Jul 26, 2007

Bossy’s Product Review.

It has come to Bossy’s attention that Tampax recently changed their design. In order to determine the effectiveness of their newly launched product, Bossy is conducting a side-by-side comparison with Tampax’s classic tampon.

Lucky for her readers reader Bossy still has ancient tampons in the bottom of her purse hermetically sealed for this investigation.

Bossy does not own the old product box and therefore isn’t sure what the previous tampons were made of, but did you know Tampax’s new tampons come with a List of Ingredients? And those ingredients are:

1. Cotton and/or Rayon Fiber. Excuse me? Don’t we get to know which?
2. Rayon and/or Polyester Overwrap. Right. And Bossy is a Blogger and/or Brain Surgeon.
3. Cotton or Cotton/Polyester Thread. Like, when were they going to decide? Maybe before they printed it on a kazillion boxes?

For the benefit of the experiment, Bossy is using only Super Plus tampons that she acquired from her own medicine cabinet from a friend with a really
big Va-jay-jay.

Let’s begin. This is the old Tampax tampon in its wrapper.

And this is the new Tampax:

Next Bossy releases the Tampax from their packaging. Here is the old Tampax:

And here is the new Tampax:

And here they are side by side:

Next Bossy assembled two identical drinking glasses with equivalent amounts of water which has been dyed with food coloring:

Then Bossy added gin to the glasses and passed out. The end.

Would Bossy leave you hanging in the middle of a time-waster scientific experiment? Next Bossy flipped the tampons out of their cardboard applicators and studied the empirical data:

Then Bossy dropped the tampons into their respective glasses:

Next Bossy lifted the saturated tampons out of the field of inquiry in order to study the remaining fluid:

Does everyone see what Bossy sees? Measurable Evidence suggests the new Tampax absorbed slightly more than the product it replaced.

And here is the final step in the experiment:

While the old Tampon is definitely longer, the new Tampon expands to a thicker dimension. In closing Bossy enthusiastically recommends the New and Improved Tampax the next time your Food Coloring gets its period.

Bossy gives this product: Two Thumbs Up (your Va-jay-jay).

permanent link to post

63 comments

1. 1
   on July 26th, 2007 at 7:45 am
   Nancy said:

   I think Proctor and Gamble is making a huge mistake if they don’t hire you for for their ad campaigns.

   SUPER and absorbing post this morning!


2. 2
   on July 26th, 2007 at 7:48 am
   The Domestic Goddess said:

   Oh no, you di’int!!!
   I needed this laugh this morning. They kinda look like Easter Eggs! You could die them and hang them on the tree (oh wait, are you Jewish?). Um…nevermind.
   And, for the record, this tampon nonsense is exactly why I use INSTEAD.


3. 3
   on July 26th, 2007 at 7:58 am
   Michael Bains said:

   I’m sorry, but this helps me how???

   Oh! Just read TDG’s comment. Now I get it.

   Thanks!


4. 4
   on July 26th, 2007 at 8:50 am
   Noelle said:

   I think your colored water was a brilliant idea, but nothing’s ever going to get me to stop using OB. I love those tiny little guys that fit into an enclosed fist and cause no waste.

   I just declared my love for a freaking tampon. Something in me is disturbed and/or freaked out about that. I hate when manufacturers change products that I get so intimate with. I’m a very monogamous kind of person that way.


5. 5
   on July 26th, 2007 at 8:59 am
   You can call me, 'Sir' said:

   Hmmmm….yes, I’d been wondering about that.


6. 6
   on July 26th, 2007 at 9:10 am
   Heather said:

   Ohmygod, I’m beside myself at the sight of gin gone to waste by being absorbed by a tampon! That’s a sin, that is.

   Don’t be grossed out, but I’m a Diva Cup girl all the way. I’m starting a Diva Cup cult too.


7. 7
   on July 26th, 2007 at 9:28 am
   Inas said:

   Love love love your posts….your blog is the only one that makes me laugh out loud (and I read a LOT of blogs).


8. 8
   on July 26th, 2007 at 9:29 am
   Dory said:

   Dory gives Bossy’s GENIUS Tampon Experiment two thumbs WAAAY up!!! *still chuckling*


9. 9
   on July 26th, 2007 at 9:47 am
   maggie said:

   A+ for lab work.

   Though I think the wrapper on the new one looks rather more like a cigar than a creamsicle.


10. 10
    on July 26th, 2007 at 10:11 am
    Kelliqua said:

    WHAT is that little extra add-on at the bottom? It doesn’t protrude from the body, does it? Ew.


11. 11
    on July 26th, 2007 at 10:16 am
    stella said:

    i think everyone should be required to say Va-jay-jay, and RUH-ROH, at least ONCE a day. it might calm my road rage.

    could you have picked a more appropriate RECEIVING VESSEL for the used tampons then the DUCK PLATTER??? that kinda ruined the whole experiment for me.


12. 12
    on July 26th, 2007 at 10:37 am
    Jane said:

    I’ve noticed that if you buy the humongo-pack of assorted sizes, you don’t get the fancy, new style.

    I agree with Maggie that the new wrapper makes me think more of a cigar than a creamsicle (particularly when it’s green).


13. 13
    on July 26th, 2007 at 10:47 am
    Jodi said:

    I am glad that you pointed out the dog because I was all like, “Where’d that brown calf come from? I didn’t know that BOSSY lived on a farm.”


14. 14
    on July 26th, 2007 at 11:42 am
    Smiling Mom said:

    Very funny! Your writing always reminds me of the book The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales… don’t know why, but it does.

    Thanks for the comparison. I never liked how long the old ones are. By the way, I do have the old tampon box (Damn Costco sizes)

    The ingredients read: Cotton and/or rayon fiber, rayon overwrap, and cotton cord.

    Can’t wait to see what the polyester feels like in my coochie!


15. 15
    on July 26th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
    Liene said:

    I almost went out of my mind when Target was out of tampons for months while waiting for the new and alledgedly improved tampons to grace their shelves.

    I am relieved to see that little extra bit is meant to be there – I just thought they were all unraveling when I used them!


16. 16
    on July 26th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
    Cece said:

    You’ve sold me on the new product! Too bad I don’t take to change well & will never try it out. But when I see it advertised I will think of you. That’s a compliment by the way. lol


17. 17
    on July 26th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
    Biddy said:

    Oh Bossy…you make me laugh…

    until i pee myself…dangitt


18. 18
    on July 26th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
    Kevin Wolf said:

    The final photo looks like a couple of demented tea bags. Riding a swan.

    But good post. I learned something that will do me absolutely no good.


19. 19
    on July 26th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
    The Domestic Goddess said:

    You know, at the risk of sounding trailer-trashy I have to tell you that I am relieved you chose blue and green to demonstrate and NOT red…


20. 20
    on July 26th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
    In the Trenches of Mommyhood said:

    I think red food coloring would have lent more authenticity to your scientific experiment. Along with taking a pic of the end results floating in the turlet.


21. 21
    on July 26th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
    Les~ said:

    This was frickin’ fantantastic! I LMAO and then LMAO some more! heh heh heh


22. 22
    on July 26th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
    Phoenix said:

    You kill me Bossy. Is there nothing you don’t think of?

    You haven’t sold me though, becuase I’m an OB fan.


23. 23
    on July 26th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
    Lori said:

    That was great! I was once a super plus user too! But, I have found the Diva Cup. I sure hope Tampax reads your blog and sends you a years supply.


24. 24
    on July 26th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
    nutmeg said:

    Okay, without sounding too much like a Tampon geek, I was very excited by the new floral grip. I always get my two thumbs up there and CAN’T EJECT! I did notice that little extra flap too.


25. 25
    on July 26th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
    jahooni said:

    You are just too funny! I just started yesterday so this is great info! LOL


26. 26
    on July 26th, 2007 at 2:49 pm
    Jen said:

    Just when we thought you couldn’t get any funnier…geeze, girl.


27. 27
    on July 26th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
    flutter said:

    oh no a thumb up YOUR vay jay jay!


28. 28
    on July 26th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
    Mr Farty said:

    Those new ones are a bitch to light and they taste awful.


29. 29
    on July 26th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
    Andrea said:

    I think this is my favorite blog. It almost makes me wish I was on my period, so I could go out and try on a new tampon. almost.


30. 30
    on July 26th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
    jenica said:

    hehehehe. so needed this today. and so glad that i don’t need THOSE right now. but now i know, thanks for the massive amount of time and sacrifice this must have taken you! hahahaha


31. 31
    on July 26th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
    Alice said:

    i learn SO MUCH by coming here! love it.

    i had to take some class in 7th grade at the local sex ed place about “how our bodies were going to be changing” that involved seeing how much water tampons soaked up. we didn’t get colored water though, psh.


32. 32
    on July 26th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
    rb said:

    I am so very excited to learn this superfantastic news. Particularly about the new grips, which have been sorely needed. Now if they could do something about the ouch factor of cardboard….


33. 33
    on July 26th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
    RachelW said:

    Oh, c’mon, Bossy! Save some funny for the little people. You’re taking it all, and there’s nothing left! I am laughing so hard, there is no way I’ll be able to think of my own funny post. I’m just sending people here this week…


34. 34
    on July 26th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
    Katie said:

    Uh why are the tampons so big in the first few pictures before they’re submerged? That’s so weird! Or is only part of it the actual tampon?


35. 35
    on July 26th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
    Rebecca said:

    I must be a freakin’ moron, because I’ve never been able to use OB tampons. Insertion is always a total disaster. I don’t understand this, as I have no problems finding my va-jay-jay during sex. Tips, ideas, magic words, anyone?

    Thanks for the post. I’m almost done with my Costco box of Tampax, so I’ll be able to try the new ones next month!


36. 36
    on July 26th, 2007 at 7:31 pm
    Get-off said:

    Wait a minute . . . just where are those things supposed to go?

    Signed,

    Opie Taylor


37. 37
    on July 26th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
    psychomom said:

    psychomom was a little freaked out when she saw they changed the ancient design and she didn’t think they were more absorbent but you proved her wrong!

    psychomom doen’t use the huge super plus size either


38. 38
    on July 26th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
    psychomom said:

    doen’t = doesn’t

    DOH


39. 39
    on July 26th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
    Rita said:

    OMG your post today is so damned funny! I hate to be a total biotch…..but I don’t have to use these anymore since my hysterectomy. It’s a beautiful thing to not get an unpleasant monthly bill. (Okay,I’m bragging)

    I think I will need to eventually do a comparison though of which incontinent pad absorbs more. Poise or Depends. Yes, if it’s not one feminine hygiene product, it’s another. Women always get screwed by the pooch.


40. 40
    on July 27th, 2007 at 12:43 am
    Dorky Dad said:

    Well, Thank God for this review. Now I know what to use when I need to soak up a glass of green liquid.


41. 41
    on July 27th, 2007 at 10:28 am
    Susan said:

    Not a good thing when you’re laughing so hard that your 11-yr-old son rushes over to the computer to observe “what’s so funny!”

    Just a LITTLE hard to explain, you know?


42. 42
    on July 27th, 2007 at 11:01 am
    Her Grace said:

    I had to take a break after the creamsicle comment to catch my breath. I may turn to you for all my product reviews — science be damned!


43. 43
    on July 27th, 2007 at 11:01 am
    Her Grace said:

    I had to take a break after the creamsicle comment to catch my breath. I may turn to you for all my product reviews — science be damned!


44. 44
    on July 27th, 2007 at 11:27 am
    Teryn said:

    I love the duck plate.


45. 45
    on July 27th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
    Queeny said:

    My va-jay-jay thanks you for your expertise and excellent marketing research. Can’t wait to move one of those new tampy’s in (actually I can’t wait to toss ‘em all out for good.)


46. 46
    on July 27th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
    mcewen said:

    Hey! Planning any additional experiments? What about a comparison between Lilets and Tampax, or are you too squeamish? Ooo that’s almost a dare!
    Cheers


47. 47
    on July 27th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
    E said:

    I’ve used these new ones, and really really hate them. There’s a little…I guess, tail of tampon that hangs out once you get it all inserted, and it’s extremely uncomfortable.

    I ended up going to Walgreens and buying some store brand tampons last month because I hate the new Tampax design.

    What’s worse is that my favorite brand and style of pads has apparently been discontinued too!! And I’m about to start within the next few hours. I’m really dreading having to get used to new stuff…


48. 48
    on July 28th, 2007 at 3:09 am
    Melissa in NZ said:

    They need to invent one that doesn’t pop out when laughing at a hilarious blog post …


49. 49
    on July 28th, 2007 at 10:01 am
    Cynical Knitting Gal said:

    Way too funny! Thanks for this.


50. 50
    on July 28th, 2007 at 10:06 am
    Tracy said:

    Just found your blog today & I am still laughing as I leave this comment!!! Bossy you are just too funny!!! I must….I MUST add you to my “hen-house” for my morning reads!!!


51. 51
    on July 28th, 2007 at 10:55 am
    moosh in indy said:

    The creamsicles served me well all day yesterday.


52. 52
    on July 28th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
    Oh, The Joys said:

    “Just Kidding” photoshop skillz made me laugh out loud up here in this cyber cafe.


53. 53
    on July 28th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
    Ruth Dynamite said:

    I love tampons so much I put one on my business card.


54. 54
    on July 28th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
    teensleuth said:

    I have my tampons custom fitted. And tricked out with Swarovski crystal bling.


55. 55
    on July 29th, 2007 at 10:22 am
    Sara said:

    OMG I can’t stop giggling thinking about this! You were passed on to me by a friend, and you are definately a new regular read for me!!!


56. 56
    on July 29th, 2007 at 11:12 am
    Krissie said:

    I use O.B.


57. 57
    on July 29th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
    Mary Alice said:

    Ohhh Bossy…I have been away from the computer for so very long and was giggling with anticipation wondering what Bossy had been up to….Your page opened and the post was better than my wildest imagination had dared dream…God how I have missed you!!!


58. 58
    on July 29th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
    Allison said:

    You? Are hilarious.


59. 59
    on July 29th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
    Sparx said:

    useful information if I ever get another f*ing period in this lifetime…


60. 60
    on July 29th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
    Maureen said:

    Ughhh…. I HATE the new tampons… agree with another poster that it is incredibly uncomfortable.


61. 61
    on July 29th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
    Helen E. H. Madden said:

    Bossy, you are the best. I’m glad to see you had an impartial observer (the dog) for this experiment. I feel you should send this post to Consumer Reports, where it can do all consumers of tampons the most good. And I personally plan on forwarding this to my husband because he does all the shopping and he’s always confused about which “feminine hygiene products” to get me when he’s at the store. Now he’ll know!


62. 62
    on July 30th, 2007 at 12:33 am
    Lotta said:

    My sister and I used to do fake diaper commercials where we poured blue water on to piles of paper towels. This brings back the memories man. Great to meet you at BlogHer too!


63. 63
    on July 30th, 2007 at 7:18 am
    girlplease said:

    it tastes like a creamsicle too.