Jan 23, 2008
Bossy’s Totally Detailed Review Of This Year’s Oscar Picks.
Atonement. Bossy hasn’t seen this film, but what’s her name is plenty cute. He looks plenty cute too. And in this period piece they do stuff, like stand in front of sandbags. Two stars
Juno. Bossy saw this movie! Except it wasn’t called Juno and it was aired in 1981 as an ABC After-School Special. In it the teenager gets pregnant and tries to figure out what to do with the baby and it’s really sad for everyone except the teenage girls in the viewing audience because despite the movie’s moral undertone, being pregnant looks like a whole lot of cool and you get to be sarcastic. Bossy saw the lead actress of Juno on Oprah, and it was the strangest thing because she wasn’t really pregnant. Three stars.
Michael Clayton. Bossy isn’t sure who this Michael Clayton fellow is, but he looks an awful lot like actor George Clooney. Six stars.
No Country For Old Men. Bossy hasn’t seen this film either, but she has firsthand news for Hollywood: it’s no country for old women, either. The movie’s tagline is, “There are no clean getaways,” and it looks to Bossy as if the nice gentleman is running with a rifle. Or maybe it’s a mop. Two stars.
There Will Be Blood. Bossy doesn’t need to see the film to know this much: there will be blood. Also obvious: there will be Daniel Day-Lewis, and there will be Tom Selleck moustaches. One star.
I totally thought that WAS Tom Selleck. Daniel Day Lewis is much more craggy sexy though.
If it was No Country For Old Women, it would definitely be a mop.
Which reminds me, I need a Clooney fix, stat. Good for what ails ya.
We never go to the movies – we always wait for them to come to us, via Netflix. When some people see commercials for movies, they might make plans to go, but I bring up my Netflix Queue and add them to the 400 or so movies that are already there. {I actually had to got to Netflix to get the proper spelling for Queue because we have lines out here in the country usually, or lists, but Netflix is all fancy, so they have Queues [queue-ses?]}
And what have you got against Tom Selleck mustaches anyway?
Am I officially a “mom” because I haven’t seen any of these?
Ugh, next I’ll be wearing mom-jeans!
Bossy does a much better job at this than the WGA people who write the bad Oscar jokes every year except this one.
Is anyone else shocked that there were no nominations for Blonde Ambition? No? Ummm…me neither.
Seriously, I haven’t seen any of these (because we go out on a date like, once every six months) but none of them look that interesting to me either.
I remember that after-school special. And, I remember how the girl got all upset when the baby started crying. I think about it a lot when I get all upset and start crying.
Saw Juno with X a few weeks ago. Really AWESOME.
I added all of the Oscar nominees to my netflix yesterday! I feel the same way as you about Juno. Loved it, but don’t think I’d want my teen/pre-teen to see it (if I had one)–because if they were anything like me, they would think it was one cool movie and want to imitate it (hello, Breakfast Club)
The last movie I saw was Harry Potter. The one before that: Harry Potter. And the one before that: Harry Potter. Right now, behind me, my two year old and six year old are watching Harry Potter. So I really appreciate the in-depth reporting on such things. Now I can watch the Oscars and now what the heck they’re talking about.
What IS the deal with the remakes of ABC After School Specials as edgy young adult films? Didn’t the current generation of young adults WATCH that crap enough on TV?
Go figure…
Juno was excellent – that’s the only one of those that I’ve seen so far this year.
I usually watch every movie up for the Oscar. I haven’t seen any of these yet. It’s going to be hard, none have caught my interest.
Thanks for the review. I usually don’t see movies until years later.
Did the Selleck ’staches get nominated? Because that’s the closest Tom Selleck is going to get to an Oscar unless he’s guesting on Sesame Street (wayOh – yup, I’m the poor bloggers Ed McMahon).
I’m shocked to find the Oscars Not Taken Seriously. Have you people no sense of proportion?
Oh, Bossy, Bossy, Bossy! I would pay you, like, my entire year’s salary (and it’s big!) to substitute my photos for yours in “Bossy Loves Cusack.” Because I, too, adore him. And I, too, am convinced I’m married to him. Even though my friends roll their eyes and make fun of me for thinking so. Of course, I also think my brother-in-law looks just like George Clooney, except my brother-in-law weighs 300 pounds and George does not. So I know I might be a little off on these celebrity look-alikes. Still, will you? Will you make me a movie? Did I mention I’d pay?
thanks for the nominee clarifications. now i don’t feel the need to see any of them…
lol
Alvin and The Chipmunks was snubbed.
Heading for my Netflix queue now … I am such a mom that I haven’t even heard of a couple of these.
I want to see Juno.
And also, I need Netflix.
Angelina Jolie didn’t get nominated for “A Mighty Heart”, which surprised a lot of people. And seriously, did anyone besides the people who vote on the Academy Awards even see “There Will Be Blood”? I bet a whole lot of teen boys expecting to see a slasher film were really disappointed.
I didn’t hear anything after “George Clooney”. Did you say something else?
even though juno won’t win an oscar, it’s a big, big day for the indie movie folk…getting a nod like that…just sayin’
And why wasn’t Bossy Loves Dooce: The Movie nominated? A glaring omission, I must say.
I remember the after-school special where the kid jumps off the roof after taking angel dust. Good times.
What?! Enchanted didn’t make the cut?
Atonement? BORING!!
I can’t see these movies in theaters because I go into seizures when the r-e-a-l-l-y loud previews come on. The next thing I know I am being poked by a teenage boy pimple alerting me that it is closing time.
And if I had Netflix, I would DEFINITELY put every After School Special on there, also episodes of Emergency . . . and anything with Kristy McNichol in it.
I felt that the sandbags were robbed of their chance to win an Oscar for best supporting sandbags in a period piece.
I haven’t seen any of those movies. BOSSY is nothing if not a wealth of knowledge.
I am so bummed that the Simpson movie didn’t get nominated for ANYTHING which would be ok if the BUG movie had some kind of honorable mention.
I haven’t seen any of them either. When the hell am I going to get a life, fer chrissake?
BOSSY and I have not seen the same movies.
VHS rentals displaced cinemas in my life.
Television displaced VHS rentals in my life.
The internet displaced television in my life.
Where I’m headed next, I can’t imagine, but there’d better be good snacks.
There was an indie movie that came out early last year that I can not find. Did anybody see “old men smell like cheese”? And is it worth looking for?
Bossy should see Juno.
(And the pretty boy from Atonement? So pretty!)
I vote for the one with the guy who looks just like George Clooney. I super heart George Clooney.
I heard Juno is good, but I haven’t seen it. But I swear I saw the one you were talking about. Maybe I can fake having seen Juno, so people will get off my back about it.
It looks like Bossy’s movie viewing habits are quite similar to mine. Of all the movies nominated, I’ve seen a grand total of 4:
Sweeney Todd
Ratatouille
Enchanted
Pirates of the Caribbean: At Taste’s End
This is the best movie review I have ever read. I think I heard of Juno before, and I think they liked it.
I netflixed the ones I could remember. Now I can use the handy Bossy Oscar reference to complete my queue! After School Specials are the best…
Now, can Bossy tell us what we are to wear to the Oscar Ceremony that may or may not be?
Truthfully, IMNSHO, I was ok with the way the Golden Globes was handled. I would love for the rest of the “so-called-award” shows to be handled the same – except maybe the Pillsbury Bake-off – I mean, you have to have the smell of baked goods in the air for that one to work! And Remy and Linguine from “Ratatouille” can host it.
I shun all movies until I can see them in the comfort of my own home…wearing a bathrobe, hair messed up and curled on my couch.
But I like the way you review movies! LOL.
Bossy? I just wanted to let you know that when I went to see Juno, I saw a preview for a John Cusack movie called “Grace Is Gone” that I CRIED through – why oh why did John have to make such a sad movie? BTW, you looked fabulous in the preview, daahling.
HHAA!!! Whew…thanks, Bossy. That gave Kevin some big belly laughs. He needed that.
Rats!! My favorite was Ratatoullie! On second thought, that was in Paris….must be best foreign film. Thanks Bossy for the review.
Daniel Day Lewis is still alive?
Who knew!
Aside from the ABC After-School Special, which is the only thing listed besides Oprah that I recognize, what I take away from your most excellent review is there’s some bloody old women who look an awful lot like sandbags. Doing stuff.
Thank you for putting this in language I understand. Those mainstream Oscar write-ups are Quangduong to me.
@ Foolery: I will bring snax.
I was a teen mom – and totally sarcastic! Glad to see they kept that part real!
Meleah will be running to Blockbuster with these movie picks. Now at least I have ‘plans’ for the weekend!
If it IS indeed a mop he can run right over to my house and do my floors.
your logic seems just as good as the oscar people!
Like Alli, this is the closest I’ve come to actually seeing any of these. So I thank you for the public service. Sigh.
Yes, but can the world have too many Tom Selleck mustaches? I mean, come on. It’s Tom Selleck. No one dominated the 80s butt shorts era like Tom.
This was hysterical. Someone, I really don’t know who… by the name of ‘me’, told me to come check out your blog. Here I am.
This was a riot.
We saw, NO Country.. it’s a No Go in both hubby’s and my opinions.
You are a funny, funny woman.
Thanks for the grins.
The problem with Netflix is that you have to make your own popcorn. Doesn’t Bossy find that tedious? Plus, no boxes of chocolate, and I have to make due with dipping saltines in Hershey’s syrup. It annoys me every time I see that red envelope.
Bossy missed her calling as a movie critic. She is hilarious and would save people tons of money by not going to the movies.
good to know i wasn’t alone with ‘no country…’.
ack. i thought it sucked. zack thought it was okay. it certainly wasn’t what i expected after reading the reviews.
i left all….’HUH?’.
s
Thanks Bossy! Awesome breakdown.
The only one I saw was Atonement.
I’d say wait for netflix and only turn the volume on when what’s his name is talking, watch for the fabulous green dress and hot scene in the library….otherwise too much of a downer.
You are really the funniest blogger on the Internets.
I was sad to see you not up for a Bloggie, cause really….
you’re brilliant.
God, I love your reviews—I also haven’t seen a single one but, yes, I’ve seen that After School special in whateveryear it was.
Oh man. I love this better than any awards show! LOL
Oh man. I love this better than any awards show! LOL
I’m sorry. nancypants didn’t actually post both of those comments there. The second one was her other personality. Funny… they think a lot alike.
You are right about Juno. Getting too serious would be antithetic to the Bossy Tone here, but there was a kick-ass NYT editorial about the very real life anguish of pregnant teens — there’s a very slick ending to Juno where she’s returned brand-spankin’ new to her ‘old’ life with a boyfriend and no baby!! One gain and one absence. The Times writer (can’t remember who) reminded all of us movie lovers (and I loved it) that the psychic pain, the loss, will shape that kid’s life. Wham. She nailed it!
Anyway… .. great Oscar summation. I won’t even bother to watch.
I saw Atonement, its the only one I did see. It had beautiful imagery but it made me sad for about two days…uck.