Dec 11, 2007
Advent Bossy. December Eleven. Or Whenever In Fook It’s On.
It seems like every five seconds Bossy is out here with her balls in the wind swooning over some new husband. Well today is different. Because this husband has been around for 18 months. He’s Master Chef Curtis Stone and. This deserves a new sentence: he is from Australia.
The fact that he’s from Australia allows him to say things like, “I ambush un-say-specting pay-ple and offer to geeve thame a hand weeth their dee-nar.”
Bossy is talking about Take Home Chef, the popular cooking show on The Learning Channel. Here’s how it works: Curtis with his dimples and poky hair approaches women in the grocery store and nslsdfhd nsjdiro dfhdooee. Frankly Bossy isn’t exactly sure what happens next because she’s too busy tabulating how much money it would cost her family to relocate to the West Coast so Bossy can shop in the kind of markets that offer up free Aussies.
All Bossy does know is that before they can count to eh hendred, the googly-eyed women shoppers are throwing strange ingredients in their carts and heading home to their paltry kitchens alone with Curtis Stone and the film crew. Once home the chef prepares specialties from all over the globe, like Steamed Mussels with Chorizo & White Wine, Thai Coconut Rice, Sautéed Foie Gras, and Sashimi of Tuna with Ponzu Dipping Sauce. Bossy doesn’t even know what Ponzu Dipping Sauce is, but if it comes with that nose and those eyes, Bossy is in.
OK. So, blah blah cooking advice and careful instructions, about halfway through the show the woman from the market is excused to go get dressed for the dinner she has been helping to prepare. She disappears from frame and—miraculously—returns with a knockout dress whose neck scoops to Breast City.
And then they flirt flirt flirt while Curtis puts the finishing touches on the chocolate ice cream bon bons. And just in time because soon the unsuspecting husband/boyfriend figure is coming through the door to discover the bank of TV lights and cameras. Smile smile smile, the husband/boyfriend goes, as he flips through his Rolodex of Awkward Situations to figure out how to treat the blonde hunk who just spent the day alone with his wife/girlfriend.
But not to worry, you husband/boyfriends, because women don’t think too highly of men who can roll up their snug dress shirts and rustle up Crêpes à la Normande. Not much.
Here Is Some Curtis Stone Porn. Otherwise Known As His Show Reel.
We Aussies do alright in the bloke-department, don’t we? But just remember… While they look pretty good, decorating your couch while you get ‘em a beer is usually the best you can hope for.
If Mr. Aussie Tasty Morsel came to my house… When it was my turn to get dressed, I’d call the hubster to tell him Chik-Fil-A was giving away FREE chicken sandwiches, thus eliminating him from the picture. Then I would return to Mr. ATM, coat him in Ponzu Dipping Sauce (whatever that is) and have him for din-din. Yum!
Crikey-you got it bad Bossy.
I want me some Curtis and ice cream bon bons. He’s enough to make me actually consider foi gras, and I normally don’t eat anything that acts as a filter in an animal’s body.
Man, it’s good to know I’m not the only one who watches that show. I’m with you, though. I learn not one ounce of anything related to cooking while watching. I’m too busy mentally undressing Curtis and swooning over that accent.
If you’re looking for another hunk on TV with a sexy accent, check out Man vs. Wild on Discovery Channel. The settings offer more danger and excitement than Curtis’ Whole Foods market, and (bonus!) the host sometimes gets undressed. Yummy!
but on Man vs wild they blur out the best parts!
Hmmmm…I have new show idea for Curtis, but it wouldn’t be on The Learning Channel…more like HBO. I’d like to put some shrimp on his barbie.
I am not the overly empathetic type that feels embarassed for others often, but that show makes me so very uncomfortable because of all that flirting! Did you see the one where the woman’s power went out and she couldn’t open the gate to their gated community house to let the hubby in – I swear I thought she was going to do him in front of the camera men. I am also bothered by the fact that their kitchens are always beyond gorgeous and impeccably clean (I am not a slob but come on, camera crew ready?) Real Housewives of Orange County – now that’s some trashy fun tv watching!
Sweet Jeebus. Cutie Curtis….mmmmm! But really now? There is something going on and I think we need to put our heads together on this one. I somehow managed to escape adolescence without a roomful of TigerBeat posters and a list of broken Hollywood crushes. Now, as 40 is knocking at the door, I have not only a Hollywood Husband but now a Hollywood Lover, too. It’s bad with HH b/c I am not even sure I can say his name correctly — Ioan Gruffudd(give me a break, he’s Welsh). For the uninitiated, http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0344435/ The HL is Colin Firth. Real life hubby is, thankfully, quite happy with accepting sloppy seconds
) Sigh….what’s a middle aged woman to do?
I always seem to tune in at “flirt, flirt, flirt”. The first few times I thought TLC was airing reruns of The Bachelor.
Why is it he never goes home with the scary cat lady buying organic veggitarian cat food for her 12 cats?
Gordon Ramsey is hot in a bad boy make you cry kind of way.
And if you watch him on BBC he takes his shirt off every episode.
I think the real show begins after the cameras stop rolling. When Curtis and the film crew go home. When the wifey is left to explain how a hot hunk of an Aussie and her spent the whole afternoon while her husband was whoring himself away with his mistress. That’s the show I’d want to see!
I have loved this show the whole time, though it always leaves me thinking “poor men,” how is a husband/boyfriend supposed to enjoy a meal like that?
*GASP* You know why I really watch that show!
But then, later…after Curtis and the film crew leaves…the boyfriends/husbands aren’t that upset…
(I always wondered where the kids are. Because if he comes with food, gift, cooking and babysitting? *fans self*)
Julie
Using My Words
http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com
I think I saw his hiney in that clip reel.
He makes me wanna sing this song….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a4gyJsY0mc
warning…view video at your own risk!
Oh. My. God. NO ONE TOLD ME that this is what I was missing WITHOUT CABLE. I die now.
bossy, as usual, cracks me up! Yeah yeah, its a cooking show, who cares what they’re making?! He IS a naughty bit of crumpet, isn’t he? So what was the figure needed to live where one can hook up with this lean cut of beef? (I’m just curious!!!)
I’m sorry there was a blonde in the way — what did you say?
I love Australians with dipping sauce!
I followed a comment from someplace else about a week ago, and I’m so glad I did. I’ve been howling with laughter ever since. Love the site!
Curtis Stone porn indeed. Did I see him bare-ass in his apron there for a moment?
I’d like to see him take his show to West Hollywood and give some guy shopping for his partner the same treatment. THAT would be interesting.
He’s tasty isn’t he?!
Sometimes I call one of the other managers (who happens to be from Australia) just to hear him talk and pretend Curtis is on the line. Because, I’ll tell ya, the guy I call? Does not look like that at all.
I’d prefer another Aussie cooking for me: Russell Crowe. In his gladiator outfit. He could even throw a phone at me.
Guy with grocery cart = hottest thing ever. Unless he’s folding laundry or picking up his own underwear off the floor.
But for the holidays, my heart belongs to Baby J:
http://annenahm.com/?cat=23
And you know, after January, I’m all wrapped up in Lost
Oh yeah! I will be trolling the Supermarkets on my next trip home to So CA. I love the shot of him in his apron and boots…but around here you leave your boots at the door…and who really wears aprons anymore?
Australian man cooking gourmet meal for ME? I would prefer not to have cameras around….
Having a brother who’s a Big Bad Chef, I have no interest in the show (except for maybe NOW, after having seen the host . . . hmmm). I know what it’s like cleaning up after a chef in your kitchen and it ain’t pretty. They get EVERY PAN IN YOUR KITCHEN dirty. They go through EVERY TOWEL YOU OWN (and then you have to throw them away because there’s some sort of fishy glue paste welded to them).
I say, move the show to HIS kitchen, and give the woman lots of wine while those cranks from “What Not To Wear” give her a new facade. Have her husband watch on closed-circuit TV. You could probably combine it with a “COPS” episode by the end of the shoot, I’ll bet.
Who needs TV writers?
GOD i loves me some aussie accent. you think anyone else on the planet swoons for american accents..? like.. maybe hot aussie guys?
It’s Kato Kaelin in the Kitchen!
D-lish! Resembles a very handsome former co-worker I knew — not in the biblical sense; he’s gay and I’m married.
That dude is gorgeous and Aussie is second only to the British accent in my Swoon Factor. Does he have a motorcycle? Cuz then I’d send the husband to Burger King for dinner.
He could be the king of spam, and I’d still let him cook me a meal.
Swoon! I first saw him on a different cooking show called “Surfing the Menu” with him and another gorgeous blond Aussie chef. Sandwich, anyone??? But my favorite epi of “Take Home Chef” is when his target asked (paraphrasing here), “And will you be talking while we cook? Yes? Then OK, let’s go.” Exactly how I would have handled it.
He’s okay…for a blonde, good-looking, charming, adorable, dimpled-smile type that…um…errrr…
OKAY, FINE! I admit it! I have a crush on him, too! And I don’t watch his show for cooking advice, mmkay? Does anyone?
so Bossy can shop in the kind of markets that offer up free Aussies.
You have to go to Whole Aussies for that.
He’s just so pretty, and capable in the kitchen… Those are at the top of my list for celebrity crushes.
Where? Where?? Where on the West Coast??? I have never heard of him or the show, but he could cook me dinner any time.
I may have to actually start going to the grocery store.
Oooooo, sting. Those poor husbands/boyfriends are gonna spend a lot on therapy.
I like the pokey hair a lot.
In a word? Yum.
In a word? Yum.
Ok bossy I actually DO shop in the markets he goes to. Whole Foods on 3rd street is one for all you L.A folks. I haven’t run into him yet but if I did I’d faint. He’s way too cute and by the time he was done cooking with me I’d lock my husband out of the house. What husband? Who?
“Frankly Bossy isn’t exactly sure what happens next because she’s too busy tabulating how much money it would cost her family to relocate to the West Coast so Bossy can shop in the kind of markets that offer up free Aussies.”
Im ready to relocate on that sentence alone.
I have considered licking Ponzu dipping sauce off of him. Mmm, mmm, good.
Oh, I disagree–he’s so much cuter than Kato!
But then how would Mr. Cusack feel about you cozying up to Curtis?
AG only wants a man in one place and that is under the hood of her car.
Did AG pimp the RoD bake-off here again?!
Oh mees. Oh mys.
blog.republicofdogs.net
HAWT. now cook me dinner.
I hear he’s hung like a wombat.
Magically delicious in so many ways.
that dude is one smooth operator, isn’t he! he never seems to cozy up to the 50 year-old married lady with a gaggle of kids trailing behind. it’s always the 24 year-old babes who have a boyfriend, but could possibly by convinced to have a little bit of aussie love while the noodles boil on the stove. i can only imagine the shit-eating grin on his face as he leaves the previously happy couple to fight about how inappropriate it was for him to be “cooking” in the bedroom!
isn’t he just delicious? and um, he gives out cooking advice? ohhh, I never noticed. :::sigh:::