Feb 18, 2009

Dear Marc Jacobs, You’re On Crack.

The first shoe in Marc Jacobs’ 2009 Spring Collection goes by the memorable name 693982 Sandal, and is constructed of a leather sole, leather upper, and 3 3/4″ of stacked heel ugly. $349.95

Next up:

This is Marc Jacobs’ 693974 Sandal, not to be confused with the 693982 Sandal that was all the rage one paragraph ago, because this sandal cost $130.00 more, and features metallic leather and green canvas and a handful of grommets and a stick of metal set inside the stacked wood heel, because all of these things belong on one shoe. $479.95

Next up:

Bossy knows what you’re thinking. You’re thinking these flats are kind of cute in a bold stripe patent leather upper $249.95 way. Except:

And finally, if you’d like to explore the idea of the 693982 Sandal in an alternate color, Marc Jacob offers the following:

White and stoned. Sounds like a certain designer who shall remain nameless but rhymes with Fark Macops.

permanent link to post

70 comments

1. 1
   on February 18th, 2009 at 11:03 am
   A Cowboy's Wife said:

   All I have to say is eww.


2. 2
   on February 18th, 2009 at 11:03 am
   krg said:

   oh man… i want them all.


3. 3
   on February 18th, 2009 at 11:24 am
   merrymishaps said:

   Did you see the mouse print ones from last year?

   Like http://zeta.zappos.com/product/7489724/color/178244
   or http://zeta.zappos.com/product/7489722/color/178256
   or http://zeta.zappos.com/product/7362911/color/35084 (on sale! only $191!)

   There were cats, too. I don’t get it.


4. 4
   on February 18th, 2009 at 11:30 am
   ShallowGal said:

   I’ll pass on the shoes but I wouldn’t kick a Marc Jacobs handbag out of my bed . . .


5. 5
   on February 18th, 2009 at 11:49 am
   Cat said:

   Okay, bad, bad, and bad, but I have to admit I was very tempted to get the cat ones last year because, well, my name is Cat. Not tempted enough to spend $200 on silly shoes though. I think it is wrong for a person to design a shoe he himself would never wear, but who knows maybe Mr. Jacobs does wear the ugly shoes in question.


6. 6
   on February 18th, 2009 at 11:50 am
   Domestic Goddess (in training) said:

   I would be disturbed by the weird women looking up my skirt on those ballet flats! At the least, it should have been George Clooney. Then you’d have the ego boost of one of the world’s sexiest men looking up your dress.


7. 7
   on February 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
   David said:

   So you’re saying if these were sandals that actually appealed to you, you WOULD pay $479.95? Paging the poverty party! Intervention, stat!


8. 8
   on February 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
   Lizzy said:

   I think a Barbie vomited on the 693982 Sandal.


9. 9
   on February 18th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
   Bridget said:

   Dear Marc Jacobs,
   Take off your shirt and all will be forgiven.


10. 10
    on February 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
    Christine said:

    I think he creates ugly shoes and then charges hundreds of dollars for them just to see how much he can get away with. They get uglier every year and I can’t imagine that anyone is buying them?
    I would like a bag though.


11. 11
    on February 18th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
    anne marie in philly said:

    any woman who wears any of these abominations deserves foot problems!

    not to mention going into debt over frackin’ footwear!

    gotta luv birkenstocks!


12. 12
    on February 18th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
    Lesley said:

    I’m officially blind in my right eye now.


13. 13
    on February 18th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
    Baby Favorite said:

    I’d rather spend $18 on a normal looking pair of cheap shoes at Payless, to tell you the truth. Honestly (and this is coming from someone who is NOT frugal) — I think it’s a crime that people spend $300-$400 on shoes when there are children without food in this country. It’s one thing to buy decent shoes that will last and be good for your feet, but to spend that amount on high fashion makes me sick.


14. 14
    on February 18th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
    kj said:

    I think he’s just trying to make the most ugly shoes ever and tricking everyone into thinking that they are “hip”.

    I would NEVA spend more than $50 on a pair of shoes, no matter who made them.


15. 15
    on February 18th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
    Lisa said:

    Marc is out of ideas…..no one will be able to buy those ugly things anyway.


16. 16
    on February 18th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
    Grandma J said:

    Marc Jacobs and I would look great together in matching flip flops


17. 17
    on February 18th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
    kate said:

    even i don’t like those. and i almost bought yellow-green suede stillettos with navy blue yarn pompons on the toes recently.

    and i’m still kicking myself for not getting them.


18. 18
    on February 18th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
    Lotta said:

    I think the angry asian girl shoes are interesting. But would only be appropriate on the people that likely can’t afford them. Trendy preteens.


19. 19
    on February 18th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
    Debby said:

    UGLY. Shop at Target. Cheap shoes

    Or TJMaxx, designer names at discount prices (my God, I could work for them, marketing….)


20. 20
    on February 18th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
    Ms. Cranky Pants said:

    In that picture, Marc’s surely saying “SUCKAHS!” — all the way to the bank.


21. 21
    on February 18th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
    Reeb said:

    Take the heel off the silvery-greeny one and put it on the multicolored first model, and YANK that distracting bow off it, and then I’d enjoy looking at it. On someone else’s foot.

    I broke my little toe a month ago and can’t wear three pairs of snappy new shoes I got over Xmas. Come on little toe! Heal!


22. 22
    on February 18th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
    Reeb said:

    For the record, got my shoes at a huge cool discount shoe place whose name I can’t recall now. $400 for shoes? Give me travel everytime, instead!


23. 23
    on February 18th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
    Allison said:

    Wow, definitely hideous.

    Although they will still be ALL. THE. RAGE.


24. 24
    on February 18th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
    shanna said:

    I remember shoes from the 70’s that were quite similar, I think a bit less tacky due to no floppy bow. Thanks for posting those and keeping me updated on What Not To Buy.


25. 25
    on February 18th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
    derfina said:

    I can’t stop looking at the 693982. Kinda has a ring to it…Six nine three nine eight two. Say it three times real fast and it grows on you. *snort*


26. 26
    on February 18th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
    Chris said:

    Proof that designers make up weird shit just to see who will wear it…


27. 27
    on February 18th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
    Mary said:

    This is why I wear Keds.


28. 28
    on February 18th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
    Cactus Petunia said:

    Eeewww eeewww eeewww! What I don’t understand is why anyone would consider those things SHOES. To walk in. Oh, wait. Maybe they’re not designed to WALK in.
    Come on over and check out my new shoes…much cuter, cheaper and definitely designed to run away from anyone wearing Marc Jacobs shoes!
    http://buenosburritos.blogspot.com/2009/02/february-funk.html


29. 29
    on February 18th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
    Maria said:

    …and I’m still hung up on a pair of Converse sneakers that went out of stock. Although, frankly, I do wear heals 1/2 the time…okay 1/4 of the time. I like a nice heel. But I’m all about kitten heels,Marc, heels that have a NAME marc, not just a number. That is SO stinking rude, to make shoes like they are cattle and not have a personal relationship with them. That is SOOO just non committal. That is soooo love em and leave ‘em…like my change jar.


30. 30
    on February 18th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
    Maria said:

    did is say heals or heels? Ya, I homeskool…


31. 31
    on February 18th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
    Shelley said:

    Dear Marc,
    WHY?
    Love,
    Shelley


32. 32
    on February 18th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
    Kristine said:

    I believe this is the new version of the emperor’s new clothes. The people are following along as if nothing is out of the ordinary.


33. 33
    on February 18th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
    Liz C said:

    Heck, they sell stupid looking crap like that at Payless all the time for a lot less.

    I just don’t get fashion. Never have.


34. 34
    on February 18th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
    Little Miss Sunshine State said:

    I HATE shoes. So I moved to a place where my shoes collect dust in the closet.
    Current footwear? Flip-floppy type things that I found at a clearance sale for 75 cents….so I bought 2 pairs.
    Perfect for a Poverty Party.


35. 35
    on February 18th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
    susan said:

    What would Pa Ingalls think?


36. 36
    on February 18th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
    Maggie Garcia said:

    I LOVE the Japanese school girls on the flat …. I just don’t $300 love them. Everything else = blegh. Bossy should be a fashion something or another. Clearly.


37. 37
    on February 18th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
    kathy in b.c. said:

    I spent 90 bucks on a pair of running shoes more than two years ago and now they are wearing out. I won’t be sprinting to buy any of these. Bossy is too right about these shoes. I think designers don’t really like women when they make shoes with huge heels. I remember the 70’s. Thanks, but no thanks.


38. 38
    on February 18th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
    ashley said:

    The grosgrain is just that, gross, kinda like the pricetags. People are crazy.


39. 39
    on February 18th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
    Coco said:

    Not my style. And at that price they better give me a foot massage.

    Coco


40. 40
    on February 18th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
    Adorable Girlfriend said:

    I have said this about him and Michael Kors for a while.

    They are both openly gay men who are designers — a good good qualities except when it comes to giving AG shoes. AG’s gays don’t design her shoes like her straight girls do. It’s just an AG thing that trickles down to y’all.


41. 41
    on February 18th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
    karen l said:

    This is the same designer who doesn’t produce clothing larger than a size 12 because “there’s no reason for women to have large thighs – they just need to lost weight”
    He’s on my list. Yeah. That list.


42. 42
    on February 18th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
    Shayera said:

    Those are amazingly hideous.
    I need to rest after seeing that.


43. 43
    on February 18th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
    Stacey Ball said:

    You know a show is ugly when it can’t even be given a real name and is just assigned a number. Blah!


44. 44
    on February 18th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
    Lee of MWOB said:

    I think it’s a joke. I really do. He is laughing his way all the way to the bank and laughing at the women wearing these. I really think so. Although in this economy who is buying these shoes? Who? I think Bossy needs to find someone wearing these shoes and interview them. And find out what her kitchen looks like while you’re at it.


45. 45
    on February 18th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
    Dorothy Stahlnecker said:

    This is great to let women know how horrific some of these designers are and how talented they are at making us look stupid when we continue to treat them like fashion gurus when in reality they secretly hate women and laugh when we buy they’re ugly fashion products and they make huge profits.Good work bossy..let’s continue to expose who they really are women haters…

    Dorothy from grammology
    grammology.com


46. 46
    on February 18th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
    Andi said:

    Crack, ice, cheez, meth, crank, acid…something REALLY heavy cuz damn those are some yoogly shoes. Lawdy lawdy lawdy. mm mm mmm. I’m afraid I’ll have nightmares tonight. Don’t think I have to worry about my 13 yr old wanting those. GAH!!!


47. 47
    on February 18th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
    Sparx said:

    Man., those are ugly shoes… what the?


48. 48
    on February 18th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
    Michelle said:

    I actually kind of like the second pair, and I don’t like heels or the color green. (I have a thing for clear parts on shoes, though.)


49. 49
    on February 18th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
    Enchanted said:

    Thanks so much for the laugh!


50. 50
    on February 18th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
    Lisa said:

    Poor Bossy, another year with the old keds tennis shoes and old navy flip flops for you, too?
    I dont get it, especially the $$$ ding dong!!

    coastal nest


51. 51
    on February 18th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
    Emily said:

    I’m the thrift store queen of shoes and I have gotten some very nice pairs there too! Ex: Land’s End boots for my daughter when she was smaller. I’m wearing some Ralph Lauren black flats I got there that weren’t used at all. Also some very nice ankle boots. I’ll be back soon for some more…


52. 52
    on February 18th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
    Chesapeake Bay Woman said:

    Dear Bossy,
    I don’t usually make a comment before I’ve actually read a post (and sometimes the other comments), but the title of this alone followed by the first picture made me laugh, which released about a thousand gallons of tension that had built up all day, starting at five a.m. this morning.

    All I can say is thank you. p.s. I may be back after I actually read this to say something cheeky/snarky, but right now, just thank you. This reminds me of the “Dear Restroom Architect” one from your roadtrip. Simply hilarious.


53. 53
    on February 18th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
    Mrs. C. said:

    I wouldn’t wear those shoes to shovel horse crap in.

    Though it might just make ‘em look better…


54. 54
    on February 18th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
    Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said:

    He’s laughing all the way to the bank.

    It’s not fair.


55. 55
    on February 18th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
    Karen in DE said:

    I miss Bossy. I have Big Brother watching over my shoulder every day at work. I cannot access Bossy during my waking hours . . .


56. 56
    on February 19th, 2009 at 12:07 am
    sugarpie said:

    Howdy bossy!

    There are lots of scary things going on in the world, economically-wise. However! One of the not-so-scary things is that this, hmmmm…I want to be diplomatic here, ASSCLOWN!, may just have his rear end handed to him by the financial downturn. And that, my fellow bossy-oides, will be a good thing.

    Second hand stores rule my shopping world. Last year, at one of the local church run thrift shops, I found an almost-new pair of Lucchese boots. And for 10 bucks! Yeehaw!

    Thanks Bossy, for helping point out what the emperor isn’t wearing.


57. 57
    on February 19th, 2009 at 1:00 am
    Suzanne said:

    It sorta looks like he took all of the remnant materials from his decent looking shoes and made “left-over casserole shoes”, if you will.


58. 58
    on February 19th, 2009 at 1:12 am
    hippo brigade said:

    I’m buying the strippy ones. Because I like fat faced Japanese girls on my shoes.


59. 59
    on February 19th, 2009 at 7:52 am
    Teafran said:

    Speaking of slightly odd fashion statements…

    http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/wildhair.htm


60. 60
    on February 19th, 2009 at 8:20 am
    Momo Fali said:

    Those little girls are clearly looking up your skirt. Perverts.


61. 61
    on February 19th, 2009 at 9:17 am
    The Domestic Goddess said:

    While I whole-heartedly agree that he’s whack on crack, I have to admit there is a bit of whimsy associated with this particular collection (albeit crack-laden whimsy). I like different stuff, but that’s beyond different. It’s….Cracky.


62. 62
    on February 19th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
    blackbird said:

    It would appear that one of those flats is lined with Matzoh, which I’m sure is very expensive.


63. 63
    on February 19th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
    kay said:

    Honestly? My biggest problem? One of those Japanese girls looks like she’s been GAGGED! Like, with a GAG! During an abduction!


64. 64
    on February 19th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
    Karen (submommy) said:

    I’ve seen it coming for a long time: The rebirth of all things ugly from the 70’s.


65. 65
    on February 19th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
    sista #2 said:

    Am I the only one who thinks they are all ugly????

    peace
    #2


66. 66
    on February 20th, 2009 at 4:37 am
    Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said:

    Anyone have $349.95 they’d like to give me? I wear an
    8 1/2. White and Stoned please, thanks!


67. 67
    on February 20th, 2009 at 9:56 am
    Jen said:

    Klassy with a K.


68. 68
    on February 21st, 2009 at 6:58 pm
    Professional Critic said:

    Oh dear. These are all distressingly hideous.


69. 69
    on February 21st, 2009 at 7:59 pm
    Jamie said:

    so i have to wonder who in their right mind would pay that much for SANDLES? i mean, the less there is, shouldn’t that mean the less you pay for them? there is NO way i’m paying that exorbitant price for something so UGLY


70. 70
    on August 28th, 2009 at 4:01 am
    james said:

    who stuck a log up your ass?