Nov 19, 2007
All Aboard The Whitey Express.
On Saturday Bossy went on a bus to New York City with her friend Amy because Amy gets paid to chaperone the trip and because Amy secures Bossy’s ticket for free. And because it’s been a whole year since the last time.
While Amy busied herself with a clipboard up and down the bus aisle, Bossy danced for her supper snapped a photo of the passengers:
Also while Amy busied herself with a clipboard up and down the bus aisle, Bossy dispensed the Official Bus Trip Snack:
During the journey, Bossy and her friend Amy talked until their lips fell off exchanged tales of financial woe—and before you could count to Whitey Bossy and Amy were vowing not to spend even one dime in New York. To cement the deal, Bossy took a photo of the Dimes they were not going to spend:
Within no time the bus was dropping everyone off in Midtown. The first financial indiscretion went like this:
Because Bossy and her friend Amy ran out of time halfway to the Cream Puff Museum their previous trip to New York, they decided this time they would begin their day there. And so they walked one hundred blocks up Broadway to pose for this photo enjoying their morning Cream Puffs:
Pinky-swearing to return to the Cream Puffs later in the day, Bossy and her friend Amy went in search of a more time-appropriate activity:
Bossy and her friend Amy decided they might need a little food to wash down their booze, and so they ordered something to share off of the Indian menu:
But it wasn’t a total loss, because while still enjoying her pathogenic bacteria lunch, Bossy’s friend Amy enjoyed a Celebrity Sighting! Out the restaurant’s front window! Directly on the other side of the glass!
Next Bossy went on a mission for fingerless gloves. Unbeknownst to her friend Amy, Bossy has very stringent standards for fingerless gloves. For instance, they have to be fingerless:
Two street vendors later, Bossy fell in love with a pair with a very simplistic design:
Next Bossy and her friend Amy got in a huge debate over taxis—namely which type of taxi they prefer. Bossy’s friend Amy prefers the new psychedelic cabs:
While Bossy remains Old School:
For the entire duration of the taxi debate Bossy and her friend Amy were busy walking from the Upper West Side back to Midtown, and Bossy has this to report about fingerless gloves: Your fingers freeze.
Luckily there were many interesting sights to distract Bossy from her amputated fingers. Like these cute Manhattan dogs:
All that walking and hypothermia sure builds up an appetite. And for those keeping score at home you may have noticed Bossy and her friend Amy inadvertently left the Cream Puff neighborhood without Cream Puffs. Lucky thing Bossy and her friend Amy asked this distinguished gentleman if he could suggest a nice restaurant nearby:
Once inside the recommended restaurant, Bossy used the bathroom while her friend Amy ate the breadbasket drank an entire glass of water. It was at this point they realized everything on the menu cost $30. The appetizer menu. And so Bossy and her friend Amy grabbed at their scarves and gloves and keys and purses and jackets and ran out the front door. The shock of those prices! Do you remember how Mom used to warn that if you crossed your eyes they would become stuck in that position forever?
After walking another one hundred blocks, Bossy and her friend Amy finally settled on a restaurant where they could drink the feeling back into the tips of their noses:
And then sadly it was time to get back on the bus toward Suburbville. But it sure was a great day, and Bossy wants to point out that she was exceedingly proud that she did not spend one dime in New York! $47.25, maybe—but not one dime.
I like how you roll.
It’s on my list of ‘places I must visit before I die’ but it looks as if I’ll have to save for a bit longer. Should have visited when my brother still lived in NJ then it would have just been a hop, skip and a jump. Now he’s in Beijing I’d probably need a bigger pogo stick.
Cheers
And you wonder why most New Yorkers look so darn haggard. Your special trip there was a day in the life for them!
Next time you go, maybe I can meet you there … at the Secret Hamburger Joint … where I promise you won’t spend one dime!
Shoulda followed the geezers. They can sniff out a blue plate special from across the country. Or maybe they packed their lunches.
Mughlai! I loved that restaurant when I lived in NY. Jealous, jealous, jealous.
So you didn’t get the cream puffs? How sad.
Who was watching the old broads?
Awesome bossy!
You should have invited me, I would have grabbed your fingerless-gloved hand and dragged you staight to the creampuffs. I think they are delicious ANYTIME (what? does your mouth have a clock? NO!) You would have been stuffed, satisfied, and not so poor.
You didn’t get a cream puff? Now you’ll just have to go back again.
Whitey because of their skin or their hair?
Yeah. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with cream puffs at 10:30. Now maybe if it were broccoli…
YOu are so wrong….and yet so so right.
Cream puffs at 10:30 doesn’t work but Frankenberry Cereal with Uncooked Instant Cup o’ Soup is? I assume that tasted better than it looks. At least you have an excuse to go back into the city… like anyone needs an excuse.
See now, if you hadn’t dissed Vera Wang, she would have told you about the uber-cool fingerless gloves that are at Kohl’s. They are so long that I can wear them with short sleeves. And still be warm.
next time, i would love to tag along on the whitey express witchu.
ps: coming to NJ for thanksgiving… whereforeartthou, bossy?
Can’t. Stop. Sniffling.
Miss. New. York.
Bossy is a paragon of virtue in the thrift department.
An aquiantence of mine works for a senior center ans sometime when she drives the bus of seniors on outings she calls it, driving the box of Q-tips.
The funniest thing about my most recent trips to NYC is that they happened in BROOKLYN. Not that that’s a bad thing but I’m just saying, I wish I was there!
I, too, do not like looking at anyone’s or anything’s bum holes.
I put tape over the cats’. Because no one needs to see that.
I would have suggested Ninja New York, but I think that’s about $200 a person.
This Amy is going to pretend it was HER with Bossy all day in New York instead of some other impostor Amy.
Next time take a flask and add your adult beverage of choice to your Starbucks…
I would. I would eat cream puffs at 4:30 a.m., too. Ain’t no crime.
I’m leaving NYC on my to-do list until I’m in my 70s. That way, when I’m an idiot tourist, they can blame it on the blue hair, and not on my inherent lack of sophistication.
methinks you deserve some sort of medal. $47.25??? i’m not allowed to go to new york because of all the money i drop while there!
Cream puffs are the new quiche. Good for any meal.
Bossy, why don’t you come to Wisconsin and I’ll take you to Chicago? Now that goddam Macy’s has taken over Marshall Field’s, THERE’S NO DIFFERENCE. Except the prices. And the pizza. I’ll find you good drinks at (somewhat) better prices. And then we can get some culture and see “Hizzoner” at that theater on Elston Avenue, because you see he (the first Mayor Daley) was known as “Bossy” too (well, “Boss”). I’ll explain it to you if you’ve never read Mike Royko. Oh, you have so much to learn.
When I went to NYC @ Xmas with the Ex, we spent more time trying to find an affordable place to EAT than we did enjoying the actual city – oh, and gasping over the line for the Eiffel … no, not that … ummm… whatever the hell tower that was in that movie… where they have to meet at the top – whatever.
Anyway, sounds like you had a way better time
oh how i love nyc!! it’s been nearly a year since i’ve been there, which is UNACCEPTABLE for someone who grew up an hour away. luckily i’m going in this friday! nutcracker at the lincoln center.. yippee
Did you notice how much the highlight lady looks like Christy Brinkley? No? Maybe it was just me. I want to know what kind of drugs those are that Amy takes. They are so colorful! I could really get behind drugs if they were colorful.
Highlight lady has a sugar daddy for sure! And bum holes covered with tape made me snort.
I love you bossy – you can always make me laugh! Your trip to NYC sounds like the makings of an epic. Such a shame the fingerless gloves weren’t warmer – maybe they’re just meant for when you’re home, writing novels in the garret?
Good thing you didn’t go to Serendipity 3. Apparently the health department says it’s a museum of rats and roaches.
Noo Yawk, Noo Yawk, it’s a hell of an expensive town!
Take out a mortgage next time you visit.
I’m pretty impressed that you only spent $47.25. I spend that much every time I walk out the front door.
I’d take a cream puff with my Frankenberry with a chocolate milk shake and a Twix bar.
I am exceedingly impressed with your restraint.
I spend more than that fantasizing about New York.
Having grown up in Manhattan, I beg to differ with your assessment of the place!
Uh. No, I don’t.
And yes — they should make little bum hole covers, knit flappy things.
Did you get any creampuffs or not?!? see now i’s all concerned and stuff…
Good thing Bossy ate the Frankenberry crap before seeing bum holes. Slouching Mom has a good idea. If you were so insane as to take up knitting, not only could you knit color-coordinated bum-hole covers, you could also knit your own customized, pimped-out fingerless gloves. Just a suggestion…
That big city scares me. But with Bossy as tour guide, it wouldn’t be so bad.
Ewww…those dogs need to cover their bum holes. What’s the matter with them?
When I go to NY next summer, will you meet me there and be my tour guide? Your fingerless gloves will be in season then.
Not to mention highlight wife is FORTY years younger than her husband. Must be fun when they talk about music from their youth.
Bossy cracks my ass up.
P.S. Did you see the Kate Spade store while you were there?
Meg is lame. And pea-green with envy. She hasn’t been to NYC since 1993, and this whole time she has lived within 4 hours of there. Pathetic.
Oh, one more thing… on the pimped-out hand-made gloves? Check out these that popped up when I checked out Etsy just now. Bet they take mere minutes to fashion out of whatever yarn and metal sticks you have at your, uh, fingertips! http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=7810922
That was great.
I’m a bit nauseated at the cup-o-soup/frankenberry creation.
We got FREE tickets to a show in NYC and it STILL cost us over $100 between parking, tolls and coffee!
Yowsa.
“Not spending even a dime” has taken a whole new meaning. And me likes that meaning…a lot.
i am SO going to be one of those old white ladies on the bus. I will go to the city for the day and be scandalized by things. Great fun.
So, how many drinks can you get in Manhattan for $29?
I”m going to have to use your line about rice krispy treats with my boys!
I would just like to weigh in on the taxi debate…I will only ride in a toyota minivan cab…on the off chance that it is the “CASH CAB!” So far, I have not had any luck!!
Awesome! I miss New York City!
This was hilarious-I lost it at the pinky swearing! Too bad you didn’t get in the Cash Cab-then you wouldn’t have to worry about spending that dime. BTW, that distinguished gentleman sure did get himself a trophy fer sher!
Rolling in an Old School taxi and drinking alcohol at 1030am is the only way to take a trip into NYC.
All the things that were wrong with this post:
When you went to Starbucks you didn’t call me to join you.
When you went to the bar, you didn’t call me to join you.
When you went to the Indian restaurant, you didn’t call me to join you.
When you went shopping for fingerless gloves, you didn’t call me to join you.
When you went to the ridiculously expensive restaurant, you didn’t call me to join you.
When you went to the more reasonably-priced restaurant, you didn’t call me to join you.
And lastly, Nature Valley Trail Mix bars kick ass.
Thanks for sharing.
I never go anywhere. I live vicariously through your adventures. If it weren’t for you, I’d never go anywhere.
I want to not spend a dime with you! Please come to DC and visit me so we can see how many dimes we save together!
You can touch my perky apples and I won’t even charge you a dime for doing it.
I hope your fingers and eyes are ok.
I have fingerless gloves like the ones pictured (the poop diaper pair) but the thumb folds back as well and little pieces of velcro hold the folded back pieces in place. These come in very handing when playing in the snow with boys and having to stop to tie shoes, stop to wipe noses, stop to zip up pants after peeing outside.
The lady with the gentleman was not his wife. She was his “niece.”
Bossy writes:
“Two street vendors later, Bossy fell in love with a pair with a very simplistic design:”
While this may be OK technically, “simplistic”, to my tender ears, has an pejorative sense (“over simple”) to it. And since “simple” is available – why not just use that, instead.
[This rant brought to you by years of hearing my boss use "simplistic" when he really ought to be saying "simple"].
u r soooo funny — I like the gloves. wonder if I can find a knitting pattern for some? u should check out daddylikey blog. Her humor is similar to yours ..
Ah me, I laughed a lot. Don’t come to London unless you promise not to look at any menu prices. We’d hate to lose you to shock…
From the info I gathered from your pictures, you were literally around the corner from my apartment! Next time you come into NYC, let me know and I will run outside and greet you.
(What scares me more is that I think the two dog butts in the picture belong to my friend’s dog…)
Using internet is simple as hell. But I can tell y ou right now, it can be very hard, if you are the first time user.
So, first thing I suggest – open the Explorer, and type in the address you like.
You’ll get there really fast, it depends on your connection speed.
Good luck.