Jan 31, 2011
Are You My Home?
Who remembers the children’s book, Are You My Mother, about the baby bird who ricochets around the feet of all the barnyard mothers in his quest to find his own mother?
That’s how Bossy feels these days — except she’s not looking for a mother, she’s looking for home.
As some of you may remember, Bossy and her Unhusband are in the throes of an Undivorce, where throes equals trying not to throw things.
Bossy kids! Everything has been going fine, if not a bit confused by the fact Bossy spends quite a bit of time living in the Bossy family house with her Unhusband. It’s hard to explain. So Bossy will try.
In theory, Bossy lives at her mom’s house one block away, in a sweet little room that is less a room than it is a bassinet located inches from her sleeping mother’s elbow:
But it’s not the size of Bossy’s new room — or the lack of size — that presents the problem. Rather, it’s other issues Bossy is not at liberty to discuss. In English.
In addition, Bossy’s son has been living at home since the holidays, and so Bossy and her brood have been using this gift of time under one roof to establish a family bond that does not have a marriage at the root of it.
But lately Bossy has been doing a lot of thinking about separation. The inconvenient thing about that word is that it implies one actually has to separate.
Ultimately Bossy would love to have a separate home in the housing rotation which offers more autonomy, a home that wasn’t the Bossy family house but maybe wasn’t her bassinet either.
Unfortunately there are quite a few issues with this notion. Namely, money wrapped with dollar signs inside currency.
Still, Bossy can’t help eyeing up various housing situations within proximity to her family and wondering, Are you my home?
Shall we take a tour?
Bossy always heard the above shingled house contained apartments. If so, Bossy will take the one with the bank of south-facing windows, please. Assuming the monthly rent coincides with Bossy’s available spending money: $27.
Next up is this house:
Bossy thinks she remembers this house is owned by a cute woman who lives there but also rents a part of it out to tenants. Bossy would love to live in this house with the cute woman, but only if Bossy and the cute woman could sit on the front porch with their glasses of wine.
And right next door to this house is Bossy’s next option that isn’t really an option:
As sweet as it looks from the outside, Bossy hasn’t heard the best reports about the condition of these apartments inside. Still, Bossy thinks the little balcony apartment would be nice if she could sit out there with her evening martini:
Which brings Bossy to the next apartment house, which Bossy has always had a crush on because it reminds Bossy of a waspy getaway she once had in Kennebunkport Maine:
But the apartments in this house have always been wait-listed, which gives Bossy the impression they are not available for Bossy’s $27 a month.
So let’s move on to the next possibility that isn’t a possibility:
In Bossy’s neighborhood there are a handful of apartments located above stores, as suggested by the above photo. And these apartments are totally suitable. If you are a college student with very low standards and milk crates as drawers.
So Bossy will continue the search with this:
The above are typical, shady garden apartments around a central courtyard. The cluster is named something along the lines of Dartmouth Court, but since the apartments are often rented by freshly divorced people, Bossy refers to the place as Divorce Court.
Let’s keep moving:
Bossy knows her neighborhood is crawling with houses too big for its occupants — you know, assuming houses crawled.
Bossy wishes she could appropriate just a small section of one of these grand houses, in exchange for jokes told or maybe pig latin tutoring:
Such is also the case with the following house:
Next up we have this house, which does not contain apartments and is not for rent, but Bossy just thinks it’s really funny!
And then there are the places that aren’t really livable but Bossy wants to live in them all the same:
And lastly, there’s this little number:
But unlike the high rise Bossy grew up in, Bossy thinks this condominium requires you to have an AARP card.
Of course, by the time Bossy saves up enough money for any kind of rent, she just may have one.
If only my house was in Bossy’s neighborhood, she could come share a bed with our geriatric beagle. We have a shower. Undivorce sounds like it sucks as much as divorce does.
undivorce sucks! it would be kinda cool to live above a book store or coffee shop – milk crates are super cheap, too – free from the back of the grocery store!
I just read a post about this fabu designer who puts together her entire house with found objects. One whole cabinet was made up of various milk/packing crates. I believe it was this month’s Dwell.
Just sayin.
That house hammered into the ground? It’s so weird looking. Might be why it was for sale for so long. Maybe it’s available for Bossy’s $27.
Architecture porn. Swoon.
I would feel a wee bit better if Bossy had slightly more robust snow hat.
That one is charming, but doesn’t look very warm.
Maybe if it was lined with plastic. Or aluminum foil.
Boss, I want to put a scarf around your neck and give you a bigger hat.
is that one above a hair studio in West Chester, on high, across from the parking garage? Because if the answer is yes, my friend Charlie lived there once upon a time. When the hair salon was a insurance agency.
Also, I spent a year or two working at the parking lot, which is now a garage, staring at that apartment. Or another, which looks just like it.
Cameraman Scott wonders why all of Bossy’s home choices are surrounded by that white stuff. We don’t have that in San Diego. Do you have to pay more for that?
Well, I do have my third floor that you once ogled when I posted a picture of it.
Undivorce does sound like sucks as much as divorce!
Both totally suck b/c of the dollars signs wrapped up in currency never seem to be enough and all of a sudden no one is sharing much.
I hope Bossy’s quest is successful tho- first step is telling the universe what you want!
–>I’m sure that whatever house Bossy finds, she’ll make it a wonderful Home.
Bossy made me laugh on a very sad day with her tour of possibilities. Thanks for that, I so needed it.
Bossy, this post made me sad. Are you sure you cannot work things out with your un-husband? I have been married for 20 years also and sometimes we cannot stand each other…but the idea of one of us moving out would be unbearable emotionally. I think that is true for both hubby and me. Thinking of you and sending you good thoughts at this time.
Bossy, with all love and respect, this is a wee passive aggressive and that’s OK, because we all need that now and then. We are all vulnerable. I commend you for handling this with humor and dignity and the aforementioned PA. I send you *HUGS*.
I still think Bossy should keep the house and let (almost) ex husband keep paying for it after he moves out.
Bossy should enroll in the local university and get a scholarship in blog studies. They she could live in the dorms for free. Bossy looks young and thin enough to pass for a student.
You have the best way of turning lemons into Lemon drop martinis. I hope you soon find yourself in a home where you can take a shower without walking out the front door and use the bathroom freely past ten. (I can read the bilingual!). Huge hugs.
Be strong Bossy! Is next door available?
I’ve always thought living next door to my husband & kids would be perfect. All I need is 1,000 sq ft for me & my cats. I’d like to visit them when I want & be alone when I want.
(Or Bossy could corral 2-3 roommates and create a reality show…..)
I love looking at homes. Sigh. Swoon. Good luck sorting it all out!
I have to agree with 14 and 15. Maybe Bossy could pretend she’s a 40 something mom of 2 kids and ask what she would do then. By the way, if tables were turned and it was Bossy’s husband who was living part time with his mom down the street, and having drinks with his friends during the day, going away for weekends in NY, and basically coming and going as it suited him, would readers be as understanding as they seem to be with tables the way they are? Just askin’.
Pig Latin makes certain situations seem more cheerful. I like BOSSY’s criteria for living spaces, i.e. you need to imagine having a drink in them.
Sheesh! Bossy is getting some tough love in the comments department this morning. I think she’s got all the tough love she can handle right now, people.
So on that note, if Bossy is willing to move to the west coast, there’s a recently-vacated, large cozy room at Camp Cactus available at the bargain rate of $27 a month if she needs it.
But I sincerely wish she won’t. Instead, I’m wishing her the best.
xoxo,
Petunia
Isn’t it so typical of our society for people to assume that Bossy’s Husband is the official Bad Guy in the situation? Goodness, people. I’m not saying Bossy’s the official Bad Guy either, for the record, because I don’t actually know. And why don’t I know?
Because this is the pretend land of Blogoslovakia, where nobody knows anything.
Wow! Bossy I am sorry so many people are so judgey. Let me just say that we have no idea what Bossy’s husband is doing because Bossy is being very mature and not using this blog to talk mad shit. We all know that undivorces are hard and people get hurt feelings and hurt feelings often yell nasty things in public. You are doing a good job not being mud draggy and I personally think that a blog reader is an idiot for believing they have the right to decide how you live or what you think. So..they can suck it! I hope my creative use of the English language made Bossy smile.
Poor Boosy
you are making me appreciate my 600 sq. ft. condo with 1 bedroom that we raised 2 kids in. I have been separated for 5 or 6 years now and I have the family home. Only two of us are left though. When younger son moves out, you can move in. I can finally move back into the bedroom and you have have the couch I use now 
Luckily there is no visitation from unspouce. When I am the only one left I won’t know what to do with all this space!!
And that wasn’t aimed at comment 25!
I just saw that and it looks like my comment is a nasty response. It’s not I promise.
Why does anyone have to be considered the Bad Guy in this situation? There’s not always a Bay Guy in a divorce. People change/grow in ways they can’t anticipate at the time they marry and to remain in an unfulfilling marriage would be detrimental to all involved. I think it takes more strength to recognize that and act on it then to maintain the status quo and make everyone miserable in the process. Maybe some people resent Bossy’s choice because they wish they had the courage do the same.
Raising a martini glass to the sky and clinking yours in spirit, hoping you find all that you are looking for in living space.
*clinkie*
Isn’t there a Wawa, a beer store, and a pizza shop next to Divorce Court? Sounds like a good option to me. Good luck.
I am so sad for you both hon. I was really hoping the two of you would work it out before spring and the next Beru outing would be a celebration. I know it’s tough. Happy thoughts to you and un-Husband. Try not to throw things if you can avoid it…and NJ seems to have more selection in un-homes if you can afford the car insurance. Good luck to you both.
BOSSY could always come and live in BOSSY’s Guest Room at Casa de VUBOQ. The commute might be a little difficult though.
I’m surprised that ZHubby didn’t mention we just finished outfitting a guest room at our house… the shower is shared with 2 teenaged boys, which is offputting, but there are cheerful throw-pillows! And plenty of wine.
@aimee, I think you are right on. When Bossy first blogged about the undivorce, I wanted to say something, like can’t ya work it out, then realized that:
a. it wasn’t my biddness, &
b. they undoubtedly already HAD tried and she wouldn’t be blogging about it now if it could be worked out.
It was difficult to understand, because she has always spoken well of him and the family. Whatever is up, is up, and I just hope that all her family come out OK on the other side of the undivorce.
Hugs, Bossy!
Dear Bossy:
We love you and hope the best for you and your life. I think that the REAL “book” Tour may be in your future yet.
PS Ads on Bossy Blog?
Lovely tour of possibles, Bossy. Thank you for all the helpful space outlines. It seems reasonable to me to charge 27 dollars for such an outlined space, including cocktail lounging areas.
Respectfully to #35 La Suzette…
I’m not judging anyone, but hate to see marriages end unless there is abuse of some kind. 
That is how I feel. Since Bossy has kept specifics on the own-day ow-lay that is really the only opinion I have (even though I’m curious as to why Bossy isn’t at HOME with her cute daughter… Hang in there, Bossy, Bossy’s daughter, and Bossy’s husband. I hope Bossy’s son is doing okay, too!
Personally, I feel Bossy made her undivorce our business by blogging about it. I hope they can work it out and have commented so before, because, Hey! it’s a free country
Damn. Bossy can’t win, can she?
Unless she moves to Denver and takes over my (newly repainted and redecorated, with a fully functioning shower) basement. Call it an invitation, my friend.
Don’t want to jump into the fray here. Just offering support, love and strength. As a woman who did not get the family home in her divorce (my choice) my life turned out fine, more than fine, far better in the end. Not saying it wasn’t painful, but it all worked out in the end. Peace and strength to everyone in your family, Bossy.
I did this shopping for my new home when my first marriage was dying. I stalked apartment buildings and daydreamed about getting my own space. And then one day I did. And I have been so happy ever since. So FIE upon all those who criticize in the absense of any back story and believe me, the next space that you occupy will help you bloom and heal. With wine and a balcony and a pinch of freedom.
At least it’s not 1860. If Bossy lived in 1860 she’d most certainly have to teach her pig-latin as a governess, but at least Bossy would have her mansion. Cue in rugged, handsome man riding in on horse… somebody should write an epic novel.
Bossy– If I ever win the lottery I will buy you a house.
Big hugs, dear Bossy.
Hugs, Bossy.
Bossy, I hope everything works out for the best for you. You can come stay in Bridgeport with me if you need to. The shower works if everyone keeps em short, Stella can take over the couch while my dog tries to hump her, and you can sit at my computer and blog whenever you want with a Rear Window-esque view of the backyard and alley. Most of the neigbors are nice, but we have some wacko’s, I mean it’s Bport after all. I enjoyed the Possibilities Tour, sad, yet still funny. Home is what you make of it; and although it sounds like the undivorced home has it’s issues, just like the married or divorced home would have, the undivorced home has the unique quality of you guys doing what it takes to show your children the love you have for them, and making your own way. Hang in there!!!
Apparently I’m not as judgmental as I thought, because it never would have occurred to me to make some of the comments I’ve read here.
I presume the only thing BOSSY is telling the blogosphere about her un-divorce is amusing (as this was) anecdotes that don’t give away too much personal information. Which is fine by me.
I just want all four of the delightful Bossy Family members to be happy.
We have a beautiful guest room above the garage, with its own bathroom, AND A SHOWER. I have listed it on airbnb. Let me know if you want to look at it. An apartment might be more your thing.
At the ripe old age of 43, having known my husband since I was 20 and married since I was 28, this is what I know — turning 40 is hell on a marriage. One of you will lose your mind, and the other one will have to choose whether to put all of their energy into holding it all together or let the mind-loser go. I dug in and held on for dear life. And he now admits that ending our marriage would have been a huge mistake.
Oh my Gah!
Amen to what #47 said. Please! Support to Bossy and thank you for the humor, as always.
I have two ways of imagining myself living in the myriad of apartments and homes in my neighborhood: Me BBQ’ing! and Me Drinking on the porch!
I’ve scoured real estate ads for years planning my escape. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna go. (It’s a hobby, yo!) But some people just need to get out. Good luck to you, Bossy.
To follow up on the comment about this post being a bit passive aggressive, I have to wonder what the effect is on Bossy’s kids of mom wandering around town looking for “home.”
Olivia wonders if maybe Gwyneth Paltrow would let Bossy stay in one of her homes when she is not using it. After all – Gwynnie does seem to have an excess of homes and Bossy has none.
I agree with Joe in Vegas, even though I don’t know get a vote, nor do I know what Bossy or her unhusband want or have worked out. Also, I totally don’t know what Robin is talking about. . .and I don’t think Robin does, either. With all love and respect.
Duly noted. When I read this post (I am a huge fan and I check Bossy every day) I was surprised and saddened by its tone, which I interpreted as a bit passive aggressive. I have been there, the one looking for a place to live….And I just want Bossy to feel better and for all of Bossy’s family to be happy. I meant no harm. When you opt to follow a blog, it’s like a commitment in my book. Not every post needs to be witty or snarky or funny; this one made me sad, though! Both in its underlying meaning and in the way it was expressed. I wish I could hug Bossy and bring her here in the woods to live. Or at least for a stay.
It made me sad for the kids.
Dreaming is free Bossy…..keep your chin up
Good for you for not feeding the trolls, Bossy. I’m sorry that you’re having such a hard time right now and I sincerely hope that things start looking up soon.
I’m nowhere near an undivorce, but I often fantasize about where I might live if I were single with no kids. I always choose a fabulous loft apartment in Old City…sigh.
maybe a home could be bartered with paint? Just creatively thinking here.
I’ll take the little 2 story annex, minus all that white crap, honestly it seems the east sure keeps getting hit this winter! Happy home-a-huntin’! Everybody will be fine, so lets all put our shoulders down and give BOSSY a little credit.
Bossy, I’m sorry to hear the news. The whole situation is hard. Wishing you and yours the best.
Also, if this is the biggest disagreement the commenters on your blog have ever gotten into, they’re a classy bunch. Rarely have I ever seen a comment disagreement conducted with such civility. You really do have a good group.
Everyone should have a place to call home. That’s all I want for Bossy.
Not being judgmental here, but do you have any real job skills to be able to get a check to go with that $27? You know it won’t last long even if you go for the
cheap stuffless costly vodkarot gut. I miss the warm fuzzy pics of the kids and Bella. Will you get custody? I don’t know the laws in your area. I do know the way it was when my husband and I nearly left each other and I’m so glad we didn’t. There were many tears and no family to shelter me or dry my eyes, much less care if I went to the bathroom in the night. We are retired now and get along great, well, most of the time. There has to be something more than paprika in life. We have someone to hold on to now. You may have something lined up and that is where your home might be. Whatever you do, I will always care about you and remember one nutty night in Dallas hanging out with the chicks.Sounds like Bossy needs to get a ob-jay, learn to fend for erself-hay and make her own way in this orld-way. Novel concept, I know. But it beats rattling around in inbo-lay!!!!!
Make that imbo-lay. (That’s ard-hay!)
I’m not seeing any of the passive aggressive at all. Where is everyone seeing that???
Bossy, you are a hoot. I too judge my living quarters on the potential or lack therof for wine drinking. In addition I add good light for reading. That’s it. If it’s plumbed that’s a bonus.
Please journal this path. Also, sign up with a modeling agency . They would love you ! A friend of ours did so at 50 and made a whole new life for herself !
Bains is bummed that Bossy is Unseparated! First I’ve heard of it and do sincerely hope it’s all for the best.
Typically bitchin’ Bossy post!
What is so disappointing here this week (and in the weeks since Bossy announced her separation) among the comments and the blog posts is the lack of an adult perspective. Let’s all (including Bossy) stop igoring the elephant in the room. Comments 67 and 68 are right on the money.
I used to have a cat I dearly loved, and who loved me but hated everyone else in the world. I named her “Spikes” and after one or two encounters even the slowest of visitors figured out why. I suspect Surlygirl named herself along the same lines.
As for Bossy, I think #70 is onto something! Really? At 50? Which agency? Bossy is one of the most photogenic people I’ve ever seen – all tall and blonde and radiating personality from every possible angle!
HEY! I have an AARP card. What exactly is Bossy implying? Surely she understands my card is in direct response to my husband’s qualifying qualifications.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Good one #73. Bossy’s first order of housecleaning business should be to wipe out the National Enquirer’s #1 reader, aka surlygirl’s comments, funny how there’s no contact email tied to that moniker. Truly, someone who’s life is so pure and perfect that they have enough time in their day to comment countless times on one (very good) post, can’t be bothered with the likes of someone in transition, you’d be doing SG a huge favor.
#70 here again. The agency she uses is Flaunt Model Management and she does commerical print(CP) modeling. (and has an actors card too for extras work etc.). It’s been a hoot for her.
Bossy, I respect that you have kept mum on just what exactly is going on with you and unhusband, but why is it that he is still living in the unhouse and you are not?
Okay, call me nosy. But also call me concerned.
I rarely comment here, but read this blog religiously. Bossy, if you need a few days away, I live in Chadds Ford, about a mile from Longwood Gardens. You’d get the two upstairs bedrooms and bathroom to yourself (or to share with your daughter if you bring her). Well, we’d be strangers, I do qualify for an AARP card (just recently!) and we go to bed at 11 — but we are used to having someone awake late here when our 25 year-old son comes to visit. But we do have many many bottles of wine, so that could bridge any gaps we might have!!!
I have a new book for you:) http://tinyurl.com/66o46xq
well… always the last to chime in…and there is really nothing new to say. I respect how you have shared what is going on but kept the details to yourself out of respect for your family. I, like Jessica #41, daydreamed and stalked houses, apartments, and what have you for at least a year before I made my move out. I just settled into the “perfect” place for me and my child. And the “are you my home” thing really does describe how it felt to be looking. For me, I couldn’t move out until I had a place. No family to move into so it was a little more desperate. And people don’t understand why a mom would choose to move herself and her very young child out and not just kick her undivorced husband out….but there is always soooo much to a story. So all that to say…..hang in there girlfriend! If the South is what suits you, we got a guest room and everything (if you don’t mind sharing with all the Barbies and what not!)
Carol M, if Bossy doesn’t take you up on that offer, may I? Sounds wonderful at your house, and I like wine too!
Seriously Boss, you need to become friends with Carol right quick!
pkzcass,
What the hell — why not! And just to make it more enticing, we also have a 15 year-old dog sporting Depends diapers. Another reason for the wine, and, at times, a mean Manhattan!
Carol M – That was wicked sweet of you. CF is a beautiful area – and Bossy, I am sure you have been there, but what a wonderful area to meditate and regroup. You and the the Daughter would have a great visit, go see the Pig!
Bossy, you are hereby invited to come live with my husband and me in our GRAND and SPACIOUS 800sf ABODE in NC. Feel free to bring Stella; she’ll fit right in with our five dogs. You can drink all the wine and martinis you want on inside or out on our deck, *except* on Sundays when the rest of the neighborhood is in church for six hours (we’re in the South, after all). Sundays are when we drink mimosas and Bloody Marys.
wow! the first three definitely made me think “Mary Tyler Moore”–but maybe this just shows that I’m older than everyone else who reads this blog! in any case, i hope you find some place awesome…