Oct 29, 2010
Bossy Comes Clean About Her Separation
Perhaps the above admission finally addresses a few concerns regarding why Bossy hasn’t been posting on this blog as frequently, or why she hasn’t been posting at a regular time each day, or why Bossy doesn’t seem to comment on other blogs as much, or take as many photos, or update her
left-column features, or return emails, or gah y’all have a lot of concerns. Bossy does too.
The fact is Bossy and her husband have been separated since the spring, where separated equals they still spend a lot of time together.
You see, always eager to pioneer the latest trend, Bossy and her husband are forging new territory in the arena of the undivorced. This means Bossy and her husband believe in maintaining a sense of family despite their own marital issues, and to this end the Bossy household is still very lively with Bossy family activity.
The only difference is now Bossy lives around the corner at her mother’s house, except those nights when Bossy is staying at her own house, which she does on a fairly regular basis, and who is confused? Bossy put your hand down.
In whatever case, Bossy will now demonstrate how convenient her mother’s house is to the Bossy family household — who wants to see? Stella put your paw down.
First you back out of the driveway and onto Bossy’s street:
Then you go to the stop sign and hang a left, where hang equals where you’ll find Bossy now that the temperature is dropping and she no longer lives with her sweet fireplace. Just kidding! Sort of.
Next you proceed for a half-block and Bossy’s mom’s house is the happy beacon on the left:
Bossy has become quite adept at living between two households, where adept means cursing like a sailor as Bossy juggles her laptop and hair products and boots and camera equipment and contact lens stuff and laundry and raw cashews and sister mercy heart pills, shuttling these items and more between Bossy’s two residences.
It’s this very scattered nature of things that has made it difficult for Bossy to post with her previous regularity, or be much of a good citizen at all, but don’t give up on Bossy. She’s trying and figuring things out as she goes along. Lucky you with the front row seat! Buckle up.
Speaking of which, this is Bossy’s new launch pad:
In terms of custody, it’s shared. Of course Bossy is referring to her Tempur Pedic Cloud Supreme mattress — you’ll be happy to learn Bossy has regular bed visitation rights.
And, who? Oh yeah, the kids are shared too, blah blah blah.
The Bossy family has a lot of integrity and care immensely for each other. They will all still be featured here on a regular basis — as will Bossy’s not stray and Bossy’s lap pony, who don’t understand what a separation means but are enjoying the occasional miscommunication that leads to sixteen feedings in a day.
There. Bossy said it. Finally. Bossy doesn’t know what else to add, except to leave you with the new Bossy family motto:
Bossy, I can’t imagine the courage it took to post this for the whole world to see, but we love you and wish for the best. And thank you for being so adult and grown-up about it. Many hugs to you!
Sad to hear about your situation but happy that the family is intact and Bossy still has her sense of humor.
I am so sorry to hear this. And congratulations to both you and Bossy’s husband for handling it in an adult fashion.
Hugs.
Bossy! Your internets will never undivorce you.
This DOES answer a nagging suspicion MidLifeMama had regarding Bossy and husband. Like why wasn’t he mentioned much anymore, blahblahblah. Having been there done that with separation and divorce, although without any custody issues since the ex didn’t want the cats and we had no children, I know it is sucky but survivable. And you are lucky to have family and friends around to be supportive and provide a haven for wallowing if that is needed. And of course we are all here for you, literally and virtually.
Hugs, my friend. Not surprisingly, you handle this with wit and humor. But still. Hugs. xoxo Christine
–>Oh Bossy, I’m so sorry to hear about this. Bless your heart and everyone else in the Bossy family.
I love Bossy
Online comments are usually puckish and ironic, and real-life comments not so much. You know where we live.
And your dog is bigger than our dog. So that’s that.
No other comment, at least not onblog.
Oh my goodness. I’m glad you’re making the best of it and wish nothing but good things for all of you!
Good motto. I had a Don Henley theme song when dumped by long time husband a dozen years or so ago “I will not go quietly.” Positively foot stomping, fists in the air tune. Dancing helps.
Thank you for any posts you are giving us. Be kind to yourself, Bossy. Hard times. Resolution and happy times down the road. Thinking good thoughts for the Bossy family.
Back in the day (where the day equals 25 years ago) my parents were pioneers on this journey as well. It’s nice to see that, with all this time passed, lessons have been learned and the Bossy family is going to do it well.
Not that it’s ever good but…well, you know.
Strength and happiness to you.
so sorry to hear this … amazing of you to be able to share something so personal with such grace and your usual humor. hope that black box turns bright soon …
Ditto Debby.
Oh Bossy. You have such grace and humor in such a hard situation. You are just wonderful. I hope you get another Tempur Pedic mattress just for you, plus a big glass of red wine to test out if it really works. Many hugs to you.
This makes me sad. I’ll keep your little family in my thoughts as you navigate this new life. I hope it helps to know that you have tons of people out here on the interwebs rooting for you.
I’ll save the I’m sorry for when you stub your toe, or are forced at gunpoint to watch the worst movie in the history of the world – McGruber. It sounds as though you are all doing well and moving forward with grace. Nothing about that seems sad. And not for nothing, I kind of invented the weird un-divorce back in April. I announced it on one of the blogs I write for. http://ermadoesnotlivehere.com/2010/04/29/as-sick-as-my-secrets/
It’s not so bad. Really.
Bless you and your family, Bossy. Just keep being you and I know it will all be fine in the end.
So sorry. Thinking of you and your whole family.
Come up and hang with your NYC family anytime, Bossy. We’ll smother you with hugs, rum punch, and karaoke.
P.S. That room is MUCH bigger than you described. You can swing at least two cats in there!
The fact that you posted this at all, much less with your trademark humor, is extraordinarily brave. Good luck to the whole Bossy family. Sending positive thoughts your way . . .
I’m sad for your marriage, of course, but also glad that you’re willing to present an alternative to the cliche and crappy template for separated/divorced couples that so many people buy into. My parents divorced when I was 19, but to the end of my father’s life, they remained “family.”
Hugs to you all. xo
So sorry to hear, Bossy. Thinking of you and your family on your brave new journeys!
Does blogging promote martial strife? This is the sixth divorce/separation incident of the bloggers I read that I’ve seen this year.
Good luck, G. Hope it works for the best for you and your family.
If anyone can make this undivorce thing work, it’s The Bossy Family. Good luck to you all.
I’m sorry about what you’re going through. Stay strong, Bossy’s family.
I’ve also done the living-in-two-places-at-once thing before (twice actually), and I know how absolutely frustrating it is. Hang in there.
Oh, Bossy…I hope that everything works out.
Hugs. We’re here for you in whatever way you need. <3
Be true to yourself. Everything does get better. Keeping the peace really is the key during this transition … and keeping a case or 5 of red wine on hand helps too
What an incredibly brave thing for you to do – and without trashing the other party too. I’d be a total bitch and blog every crappy thing the hubs ever did or said…. or I’d not mention it at all and pretend my marriage never existed.
Kudos to the Bossy family – and to you, Bossy, for being incredible.
From a guy who has been married 3 times and is still close to 2 ex-wives, I wish you happiness.
And I got a tear when reading abut your travails
Real life gets in the way of the internet. Hope you are well. Hugs.
Ever wanted to leave a comment on a blog you love, conveying feelings of support and/or general squishiness, but you aren’t really sure what to say because it all sounds trite and stupid?
Oh. Well, me neither.
Bossy rocks. Undivorced or not. Well played Bossy.
Bossy is very brave. Good luck to all of you.
We are all evolving Bossy. If you all can do that with love and a sense of humor, you can’t go wrong. You’re my hero.
So sorry to hear this. I’m so glad you are managing to keep your family together, as it were. You’re very brave.
You are a very classy, smart and brave woman Bossy.
All the best to the whole Bossy family.
So much love to the whole Bossy tribe. I love your brave face & hope things continue to work out for your family. All the best, love.
I always read, but never comment, but now I’m here to comment and say – you’ve got what you need to get through this. Stay strong, Bossy family, especially those not-so-little rays of sunshine that you call children. You can weather this.
If you feel the need to journey west again, I’ve got wine and an extra bedroom for as long as you want. I heart Bossy.
Gah – so sorry. My parents are going through the same thing after 42 years of marriage and it sure ain’t fun. Hang in there.
Hugs while you’re figuring this out, sister.
I’m sorry, that is a lot to deal with. Relationships are hard, marriage has got to be the hardest. I’m really glad you can be so close and I hope everything turns out the way you’re wanting it to. Don’t know what else to say except I’m thinking of you.
Hugs to the entire Bossy family.
Oh Bossy, I personally haven’t been there or done that, but still….. I’m proud of you and your husband for being mature adults about your separation. You’re setting a positive example for your kids. I wish the entire Bossy household all the best. Keep your humor and your wineglass handy at all times. Take care!
My sympathies to you, it’s a rough road, but i can say without hesitation (especially as the older teenaged child of a pair of undivorced and then adult child of divorced parents, ESPECIALLY because I just went through this a couple of years ago) that your sense of humor will carry you through this with grace. And apparently, has so far quite nicely!
Thinking of all y’all and wishing you well…
Oh, Bossy, I’m sorry to hear this. But I am heartened to see that your family is handling it with compassion and grace. Divorce/undivorce and separation does not have to equal violence and unnecessary hurt. I won’t divorce or undivorce you either. Hugs launched eastward to you, beautiful woman.
I’ve never commented here before. HELLO! I’m de-lurking to say “hang in there”.
hugs & kisses from the deep south xoxo
hello, brave girl.
I hope you are feeling and breathing and doing a little bit better after getting all that out and down.
Love to you, today and every day.
A supportive hug from out west. Take care of yourself.
As I told my son… sometimes two people can love each other and be best of friends, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they should be married. He totally ‘got it’ and he was 12 when I told him.
I too have a 2 household living arrangement. Do what is right for you. Hugs!
Hugs from the Council to the entire Bossy’s clan! Grace under pressure describes your family, and I’m glad you felt you could tell us.
…Miss Bossy, I’m so sorry to hear this. Big (((hug))) to the Bossy Family…
…You know we all love ya. Mo’ than our luggage even… ;o)
…You’ll get thru this… Like they say, “no one said life was gonna be easy, they just said it was gonna be worth it”…
…Many blessings to ya girl…
I can’t imagine how hard this must be. You are handling it so beautifully. xoxox.
Sending good thoughts your way from the midwest. Hope it all works out for the best. Read your blog every day. Not sure if I’ve ever commented. Anyway sending hugs! Glad you can keep your humor through it all.
Oh Bossy, I’m so sorry. I hope it all works out for the best…
I commend you on being so brave and putting this out there. This year has certainly been a turbulent one for so many, my family included (husband broke his leg BAD right after quitting a job!). Here’s to a new year, new beginnings (with old or new folks), new places to find joy. May you guys find peace in this transition and beyond. And lots of dog licks, too. Those always help.
*sadness* *sighs* *tears* *worry*
Bossy!
so sorry you have to go through such difficulties!
All of your counsel are sending love, best wishes, good karma and much strength!
xoxoxo corrie
So sorry to hear, but amazed at how you’re working through things. Hang in there. We’re here if you need us (we’ll supply the wine).
Wow. Operation Pink Herring was right – it does all sound trite.
I’m sorry to hear that, but it sounds like you’re making the best of the situation. Here’s hoping everything works out for everyone involved.
Delurking to say I’m sorry.
I have been worrying about you. Hugs and best wishes to all of you as you move through this to where ever this path takes you.
Love to you all…….xoxoxoxo…….
Sending many good wishes and hopes and caring to all members of the Bossy home.
Oh, Bossy! Souphead is very sad to hear this news, but glad that you are maintaining your family unit. Lucky that Bossy’s mom lives so close.
big *HUGS*
I’m sorry to hear Bossy and her family’s journey has gotten rocky. This poem has always helped me when I struggle with my path. (((hugs)))
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
…Robert Frost
Hugs to you. This can’t be easy but you seem to be handling it with so much class and grace.
Sorry about this news. I’m glad you’re mom is so close by and your relationship with her is strong. I know that with children involved you will always need to maintain a (hopefully good) relationship with your spouse. Good luck with it all.
If anyone can make this work it’s the Bossy family–your love and respect for each other is palpable. Hugs.
I am in awe of the honesty, good humor and the intelligent, adult approach to this painful story. I think most people would stop writing entirely, fall to pieces and/or resemble a blob of pudding under these circumstances. Bossy is one terrific woman. Bossy is loved. Stay strong, Bossy.
I am in awe of the honesty, good humor and the intelligent, adult approach to this painful story. I think most people would stop writing entirely, fall to pieces and/or resemble a blob of pudding under these circumstances. Bossy is one terrific woman. Bossy is loved. Stay strong, Bossy.
This post put a little lump in my throat, because it exemplifies vulnerability and strength at the exact same time. You’ve got a lot of real life and internet life folks to lean on for support. Time and space can heal a lot of wounds.
Love you. Fer chrissake.
xoxo
Thinking of you all and sending hugs, all the way from 3 blocks over….
I wanted to comment on how amazingly adult you two seem to be about this all and how incredibly impressive that is (not to mention sooooo great for the kiddos) but everyone else beat me to it.
So I’ll just say, I’m sorry. Transitions suck.
Here’s to the end of this one – whatever it may be. And the beginning of something new…
Love, love, love the Bossy Family Motto! I hope you all emerge intact…whatever meaning that holds for each of you. Been there twice myself so I know that “intact” is not easy…but, you will get there.
Your grace and humor make this post something. Thank you for sharing (explaining?) with those of us who care about you from afar (where “care” = don’t really know you except through your writing but think highly of you non-the-less). Best wishes and positive thoughts to you and to all of your family.
Good luck and warm wishes to you and your family, Bossy.
Hey Bossy just wanted to say I’m sorry for what you’re going through and if you ever need to get out of town you have a futon in Atlanta with your name on it! You can even bring the dog
!!!! Didn’t see THAT coming…. Best wishes to you and your family, Bossy. So sorry for your difficulties. Hoping all works out for everyone.
Love the family motto! We could all benefit from that attitude.
Best to you and your family.
Gah
Love and best wishes to the whole Bossy family. And this Florida girl is insanely jealous of your beautiful autumn.
I had a sneaking suspicion about this. Something in Bossy’s reaction to a husband comment I made a while back. This post made me cry. Although I don’t know you in person, I consider you my friend. I know how difficult marriage can be at times. Anybody who says differently, is lying to themselves. I want only the best for the Bossy clan. Whatever that may be. Love, Kathy
Sorry about the stress.
Good job with the courage.
Thanks for sharing.
Rock on.
I firmly believe a sense of humor is necessary to get through the tough times…a little levity goes a long way to keeping your sanity…you have this in you…bucket loads…you will be ok and your kids – well – they are already marvelous! hugs all around!!
Your courage to share this with the world is very admirable. That being said, I’m thinking of you and your family and am sending hugs and love your way. Kudos to you for sharing and being able to keep your humor. You’ll never lose your readers, no matter how infrequently you post. You do what you need to, we’ll be waiting for you when you can return!
well, shit. I’m sorry to hear that. But it sounds like you all are doing wonderfully. My best to the whole Bossy family.
It must have taken a ton of courage to put up that post. I wish bossy and bossy’s family the best. I think bossy is swell.
Just sending some love your way. What else is there when all is said and done, eh? You have beautiful children, a beautiful family. Life’s a process – I’m figuring it out everyday myself. Peace be with you & yours – that is my prayer for you. You are SO BOSSY. and lovely.
Oohhh Bossy. Sad faces all around. Hugs and hugs and hugs to you.
Many good wishes to you and yours, Bossy. You are all loved.
Love and best wishes to you.
Dear Bossy,
I will send many good thoughts to you and yours
Julie
Oh hon, I’m so sorry. Big hugs to you.
I swear I heard you exhale from here…
The kids are gonna be fine…they will.
Hugs/Cheese/Wine/Chocolate
Oh, Bossy. I am more of a gently lurking type, but just wanted to send hugs your way. I am doing something remarkably similar myself right now. I feel you, dawg.
Sorry you are going through a rough patch. You will survive and be stronger for it. Love & hugs!
I’ve always thought that my husband and kids should live next to me & the cats. It would just work better.
You are strong. You are brave. You are bossy! I hope it wasn’t the no-book tour road trip!
I’m so sorry to hear about this, G. I’m sending you many, many cyber-hugs, and if I could figure out a way to get them in the internets, I’d also send along some fried pickles. They make everything better…
All the best…
Diahn
Crap………..
( I still have Ina’s address if you want to do a drive by!!)
Oh! Gasp! And, sorry. For anyone married over a decade and feels that things are ever-constant, this is scary, too.
So sorry Bossy. But why are you the one out and not he? You deserve that cloud.
Hmm, if you’re almost free then, perhaps you’ll consider moving to Vegas. (I can dream)
trying not to panic.
Just xoxo
Love you Bossy, and your blog xx
That had to be hard to write. My heart hurts and I only read it. Your kids are very lucky to have parents who are making an effort to keep the family unit alive. Kudos, hugs, and onward blog!
(I haven’t left the house in two weeks, does it show)
{HUGS}
If you feel the need to escape to the beach this winter, I have a spare bed with a Tempur-pedic mattress pad on it.
Bossy and all of Bossy’s family are lovely and wonderful in any shape or form. xoxo
Aww, crap. I’m sorry, Bossy.
Bossy.
Having been in your shoes more than once, let me just tell you that though the road is not easy and the right path never exactly clear, you will at some point all come through OK and even better than ever. YOu cannot possibly see the “better than ever” part right now, but trust me. You will be better than ever for having endured what you’re going through.
I love Bossy and all of Bossy’s family.
Bossy, so many people said it so well here. I LOVE the entire Bossy tribe as well, and wish all of you the happiness you deserve. Keep the courage, humor, and perspective that makes you the fabulous person you are, and you are the one who defines your reality, no one else. Much love and support your way, and thank you for bravely sharing your story. Obviously, from the comments from those closer to you than I, this must have been a difficult decision, and I hope for you and the entire family the best life has to offer. And your dog is still bigger than my dog!!!
p.s. My house is always open if you ever want / need to make a road trip.
Oh, Bossy. I tear up every time I come back to reread this post. Sending thoughts of support from San Francisco to all involved.
Love you, Bossy. Sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Thank you for being here for us despite your own worries. Arizona hugs.
Maybe you were too bossy?
So sorry to hear this.
I hope that this all works out in the way that is best for you and your family. Hang in there.
Bossy – delurking to say how sorry I am. As everyone has said, I am blown away by the grace and humor with which you seem to be handling this, at least on the internets. But I want to say one thing: no one here expects you to be this graceful all the time, or at all, when you’re going through something like this. If you’re sad, or angry, or whatever, please feel free to express that here if you want. We won’t judge you. You don’t need to be funny all the time.
O – so that was it. I have to tell you right up front how much I admire you and love you for your honesty in putting this out there.
Then I have to say that I’m really sorry to hear this bit o’news, but I’m here to tell you that y’all can do this. Whatever THIS is, Bossy’s family can do it. I speak from experience when I say that BIG changes can be dealt with and that commuting between homes can work. (And in my case the commute is 2 hours, not 2 minutes.)
Lots of love and support from this little corner of the Intarwebz to the whole Bossy clan, especially Bossy.
Well, CRAP! I hope you and Bossy’s husband can work it out.
Wishing you well.
Wish you were here and we could talk over a glass (or so) of wine… Sending you all my love!
((hugs)) Best wishes and positive thoughts for the best eventuality for all of you.
Major bummer, kiddo. Sorry to hear about this. Please get well soon.
Hey Lady:
Head up, chin to the wind, shoulders back.
Now breathe. You’ll be fine.
You are awesome. Thank you for the openness without the “OMG She’s really going to give all THOSE details?!?!?!” that sometimes happen on blogs.
You, lady, are a class act. Furthermore, I enjoy your brief, yet very witty posts. So there!
oh, Bossy.
xo
Big fishy grimy doggy hug.
So sorry to hear this news, but am thrilled at how grown-up you are, and how well you are handling keeping your family together. Once again I am in awe.
Thinking of the Bossy family. You all seem like the smartest bunch that I’m sure you’ll all figure it out. Its just new roles you all play in life now. Doesnt have to be bad. Just different.
Oh Bossy, my special favorite Bossy that I only got to speak to for 7.5 seconds at BlogHer this year…. *sigh* I’ve walked this road. There are rewards at the end! But the middle is murky, as you already know. Sending love love LOVE and wishing I could see you for a big, sisterly hug.
Crap, and I was just hoping for separate closets!
UP
ps. the kids are stronger than we think.
Rough one to have to write, rougher one to be living through. Sending hugs & gentle cloud-bed thoughts.
Hugs to you all.
While the breakup is difficult, I’m sure, you two know what is best for you and the kids. I’m impressed that you can maintain civility with your husband and your sense of humor in spite of the stress! I for one don’t judge (unless I’m feeling hateful! HA!).
I’m sorry you are going through this. Sending you many good thoughts.
I could never give up on Bossy because Bossy’s blog was the first blog that made me feel like I wanted to blog and Bossy’s view of things is often a view of things that makes me feel less alone and Bossy’s words are often words that enlighten and make me think “I wish I’d of said that” and cause me to read things out loud to the person closest so I have no plans to give up on Bossy. I will just wait and be patient and hope that Bossy has nice sleep and is not too hard on herself.
“Don’t anybody panic.”
Best family motto ever.
I’d say hang in, but you’ve already got that covered.
Hey Bossy,
I too feel like I know you, and I’m sorry to hear about your separation. My husband and I got married the same year you did, and I remember reading your wedding recap and relating so much to the era, our hopes and dreams and fears about the future.
I think being a wife is way harder than being a mom, and there have been some times (after being together for 28 years) when I’ve really looked at my husband and wondered, Who the hell are you??? And why did we get married??? We connect and disconnect 20 times a day, but as of today we’re still a couple, not that there haven’t been some seriously rocky roads along the way.
However, we have two beautiful kids we adore (like you) and a long connection that won’t ever go away (like you). Some people are happier apart than they are together. I know y’all will find a solution to all the turmoil. I wish you peace and a smooth transition
You’re so wonderful, Bossy. And I love this blog. I’m sorry for what you went/are going through (though the way you say it, it doesn’t sound “bad”). You are an inspiration in every way.
Oh, bossy. This news makes me nervous.
A million years ago, my mom moved out too, and we lived with dad. Would that she was just around the corner from us. She came home and met us after school before passing us off to our father who came home later. Then we all grew up and everyone moved on and now my 5 month-old baby has 6 loving grandparents. Undivorce can work. Good luck to you.
Ohhh, I’m so sorry, Bossy. Tough times. Hope everything works out so you are happy – you deserve it.
A big part of me is impressed at how VERY well you seem to be handling this. And a teeny tiny little part of me is… well, a tad panicky I have to admit.
I just hope that y’all find a way to make it work out the best way possible, And that Stella keeps getting fed 16 times a day (FINALLY following my advice there I see!).
Big HUGS from Down Under
?
BB (and sloppy kisses from Axel the Great Dane too)
Came out of delurking to tell you I wish all of you the best, and peace.
Family is always going to be family.
You’ll do it right.
As another reader said, sad, but survivable. Not to make it trite, but you’ll do it. With your grace, style, humor, and maturity: you’ll do it.
This is the pits, I’m super sorry.
xo-z
Ah bossy, I don’t remember if I’ve ever posted here before but I’ve been lurking forever. Just wanted to say-
Life’s messy, and changes are not always good or bad sometimes they’re just…changes.
nicely announced, your undivorce. i’m sorry for bossy, bossy’s husband, bossy’s children et. al. how lovely that bossy’s mom lives nearby so bossy and her family can function in this new state of being.
still, i feel sad for the bossys. not panicking – that’s good.
Man, you guys are an awesome support system!
Lucky Bossy?
ditto everyone
I am sorry. Thank goodness for your mother being there for you. If you weren’t so close by it would be so much harder. I wish the you, and esp. your children, the least pain and stress that one can have in this situation. And don’t be afraid to post when you aren’t feeling your wittiest and brightest. We’ll still listen.
Hugs! It’s not only hard to write due to being scattered…my life has gone topsy turvy (turvey?) and I have zero sense of humor and nothing inspires me! I cannot imagine Bossy trying to keep her bossiness through everything. You just come back and be Bossy when you’re ready. None of us have perfect lives so we all totally understand. More hugs!
Sending love and prayers to Bossy and her precious ones.
Oh, Bossy. I’m so sorry to read about this. Peace and good thoughts to you.
Hey Bossy. Change is scary and exhausting, as we all know, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wanted to chime in and say I am on year two of a switch from a relationship to a very close co-parenting situation. It took me four months to be able to write about it. I know you have many other anecdotes above, but I am another person saying it’s possible to reject the standard “acrimonious divorce where one parent steps aside” (I’ve done that too). Good luck writing your own rules to do what’s best for you and your family. My very unsolicited advice is that I felt better when I stopped feeling the urge to explain or define my situation to others who did not really need to know (since it is outside the “norm” and people were urging us to separate and “protect” ourselves from each other despite the lack of aggro or damage to the kids). Personally, I could do without the extra layer of judgment. The people who were supportive and accepting became apparent very quickly–I’m sure you’ve already found out who they are. Thanks for speaking about this. I know you’re not a human PSA, but I am so happy when people write about their experiences off the “script.” Again, take care of yourself and I wish you strength and wisdom, which I think you already have in spades anyway.
I’m sorry
Oh Bossy. This too shall pass, and you will ALL come out okay on the other end of the tunnel. Whatever that tunnel looks like.
It’s taken me a day to sum up my thoughts:
Like a poster or few above, I suspected something was amiss. There was a blog a few months back that alluded to big changes. And then there’s been your more sporadic posting schedule. So now the “Not Stray” cat is out of the bag. Whew. We can all move forward with you.
And move forward you will. You, along with the rest of the Bossy family, will redefine what “Family” means in the way that fits your new reality. It will be what you choose it to be. And your new roles will be sorted out in the process. Just know that there is a large group of folks out here in Council-land – the several who know you personally and the multitude who don’t – who are your extended family. We wish each of you love, harmony, and joy as you reconfigure your future.
You are and will all be fine. Different, perhaps, but still fine.
Can’t say it any better than “Mary K” above—wishing you ALL well, now and in the future.
Well- my love and respect for you just went up even more- thank you for being open and brave about a personal situation. Wishing and praying for you and family for the best of all possible outcomes- be whatever they may be…all the best always-
xoxo
I’m buckled in and looking forward to what Bossy brings out on the other side.
WIshing you and your beautiful family well as you weather the transition and hoping for only good things on the other side. You deserve them.
166 comments before mine. 166 people you have inspired, and more that have not commented. Thank you so much for your openess and sharing. Thank you for being an example of putting your children first and behaving with dignity and respect. Your children are so lucky, as are we for having your example. It must not be easy to behave this way every day. I hope you feel the love and support of your many followers and admire-ers. You bring so much joy and emotion to my life, I hope on the days when you feel joyful and supported that you know it is all of us giving the same back to you.
Damn!
If you aren’t the best definition of grace under pressure, I sure don’t know what is. Hugs to all of you.
I wish you nothing but peace and I know you are on the path to finding it. Just want to send you a big hug and tell you that I love you! You are a phenomenal woman. xo
It sounds like yours is going forward in a much more amiable fashion than mine. The #3 comment will never be made about my situation even though I would very much like to be amiable and grown up…….sigh……but it was good to read about your situation to know that I am not crazy and that 2 people can work to keep a family as intact as possible despite the differences…..thanks for sharing…….
Whether you come back together or remain undivorced, it seems to me you’ll handle it as well as can be. There is obviously much love, humour and compassion in your family. xoxo
Just wanted to say I am sending you guys my best thoughts and hope that things get better (less confusing?) soon.
Oh Bossy. Took me by surprise, for sure, since I’d read your posts and see the family pics and think oh man, I wish mine were like that! We just never know, do we. A decision like yours takes a lot of courage. LIke the many posters above, I too am impressed with the grace and integrity this is being handled with. I wish you and the whole family the best!
Just when we were all thinking Bossy and the Bossy family were perfect.
This isn’t easy, no matter how sane and amicable it is.
I’d like to say “all of the above” except the beach house with the Tempur-pedic and the snide “too bossy” comment. I cannot tell you how much I look forward to “I am Bossy” whether it’s daily or weekly or whatever. Hope it helps to know how many people love you and admire you and wish you well.
At the end it will all work out. Just remember to give lots of hugs to your kids during this hard time. And do the same for Stella.
My husband and I separated a few years ago (middle age can be a difficult time). Good friends and my kids got me through that rough time. You are lucky to have both. We ended up back together. I hope it works out however is best for you.
All the best to you, Bossy and your family. This had to be a very difficult post and I admire your courage. God be with you and yours.
Love and hugs all over the Bossy crew and that sweet lap pony.
I hope you two can work it out and stay together. Growing old alone is no fun. really. If you are that good as friends, then surely you can go to mediation and talk it out. then hug it out.
Hugs to the Bossy clan
What? Seriously? I’m too sad for words.
I hate when people divorce or separate and then have the audacity to think it won’t affect the children. Bozo’s…as if. Read the statistics and then tell yourself statistics are real.
While I am happy to hear you are making it real with this post… the girls were all “WHAT???” when we sat down together and saw the picture that screamed 1000 words in their little divorced children’s heads! Wonder what they will say to Bossy daughter on our next visit!
…wish my mom lived around the corner…wish she still lived.period. If she was around the corner, I too, might seperate ’cause my marriage is going nowhere, so I might like to go s/where…kwim
Great big {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} for you!!
Married people are so boring anyway.
Awww… bossy! I am a divorce survivor kid! Mine was worse because I was raised by my mother alone and I did not see my father until I was 18 and legal to drink/vote etc. Yes I have commitment issues, yes i lacked a father figure, yes I do everything by myself and yes I didn’t believe in marriage until maybe last year when I still didn’t believe but agreed to try. But other than that rest assured that your two will make it!
I’m kind of in your boat. I’m eating chips and waiting for some guy to come out and say the chips are too loud. But He’s not, cuz hes not there. like yesterday. Eat your chips. Loudly!
Bossy – you know your Houston posse is pulling for you!
xoxo
I am closing my eyes right now and scrunching up my face in concentration, trying to send all the love your way that I can. PS: That room is lah lah lah peaceful. I love Bossy’s mom’s design work.
Dear Bossy, I said a big Aww for you as I read this. I am glad Mom’s room is around the corner. She is a good egg, and a good cook and your Mom. It’s nice to have an escape pod that has so many advantages.
Practicalities, Please buy travel sizes of your hair products to leave in the house least occupied. Similarily leave a handful of heart meds in same house. Buy/make one of those magnets for the fridge “dog is fed/feed the dog” otherwise Stella will break the furniture with her extra weight.
Your kids are great and will be fine.
I would recommend a get together of women and gay friends, lots of wine and some disasterously weepy movies. It’s great therapy.
Rooting for you here
XXXXXXXXXXX
This makes Ms.Bee sad…….I am sure Bossy is very sad – I have you all in my thoughts and hope that things work out for you…………you are very brave to share your life with everyone.
Hugs…..
Hugs and prayers for all!
Your honesty is appreciated. I love reading your blog so no worries about me leaving. I’m terrible at change anyway.
Sending love of course…also a tiny little bit advice. Get a second set of toiletries and almonds and stuff. It would be much simpler.
I hope everything turns out for the best, whatever that may be.
Sorry to hear the news, but it sounds like you are making it work, as our dear gay, Mr. Tim Gunn, would say. A big hug to you and a suggestion, if I may? Maybe it is time to turn that (no)book into a book. For realz. And I will hope and pray that you go international or that I will be back in the US of A for the big tour. (Which Porsche will be sponsoring.)
We love you Bossy! Sounds like you are all handling this with the right attitude. It is hard (been there, done that, have the t-shirt) but YOU WILL BE FINE!! Your council is here for you.
Hugs to all of you. Kids are resilient and stronger than we think. Share what you feel comfortable sharing…we will be here.
Thank you for your writing and your humor and for sharing. I heart Bossy.
I went through something similar to Lyn, separated – then got back together. My girlfriend at the same time separated then divorced… One way or another you get through it and come out better and changed on the other side. Cyber hugs.
I’m sorry, but I hope it’s all for the best.
Makes me sad. Thanks for telling us.
PS. I bought boots yesterday because of you.
I would like to be you when I grow up. Would you please come visit Minnesota?
(I see other Minnesota posters on here; I’ll bet we’d ALL love to share you!)
And by the way? #183, Lurker? You need to shut your trap.
No matter what the statistics are, you’re talking about real people, so have a little compassion.
I was at work today and Bossy just popped into my head. I am hoping that she is doing O.K. Just remember that you have a lot of people who have never met you who care a great deal for you and your family. I hope that if you are reading this it helps you to feel just a little better.
my stomach literally flipped when i read this. i am sorry but happy you all are making the best of a tough situation. good luck
This has to be a joke. There’s nowhere in the world the trees look that beautiful in October.
Therefore, this isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening. If I say it enough is it true?
Aww, I’m sorry to hear your news. I hope things get better. Sending you a big hug!
My parents did a similar thing when I was 14. It was rough, but I appreciated the clear message that it was the grown-ups deal to work out, and it was not our fault and so we got to stay home. Mom & Dad had to deal with the two toothbrushes and the wrong shoes all that stuff. They didn’t get back together, but they both worked on their stuff and are super cool people now. I have always appreciated how they did it, if it had to be done, and I guess it did, because they were not happy people before.
I have been worried about you. I’m wishing the entire Bossy clan health and happiness.
Gee, Bossy, I just don’t know what to say. I’m sorry to read about your troubles – well, not sorry to read about them but sorry you’re having them. Not so much a praying person here but I can wish for you and yours all good things.
Brave Bossy, warm thoughts to you and your family…
Thinking of you, my dear.
I’m crushed! I thought Bossy probably had one of the best marriages in the whole world! Not that the best marriages can go south sometimes, but it didn’t SEEM as though yours was in trouble.
I hope everything works out for you the way you want it, and I’m sorry for making your separation all about me.
So sorry that all of you are having to go through this. I’m sure that you’re handling it with as much good humor and grace as is possible but still…. Let me know if I should send chocolate!!!
I am crazy about your family. And yes, I realize this is a weird time to say this. But I am a avid admirer of grace under pressure, and you seem to all be exhibiting a crapload of that right now.
Your extraordinary offspring will indeed remain whole, I am confident in that. (Also, your gorgeous son is NOT too old for my Madi. Think about it. Shared holidays/grandchildren with people you like. IN NASHVILLE.)
Here’s a heartfelt of stream of consciousness burst of love for you and yours: Your mom rocks so hard, and I am so glad you are safe and sound in that tiny, pretty room with or without your Cloud Supreme (ATTENTION TempurPedic people: Pony up, already. Another free mattress wouldn’t kill you.) and yes, integrity is the exact right word for what the Bossy family has and also I miss you and your soaring cheekbones and crystalline jawline and hair that moves and this is starting to sound creepy but honestly, I just respect who you are so much and you should know that my bloggy guestroom is still upstairs with its permanent metaphorical welcome mat out JUST FOR YOU. Forever and always, amen.
Oh Bosserson, I am sorry to hear this. You’re so strong and smart and funny and have such an admirable attitude. I know you’ll be fine in the end, but I hope it doesn’t hurt too badly in the during. Thank you for sharing with us.
Been there. Done that. Here’s hoping the best for you and your children.
Cher Bossy,
I am sad and then very mad at myself for thinking that Bossy was a slacker and spending entirely too much time on the sofa with Mr. Net Flix. Your entire family is a class act and will continue loving and caring for each other. Your council will continue to support you and love you for being Bossy. Many hugs,
Bossy, so sorry to hear it. And yet, you still made me laugh in a sad-ish post! You rock. I’ll try not to panic.
I don’t know if anyone has offered this idea, but having a dbl set of makeup and meds so there is some at each house might take some of the stress out of the moving back and forth.
I wish you all the best and hope you find your way without too much hassle.
Love to you and yours, more than ever.
Hanging tough with you, sister-girl (not to be confused with sister-wife, as it does currently appear you’ve got an overage of that on your hands and need no further complications).
xo Debbie
Hi Bossy,
This is my first visit to your blog. I just wanted to say I think your honesty is admirable and brave. I hope all goes well for you and your family and that I gathered from just that one photo of your children that they seem like really incredible individuals.
Best wishes and God bless!
” ” what No. 1 said. xxx ooo
Well, hmmmph.
I do not know you well enough to say anything meaningful here.
Your neighborhood has gorgeous trees.
In case you were not aware.
We’re here for you Bossy! {{hugs}}
I love you, Bossy. Love your courage, your family, your neighborhood, your boots, and your sunny pink room. Oh, and love your Mom!
Wow! Just, wow. I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry Bossy. I wish only the best for you and your family. Hugs and kisses all around.
I am so sorry.
Don’t know how I missed this post but I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope all the family members will be good, strong and happy with whatever outcome happens.
We love Bossy and her family! And Stella….and Baby David….
Hey, I’ve been undivorced for four years now. I should have copyrighted this idea.
As the daughter of an undivorced couple, I have to let you know that it’s totally awesome when the parental units can keep the family together without marriage. my friends with divorced parents seemed to have a MUCH harder time of it!
It just goes to show, how you never, ever know what’s really going on in someone else’s life. You are one of those families, that I like to admire from afar (very afar, since I live in Oregon and have never met you) because evreything just seems so, balanced, and loving, and, well, perfect in it’s own imperfect, eclectic and fabulous way. But then again, your “undivorce” seems to be following that same pattern- perfectly imperfect… or at least I hope so. My husband’s parents divorced many many moons ago- and were the perfect divorced parents.. the kids never felt unloved, neglected, in the middle, compelled to take sides- none of that, and I suspect, by what I know of a family I have never met… that you are absolutely right- you all will come through this tunnel just fine. Hugs though- nobody ever is prepared for even the most perfectly imperfect undivorce .
Bossy – I’m so sorry to hear about this. I read somewhere recently that one of the signs of creative and intelligent people is that they are able to tolerate ambiguity. Your kids will be just fine.
Sorry to have been a shitty blog friend/reader, since I found out about this while walking around on Bourbon Street instead of via this post. Wait. Maybe my way was better. Maybe all life changes should be shared on Bourbon Street. Yes. That.