May 16, 2008
Meanwhile Back At The Ranch, Where Ranch Equals Small Suburb. Part II.
Yesterday Bossy was all blah blah groupie blah, but today Bossy is all about her new behind-the-scenes obsession: theater.
As Bossy may have mentioned once or several hundred times, her daughter is an actress. And lucky thing, because Bossy’s daughter lives only a few blocks from an inspired community theater
Also as Bossy may have mentioned once or several hundred times, Bossy is an interior painter. And occasionally Bossy gets the opportunity to volunteer to help paint sets for the theater, and could that sentence use more words to say the simplest thing? Bossy paints sets.
The community theater’s upcoming youth production is Thoroughly Modern Millie. Although she’s never seen it, Bossy has become an expert on this musical—and she offers the following in depth plot summary: it features brick walls. And jail cells. And ledges. And nightclub windows. Shall we begin?
Bossy’s first task was to mix an appropriate base color to simulate bricks. Note: this is not the same as stimulating bricks—that’s a job left to the mortar.
See how Bossy did that? Wrote a masonry joke right in the middle of her Friday morning? Now do we all sense how desperate Bossy is for weekend wine?
Anyway. In case you’re curious just who is in charge of this set design and doling out the jobs—this guy is in charge of set design and doling out the jobs:
His name is Joe, but you can call him Bossy’s friend Joe. Bossy is a little terrified of her friend Joe, because Joe thinks Bossy is more talented than she actually is. Of course Joe invests similar faith in everyone, which is just one of the really neat things about Joe. The other neat thing about Joe: he sings like an angel.
But the singing like an angel thing doesn’t really help Bossy when Joe is all, “Make this mound of chicken wire and cheesecloth look like a boulder,” and Bossy is all, “The only Boulder Bossy knows is in Colorado.”
See how Bossy did that? Made a geographical joke with seven hours remaining until she can open a bottle of weekend wine?
Back to the brick wall, which was cut from Styrofoam on some earlier day—probably a day Bossy was at home not listing her laptop on eBay.
Bossy mixed a brick red color. Because. Bricks!
As Bossy applied paint to several sections of fake brick wall, her heart was warmed by all of the kid volunteers who were crowded in the parking lot in the rear of the theater, each with their own task:
Kids were hammering and kids were painting and kids were sawing and kids were screwing attaching things. Every single person was committed to their job and—wait—what have we here? Anyone know this slacker?
Why, it’s Bossy’s daughter, and what is that in her hand—a camera?
Imagine standing around taking photos while other people are working! Bossy doesn’t know where she picked up this habit.
Disgusted by her daughter’s lack of work ethic, Bossy returned to her brick walls:
With the base coat completed, Bossy went back into the shop to mix a few other colors she could sponge on top of the brick to give it a more realistic look:
And speaking of the shop, Bossy kind of wants to marry the shop. It’s tall, dark, and handsome. Not really, but it is dark, and contains a million cans of paint and a brush in every size:
Other cool things in the shop: rolls of paper.
And the shop floor could tell a million stories! If it weren’t a shop floor:
Back out in the parking lot, Bossy sponged more colors on top of the base coat:
The amazing thing about set painting is everything you think is an error just adds to the aged look of the stuff you are producing! Or at least that’s what Bossy tells herself. Here is the completed brick wall:
Next Bossy took a break to go backstage and look for her daughter so she could yell at her for taking photos instead of working. Bossy took her camera with her:
That’s the stage door. It’s very stage-ish. And door-ish. And these are the stage lights:
And these are the ropes:
Bossy doesn’t know what all of these do, but she’s pretty sure with a little time she could learn the ropes. See how Bossy did that? Rope joke, still no wine?
And finally, this is the view of the house from the stage, where house equals the cutest theater eh-ver:
A day in the life of Bossy the set painter….very cool!
I had the leading role of Eliza Dolittle in our production of My Fair lady when I was in prison
I come to Bossy to see pictures and hear stories of far off and exotic locales, like Nebraska…
…and get pictures of my community theatre instead.
Is there no justice?
(Hee. I wondered what it would take to get Bossy painting a set over there….)
What is Bossy waiting for? Quit your “whining” and have a drink. It’s almost noon.
See how I did that? I made a weekend wine joke right here in the middle of the comment section.
Spawn is a theater tech. She knows about ropes. And catwalks. Lights. Flats. Soundboard. Sets. Those huge drape-y things… all of it. And she is more than happy to tell anyone who will listen (or pretend to listen) all about every single one of those things, and more!
The brick wall looks awesome. Bossy does good work.
Shop floor or Jackson Pollock painting? You make the call!
Have a funtabulous wine-soaked weekend, BOSSY! [I know I will, just substitute "gin" for "wine."]
*smooches*
This is a great post!
Why do you have to wait until the weekend for wine? Imbibe now, I say. Be like Amy.
This highly inspirational blog will definately turn me into a
“stagedoor johnny”, although I was born in a trunk, but it wasn’t a theater trunk..
What absolute fun.
Nice brick work Bossy. I’m an expert on such things. I’m always running into brick walls.
You are so talented, well your whole family is!! Green. With envy, not nausea.
Have a lovely weekend.
I don’t know why Bossy is waiting for her wine, it’s 5:00pm somewhere!
Have a marvy weekend!
Jenn’s daughter, Grown-up Girl, who majored in Chemistry and minored in Theatre, and has painted a few sets herself, and is a loyal Bossy reader is going to love this post. See how I put all those ands in the same sentence. It’s 8 hours until Champagne Friday around here!
Amber is with vuboq, gin is what keeps her going. Gin will be Amber’s evening meal?
Also, a note not related. Growing up, Amber always talked in third person. In high school she was told that was annoying and innapropriate for her age. So she stopped. Then she read Bossy’s blog. Then she was afraid people would think she’s a copy bossycat. Then Amber said, “STFU, Amber. Take your lexapro and go talk in third person. It makes you happy.”
I believe I was addicted to pajama bottoms at that age too!
I became a theatre major in college because I was the set painter in high school. I only went because I had a crush on a boy, but they kept asking me back because I was the only one who wasn’t afraid to climb the ladder and paint the tops of the sets.
What I wouldn’t give to paint some fake bricks again.
It’s almost as though you live in that quintessential small town where one day someone stands up in the town square and and says:
“Hey, let’s put on a show!”
And with a rousing cheer the townsfolk join together to build the sets and rehearse their lines and put on the BEST DARN SHOW EVER!
Those bricks are AMAZING…..
PS…I am addicted to wearing pajama pants too.
Ah yes! Community theater! Have you watched Waiting For Guffman, yet?
I was a long-standing member of the community theater scene in your neck of the woods. Good stuff that.
Nice bricks.
This post is a sheer, utter masterpiece. Just like Bossy’s painting! (see what I did there?)
It made me literally snort with laughter sitting here in my office.
I totally think you deserve wine after this.
Awesome bricks! And by the way, you stimulate bricks only if you use mortar that has been mixed with a fork – which is, of course, where the term “mortar forker” came from. (Is it wine yet? Please?)
When BOSSY is done being a famous set decorator could she please come and add to the aged look of my baseboards? I have wine.
p.s. This is now one of my favorite posts. You have mastered the art of “phrase that comes out of left field”.
Silly Bossy. Wine is not just for weekends! And every day is the weekend at the theater! Your bricks are sublime.
Madness was *very* involved in a community theatre when she was growing up in Florida.. the Emma Parrish Theatre aka Titusville Playhouse .. and was a member of the childrens theatre group The Rising Stars. Madness has a love of the theatre as well. *sigh* THANK YOU BOSSY for putting Madness on her OWN trip down memory lane!!
Love the bricks! They’re just so…bricky!
Hey, so, we both had “acting” themed blogs today….we are almost like twins, almost.
In fact, maybe you could hurry out here and be stand in for my thong-shot-by-the-pool tomorrow.
Also, did you read about those kids who drove around the country in 5 days! It almost reminded me of your Excellent Road Trip, because yours was excellent, and those kids didnt stop by to eat beautiful guacamole with a backdrop of bougainvillea and the ocean. stupid kids.
I am so flattered,BOSSY made me her READER today! I’ll always be your reader, bossy!
Those are some good lookin’ bricks, I say you’ve earned yourself a glass (or bottle) of wine!
Just a plug for Thoroughly Modern Millie with Julie Andrews. Have been having a low-level urge to watch this again, and now I think this weekend is definitely the time.
Community theater is what makes America great. Or is that McDonald’s Coke, light ice?
Vuboq beat me to the punch with my Jackson Pollock line. Tip my hat to Vuboq.
I got nuthin’. Other than I could live in that shop, just making stuff. Loved this post.
Why, I recognize that theater!
B.K. (before kids, NOT Burger King) my DH and I did LOTS of shows there. DH has done a few since then, but I haven’t quite gotten back to it yet. Next season he is directing there, and we decided the season after that will be mine. All mine. (Cue manic laughter)
And having painted my fair share of brick walls in both the shop AND the parking lot there, I have to say that your walls ARE top notch. Very nice. If this whole writing thing doesn’t pan out, you may have a career in painting sets at various community theaters. They pay not be great (or might not actually exist) but just think of your pride as you watch your brick walls appearing all over the county.
wait…there’s a fake wall? i can’t find it…
Hi Bossy! I’ve been reading and enjoying your site now for a couple of weeks. I gotta ask, though, what’s up with all the italics and bold face? Kinda irritating.
It’s “wine time” somewhere in the world, so I say…ENJOY!!! Have some for me while you’re at it.
here’s a fun link for Pollock junkies…and kiddies of all ages.
http://www.jacksonpollock.org/
And in the trivia column, that stage is where Zmulls and I got married, 18 years ago this July. (Awwww!)
I don’t know any thing about theater, but I appreciated the reality of the brinks, and thoroughly enjoyed every word of this post, and I thank Bossy very much for writing it on a Friday after a long week.
Bossy has so much talent Mary Alice is painted green!
The juxtaposition of the set walls with the real is cool…
Better you than I – they’d end up with bricks that looked like they’d recently been used as a backdrop for the firing squad – I have no talent for texturing.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
This takes Farty back to set painting Chinese dragons for The McAdoo, long time ago. Sigh.
Thanks for showing us the ropes, Bossy!
Dang, that was a whole lotta bad puns for a Friday afternoon. I hope you are sharing that whine. I mean, WINE.
Bravo, Bossy! Gorgeous job on the brick…I’m actually getting ready to paint the bricks on my fireplace…currently, they look just like your faux bricks. I’m just gonna try to make ‘em look like different faux bricks.
And, what’s the difference between weekday wine and weekend wine?
I’m addicted to pajama bottoms, too – but I’m 42 and work from home, so in my case it’s a little sad, not cute like your daughter. I think you have to be a teenager to really pull that off.
Reminds me of high school! I was a theater nerd.
Exit – stage left.
i want to wear pajama pants…but that just wouldn’t be right around here! for the last two days i’ve worn yoga pants. they work…and they make me look like i just exercised. i don’t even have to take a shower, because the unkempt hair and haggard look just add to the exercise ruse! whew…so tired from all that work!
Go ahead and have some wine, Bossy deserves it.
It’s been wine o’clock here for about ten minutes now. It came early this Friday.
I was the Cheshire Cat and married the Caterpillar who smoked a hookah. Our Sorority Girl LIVED in pajama pants while practicing to be Dorothy in The Wiz and the Ringmaster in Barnum.
Now I’m singing “Everything today is thoroughly modern” in my head
1) Your brick wall looks GREAT.
2) Your daughter looks such such a nicey and such a cutie.
3) You make good stuff.
I am addicted to my VIctoria’s Secret pajama bottoms, the red and black ones with squares and DOGS on them.
See how I did that? Make you feel like an uncomprehending non-fashionista caring mom?
Bossy rocks the bricks! See how I did that? And now I am ready for wine!
Have a great weekend, Bossy!!
Looking at Bossy making clever jokes while she’s all sober and everything. Good for you Bossy!
)
Nice bricks, Bossy.
my mother always says it’s five o’clock somewhere! bottoms up!
Awesome setup in the shop. I’m jealous! I miss doing the techie things for shows.
Love your bricks by the way. Steller job!
Whenever the question of wine arises, just ask yourself “What would Jimmy Buffett do?”
It’s 4:23 outside Boston but it’s 5:00 o’clock somewhere…
Go Bossy Painter! I hope you didn’t get any paint on your tank top.
BTW – K & I have been watching a Canadian Series (everything Canadian is better as we learned in Chicago, right?).
Anyway, Canadian Series (from TEH NETFLIX) called Slings & Arrows. Me thinks the Bossy and the Bossy’s daughter would verily enjoy.
Never have I so enjoyed a brick wall!
Bossy – it is now 5:10 pm on Friday evening – please OPEN YOUR WINE!
“Bossy is a little terrified of her friend Joe, because Joe thinks Bossy is more talented than she actually is.”
I once had a boss, who on my first day said, “we expect brilliant things from you.” I got so freaked out I had to promptly have a nervous breakdown and check into rehab for my addiction to anxiety medication.
I did not find his high expectations charming.
well….is that the Dalai Lama? ’cause he thinks your mortar joke is a gut buster…
I own one of those addicted to pajama bottomed girls. And she, in turn, owns those exact same bottoms. But hers fall down when she walks. Cause she insisted on Uber Huge! size.
That paint tray and roller remind me that I have some Dexter to watch.
I count 19 bossy photo’s, one “other photo” and one bossy “art piece” … this must be a bossy blog daily record!
Gah! This post makes me miss miss MISS being in the theater. The smells, the excitement, the all-day rehearsals, the building of costumes and sets, the sleeping in the rafters at night with your friends so no one would know and you could be cool… -sigh- Now I can’t wait till my own kids are old enough to do this so I can play too.
I think we know why Dooce stays far away from Bossy. Sheer JEALOUSY. She knows the minute she links to your blog, she’s done. Her wit and charm are NADA compared to yours, Dear Bossy.
Ok, that is just too cool. TOO cool. I may not be able to return here every again because I am simply not worthy of the coolness.
Bossy hasn’t yet seen Thoroughly Modern Millie? She must rent the original version. And then settle in with a bottle of wine. Or maybe umbrella drinks.
Bossy’s bricks are beautiful.
Oh for Bob’s sake will you stop! I had a large chunk excised from my cervix yesterday and laughing makes it hurt despite weekend wine and strong painkillers.
OUCH.
BTW Thoroughly Modern Millie is fabulous.
see how Dani did that? No jokes and she’s well into her weekend wine…
awe…this is so great..helping, painting, and being with your daughter. Theater is something I hope will become important to our kids again and it seems like your doing your part to keep kids interest.
Best of luck..and good job with the bricks…
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call your gram
http://www.grammology.com
“Did you ever know someone addicted to wearing pajama bottoms?” Yes. ME!
That was funny! First, Bossy’s daughter the actress is be-yoot-i-ful! And the part about the kids screwing, learning the ropes and weekend wines-too funny! BTW, I think I told you that my daughter has the same PJ’s-from Targe’t………..
Would that I were young enough (and cute enough!) to get away with wearing pajama bottoms all day.
What a refreshing family fun day. And all without wine! Well done.
I love the shop. too!
But some of those brushes are just about out of stories.
Wine? Yes, please.
Great photos, Bossy!
I once actually got PAID to paint some fake brick walls, all summer long! I worked for an ABC TV show that was shooting a pilot on location, and I was a local person pulled in to do “construction painting.” I spent the whole summer in an abandoned Toys R Us, painting sets, faking cinder block walls by putting sand in the paint.
God, it was boring! For me, it was more money than I’d ever made before, but it became so boring I was dying for it to end!
Thanks for showing us the ropes.
Someone in a Tree wishes his fancy New York City community theater had its own light grid. And a scene shop. And fly space. And a theater.
Bossy is the new Dooce!
“That’s the stage door. It’s very stage-ish. And door-ish.”
godiluvbossy
Good thing you comprehensively documented your daughter’s penchant for goofing off with a camera.
Brick art by Bossy. Next seen at the Met?
funny. funny.
I’m wearing pajama bottoms right now.
I love my pajama bottoms!! Is it acceptable for a 47 year old woman to wear pajama bottoms everywhere?….
Just watch me! (am off to pick up take out Thai!)
Bossy’s daughter reminds me of myself when I was a girl. Just think, Bossy’s daughter could one day too major in theatre in college, eventually drop out, and become a sort of librarian after working in finance for 10 years!
But seriously, how much fun is that! I mean, come on! Love!
I knew I liked your daughter before but her commitment to pajama pants only confirms my love for her common sense practical approach to fashion. Your bricks look awesome.
I totally wear my jammie bottoms all the time. They are the bestest pants ev-ah.
Can you come over and play sometime? Moi has a friend who is a wine distributor. 8^)
I was all about the PJs in college. Not in HS, I had to wear jeans to armor myself from the world. ;p
Great photodoc. Hope you enjoyed your wine. ;D