Nov 8, 2008
Bossy’s Crash Course In The Longest Lens That Ever Was.
Recently Nikon sent Bossy a couple of lenses to sample—along with a Nikon D40 digital camera—while Bossy’s own gear visits camera rehab. Since Bossy normally uses an all-in-one lens, she was thrilled at this opportunity to learn the benefits of using the right lens for the job, where job equals Bossy spends the day in her pajamas writing poems about Viagra.
Anyway. Today Bossy wants to talk about one of the Nikon components on lend: the Nikkor 70-300mm Vibration Reduction telephoto lens.
Bossy never bothered to learn what those mm numbers etched on lenses mean, which shall be known as Problem #1. And Problem #2 is she just looked it up and she still doesn’t understand, because this is the definition: the numbers represent the distance between the focal lens found inside the camera, and the very front of the lens on your, em, lens.
Hi. Don’t you wish you had $100 for every time Bossy types the word lens?
From the above definition, 300mm is when Bossy’s telephoto lens is twisted all the way to the extended position, and 70mm is when her telephoto lens is collapsed, where collapsed equals Bossy has fallen and she can’t get up.
The point is, 300mm seemed like a nice high number compared to the 55mm maximum etched in her other lens, which is why Bossy grabbed the long lens to accompany her to the recent Philadelphia Phillies World Series parade.
Where parade = things happening far away.
But what Bossy failed to consider was what the 70mm lens minimum would mean. And, in technical terms, this is what it means:
What Bossy didn’t realize is that the 70mm minimum on her telephoto lens wouldn’t give her a wide enough angle to capture the pressing crowd on the sidewalk all around her. Of course, not all of her crowd shots turned out like the one above. Some were like this:
So instead Bossy needed to utilize the benefits of the long lens in order to capture what was going on, using subjects far from where she was standing:
And as the Phillies players got within range, perched along the upper deck of a few site-seeing buses, Bossy began to get the hang of the telephoto lens and was able to use it to capture the thickness of the crowd and the first approaching bus:
And it goes without saying there were other advantages to the telephoto lens, which is why Bossy is about to go ahead and say it:
Once home, Bossy opened the manual that accompanied the zoom lens and learned that the nearest possible focusing distance is 4.9 feet, which certainly accounts for the trouble she was having at close range.
And about that—the very next time the Phillies win the World Series, Bossy promises to read the directions that accompany her camera equipment before deciding which lens is most appropriate.
Chocolatechic wants to know how in the world you got a camera aaaaaaaand lens to utilize whilst your camera is at the doctors?
Mine was gone for almost 2 months, oh…the suffering I endured….and no new Nikon or lens to try out.
Peggy wants to know if you wouldn’t mind running over here and taking a picture of the board my husband just nailed up so I won’t have to do it again.We’ve been doing some remodeling and every damn move he makes becomes a DIY Thrill of Epic Proportions.
Norm and Bob refuse to return any of my calls.
I had to laugh at the upright picture of the lens under the word Viagra. heh.
I’m sorry did Bossy say something after Cole Hamels?
Would Bossy be interested in taking surveillance pictures of the happenings at the house across the street so we can wrap up the neighbors story once and for all?
How many husbands does Bossy actually have? That is what I would like to know.
I’m surprised you didn’t get some sort of special access to paparazzi-only parade areas with that lens! You must have looked mighty official.
Bossy’s latest husband is awfully cute. I may have to become a Phillies fan.
Huh. Funny someone thought the lens looked like a flask, because the word “Vibration” combined with the picture of the lens made me think of something entirely different than a flask. Entirely.
You’ve left the most pressing question unanswered: did your car get flipped by all those polite Phillies phans after the parade?
Is it just me, or does that fancy lens make Heidi from Survivor look exactly like Britney Spears?
I totally thought there would be a contest- give away at the end of your post..:(
Why is that once Survivor is over I can’t remember these people at all? Good thing you had the long lens–you wouldn’t want to get too close to that smoking-hot cop.
Besides the obvious photographic super zoom benefits of a loooong lens do not discount the super toned arms and shoulders you’ll have after toting that big mama around for a few weeks. Also, everyone will take one look at it and step out of your way. You’ll look like the ultimate pro.
1) I think the lens got into the Viagra
2) Was the word “lens” a drinking game? I might have to read this post again
3) I heard the pros have three cameras with three different lenses nearby, so they can grab the right one at the right moment.
4) I bet Bossy was glad her latest husband was MORE than 4.9 feet away!
Now THAT is the freebie to end all freebies! Congrats on the camera and lens (ha, lens), and extra congrats on winning the World Series. Your team, I mean. Although I’m sure if you put your mind to it, you could win the World Series, too.
Did I read somewhere that I get $100 for each time the word “lens” was used?
I’m pretty sure. Yes.
New to bossy land~I like it here.
Camera jealousy! UGH! Lens jealousy! And how in the heck did you make that video of you and John Cusack??
You have a friend named Farty?
I want to know if you know that hot police officer’s phone number? Hello handsome!
This is killing me! Yes I hate to read directions and want to take great photos like the ones you have and can’t figure out my darned digital EOS with multiple lens camera! grrrrr. Maybe I’ll try the directions – they better be in English like you said!
I have the 18-200VR lens and love it! It’s the only lens I use. Your close-up capability problem would be solved, and you still have pretty darn good telephoto power. Rock on, Bossy.
I’m so jealous. Life isn’t fair… Way to go, Bossy.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Bossy. I laughed until I peed.
Thanks.
Note to Bossy’s Husbands and Boyfriends:
SHE NOW HAS A ZOOM LENS and can stalk you from six miles, or 12 floors, away. She can also use words such as “Viagra” and “thickness” in dangerously close proximity to your image.
Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
I didn’t know that Heidi from Survivor snagged herself a Major League hubby. She’s done well for a gal who flashed her boobies and dropped her panties on network TV.
My camera now has, um, lens envy.