodging all manner of insect life — this new Buddhist philosophy about not squashing bugs is getting a little tired. There are beetles all over my screens.
You’re funny. Did I mention you’re funny?
We have yet to see many honeybees, but some giant hybrid bumblebee/wasp things have been terrorizing us while we play about in the sandbox. They just kind of hover and buzz in a menacing way, before they attack one another.