Apr 20, 2009
Take A Pathetic Internet Romp With Bossy.
Every day it’s the same thing. Bossy climbs out of bed before 5:30 a.m. and stumbles down the stairs to do some writing, where writing equals She googles stuff.
First Bossy checks the weather:
And then Bossy checks CNN for all the important developing news stories:
Then Bossy scours the headlines for the day’s politics:
For a minute Bossy considers writing a post about ways to cut government spending feel-up President O’Boyfriend because it was so very popular the last time she did that.
Before leaving the CNN site, Bossy makes sure there is absolutely nothing she can use to inspire the day’s post.
Next Bossy checks in with Facebook to see if her son has posted any new photos:
Before leaving Facebook, Bossy decides to see if one of her high school friends has a Facebook account since she appeared in one of Bossy’s dreams over the weekend:
All this friend searching reminds Bossy it’s been a while since she’s googled her friend Angela Adams:
Which leads us to the approximate minute Bossy tucks herself back into bed for the day and maybe the week or possibly the year.
Loved this peek insdie Bossy’s brain. Are you a morning person or do you just enjoy torturing yourself by getting out of bed at such an unreasonable hour?
I’m contemplating deleting facebook.
What a morning! Are you sure that’s not just as effective as jogging?
–>I don’t think Dooce is popular because she’s prego again —but she did have a mental breakdown….
Bossy is SUPER funny too!
http://thaxtonfam.blogspot.com
I’m a little freaked out. I took that EXACT SAME PATH through the Internet this morning on my run! I didn’t get to crawl back into bed though. Work…
oh bossy, it wasn’t the horse’s fault – it was the paparazzi that jumped out of the bushes in front of the horse that caused madonna to get dumped on her arse… blah, blah, blah…
Facebook confuses me. Why would you sign up, then not put a picture on, so you can’t be found. Come on, people, are you in witness protection or something? In other words……….there is no face on your book in facebook!
Your point of view on being preggers would be interesting.
Ok, I may be getting old and that rug is beautiful, but am I the only one that read the list of colors and then played “match the goofy name with the real color”?
Chocolate, citron, frost, pool, and robin’s egg? Really?
I’m so over Dooce! I have decided I like upbeat off-the-wall blogs instead of intense self-examination and pregnancy talk – blah blah blah… so I am now ALL Bossy and PW!!
So please don’t go the pregnancy route just to be readers!!
I too, gave up Dooce a long time ago. Never found her sense of humor comparable to a real person, like you.
And, having just helped my last chick out of the nest, I wouldn’t be pregnant again for all the money in the world. With your lovely daughter half grown, you can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. Go toward the light!! It’s beautiful there.
I’ve heard grandbabies are way more fun, anyway.
Kate Hudson is ONLY fooking 30? I had the same thought yesterday.
Just shoot me.
You did more before crawling back into bed than I will do all day. You’re like the army… but not.
I totally get this whole thing because I waste hours a day doing the same thing. But I add in a “check back at facebook to see if anyone responded to my status” about 12 times before I crawl to bed
I am thinking about a road trip to a Salt Lake City with frankincense in hand to await the news of the birth. Wanna come? We just need a third…and maybe a Saturn.
Madonna is looking sorta…botoxy.
You think the Kate Hudson thing is bad? Imagine my mood the day I realized Angelina Jolie is the same age as me.
Oh, wait, I just checked. She’s a few months younger.
Shoot me now.
here’s what i do to get a post idea:
break something, lose something, hit something in my car, lose one of my children, have a disasterous eyebrow wax, break something, or fall down.
I love you way more than Dooce, I tell everyone about you. You make me laugh every day.
Sarah
Seattle, WA
1.My god, I want that rug.
2. My son’s Facebook is featuring wall writing of a suspect nature from a hussy whose picture features her making out with another girl.
3. I think you could get the same results from getting a puppy as Dooce is getting from having a baby. Then again, what do I know–Dooce annoys me.
Bossy… have you considered ADD medication? Of course, then the posts wouldn’t be as funny.
I love splashing around in your subconscious. Next time the pool party’s at my house!
I was pretty sure I commented, but I don’t see it. I am going insane. You could beat that dooce chick in any contest, even a 1-handed ping-pong tournament.
I would love to go back to bed, because instead of getting knocked up…I got a puppy yesterday! Holy Mother, that dog cried all night long and I am so tired that I couldn’t get inspired if Mark Wahlberg walked in the room and inspired me himself.
I still like Dooce. But good God, don’t get pregnant. You know, unless you want to.
am i the only one that read the madonna thing as though it were a metaphorical horse, i.e., she fell off her high horse when the malawian government wouldn’t let her self-important, pretentious little self adopt another innocent kid? it was just me? okay…
On the knocked up part. Damn, there is something I wanted to say. Damn, forgot. Nevermind. Have you seen my glasses? Where did I put those guys?
Dooce is popular from getting fired. Have you been fired? Oh wait. You are self employed…
Listen, Bossy kicks Dooce azz, plus Bossy allows comments.
Now I’m obsessing about the chopstick user. Damn.
Exercise is overrated anyway. As is getting knocked up, right? Right?
I read Dooce once and was all “BORING.” Now she’s pregnant again? Even more reason not to read her. Now you? Bossy rocks in ways Dooce never can.
Depends on who’s the one that knocks you up…
Bossy, have you ever considered changing your feed so that the entire thing doesn’t appear in RSS? I read you every day but I never have to visit your site because it’s all fed to me oh-so-conveniently through my reader. Maybe that would jack up your numbers (although I only wish I had numbers like yours).
By the way, you’re way better than Dooce.
Bossy is funny. Dooce, not so much.
Bossy, don’t do it! The preggo thing, I mean. Sure Dooce has a bazillion readers because…well, actually I don’t know why she has a bazillion readers. I’m not one of them, and I really don’t get why she’s popular. But just think..a couple of months from now, she’ll have a newborn, and you won’t. In other words, you’ll be Googling, then Facebooking, then not running, and then sleeping, and more sleeping. And she won’t be sleeping. At all. Babies are pretty awesome. When you can hold them for five minutes. Then give them back.
Whew! I’m glad I didn’t post a comment the other day. I may have had my legs chewed off.
Do you still have your legs, Bossy? I hope so.
(BarackObamaiscuteandit’sokthathehasadog.)
*ducks head and runs for it*
Forget getting pregnant–just put up a picture of Stella with crazy stuff on her head every day…In fact, I’m thinking of doing that myself (of the dogs, not me…besides I’m old enough to be a grandparent)
Did that make any sense at all?
Must. Have. More. Coffee.
I surf the net in very much the same way you do. And I loved your mom-perspective on that photo of your son’s! I would be right there with you. Kate’s only 30? Fook, I’m not even thin, but I think I look less worn at 41. BTW, you’re prettier than your “rug” friend, so there.
I am in serious lust with that rug. IF we can match the names of the colors to the actual colors do we win the rug? Pick Me! Pick Me!! But seriously…. $900.00 for a new throw-up pad for my dogs? uh…no.
And I’m with BF… you’re so much prettier… uh wait. Can’t write that when I ‘m trying to get a free rug.
As for the pregnancy.,.. run away! You’re so close… so very close and we all love you because you’re so funny and honest and funny and BeeYoutiful!
Keep it up… I’m here everyday.. mostly lurking in the shadows.
I do not understand the popularity of Dooce. You are much more entertaining. There are many others that are also more entertaining, although not as entertaining as you.
Nothing about Bossy is pathetic.
And PLEASE don’t get pregnant for the sake of the internet numbers. You’ll end up with a real baby. And a lot less cash.
I see Bossy on WAY more Blogrolls than I see Dooce.
Dooce = boring, ME, ME, ME, blah, blah, blah, NO-YOU-WILL-NOT-COMMENT, look at me!!! etc…
Bossy = LOL, Stella, Little Bossy, ROTFL, Columbia student/ way cool older brother
LOL, photography, Stella, Barbie theatre, alcohol, Stella, cooking, gardening, LOL,understanding and handsome husband, adorable nieces, Stella, neighbours/hood, John Cusack, Stella, travel, contests, Stella, friends, tutorials, poverty party, Stella, someone stop me, movies, family history, Stella, world news, other people’s blogs, Stella, politics…
I really love Stella.
You have to get knocked up, then get institutionalized.
That’s not easier than fixing links (although the meds are better)
My critical day is this. Type in iambossy to help her google stats. check out april showers now at coalcreekfarm, she’s very funny, see if her sister has funny stuff up (country doctors wife). Check out Pioneer woman. Check Swearing lady at Arse End of Ireland (lots of swearing) . Decide all my ladies are very funny and doing fine. Check my bank balance. Read headlines, tsk tsk at Republicans baying. Smile at the Obamas. Decide I must check email. Make a cup of tea because hey! it’s midmorning already.
Bossy, you are way more entertaining than Dooce.
xoxoxoxox
But Bossy DID get pregnant…by a Saturn, on her excellent road trip last spring. Did we put the little darling up for adoption or something? Please tell me you went to a reputable dealer and not some cheezy used car lot.
Inspired by Maine Island life? Just what drugs were the catalog copywriters on that day? Inspired by Bronx manhole covers. Inspired by rewritable CD disks. Inspired by my Aunt Fanny. Geez.
What’s the big buzz with this Dooce character?
And I have to say it’s very cool that Bossy Son allows his mom to be his FB friend.
So I went to Dooce.com to see bossy’s obsession. I hate to talk smack about anything bossy likes but… ummm, dude, are you kidding me? You are eleventy twelve times better than that. I mean, yawn. A bit of vanity and introspection are healthy things-but yeeesh. It was like singer/songerwriter night at a level B rehab center. Sorry bossy, but you’re still the best.
I heart bossy!
Boss-ssee! You want quantity comments instead of quality comments? We’re hurt. Genuinely hurt.
The only bloggers who holds a candle to you are Mimi Smartypants, who does not post often enough, and Professional Critic, who gets by with cute animal pix when she cannot get a post together but is very funny. And I think for all-out creativity you win. Winwinwin. Now get your random number to ever pick me, and I will leave those two in a heartbeat.
You are SO so funny. I laughed so hard I woke up Kaish. And it is after midnight. This is very bad. I told him I would lay down with him while he falls back to sleep but I just had to finish some important business. Leaving you a comment is VERY important business : )
i loved this post. you sound like me when it comes to news and weather. only the important stuff will do! thanks for the peek into your head. love it!
I just love Bossy. I really do. And all of her minions too. They are all in The Funny Club.
Who is this Dooce of whom you speak/
I, too, prefer my weather by the hour and adore that rug and hate 30-somethings who look like teens.
Oh, and yes, you might want put only teasers on your RSS feed – it’s new knowledge to me that I must click over here in order to count as a hit, so I do that daily now (bonus: I can read your funny commenters as well). Some might not, because everything is right there in Bloglines or whatever reader. Sorry for the long comment!
Knocked up? Is there something you’re trying to prepare us for? I can only hope my son lets me be his friend on whatever social network is popular with the class of 2020 (holy hell that made me feel so OLD!)
No offense to Dooce, but I just didn’t connect with her. If she left a comment on my blog I’d know it was a FakeDooce and think nothing of it. I was just telling San Diego Momma the other day that when you left a comment on my blog, I felt like I’d won big on the slots.
Ok, and I am not just saying this, but I find Dooce’s blog kind of…well, boring. Yes, her photography is stunning. So is she. But your writing keeps me coming back every single day. So, getting knocked up would be so not worth it. Plus, DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, you couldn’t drink wine.