Mar 3, 2008
Meet Bossy’s New BFF.
Bossy admits to having a wee obsession with QVC. She never watched a home shopping channel a day in her life, but recently her cable network shuffled things around and now QVC is her VCR’s default channel.
Her VCR’s default channel used to be PBS, and so when Bossy was finished watching a rented movie she would fall backwards into programs about Islamic Spain and Buffalo Bill Cody, but now Bossy knows everything there is to know about Diamonique.
Not to mention 5-Sheet Paper Shredders and Media Destroyers and Jumbo Lumb Crabcakes and Plush Bootie Slippers With Memory Foam, and Bossy is here to say: who knew?
But back to Bossy’s new best friend. Her name is Lisa Robertson but Bossy calls her Lisa. Robertson.
Isn’t she, like, so pretty? Even if she does have corpse fingers:
But looks aren’t everything. So here is a list of the reasons why Bossy loves her new best friend Lisa:
Because when you phone Lisa to talk about the Ecclissi Sterling Bombe Link Bracelet Watch With Diamond Accents, she seems really glad you called:
And Lisa’s not just a good talker, she’s a great listener:
When you tell Lisa good news, she’s always happy to hear it:
And when you tell Lisa weird news, she gets all concerned:
And when you’re the fifteenth caller in one hour to tell her she’s beautiful, she’s all Oh my gah no way thank you:
And when everything’s been said that needs to be said regarding the weather in Corpus Christi and your friends in the bridge club and the Arte D’Argento 48″ Sterling Cultured Freshwater Pearl Necklace, Lisa Robertson waves goodbye like you’re her BFF too:
Oh Bossy. I’m sorry to tell you she isn’t real. She’s a robot.
Two words. Man hands. So sad….
and vuboq thought he was BOSSY’s new BFF. *sniff*
OH, bossy. Do I note a hint of jealousy? Or mockery? you do realize that Lisa is performing a Valuable Service to humankind? People want to reach out to Lisa. Lisa and Diamonique represent something intrinsic to the human psyche. They want to spend. They want to be beautiful.They don’t want terrorists to win.
Don’t give up hope, however, these are all the same reasons I come here. Except I’m not spending. And you don’t have plastic bionic hands. And you don’t sell faux diamonds. But you’re beautiful and try face creams so I keep coming back and fighting terrorism.
My mother was hooked on QVC, just like Bossy. After several phone calls to Lisa (and other popular hostess) they will start calling Bossy! Yep, that’s right! My mother’s phone rang off the hook with calls from her favorite QVC BFFs reminding her to “tune in”.
They certainly have programmed her to have a lot of expressions.
We’re not BFF anymore? Is it something I said? Something I did? Don’t I get a second chance?
I am bereft.
Oh, it is so very wrong to look at stills of that woman and LAUGH AND LAUGH.
…Keep it up.
BOSSY be a naughty girl. Lisa is a real human with real feelings who feels things really deeply. really. she lurves her audience and says she wants to be on BOSSY’s road trip.
there is something about her I really like, I think its her face. I never noticed her hands, maybe I’ll call and ask if she can hold them up to the camera with a ruler. She seems nice enough
Good lord I love QVC !!!!
By The Way: Bossy isn’t actually putting Lisa down. She sort of kind of wants to marry Lisa.
You MUST stop, Bossy! No good can come of this. Well, other than a highly amusing post. But still.
She really looks different when R2D2 isn’t standing next to her.
Wow. How many times has she had that face pulled back? Her eyebrows awfully…tight. Scary, scary Lisa.
Your BFF has so scary hands.
Fate? Karma? I kid you not, I’m reading your newest post AND watching QVC. No kidding. Valerie Par Hill is on and I love/hate her. Check her out! What kind of a name is Par? She is sticky sweet, making me more nauseaous than normal.
Dear Bossy,
I thought the lawyers at QVC made it clear in their NUMEROUS letters. Cease and desist.
Lisa.Roberts.
PS- Like I’d go to your hair salon. Those women are crazy.
Melizzard agrees with Bossy… QVC is the perfect background noise to any otherwise busy day. And everyonce in a while you see something sparkle out of the corner of your eye and you think “Oh Something Shiny!!”
Yes, QVC is da bom but for SOMETHING SPARKLY AND SHINY for NOT (REALLY) A LOT OF MONEY, nothing beats The Jewelry Channel. Maybe you could convince Lisa.Roberts to follow you there. (And of course she has man-hands – her name is “Robert”! Duh.)
I totally thought man hands when I saw them.
I am NOT going over there – you hear me?
NOT.
Totally man hands. Also? She has Susan Lucci Neck.
I think that if QVC started selling I Am Bossy t-shirts and keychains, then maybe I would even start watching Lisa. Roberts.
Aw! I think she REALLY likes you Bossy!
BOSSY, what is going on with Lisa’s neck? I think BOSSY has answers.
How many times has Bossy called in?
Ever since we said goodbye to cable o a little over a year ago, I find myself watching QVC when nothing else is on. I love it when the product they love so much doesn’t work right in a demonstration, or when one of the beautiful hosts has to pretend she likes some kind of up to the tummy, elastic waisted, bright pink granny pants. Makes my day!
I thought Diamonique was an actress on one of those sitcoms on that My21 channel I’ve never actually watched.
That was hilariously funny!
Lisa scares me.
And stop picking on people with corpse hands. We, I mean they having feelings too. Fer chrissake.
Bossy, step away from the QVC. Do not. I repeat, do not, under any circumstances, bring out a credit card.
My heart beat a little faster as soon as I realized what this was about b/c if Bossy does it, it’s ok. I don’t specifically set out to watch home shopping, and I’ve never bought anything, but when the dog steps on the remote and it goes there, or I’m in flipping mode and I pass it, I watch. It’s mesmerizing. Truly. I watched Marie Osmond sell dolls when I was sick a couple of weeks ago. And just this past weekend I saw a woman in a pink wig getting really, really excited about a ring having the shape of a heart on it. Only she used technical terms.
Spit it out, Bossy. How much did you buy?
So will Bossy be taking a picture of herself wearing the: Arte D’Argento 48″ Sterling Cultured Freshwater Pearl Necklace so we could all see?
bossy bossy bossy. you are too good for lisa. too good. if you had your own program i would tune in and do a post about you on my blog. we would have a bossy bonanza. doesn’t that sound like fun? any chance your car will make it to turkey? not turkey,texas…like the country? yeah…i didn’t think so. oh well.
You know the best thing about QVC? You call just once and order, and the NEXT TIME, they’re all, “Oh hi, Susan! You’re still at such-and-such an address, right? Same phone number? Credit card? You still have those pretty green eyes that sparkle when you laugh?”
Okay, so maybe they don’t mention the eyes, but they know EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU by the second phone call. And it’s like they’re really, really happy to hear from you. Kinda like Lisa.
My conclusion? EVERYONE at QVC is our BFF.
So now, when Bossy shows up at my house for her road trip excursion, she will be bedazzling in fake diamonds. Excellent choice, Bossy.
I could use some diamond accents.
She has lots of big white teeth. That should make up for the man-corpse hands, right?
Your best friends eyebrows are scaring the shit out of me.
OH MY GOD. You captured each expression and screen shot PRECISELY! Great job. Made me laugh.
Um, btw, do you think Lisa. Roberts. has had botox? She used to barely move. And why, oh why, do they all have those terrible rectangular fingernails done a la french manicure?
I am like that with Little People, Big World – they’re strange, but I watch them anyway. Kind of like a car accident, maybe.
i promise by the end of your 12 hours in texas, BIDDY will be your new best friend. or stalker. but i’m totally going for best friend
maybe we should invite lisa. roberts. to the party
I think Lisa.Roberts. needs to be vanquished by the Charmed sisters.
What’s a VCR?
Lisa. Roberts. should get some cream for those corpse fingers. If only there were some place she could buy such a thing. After seeing it demonstrated on TV.
Hmmmm…
Lisa Roberts is adorable. But Bossy deserves better.
holy crap, does that lady soak her hands in kerosene and ashtrays?
She sounds pretty great. If you like collagen.
haha I love that chick too!
OK. First, Bossy announces that olives are a major food group, and I go out and buy olives. Next, Bossy discusses her Best Life and her jogging regimen. So I start that routine (minus the Metamucil).
Now Bossy is suggesting that QVC is watchable TV. I really, absolutely, positively, unequivocally must draw the line in the sand and say that there’s no way in …WAIT!!! QVC SELLS CRAB CAKES?
I thought I was the only one w/ a secret crush on her.
You HAVE to get to know Robin Meade on Headline News in the morning. My husband and I both have a TV crush on her.
Can you buy your new best friend? She looks like she’s about 29.99 to me.
Um Bossy, I hate to be a pain, but what’s a VCR?
Did you know Barbie’s last name is also Roberts? Yes really. Barbara Millicent Roberts actually. Barbie may have less masculine hands but Lisa is clearly the better emoter.
Gheesh! Now, you’ve got me checking QVC to see what’s on. All I see tonight is some poor old guy with a comb-over selling Grandpa’s Handyman Secrets Book. (They all sound happy, though)
I have been obsessed with Lisa since, oh, Xmas of 1996 when the hubs and I polished off a bottle of tequila then couldnt sleep. We watched her explain watches and diamonique and we fell in love. I was immediately captured by her eyebrow tattoos and french manicure. I have learned to live with the fact that her lipliner never matches her lipstick. Most of all, though, she impressed with her knowledge of imperial measurement down to the 1/16 of an inch. It is because of her that I know what the word bezel means.
i sort of want to pop her head off.
so did you buy it?
I could never have such a beautiful BFF. My ego is far too delicate.
And also? all that cheeriness would make me want to remove my spleen with a spork.
Damn. You’re good.
Wandered upon yours through “Blog This Mom.” Love it. I’ll be back.
P.S. Freaking brilliant with the T-shirts. Damn. I want one now.
Does the BFF offer an installment plan for those wildly impulsive “diamond” purchases?
Hey, I worked at QVC for 5 years back in the 90’s – I was one of those ‘happy’ people who know your name when you call in. I worked nights when my kids were little and I actually used to see LIsa.Robertson (in person!) sometimes shopping at my Giant food store in Exton after I got off work at 2:00 AM.
I would never in a million years work for QVC or any home shopping network. I couldn’t be that perky and happy all the time.
Phoenix said: Can you buy your new best friend? She looks like she’s about 29.99 to me.
Don’t forget Easy Pay–10 easy payments of $2.99 plus shipping and handling!
I don’t get cable (or satellite) but Celebrity Apprentice just did a thing on QVC. It was funny.
So…will Bossy be visiting Lisa on her road trip?
Lisa actually probably lives near you Since QVC is in Westchester.
WARNING WARNING WILL ROBINSON!!
Under no circumstances should Bossy or any of Bossy’s readers purchase Ecclisi sterling or Honora pearl jewelry on QVC. You will be sucked in by the siren song of beautiful quality, low prices and many compliments.
Not that I have any personal knowledge of such things.
I’m just sayin’.
WARNING WARNING WILL ROBINSON!!
Under no circumstances should Bossy or any of Bossy’s readers purchase Ecclisi sterling or Honora pearl jewelry on QVC. You will be sucked in by the siren song of beautiful quality, low prices and many compliments.
Not that I have any personal knowledge of such things.
I’m just sayin’.
Bossy, man. I never, ever comment. But I always laugh. AL.WAYS. And now that I’m commenting, I’m realizing that it’s not just you that’s laugh-out-loud fun, it’s also your many readers that leave comments. We could all use a little more Bossy in our lives. I’m tellin’ ya.
You are so great.
This is hilarious.
I needed QVC good times today.
Confession. I watch Lisa. Worse…I once watched 2 hours straight of Kenneth J. Lane on QVC. Oh God, the shame.
Little known fact: Lisa has a well-concealed, huge, fat ass. Also, her hair is all bleached out, but her eyebrows are sooo dark. Er, wait…but I’m talking about Lisa Robertson. I don’t know a Lisa Roberts.