May 6, 2009

Bossy’s Friend Martha’s Swine Flu Menu Plan.

The above photo is of Bossy’s friend Martha driving to Trader Joe’s, and the reason she’s so cheery is because she is on her way to purchase her list of pantry items necessary to survive the Swine Flu pandemic:

Martha’s philosophy is that if the pandemic worsens, she doesn’t want to be out and about in stores consorting with Swine Fluey types. The backbone of Martha’s Swine Flu Menu Plan is spaghetti with red sauce:

If the backbone of Martha’s Swine Flu Menu Plan is spaghetti, then its Central Nervous System is rice and beans:

Next up is a stockpile of juices to appease Bossy’s friend, the Artist formerly known as Pool Urchin:

And then Bossy’s friend Martha retires to the freezer section to purchase lots of frozen fish:

And then, because Martha was breaking a sweat industriously preparing for the upcoming pandemic, she decided to take a breather and enjoy the free Trader Joe’s lunch sample, which was Black Bean and Swine Carnitas:

And that’s when Bossy spied her — Bossy’s only known enemy: The Trader Joe’s Food Sample Lady, right there over Martha’s shoulder!

And speaking of Menu Plans and how one could never catch Swine Flu from eating the samples prepared by the Trader Joe’s Food Sample Lady while purchasing your Swine Flu pantry items, here is the Food Sample Lady from a different angle:

Having completed her free sample of Swine Flu Wrapped In A Flour Tortilla, Bossy’s friend Martha grabbed a collection of paper products:

Meanwhile, Bossy fills her own cart with non-perishable pandemic pantry items:

And before you know it, Martha has checked off everything on her list and is ready for the Trader Joe’s cashier:

And then Bossy and her friend Martha pushed their carts into the rainy day. Bossy secretly thinks Martha’s Swine Flu Menu Plan is silly, where silly equals Bossy sure is happy she knows who will feed her when her own pantry runs dry and all of the markets are closed. The end.

permanent link to post

55 comments

1. 1
   on May 6th, 2009 at 8:40 am
   Lin said:

   I want hair like Martha’s. And a Trader Joe’s.


2. 2
   on May 6th, 2009 at 8:45 am
   helenel said:

   You can buy Poptarts at Trader Joe’s?


3. 3
   on May 6th, 2009 at 8:48 am
   Cat said:

   Oh, how I wish I had a Trader Joe’s to go to for my Swine Flu emergency plan.


4. 4
   on May 6th, 2009 at 9:03 am
   Audubon Ron said:

   Audubon thinks Bossy’s friend Martha is hot. Where’s the 2 buck chuck?


5. 5
   on May 6th, 2009 at 9:47 am
   jp said:

   Bossy’s friend Martha pays $3.99 for RECYCLED toilet tissue???

   I’m sure they wash it real good and it comes from some kind of earthy crunchie paper or whatever……………..but stil……………….ICK


6. 6
   on May 6th, 2009 at 10:09 am
   kd said:

   Trader Joe’s is coming to Virginia Beach this month. Finally! But $3.69 for milk? Gulp.


7. 7
   on May 6th, 2009 at 10:11 am
   MariaV said:

   Bossy and Martha are welcome to come to the Bronx if their cupboards are bare. My pantry and freezers (yes, plural) are always overflowing. I’m always ready for a quarantine.


8. 8
   on May 6th, 2009 at 10:23 am
   jen said:

   SweetJesus, that Miss Piggy photo gave me the fits.
   


9. 9
   on May 6th, 2009 at 10:26 am
   sherry said:

   Husband has cold, not the swine. His pantry items? Kleenex, Chloroseptic, Tylenol, Benadryl, Tazo herbal tea, chicken stock. My pantry items? Chocolate chunks, Clorox wipes, Lysol, hickory almonds, broccoli, Oikos yogurt, coffee. Who would you rather be sick with?


10. 10
    on May 6th, 2009 at 10:35 am
    the cheap chick said:

    GAH! Over $200 for groceries???? That’s why I don’t do my stocking up at Trader Joes. Sheesh, they are expensive. Although they do carry the best tasty treats in all the land…


11. 11
    on May 6th, 2009 at 10:44 am
    Grandma J said:

    I’m with JP #5. Recycled toilet tissue for $3.99? The milk is a tad high too I like Trader Joe’s but somethings are not penny wise.

    Of course I’m like Martha when it comes to fresh flowers. A bunch a week makes a big difference keeping the swine flu in check!


12. 12
    on May 6th, 2009 at 10:49 am
    Donna said:

    Trader Joe’s is not allowed to sell Two Buck Chuck in PA because of the PA LCB. Sadly, we can only buy our “Wine & Spirits” in a State store.


13. 13
    on May 6th, 2009 at 11:00 am
    L said:

    Don’t try sample’s. I used to work at a food store. People put their finger’s in gross place’s and then grab the sample’s. At times touching several until they found the one the wanted. Just a warning.


14. 14
    on May 6th, 2009 at 11:06 am
    joeinvegas said:

    It looks just like the TJ’s near our house. But yes, the basket should be half filled with wine.
    Martha looks a lot like Bossy. (except the hair)


15. 15
    on May 6th, 2009 at 11:19 am
    dexter said:

    Dexter is toughening his immune system by eating at the new Sonic that opened around the corner from his house. He would be happy to share a rootbeer float with Martha


16. 16
    on May 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am
    NaysWay said:

    My shopping cart (and bill) would look just like that if we had a Trader Joe’s nearby.


17. 17
    on May 6th, 2009 at 11:30 am
    Kay said:

    Sadly, we don’t have a Trader Joe’s anywhere near Nebraska. I had to make my swine flu preparations at our locally owned Mr. J’s.


18. 18
    on May 6th, 2009 at 11:50 am
    Crystal D said:

    Bossy’s friend Martha and I both went pig flu shopping. My cart looked very similar to hers, but I piled on the lysol and that bumped me up to $320. (yes I bought a lot of lysol) Unfortunately, it has been about 10 days since my pig flu shopping adventure and I am sick of pasta. Thank goodness no one actually has the pig flu so I can do buy some fresh vegetables.
    Excuse me while I go google lysol and find some alternative uses for my stockpile.


19. 19
    on May 6th, 2009 at 11:58 am
    feefifoto said:

    “she doesn’t want to be out and about in stores consorting with Swine Fluey types.”

    Hey, some of my best friends are fluish…


20. 20
    on May 6th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
    The Domestic Goddess said:

    She got everything necessary to survive.

    HEY! THAT’S MY DEAR FOOD SAMPLE LADY!


21. 21
    on May 6th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
    gary rith said:

    Plenty of TP I notice, and I wonder if pink hair has anything to do with swine flu?????? I’d like pink hair myself.


22. 22
    on May 6th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
    Lee of MWOB said:

    One question…will you PLEASE come out to LA and take pictures of MY shopping cart? I’ve never seen a shopping cart filled with some stuff look so appealing….


23. 23
    on May 6th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
    Sharon said:

    I love Trader Joe’s. I never leave without at least 4 bottles of wine and some chocolate kitty cookies and sushi and naan and pizza dough and some other things.


24. 24
    on May 6th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
    Well Read Hostess said:

    Now BOSSY, don’t get piggy!

    ba dum bum

    That was a real oinker of a pun. Sorry.


25. 25
    on May 6th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
    Domesic Goddess (in training) said:

    I think we can all assume that pizza delivery will continue even after swine flu, right?


26. 26
    on May 6th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
    sevedra said:

    I don’t buy into the Swine Flu either. Denial is lovely this time of year.


27. 27
    on May 6th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
    Meg at the Members Lounge said:

    Pantry items that took a running leap into my cart today:
    Ghiradelli brownie mix, roasted garlic mustard and avocados to make guacamole. All items guaranteed to fend off swine, and keep grocery bill well off budget.


28. 28
    on May 6th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
    zelzee said:

    I’m sure if we had a Trader Joe’s we could substitue Bossy’s friend Martha for zelzee’s daughter, Earth Child.


29. 29
    on May 6th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
    Rick's Cafe said:

    ya know…
    While Traders Joe’s appreciates your business, a Walmart would appreciate your business AND leave you enough money to buy a several fifths of disinfectant* to mix with those poor lonely olives. Sometimes preservatives are a necessity!

    *for internal use only


30. 30
    on May 6th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
    Christine said:

    I miss Trader Joe’s. And I don’t know how a swine flu pantry filling excursion could possibly be accomplished without many bottles of wine.


31. 31
    on May 6th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
    foolery said:

    I’m hoping to get the Swine Flu while it’s still mild. Then, when everyone else is getting the REALLY nasty version that will flare up again this fall, I’ll have my immunity in place and can browse TJ’s without a mask on.

    Of course, my theory didn’t work with the chicken pox the second time around . . . never mind . . .


32. 32
    on May 6th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
    David said:

    I don’t know how the lines are in your neck of the woods, but I have to commit an hour, at least, to shop at Trader Joe’s even if picking out the food only takes 5 minutes. The lines are insane.


33. 33
    on May 6th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
    Lisa said:

    I think you beautiful pink tulips match your beautiful girlfriends hair!! (which, btw..poverty+fresh tulips= shame shame bossy)
    I am down with putting neosporin in my nose..you know..to catch the nasty swine when she tries to invate my nostrils…
    Im also preparing an excellent tonic of tequila-cervesa-7up and a whole frozen lime aid..for breakfast, oh wait……burp..its leftover and its heaven the second day..AAArrriba!!! Viva Mexico
    swine or no…drink mightily to disinfect the digestive tract..


34. 34
    on May 6th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
    magpie said:

    Bossy’s friend has nice hair.

    I saw a nice hashtag on twitter yesterday: #wineflu


35. 35
    on May 6th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
    tj said:

    …That Martha is a smart gal… And has anyone ever said that you two could pass as sisters? A lil’ pink in your wavy tresses Miss Bossy and yep, there’s two sisters… ;o)

    …I bet you two are fun to shop with! This lil’ shopping trip looked like a hoot! lol…

    …Swine flu free blessin’s all… )


36. 36
    on May 6th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
    tj said:

    …Yeah on #29 up there… I’m sure that Trader Joe’s is very trendy and all but why not WalMart? I know all the baggage that goes with WalMart but seriously, we’re talkin’ saving dollars here. No WalMart in your neck of the woods or Bossy doesn’t do WalMart? Do tell… )


37. 37
    on May 6th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
    Alissa said:

    I just bought a dozen butternut squashes and called it a day. (Those things last forever!!) This is also known as the “preparing for the great January 1 2000 computer meltdown.”


38. 38
    on May 6th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
    vuboq said:

    vuboq totally *hearts* Bossy’s Friend Martha!

    but, honestly, I stopped reading at “inevitable Martini Olives” because isn’t that all you need to survive anything?


39. 39
    on May 6th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
    Maria said:

    Yes, bossy’s friend Martha’s bill looks exactly like MY bill. How big, exactly, is Martha’s family??


40. 40
    on May 6th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
    Buhruce said:

    …One other thing – TPTB are not altogether sure pork is safe. By which we mean TBTP (the WHO, in this case) don’t want ANYONE touching or eating that stuff!


41. 41
    on May 6th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
    Michele said:

    Way too funny! But, when I to to the Delaware Trader Joes my bill is $50 to $80. Martha must have really stocked up and is really protected! Level 6 pandemic here we come!


42. 42
    on May 6th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
    Linda_M said:

    Oooh – I did the same thing Monday – stocked up the freezer and pantry, just in case, only not at Trader Joe’s:-( No TJ in my little town. No rockin’ pink hair either.


43. 43
    on May 6th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
    Formerly Unemployed Susan said:

    I didn’t notice any of Trader Joe’s Spicy Smoky Peach Salsa in either cart. I might suggest that you put it on your list(s) for next time.


44. 44
    on May 6th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
    CupcakeMurphy said:

    What gives with the gigantic egg section in your Trader Joe’s? In my Trader Joe’s in snooty-snooterson Los Angeles the egg section is like one half of a shelf behind the coffee grinder.


45. 45
    on May 6th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
    Chesapeake Bay Woman said:

    Miss Piggy’s Guide to LIfe, which is a frreal book, is under my roof, has been for decades. I hate saying decades unless it is referencing the future.

    Will my husband Kevin Bacon be OK with someone who has a few eccentricities? If the answer is no, then please delete the first part of this comment and substitute a picture of Robin Wright Penn.


46. 46
    on May 6th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
    Amber Star said:

    My husband picked up a small bag of 20 minute rice for our stockpile. I thought it might not be enough, but he assured me it would be. What is Martha’s addresss just in case?


47. 47
    on May 6th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
    Whit said:

    I was going to leave a comment where I pretended not to know what swine flu is, because that’s the kind of funny I bring to the table, but I was sidetracked by people saying Trader Joe’s is expensive and also how long this sentence is.


48. 48
    on May 7th, 2009 at 2:12 am
    Tootsie Farklepants said:

    Tootsie thinks it’s very cool that BOSSY and BOSSY’S Friend Martha go grocery shopping together. And take pictures.


49. 49
    on May 7th, 2009 at 5:26 am
    Lovelyn said:

    I’ve never even heard of Trader Joe’s. I must be out of the loop.


50. 50
    on May 7th, 2009 at 7:38 am
    linda said:

    what I’m interested in is where bossy’s friend got that fabulous shoulder bag!?


51. 51
    on May 7th, 2009 at 10:00 am
    Say What? said:

    Thank you for the “Where are they now?” update on Miss Piggy. I had been wonder what she had been up to. Nice to know she has a position as a Trader Joe’s Sample Lady – and she has always worn gloves, so she is prepared for those food handler gloves.

    Love the shot of Bossy’s-friend-Martha running with the paper goods. Yeah, the price of TP makes me want to run screaming from stores too.


52. 52
    on May 7th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
    janny226 said:

    I didn’t think it was possible to spend $213 at Trader Joe’s. How much would Martha spend at Whole Foods??


53. 53
    on May 8th, 2009 at 7:24 am
    ShallowGal said:

    From the look of that picture, I’d diagnose Bossy’s friend Martha with Mad Cow disease not swine flu.


54. 54
    on May 9th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
    Auds at Barking Mad said:

    We are no longer calling it the Swine Flu around the Barking Mad Asylum…it shall now be referred to as “Hamthrax” ’round these parts!

    Oh and how I wish we had a TJ’s here in Maine. But we kinda suck that way and don’t have one. *sigh*

    Was going to leave a comment on your more recent post but as comments are closed, here’s to wishing one of my favourite Bloggywood mom’s a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Hope it’s a great one!


55. 55
    on May 11th, 2009 at 11:38 am
    Trina said:

    OMG!! $213 for groceries???? I would have a heart attack! We are just getting a Trader Joe’s. I think I will stay away – though it does look yummy.