Nov 26, 2007
Bossy’s Twelve Days Of Christmas: The Early Edition.
On the first day of Christmas, Bossy’s true love gave to her: Plastic.
On the back porch:
Every winter, plastic is positioned over the screens in order to prevent cold wind from blowing across Bossy and her family while they eat in their dining room:
One of the added benefits of plastic is to prevent this. Of course another added benefit of plastic is the increase in Curb Appeal:
Here’s how it works: Bossy’s husband secures the large sheets of plastic using these furring strips:
And then he staples the edges of the plastic to the porch frame for extra protection:
It’s really a treat for everyone, especially the dog who isn’t allowed to be alone in the backyard in the winter because no one can see her through the plastic:
Well, at least after Bossy’s husband devoted the entire Thanksgiving weekend to the task, he can say the job is complete:
Bossy’s husband is so handy. In the infamous words of Red Green – “If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.” which doesn’t apply to Bossy’s husband really, because he is blessed being both.
Hey, at least Mr. Bossy *does* household projects. Wait, I take it back — my hubby reads your blog. Nevermind, lalalalala!
All you need is a bathtub and 18 cars in the yard, and you can officially be dubbed white trash.
This is so nostalgic for me! I haven’t seen a clothesline with real wooden clothes pins in decades!
Don’t you guys rake the leaves their either?
Oh well — you still have a cute dining room!
I feel so BONDED to Bossy right now!! I just put up inside plastic in my bedroom as I got tired of LITERALLY wearing a hoody to bed.
darling little white trash daughter begs me to PLEASE put up plastic in her bedroom.
WE are fancy smanxcy tho….I use the INTERIOR plastic and use hair dryer to make it smooth so WE can SEE out of ours. HA ! We are just a LITTLE bit better than someone ELSE!
ah old houses! Hey, I have a blanket for a door blind – we put it there “temporarily” several years ago. Isn’t yankee ingenuity, well,…ingenious?!
My guy doesn’t bother with plastic, in fact, he leaves a window open in the attic all winter for *ventilation*. Personally, I think he does that to give the squirrels and other unsavory critters easy access to all our insulation.
Plastic is classy.
Don’t they make red and/or green plastic? That would be very festive.
Bossy, you can either have a hot musician husband or a handyman husband. It’s not possible to have both. And sometimes you don’t get either. Count your blessings, dear.
It’s the Christmas lights hanging against the plastic that really complete the look.
In Mr. Bossy’s defense- If he removed the staples, you would get holes in the plastic!
Poor Stella! She looks lovely, even when so sad.
The Christmas lights must give off such an understated glow against the plastic!
Doesn’t he realize he’s just taunting a tornado camouflaging the house like that?
You could just hang a blanket with either Elvis in Black Velvet or a Wolf over the doors to your dining room.
Bossy, I soooo love that dog. She looks just like my Bibi (who lived ’til she was 13!). Please give Stella a big hug for me.
I’m with sue – it is either hot musician or handyman. Trust me, a lot of times the beers necessary to get the handyman motivated backfire, so nothing ever gets done.
That being said, you are one step away from White Trash Central – I will welcome you with wine we can sip from Mason jars.
Why don’t you just get better-insulated doors and windows?
Ah… you home repair like we don’t, either. Whaddaya gonna do? At least it’s the back of the house, right?
At least it’s in the back.
My white trash neighbors just put it over their front windows with no furring strips, the edges flapping, and we are talking about a house that’s only SIX years old with DOUBLE PANED vinyl storm windows.
WHY?
Because they’re idiots who probably did that at the last shack they lived in and don’t know they don’t need to do it here. Idiots.
You . . . can . . . go outside . . . on Thanksgiving . . . weekend? I thought the NFL had outlawed that. At least that’s what my husband told me.
i have the opposite problem. the thermostat in our place is in a huge drafty area of the house, so it always thinks it’s like 25 degrees inside, so our heat is always on full blast. even with my vent closed and my window open, my little room gets SO HOT in the winter. it’s a little ridiculous.
Ummmm… Bossy? Why not just get some thermal insulating curtains (I got mine at http://www.plowhearth.com) and hang them on those doors. We have the blue ones in our family room over the French doors, and they make a world of difference – at least 10 degrees in both summer and winter.
If you don’t want to install a curtain rod, you can totally put a tension rod (think shower curtain rod) in between those bookshelves in the dining room. Just take it down in the spring. Much easier than plastic. No staples. Less Sanford and Son, more Martha Stewart.
we just put up plastic inside our actual house, in the foffice (short for family room office, so Matt shares) which is behind the garage and therefore freezing even on warm November days – now with the special double layer of plastic it looks foggy inside and outside our foffice – wake me up when it’s spring too.
That’s some KLASSY stuff there, my friend.
But I bet it’s really awesome in the spring/summer when plastic is nowhere to be found.
The Sharper Image Colbalt would take those old staples right out.
Its like a condom for your porch.
Now that everyone’s seen these pictures Home Depot’s going to be all sold out of plastic. Just watch, Mr. Bossy’s going to be starting a new trend.
But forget that. Can I have your dog?
Perhaps Mr. Bossy could use poster gum instead of staples. No? Sorry… that’s all I got in the home improvement/insulation dept.
Also, it’s the first day of Christmas already??
Shit.
I’d better throw a couple pennies in the jar and click through to that pastafarian shop. I can cover *lots* of people on my list there.
First time reader, love the site.
Alice and Karen: Check out http://www.edenpure.com. They sell a great little space heater that is different and safer than a regular space heater. Kids and animals can even sit on it without getting burned. I use mine with the thermostat set at 60 degrees and my power bill in the winter is way low. Not trying to do a commercial here, just passing on a great idea.
And um, Bossy why not just put weatherstripping around the door frame to keep the wind from blowing through?
Ooh, You’re right that snazzes the house right up! And those staples arent old. They’re antiques.
Plastic is the new…pink. No, black. No…
I love putting up my winter plastic. Do you use the indoor kind that you shinkwrap with a hair dryer? That shit is the bomb.
Bossy, surely your husband can do better than this for the first day of Christmas? I get something better than this for the first day of Hannukah, and my husband isn’t even Jewish. We need to get your husband a catalogue from Tiffany’s.
Love,
Saucy
Does Bossy’s husband work for the government?
Bossy, does this mean UC and AG aren’t invited over for ‘nog on the porch with Stella this holiday season?
Speaking of which, AG is going to be nearby on Saturday. Cooking classes. HOLIDAY cooking classes.
My husband loves putting that plastic on things.
Poor Stella.
BOSSY’s family should come live in Scotchland. Stone walls six feet thick, so it’s cool in summer, but warm in winter. Roaring wood fire in the hearth. Beautifully detailed tapestries hung on the walls. Tiny arrow slits for windows. Dragon in the kennel.
Obv the dragon would have to go, to make room for Stella.
making your house look like a trailer park is all the rave this year.
Consider yourself tagged. Details are in my “I’m Finally It” post. It’ll be fun. Really.
I plasticked (plastuck?) the windows in one of my old apartments one winter. It fit right in with the rest of the neighborhood.
Ooh Bossy! My next door neighbours do that too and it really ruins the view from the north side of my house. I feel for you!
I am on my way over!
Hey, if Dubya decides to raise the terrorist threat color (y’know, to raise his approval rating), I’m pretty sure all Mr. Bossy will have to do is add a little duct tape and you’ll have the prescribed safe-room. Lucky.
Well all I can say is thank god you still have an appropriate amount of leaves on your lawn. My neighbors make me nuts with all that obsessive compulsive raking!
wow. you be classy.
Now that thar is some po-dunk shit, iffing I evah saw me some po-dunk shit.
I do like your dining room table. Very niiiiice.
Bossy’s hubby is so handy. I’m really impressed. To winterize our roses and crape myrtles, Queeny’s hubby draped them with the kids’ SpongeBob and Pokemon sheets. (Sorry, I neglected to take pictures.)
Your dog almost made me wet myself
LOL! We loves plastic!
My sister at Almost Quintessence wrote another hilarious post about this very same thing on Wednesday. Winters be hard in Pennsylvania for po folk.
My husband was left alone in the house for a few hours last week and he staple gunned an old bathmat to the outside of our back door. It’s lovely. I would take it down, but he is so proud of how much warmer the laundry room is now.
Why not duct tape???
Nice, Bossy, real nice. Next year use clear and then you’ll be able to see the dog.
Oh bossy! I am laughing too hard to type..(ok not really that hard) All the good smartass remarks are taken.I guess I’ll have go with that classic line from the film “The Graduate”
“I just want to say one word to you..just one word..plastics”
Ummm… is that a section left unfinished or is that the new hole from the 13 foot rodent who has returned to spread havoc on the porch at night with your husband?
Bossy says, “Just like a mobile home. On Neptune.”
I wonder if that is Neptune Street or the planet. My son lived one block over from Neptune Street in Florida. The name of his street was…are you ready? URANUS STREET.
I told him there is no house on that street that I would live in for free.
He told me that delivery people would hang up on him when he gave his street name.
This could be the start of a new trend – maybe Neptune trailer parks will be in style next year. You are leading the home fashion industry into a new era!
Classy. Are there tires holding down the tar paper on your roof?
Home sweet home!
I think Bossy’s husband needs a staple remover for Christmas.
Removing staples is therapeutic.
Oh yeah, THAT’s why I moved from Chicago to California.
The porch condom comment is classic.
Can you show us what this year’s tetnus looks like? I so don’t want to get last year’s tetnus!!