Jun 30, 2006

BOSSY MOMENTS THROUGHOUT HISTORY – Guantánamo Bay

Hello Illegal Combatant and welcome to Camp Delta!

I am your Activities Director, David Addington.

Silly me – how can you see me through your blindfold? Trust me when I tell you I’m very handsome. And a little mysterious. Case in point: here I am from the other angle:

I’d ask you to shake my hand, but I guess it’s a little difficult when your heels and wrists are taped to your ass. Touché!

I hope you find our first class accommodations to your liking. There’s something very Frank Lloyd Wright about mesh-sided cells and cinderblock floors.

And wait until you experience our state of the art Interrogation Room! Although admittedly you’ll be checking it out from an upside-down vantage point. And, you know, tied to a board. With a water-soaked rag over your face. What’s that? Will you be assigned an attorney? Gee whiz you tease me so!

Anyway, relax – only ten of your fellow campers have actually been charged with anything. Who are the remaining 440 detainees? Beats me – isn’t it a scream? And when I say scream I don’t mean the one currently coming from the interrogation room.

I have confidence in our special Military Tribunals to carry out just proceedings against the remaining 440 detainees. What’s a military tribunal? It’s kind of like a real court case with real rules of evidence admissibility and real representation – except not and with torches and castaways!

In the meantime there are plenty of Camp Delta activities on our summer roster to keep you entertained – including sleep deprivation, random beatings, solitary confinement, religious persecution, and sexual degradation.

Geneva Convention who?

And yes – of course I heard about that Supreme Court thingy – the decision and all that. And I heard Justice John Paul Stevens’ remarks and I understand completely. “Blah blah illegal blah.” Only – I have one little question: Where exactly do I send my blank check?

New York Times article