Jun 15, 2009

It’s Time For Another Episode Of Drop Everything Because T.R. Is On The Barefoot Contessa.

barefoot-contessa-title

Bossy has written before about her obsession with chef and cookbook author Ina Garten, and Ina Garten’s love for her husband Jeffrey, who was the Undersecretary of Commerce for International Trade, but that doesn’t stop Ina from doubting his ability to purchase a bottle of wine without mistaking it for bourbon.

But in actuality Bossy watches Ina for her gays.

Ina Garten has many gays and they decorate her tables and arrange her flowers, but no gay can compare to Ina’s gay T.R., otherwise known as model/actor/but mostly model T.R. Pescod.

T.R.-pescod-model-ina-garten

In this episode of the Barefoot Contessa, T.R. has just purchased an old fishing shack on the water off of East Hampton, New York, and T.R. has invited Ina for dinner on his dick dock.

Here’s the deal the two struck: T.R. will catch the fish and Ina will prepare it. And prepare other stuff too. And pack it all up on ice and load all the crap into her trunk and carry heavy containers into his house and lord, Ina has to work hard for her friends.

First on the menu, Ina prepares a Summer Fruit Crostata, and here is her recipe: butter:

ina-garten-butter

Flour blah blah blah ice water and now it’s time for T.R. and the first glimpse of his dick dock:

T.R.Pescod-Ina-dock1

Next Ina prepares the tarter sauce that will accompany the fish T.R. catches, and here is her recipe: mayonnaise.

ina-garten-mayonnaise

Speaking of T.R., next Ina adds the ingredient that gives her tartar sauce its bite:

ina-garten-pickle-jar

Meanwhile T.R. tries to have his way with a very long rod:

T.R.-fishes-hamptons

Then we go back to Ina’s house where — sister mercy — she’s got her fingers in the pickle jar again:

Ina-Garten-pickle-jar2

And then it’s time for an Ocean Spray commercial:

ocean-spray-commercial

After the commercial break, it’s time for Ina to make the crumble topping for her Summer Fruit Crostata, and here is the recipe: butter:

ina-garten-crumble-recipe

Then Ina prepares the batter she will later use to fry the fish. Meanwhile back at T.R.’s, he’s having no luck catching that night’s dinner:

TR-Pescod-east hampton

And so T.R. goes to his local fishmonger and buys the fish fillets:

TR-Pescod-ina-garten-hamptons

Then Ina prepares the chips to complete the menu of fish and chips, and here is that recipe: salt.

ina-garten-fish-chips

Then Ina packs up all of her prepared food in order to take it to T.R.’s fishing shack. But first, it’s time for a few more commercials:

diet-commercial

When the commercial break is over, we find Ina yoo-hooing for T.R. as she balances her heavy tray of pre-seasoned bribes:

tr-pescod-ina-fishing-shack

TR-pescod-kisses-ina-garten

And then Ina asks to see T.R.’s fish:

ina-gartens-friend-TR

Then Ina preheats T.R.’s oven to 400 degress in order to prepare a sheet pan of roasted rosemary dicks:

ina-garten-roasted-rosemary-potatoes

And then Ina and T.R. grab a couple of glasses of Chef’s Little Helper:

ina-garten-wine

And finally what we’ve all been waiting for: Ina dips T.R.’s big fish in her milky batter.

ina-garten-TR-dock

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