May 22, 2009

Bossy Crushes Throughout History. Part One.

gene-rayburn

You are looking at Gene Rayburn, one of Bossy’s very early husbands, and the host of the 1970s star-studded game show, Match Game. You never knew what kind of antics you’d witness on this freewheeling show, thick with innuendo. And alcoholism.

At the beginning of each show, Bossy’s husband Gene Rayburn introduces the celebrity panelists, who try to match their answers to those of the contestants:

gene-rayburn-greets-celebrities

Next we meet the current champion:

matchgame-current-champion

And Gene Rayburn tells the live studio audience, “The current champion is a very accomplished lady who speaks many languages and is from Casablanca!” And next we meet the challenger:

matchgame-contestant-challenger

After a commercial break, it’s time for Gene Rayburn to read the first question, which contains a blank. The object of the game is to replace the blank with a word that’s common or logical enough that the celebrity panelists also select this word, racking up the contestant’s points.

Gene Rayburn reads the first Match Game question: They threw Colonel Sanders out of the hockey game when he tried to (blank) the puck.

gene-rayburn-reads-question

Both the contestants and the celebrity panelists write down their guess on a high tech piece of cardboard while the synthesizer farts its way through the theme song. And then it’s time for the current champion to tell Gene Rayburn her chosen word to fill the blank! And that chosen word is:

to-fry

Next Gene Rayburn saunters over to the celebrities to check with them, one by one, to see if any of them guessed the same thing:

dick-answers

And Dick answers, “Fry” which means the current champion wins because it wasn’t just a regular Match Game question, it was a tiebreaker and Bossy forgot to tell you that part because, yeah.

contestant-wins

And then the other celebrities show their answers just for the fun of it:

celebrities-answer

Next the current champion races out from behind the console to take her position on the adhesive tape, and Bossy knows this because Gene Rayburn said, “Come out here and take your position on the adhesive tape.

contestant-tape

And to the departing challenger, Gene Rayburn is all, “It was a pleasure to meet you, and we have a gift for you, together with our thanks,” except when Gene Rayburn says it, the words swim together in one big tank of gin. And without another word, the challenger goes humming off on the circular robotic stage while the celebrity panelists wave goodbye:

challenger-goes

wave-goodbye

Now it’s time for the bonus round, where the contestant is given a phrase with a blank, but this time the contestant selects three celebrities to fill the blank, and then the contestant decides which of those three celebrities guessed the most popular answer, and sister mercy is Bossy glad she doesn’t have to describe the object of 1970s game shows for a living! Oh wait, she does.

This is the bonus round phrase:

jane-blank

As you can see, if the celebrity selects the third most popular response, the contestant receives $100. If the celebrity selects the second most popular response, the contestant receives $250, etcetera ad nauseam and yes this post is about Bossy’s crush on Gene Rayburn so quit asking.

And about these meager game show earnings, Gene Rayburn asks the current champion how she intends to spend this windfall of Match Game money, and she says, “Oh, on so many, many things,” because: hello, 1970s.

Next the current champion selects her three celebrities to fill the Jane (blank) bonus question, and she chooses Richard Dawson, who guesses Jane Fonda, because: hello, 1970s.

richard-dawson

Charles Nelson Reilly guesses Jane Eyre:

charles-nelson-reilly

And Dick guesses Jane Withers:

dick-match-game

So the current champion decides to go with Richard Dawson’s answer, Jane Fonda, which shows up as the second most popular answer and the current champion wins $250!

current-champion-match-game

And next it’s time for the bonus round! And yes, Bossy knows she thought the last bit was the bonus round but ndnkfkkl loflm kdld.

In this bonus round, the current champion tries to win $2500 by matching only one celebrity, and the current champion selects Richard Dawson. And then Bossy’s husband Gene Rayburn reads the bonus bonus round round phrase: (blank) glory.

Richard Dawson scribbles down his guess while Gene Rayburn tells the current champion to allow her ESP to flow over to Richard Dawson, because: hello again 1970s.

match-game-contestant-ESP

Then Gene Rayburn asks the current champion for her (blank) glory guess, and the current champion swallows hard and says, “Past Glory,” and the studio audience gasps and goes, “Ohhhhhhhhhh.

richard-dawson-match-game-answer

Finally, Gene Rayburn asks the other celebrities for their blank glory ideas just for the heck of it, and there was Bound for Glory and even Path To Glory, but then someone in the studio audience shouts out Morning Glory!

gene-rayburn-studio-audience

And speaking of vodka-soaked game shows, the correct answer to Bossy’s Friend/Asparagus Fact Challenge is: Wendy reminded Bossy of the diuretic properties, Eric traveled to Germany, and Martha is growing it in her garden.

So Bossy took all of the people who guessed correctly and stuck their comment number in a hat:

numbers-out-of-a-hat

And then Bossy selected the winner out of the hat:

picking-numbers-from-a-hat

Congratulations to Meg from The Member’s Lounge! A Hydroplane Zester Grater will be on its way.

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