Jan 17, 2011

Operation Dysfunctional

As some of you know, the Bossy family live in a shoebox diorama. Most of the time Bossy enjoys living in a house so small you can’t remove your sneakers without rearranging the furniture, but occasionally the lack of space gets to Bossy.

That occasionally arrived last night when Bossy was attempting to put away a few groceries and couldn’t fit the new stuff in her kitchen cupboards. “Whose soup is this?” Bossy said, poking at cans from the Nixon administration. “Does anyone actually take these vitamins?” Bossy said, shuffling around pill bottles from the Cold War.

But it didn’t get serious until Bossy uttered the coup de grace of all clutter references, the sinister triple-dog-insult, which involves comparing the Bossy family to the Collyer Brothers.

Unfortunately Bossy’s son was caught in the crossfire of this Unmarital conflict. Bossy was so saddened by this, she hastened a retreat by donning her boots and her hat and that old familiar pile of down in order to take a walk — because nothing puts an end to verbal lashing like walking the neighborhood in subarctic conditions until you can’t move your mouth.

Upon Bossy’s return, Bossy’s son took the family in hand. “Here’s what we’re going to do,” Bossy’s son began, grabbing both Bossy and Bossy’s Unhusband and moving them toward the kitchen.

As it turns out, his idea was a novel one. It involved doing something. His utterly unique approach to solving the problem of the kitchen cabinet clutter was to attack the problem of the kitchen cabinet clutter. Imagine.

First, with the help of Bossy and her Unhusband, Bossy’s son emptied the contents of the cabinets onto the dining room table:

And through this process, Bossy’s son and his two children otherwise known as his parents discovered all manner of obsolete, long-ignored items:

After the out of date things had been discarded, Bossy and Bossy’s son and Bossy’s Unhusband organized the remaining items into categories:

And then the remaining things could be returned to their rightful home within the kitchen cabinets:

By the way, it may look to all the world as though Bossy’s son was doing all the work, but believe Bossy, he was. That’s because Bossy and her Unhusband were busy drowning in a wholesome cup of hot chocolate:

When it was all complete, Bossy and her Unhusband and Bossy’s son stood back and admired “their” work:

And then Bossy and her son and her Unhusband enjoyed a high five. Or would that be a high fifteen?

permanent link to post

46 comments

1. 1
   on January 17th, 2011 at 1:45 pm
   Amy said:

   I have no children so I have no sons but I do have nephews and I think it would be really cool if they someday grew up to be like Bossy’s son. He’s a good egg!


2. 2
   on January 17th, 2011 at 1:46 pm
   WebSavvyMom said:

   –>My husband purges and organizes something EVERY Week. If I sat still long enough, he might put me in the goodwill pile too.
   EVERY WEEK.
   It’s amazing we have anything left in our house. This is also why we keep our clothes in two separate rooms.


3. 3
   on January 17th, 2011 at 1:50 pm
   Gail K. said:

   Do you rent out Bossy’s Son? Have him show up with the Medicated Hot chocolate and we will let him sort/organize/and bring our palms together as one! (and boy! do we need it!)


4. 4
   on January 17th, 2011 at 1:50 pm
   Suzy said:

   I recently did this in my kitchen and decided to make some Cream of Wheat that I think had been in there since before I moved in.

   Poor Mr. Cream of Wheat turned into Mr. Cream of Wheat Soup. I threw it out and heard it yell THANK YOU from the garbage disposal.


5. 5
   on January 17th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
   Leanne said:

   And all I can think of to say is, I’ve never tried rye in hot chocolate. Hmmmm. Thanks for the tip! Oh, the cabinets and the son working is impressive too – but that rye idea….


6. 6
   on January 17th, 2011 at 1:53 pm
   Deb (no) blog said:

   Bossy’s family: lose the PopTarts and Skippy. Put some real peanut butter in the refrigerator. Bossy’s son is far too kind! Otherwise: well done.


7. 7
   on January 17th, 2011 at 1:53 pm
   Kit said:

   Bossy’s son rocks. I love this post.
   So inspiring! My cabinets are cluttered! Maybe I’ll. . . . go make some hot chocolate with a generous shot of whiskey.


8. 8
   on January 17th, 2011 at 1:56 pm
   Jenn @ Juggling LIfe said:

   Bossy’s son seems to be doing a good job raising his parents.


9. 9
   on January 17th, 2011 at 1:56 pm
   Meg said:

   I love that your son saved the day!


10. 10
    on January 17th, 2011 at 1:57 pm
    joeinvegas said:

    Wow, he is learning a lot at that college thingie.


11. 11
    on January 17th, 2011 at 1:58 pm
    feefifoto said:

    Bossy has blogging in her blood and her entire family (including her Great Dane) appears to accept this fact with appropriate resignation. How else to explain how Bossy’s angelic son can mediate an argument and purge a pantry, all while smiling for the camera?


12. 12
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:01 pm
    Wendy said:

    bossy’s son needs his own road trip to come do everyone’s dysfunction cabinets!


13. 13
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:02 pm
    foolery said:

    Son-of-BOSSY never fails to impress me. His parents raised him right and he constantly returns the favor.


14. 14
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:04 pm
    Tarable said:

    I especially love this post because I just found out about the Collyer brothers…from a book about hoarding, no less.
    (Bossy’s posts are even better when I get the inside jokes!)


15. 15
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:26 pm
    the mrs said:

    I learned a lot of things from Bossy today, but the best take away is that I can put booze in my ho cho. Bo ho cho?


16. 16
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:27 pm
    Z. Mulls said:

    And I thought they stopped teaching Home Economics at University….


17. 17
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:30 pm
    TDO said:

    Wow. That hot chocolate in the cabinet sure looks delicious. I wonder where Bossy acquired such a thing.


18. 18
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:37 pm
    Jean said:

    And thus the student becomes the teacher… Or something like that.

    Hope your cabinets are easier to navigate now.


19. 19
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:39 pm
    Avitable said:

    I want to meet your unfamily sometime.


20. 20
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:43 pm
    bossy's friend, martha said:

    So, when you have a problem, deal with it? Interesting concept Bossy’s son. They teach you that at Columbia?


21. 21
    on January 17th, 2011 at 2:49 pm
    Colleen said:

    Give that boy a cape!


22. 22
    on January 17th, 2011 at 3:00 pm
    Kathryn (@kat1124) said:

    Bossy’s son is awfully cute. Is he for hire? For the cabinets!


23. 23
    on January 17th, 2011 at 3:00 pm
    Leaf Probably said:

    Go team work! And by ‘team work’ I mean ‘Bossy’s son’.


24. 24
    on January 17th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
    Cincy said:

    Them college boys are amazing, aren’t they? Way to go all of you!


25. 25
    on January 17th, 2011 at 3:16 pm
    The Domestic Goddess said:

    When DG can move again the first thing DG is doing is cleaning out the cabinets. And he calls ME a packrat. HA! Someone has a twist tie collection and it ain’t me.


26. 26
    on January 17th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
    Mrs. Tuna said:

    Bossy’s son moves at the speed of light, I notice in one photo his hands were blurred by his super fastness.


27. 27
    on January 17th, 2011 at 3:39 pm
    Liz in Virginia said:

    Love that Bossy’s Son!

    My constant dream is that one day it will be me /and/ my husband against the evil storage room — instead of me /against/ my husband /in/ the evil storage room.


28. 28
    on January 17th, 2011 at 4:11 pm
    GrandeMocha said:

    How much for Bossy’s son to come to Detroit & organize the kitchen cupboards? Garage? Basement?


29. 29
    on January 17th, 2011 at 5:23 pm
    Sandra said:

    K, I absolutely loved this post! I am so subscribing!
    And btw, Bossy’s son is very very cute! I’d say he was gorgeous but I don’t want to come off sounding like a cougar.


30. 30
    on January 17th, 2011 at 5:57 pm
    Olivia said:

    And what I love is that Bossy’s cupboard isn’t full of dried tofu and wheat germ and blackstrap molasses and blue-green algae but, rather, hot chocolate and whiskey and other GOOD STUFF that doesn’t make me want to throw myself under the next truck because I am so, so sick of all the self-righteous green health nuts out there who ……………

    GAH!! Back to my wine.


31. 31
    on January 17th, 2011 at 6:11 pm
    Pamela said:

    I’m terribly sorry.
    I have no idea what this post was about.
    You lost me at HOT CHOCOLATE WITH WHISKEY.


32. 32
    on January 17th, 2011 at 6:34 pm
    Meg at the Members Lounge said:

    The Golden Globe goes to: BOSSY’s son! Nice job, young one. I’m glad I’m not the only person that organizes with a drink in hand.


33. 33
    on January 17th, 2011 at 6:51 pm
    Ami said:

    I wondered how the undivorce was going. Straddling two lives is bound to be hard. Is it worth it?
    There must have been something in the air, my husband and I tackled our “climb-thru” closet to restore it to it’s former walk-in glory, after I read a book about hoarding and freaked out. Hooray for growing mature individuals. Not that you need my permission, but you’re allowed a little lapse in decorum now and then as you figure out the new rules. It shows you did something right that your son knew what to do.


34. 34
    on January 17th, 2011 at 7:25 pm
    Frimmy said:

    You have the most adorable, beautiful in every way, children.


35. 35
    on January 17th, 2011 at 7:45 pm
    Beth said:

    Last year I cleaned out my pantry and found some Bisquick mix that was dated 1998. Ooops….


36. 36
    on January 18th, 2011 at 12:19 am
    Cupcake Murphy said:

    Sometimes when I look at my husband’s Protein Powder that dates back to the plooperstein era—I want to hurl so I can understand how this could be an issue. I have started weekend-long arguments as serious as the Tet Offensive just because I couldn’t get to the couscous that was lodged behind the 45 year old bread crumbs. Life. It can be challenging for earthlings, no?


37. 37
    on January 18th, 2011 at 12:59 am
    Meghan said:

    I would like a spoonful of Bossy’s son…sorry, Bossy, BUT seriously, he is too cute!


38. 38
    on January 18th, 2011 at 1:49 am
    JCK of Motherscribe said:

    Bossy’s boy seems to be quite the gem to have around. Cleaning out clutter. Always a good thing. Even if the after resembles the before…it has shifted.


39. 39
    on January 18th, 2011 at 9:45 am
    Tina said:

    I don’t know Bossy… I really like visiting your blog, but I just can’t shake the thought that it’s time to unplug the Bossy family for a while and just make it a real live analogue private family again. Undivorce… unhusband… marital strife posted online, events photo-documented… I find it sad. Your vows weren’t in front of an audience of 50,000 so why is your daily life? If it were *my* husband and myself I wouldn’t be happy about it being a public matter, maybe I just don’t “get” blogging to the extent that others do in this age of “reality” this and that. Hell, I don’t even have cable t.v. anymore…


40. 40
    on January 18th, 2011 at 10:25 am
    Aimee said:

    Oh whiskey, it makes everything better! Oh and so does Bossy’s son it seems! And even the unhusband is helping! How wonderful. My sons groan and complain and my SO (I guess he’s an unhusband too) blames me.


41. 41
    on January 18th, 2011 at 10:38 am
    dawny dee said:

    i too live in a tiny home. and when we start the bickering i always remember the study i read about once where they took 10 rats and watched them live peacefully in a 10 x 10 square box. then they reduced the size of the living space and kept the same rats but suddenly they were biting each other and fighting like it was a holy war. doesnt resolve the bickering but it explains it.
    just some food for thought.


42. 42
    on January 18th, 2011 at 12:46 pm
    BH said:

    Note to Deb no blog (#6)

    Real peanut butter and dark chocolate on hand.

    BxH


43. 43
    on January 18th, 2011 at 3:02 pm
    lesliereid said:

    Would Bossy’s son consider taking on an almost-13-year old apprentice?


44. 44
    on January 19th, 2011 at 6:02 pm
    Bri said:

    Dearest Bossy,
    You do whatever the F you want (read: please dont let Tina’s comment make you think what you’re doing is wrong).

    Going through rough UNdivorced times myself, I find comfort in these types of posts. Life isn’t all happy and funny and Blah Blah Blah, puppies and rainbows. Yet some people seem to think its ok to tell you what YOUR BLOG should be about? Life is fucked up and messy, and Bossy, I value your life. I value your stories. From running tutorials to this. It’s all you and its all AWESOME. And your readers are here to support you (or at least I am).

    The best part here though is that you and the UnHusband raised a pretty awesome dude.

    Hugs to you.
    ~Bri from Denver


45. 45
    on January 19th, 2011 at 9:08 pm
    Dharmamama said:

    But if the cabinets are straightened, you won’t have a reason to b**** at the certain someone! Oh, wait – maybe Bossy’s son thought of that.


46. 46
    on April 9th, 2011 at 9:49 am
    thatgirlblogs said:

    bossy and unhusband appear to be wearing friend bracelets which I am curious about bc I thought they were unfriends.