Jan 29, 2008

‘Don’t Quit Your Day Job’ Bossy’s Ass.

Once upon a time there lived an Interior Painter named Bossy. And this Interior Painter was lucky because she had a painting business with her brother:

But Bossy was not the kind of lucky that she could quit painting and make enough money writing. Understand?

Anyway. Bossy’s brother—he was lucky too. Of course he was not
the kind of lucky that he could quit painting and make enough money as a musician. Got it?

Raise your hand if you think Bossy is only telling this story because she’s cleaning old photos off her hard drive. Bossy’s brother: put your hand down.

So. Mostly Bossy and her brother painted locally, but one day last winter they were hired by a friend to paint her seashore house. In the cold winter. And it wasn’t even this seashore house.

So Bossy and her brother—whose name is Bossy’s brother—packed overnight bags and loaded their supplies into the paint truck Honda and drove to the beach in the freezing dark of night:

During the two-hour drive Bossy’s brother’s cell phone was ringing off the hook with other offers of lucrative paint jobs:

Finally they arrived at their swanky destination:

They unloaded their stuff and got right to work. Bossy and her brother painted the living room and the hallways and the two bedrooms and the kitchen and the kitchen cabinets and here is a photo of the two hard at work:

Bossy did manage to capture a photo of the colors they were painting:

As well as a photo of their supplies:

And speaking of supplies, which we barely are, but as you read this Bossy is up on another paint ladder so take pity, Bossy’s brother utilized innovative cutlery when slicing lime for their fajitas beer:

After a twelve-hour painting day, Bossy and her brother decided it was time for bed because they had to wake up early and do it all over again. Bossy created a nest in the client’s living room out of her sleeping bag and sleeping pad and reading lamp and extra blankets and a few pillows:

And Bossy’s brother?

permanent link to post

59 comments

1. 1
   on January 29th, 2008 at 9:25 am
   mr.lootiatto said:

   Wait a minute, this is the most goddamn funny ending of a great Bossy mini story yet. And its SOOOO women are from Venice, men from Mars….


2. 2
   on January 29th, 2008 at 9:37 am
   Laura said:

   Nice story-loved the ending too! I am thinking that the car door is actually recyclable?


3. 3
   on January 29th, 2008 at 9:38 am
   magpie said:

   Not. So. Much.

   Bossy sure knows how to end a story. And how to paint. Oh, and Photoshop.


4. 4
   on January 29th, 2008 at 9:41 am
   Hotdog said:

   Looks like Bossy’s brother is quite a fellow. He has a Billy Ray Cyrus spotty haircut, and passes out on an air mattress! LMAO. I love it!!

   p.s. is he available?

   ;o)


5. 5
   on January 29th, 2008 at 9:47 am
   Dara said:

   You are a hoot.


6. 6
   on January 29th, 2008 at 9:48 am
   mr.lootiatto said:

   Yes. Venice.


7. 7
   on January 29th, 2008 at 9:59 am
   Southern Goddess said:

   Great short story-telling. I really enjoy your blog, especially your family archives.


8. 8
   on January 29th, 2008 at 10:07 am
   mjohnson said:

   LOL – he was probably light headed from paint fumes and hyperventilating from having to blow up the mattress and drunk from all the beer and practicing snow angels. Don’t misrepresent your brother again!

   Love your stuff


9. 9
   on January 29th, 2008 at 10:10 am
   Sister Honey Bunch said:

   I want to see the finished drunk-painters product.


10. 10
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:11 am
    Oh, The Joys said:

    One Corona too many for Bossy’s brother? Alergic reaction to lime?


11. 11
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:17 am
    All Adither said:

    You guys slept in the same room where you painted? In your painting clothes? And you actually woke up the next morning? Alive?


12. 12
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:29 am
    Mrs. Fussypants said:

    I thought the sea side house was a one time thing.

    Boss, you paint houses, too?

    Very cool.


13. 13
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:41 am
    meleah rebeccah said:

    Bossy’s Brother is FUNNY.


14. 14
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:41 am
    Karla ~ Looking Towards Heaven said:

    I used to do this for $ too (shhh, I’d probably do it for free too, since I enjoy it so much. But don’t tell anyone)

    But I couldn’t have a beer with it.

    Drats.

    Blessings,
    Karla


15. 15
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:47 am
    Helen K said:

    I’ve seen that ‘dead to the world’ so many times, so familiar! Excellent!

    Where are the photos of the lovely painting you did?


16. 16
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:50 am
    Alice said:

    bossy, i love your painting gear!


17. 17
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
    vuboq said:

    If you make it to Vutopia on your Road Trip, don’t forget your painting supplies … I want to paint my bedroom

    Ha. I kid.

    I want you to paint my bedroom.


18. 18
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:59 am
    sue said:

    What is it with Bossy being surrounded by hot guys? Hot husband, hot brother, hot son… It never ends. Such fabulousness. And if I ever painted for a living you would be able to tell that I went to the Three Stooges school of painting, graduating with honors.


19. 19
    on January 29th, 2008 at 11:08 am
    Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

    So if I take you to the beach, and ply you with Corona, when you visit San Diego this summer you will paint my master bedroom?


20. 20
    on January 29th, 2008 at 11:09 am
    Tempered Woman said:

    uhmmmm, I kind of LIKED the paint colors.


21. 21
    on January 29th, 2008 at 11:32 am
    Momo Fali said:

    I paint houses too, though not for money…just for friends. You reading this Bean?

    That TSP stuff is the BEST wall cleaner ever, but maybe Bossy’s brother shouldn’t sprinkle it in his beer.


22. 22
    on January 29th, 2008 at 11:34 am
    Greta said:

    I dig that Bossy’s brother doesn’t even take his shoes off! Ah…but clearly the Corona bottle is just decorative.


23. 23
    on January 29th, 2008 at 11:54 am
    Nilsa S. said:

    I’m about to put my condo on the market and need a good paint job. Maybe you should reconsider your summer tour plans to include paint jobs (you know, to make some money along the way … or at least in exchange for free housing)!!!


24. 24
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
    we_be_toys said:

    So funny, the Princess and the Pea sleeping arrangement, vs. Bossy’s brother’s (ahem) more minimalist approach.
    btw, drinking beer while painting helps to remove the fume toxins from your body. (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it)
    Classic Bossy-style documentary!


25. 25
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
    Tootsie Farklepants said:

    Bossy’s brother was roughing it.


26. 26
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
    darla said:

    Bossy’s brother sort of looks like Robert Plant (of Led Zepplin fame) in that side view photo!
    I like your blog, btw!


27. 27
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
    Ava Von Snarky said:

    Ah, a man of simple means.

    The lime is critical to the Corona, so I can see using any tools necessary to slice that little bit of sour heaven for your cervesa.


28. 28
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
    Tammy said:

    You have so vividly captured the difference between male and female. It’s our nesting practices or lack thereof.

    Box cutter’s for lime… pocket knives work good too. Fingernails don’t. Electric windows don’t either.

    -Tammy
    http://thecolorofhome.blogspot.com


29. 29
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
    The Mom Bomb said:

    I got a little thrill b/c that profile photo of Bossy’s brother looks kind of like Johnny Cash! And I love Johnny. Bet your brother plays a mean guitar.


30. 30
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
    Miss Britt said:

    I had no idea you were an Interior painter. It explains the pretty walls I noticed in your house.

    My best friend from home is an interior painter too! With her mom! And she has those same shoes!

    (OK, maybe not the shoes part.)


31. 31
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
    Phoenix said:

    The cutting of the lime was priceless. Looks like you were working hard.


32. 32
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
    MarathonMom said:

    I could not make up funnier stuff than this. You are so freaking fabulous.


33. 33
    on January 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
    Foolery said:

    Is that car door still available? I’m thinking coffee table.


34. 34
    on January 29th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
    Adorable Girlfriend said:

    Can I come along and learn how to paint? It’s really a skill and talent I need. Especially — proper taping.


35. 35
    on January 29th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
    qt said:

    hilarious, as per usual. I love your bro’s nesting style – and your painter shoes.


36. 36
    on January 29th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
    Madame Jozet at Halushki said:

    I think I was at a party with your brother.

    I distinctly remember someone slicing limes with a box cutter.

    And then stirring the tequila with a hammer.


37. 37
    on January 29th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
    blackbird said:

    Didn’t Bossy have another ‘painting the beach house’ fiasco? Financial windfall?
    Bossy had better write to blackbird because blackbird is thinking she’s having one of those TIA’s. Or deja vu – or she’s psychic.


38. 38
    on January 29th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
    The Domestic Goddess said:

    So Bossy’s brother remembered the beer, but not a bed or a change of clothes? So like a man…


39. 39
    on January 29th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
    Sister Sassy said:

    YUCK, I hate the whole Key West theme (no offense to anyone who has that)


40. 40
    on January 29th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
    dlyn said:

    LOL about the BRCyrus reference. Now I feel guilty because I haven’t started painting the bedroom yet.


41. 41
    on January 29th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
    Biddy McBidderton said:

    I think the next Bossy Tutorial should be how to paint a room and make it look like a professional did it instead of the dog. seriously, biddy can’t paint a room well to save her life


42. 42
    on January 29th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
    Grandma J said:

    I see Google upped the price of bumper stickers to $4 for the extra special ones that say:

    “Not all who wander are lost”

    Bossy’s profits should skyrocket!


43. 43
    on January 29th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
    Queeny said:

    Can Bossy’s brother tag along when Bossy comes to South Texas on Bossy’s Excellent Road Trip? My living room walls need a fresh new coat with some fresh new color. I don’t pay well, but my hubs is an excellent cook.


44. 44
    on January 29th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
    Tammy said:

    OMG Bossy is too much.

    Btw….sweet car door in the trash.


45. 45
    on January 29th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
    Reese said:

    Hey – easy on the Key West!


46. 46
    on January 29th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
    OHmommy said:

    Not. So. Much.

    LOL. I am always amazed at your photoshop abilities. And your writing too. Your writing is great.


47. 47
    on January 29th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
    Lori said:

    Ha! Bring him on the road trip, I’ve got some painting that needs to be done! I’ll pay in Corona!


48. 48
    on January 29th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
    Ree said:

    It looks like Bossy and Bossy’s brother have loads of fun.

    Now, about my bathroom?


49. 49
    on January 29th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
    Cece said:

    Bossy’s friend is a slaver driver!


50. 50
    on January 29th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
    Chicky said:

    Do you give friend discounts? ‘Cause I need a lot of painting done.


51. 51
    on January 29th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
    Redneck Mommy said:

    Rawr…yer brother sounds like my type of guy….

    And is that door available for pickup? Cuz I think it would fit the piece of crap car my husband insists on driving…you know, the one with the dented passenger door that doesn’t open so I have to either crawl through the window or slide over from the driver side and try not to impale myself on the gear shift…


52. 52
    on January 29th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
    HRH said:

    You brother may have fainted from the color combo…was this after he saw it?


53. 53
    on January 29th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
    Mayberry Magpie said:

    Bossy, when you come to Mayberry on your excellent road trip, could you paint my bathroom? I’ll pay you. And I promise my ass is not hairy.


54. 54
    on January 30th, 2008 at 12:29 am
    Seattle Mamacita said:

    bossy you have to come to seattle to paint my house i mean to drink lots of coronas with me while we paint my house ok to teach me how to use photoshop properly?


55. 55
    on January 30th, 2008 at 11:19 am
    terri said:

    We have something in common! lol
    we have a painting business too..lol
    I used to paint all the time…scraping,taping,priming,puttying,and on and on..lol did it all..my house was always the last to get done! lol..I don’t do it much anymore..
    get all the paperwork instead! lol..
    Hmmmmmmmm if you come this way we will have to have a painting competition.. OR maybe we can start a new paint spattered clothing line!
    OR we can just hire you, and put you out on a job!
    I can pay you in beer…
    I wonder if I can 1099 you on that? lol


56. 56
    on January 30th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
    Heather said:

    Did you cover him up after you took this photo? At least take his shoes off? I know, he’s a big boy.


57. 57
    on January 30th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
    Audubon Ron said:

    As a technique, does Bossy pretty much take all her pictures at sunset?


58. 58
    on January 30th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
    sparx said:

    Is this the same paint-the-beach house trip that ended so badly? I hope that Bossy’s Brother left something stinky behind in that case.


59. 59
    on March 26th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
    KC said:

    Great story Bossy! I know Bossy’s Brother…that is the only beer he has ever left unfinished before crashin’. Ease up on him.