Feb 2, 2009

Welcome To Your New Addiction.

Who has seen those VW Routan commercials starring Brooke Shields, and she’s all, “People are making babies just so they can own this minivan.”

Right, who cares about those commercials, but the point. The point! The point is that as part of their promotional campaign, VW created a website called the RoutanBabymaker3000 which allows, as a totally random example, you to upload photos of yourself and John Cusack in order to see what your baby would look like.

Who’s breathless?

To begin, upload a photo of The Mom. The photo must meet certain criteria, for instance there can’t be any hair draped over the face, so as you can imagine it took Bossy close to a millennia to locate an image of herself she could use:

Next upload a photo of The Dad:

Then some techno foreplay happens:

And faster than you can say Who The Fook Decided Routan Was A Good Name For A Minivan your cute little baby is born!

You can also upload photos from the internet so you can create babies from weird celebrity combinations. As if weird celebrity combinations would happen.

Don’t mind Bossy as she takes a two-month leave of absence to make virtual babies. Who has a cigarette?

This is the site, but don’t even try to pretend Bossy didn’t warn you.

permanent link to post

48 comments

1. 1
   on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:37 am
   carson said:

   I know it’s not nice to make fun of people’s babies, but this one just doesn’t scream cute. Can we see Baby Bossy O’Bama?


2. 2
   on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:39 am
   Bossy's friend Amy said:

   so, i don’t know how to tell you this – but, your baby is CREEPING me out… no more babies with j.c. please.


3. 3
   on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:44 am
   David said:

   I think you did much better without the use of Cusack seed. Just say no.


4. 4
   on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:44 am
   Lizzy said:

   My husband and I did this before we even thought that having babies would be a good idea. Our spawn looked like our eldest daughter, except for the Rod Blagojevich hair and the jean jacket.


5. 5
   on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:44 am
   MariaV said:

   Shudder! Why does the baby look s/he is in a velvet lined coffin? The baby is adorable but that background has got to go.


6. 6
   on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:45 am
   William said:

   I am impressed that your baby is already in a car seat. Maybe you could named the kid Grosse-point blank?


7. 7
   on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:50 am
   Domestic Goddess (in training) said:

   I’ll be honest… new borns are never cute. I know you’re not supposed to admit that, but we should all be able to agree in cyberland that they just aren’t. But, I have to say… your baby (boy or girl… can’t tell) is particularly scary. I can’t decide if its Damien-inspired or Rosemary’s???


8. 8
   on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:51 am
   kristin said:

   Good lord! Don’t DO that to me first thing in the morning! Those eyes will haunt my nightmares.


9. 9
   on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 am
   julie said:

   Ok, that site is too much fun. I love that you can re-mix a few times. I put my husband and I in (I know, yawn, but was curious to see what future children could look like) and had 3 very cute and one rather creepy child.


10. 10
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am
    dexter said:

    Oh Lord, that is one creepy kid! I think I saw that kid in a Hitchcock movie


11. 11
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 11:10 am
    EricaB/Crazy Momma said:

    ummm, that baby scares me.


12. 12
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
    joeinvegas said:

    Hmmm, I never considered Brooke as the daddy and the mommy. That is an interesting thought.


13. 13
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 12:35 pm
    Heather said:

    I suspect they are just using the same bunch of babies. My baby with Hugh Laurie is a dead ringer for your baby with John Cusack.


14. 14
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
    Dara said:

    Brooke is fooking beautiful.

    Do ya think that Angelina wanna be that just had those 8 (!!!!) babies tried this site first and became obsessed? I smell a lawsuit…..


15. 15
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 1:04 pm
    Little Miss Sunshine State said:

    Don’t diss the funky VW language. It puts the Cheerios on my breakfast table. Mr Sunshine has been with them for almost 20 years.
    When our kids were little we would make them say
    FARFIGNOOGIN.

    Your kid has good hair.


16. 16
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 1:20 pm
    prefers her fantasy life said:

    Well I guess that makes my virtual baby and your virtual baby, stepsiblings.


17. 17
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 1:39 pm
    Kelly at The Glass Dragonfly said:

    My daughter and her friends had a blast playing with this…for me though, it requires uploading a picture of myself. Me and cameras?? We just don’t mix.


18. 18
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm
    jandondi said:

    WAIT…I sure am happy that you made babies with the silver fox….SO much cuter


19. 19
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
    Ms. Cranky Pants said:

    Do you remember that Michael Keaton movie, Multiplicity? I hate to burst the proud cloud of digital procreation, but by the way this kid looks, s/he reminds me of Clone #2.


20. 20
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 3:01 pm
    Jenn @ Juggling Life said:

    Totally a boy. Possibly not especially intelligent–the eyes are definitely a bit flat.


21. 21
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 3:23 pm
    Momo Fali said:

    *It* doesn’t look like either of you. More of a William Shatner crossed with a baby deer.


22. 22
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 5:20 pm
    clickmom said:

    And I thought Simpsonizing myself was exciting! Now I get to virtual breed with famous people! Thanks Bossy. You are da bomb!


23. 23
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 5:25 pm
    Lee of MWOB said:

    Oh Bossy! This one gave me a full-on actual real Laugh Out Loud when I saw that baby! That is too insane! The he/she newborn bundle of Bossy + John.

    I might have to check out that site – or NOT!!


24. 24
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 5:33 pm
    Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

    Oh my God! I can see it now. My little baby boy will be Deppalicious!


25. 25
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
    Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

    Okay. Confession: I did it. I’m a bit bothered by how much my love child with Johnny Depp looks like your love child with John Cusack. Someone’s cheating, and I don’t think it’s VW. Do you?


26. 26
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 5:58 pm
    Lindsey said:

    Addiction, I think, is an understatement.


27. 27
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 7:04 pm
    Mr Farty said:

    Yikes! Village of the Damned, anyone?


28. 28
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 8:10 pm
    Zandor said:

    That site is kind of neat, but the eyes are just too odd.


29. 29
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 8:20 pm
    Sparx said:

    Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my. I think it’s past my bedtime.


30. 30
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 8:22 pm
    Sparx said:

    …and wait, is that, is that… is that a _moustache_?


31. 31
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 8:36 pm
    GreatAunt said:

    The silly baby-program says that in addition to “no hair across the face” it also doesn’t want to see glasses on a person. Some people have lived their entire lives with glasses on their face. Some people don’t have photos of themselves (outside of their hospital birth photos) without glasses on their face. How are these people supposed to have fun playing this baby-making game?

    Some glasses-wearing people tried anyway and matched themselves up with Harry Conick Jr., but the resulting baby was frightening… at least one glasses-wearing person will be having nightmares about this experiment.


32. 32
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
    wrh said:

    He/She BabyBossyCusack looks a little bit like a mouth breather.

    I’m looking forward to receiving the birth announcement in the mail.

    Have you given any thoughts to names? Perhaps Cletus? Marvelle?


33. 33
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:01 pm
    patois said:

    I am going to do this right now. And I will curse you well into the evening. And likely beyond.


34. 34
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
    Wendy said:

    this would be a good Halloween site because that kid is just spooky! and doesn’t look like mom or dad (unfortunately for it since they’re both gorgeous!!).


35. 35
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 11:23 pm
    Michelle said:

    Umm… let’s not make more Cusack babies. They are obviously zombies in the making.


36. 36
    on February 2nd, 2009 at 11:59 pm
    Chesapeake Bay Woman said:

    Dear Volkswagen,

    I presume you have reserved a separate planet to house all the spawn to be created by the Cusack-Bossy orgyfest. If not, then please start development and production of a minivan the approximate size of Jupiter.


37. 37
    on February 3rd, 2009 at 1:07 am
    Lesley said:

    Hi. My name is I Am Bossy and this is my baby, I Am Creepy!


38. 38
    on February 3rd, 2009 at 1:19 am
    Lisa said:

    This is what I will be doing all day tomorrow, making fake babies….since now I am UNEMPLOYED!!!!


39. 39
    on February 3rd, 2009 at 7:43 am
    Surcie said:

    {Laughing at Lesley’s comment.}


40. 40
    on February 3rd, 2009 at 11:16 am
    Eden said:

    It took quite a few tries for me to get a human-looking one. I blame the Phoenix family genes.


41. 41
    on February 3rd, 2009 at 12:17 pm
    kate said:

    creepy.

    but still, what would a baby of a saucy redhead and kal penn look like? let’s go find out.


42. 42
    on February 3rd, 2009 at 2:04 pm
    HeyJoe said:

    Creepy looking kid you made there Doll. Time to dump Cusak. Suggest you try Mickey Rourke. THAT should result in a well shaped baby head


43. 43
    on February 3rd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
    Auds at Barking Mad said:

    Wow…you sure you don’t wanna rethink her name? Chucky maybe? That’s about the only thing coming to mind right now.

    How about a Bossy/Obama baby? Or would that break the Routan baby maker?


44. 44
    on February 4th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
    Stacey Ball said:

    Oh man, I just made a baby that makes me want to have a C section! The head is HUGE!


45. 45
    on February 5th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
    Ruth Dynamite said:

    Um, sort of related but not really…have you seen the movie Martian Boy?


46. 46
    on February 5th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
    Kristin said:

    I really need to see barack o’baby!! Please????


47. 47
    on February 8th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
    sista #2 said:

    Ya know how people say….there are no ugly babies?

    Yeah, they are wrong.

    peace
    #2


48. 48
    on January 7th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
    Robin said:

    Oh man, I want to know what my baby would look like with Kevin Spacey. I don’t care what anyone says!