Jun 17, 2009
It’s Time For Another Episode Of: Everything I Know About Trends I Learned From A Blog Buried In The Recesses Of An Unfashionable Suburb.
The other day Bossy was cleaning out her clothes closet, where cleaning out equals staring for long periods of time followed by napping.
Bossy believes in editing one’s clothes until all that remains are the most beloved and relevant things — but Bossy isn’t so sure about the rule that suggests items should be tossed if not worn within a full calendar year, because trends have a habit of returning. What’s old is new again.
For instance, much to Bossy’s mom’s chagrin, the bellbottoms of Bossy’s childhood came back a few years ago:
And then, just to spite Bossy’s friend Amy, who stood in a rest stop Starbucks in 2007 and warned Bossy she was going to summon What Not To Wear if Bossy didn’t stop wearing her old Levis, ha, skinny leg jeans came back!
In fact, some things are so classic they never really go away:
This got Bossy contemplating why certain trends never circle back.
As another example, the wigs of Louis XIV never truly reappeared. Unless you count Howard Stern:
Many of the trends which used to flatter the figure are lost to history:
And what was so wrong with the feather-in-the-hat trend? It covered a multitude of bad hair days:
And speaking of the feather-in-the-hat trend:
And finally, Bossy’s last example of an earlier trend that is sadly gone forever:
Darn, I was hoping the whole brittle skeleton look would come back in my lifetime. Meanwhile, whenever I’m feeling less-than “America’s Next Top Model” I take a quick tour through the local art institute. After looking at those man-women with their bad hair and ungroomed brows (hello! arranged marriage) I feel absolutely beautiful.
As creepy as that last pic of yellowed teeth glaring, the current trend of whitened WHITE BRIGHT teeth glaring is creepy too!
I’ve worked hard all these years perfecting my Shelf Ass, and now you tell me the look isn’t coming back?
For real??
I could really use that “hips, what hips?” trend back.
I actually prefer the squarecut to the speedo. That is, when I actually have to WEAR something at the beach.
The problem with Speedos is that the persons that tend to wear them look like those pictured as opposed to those who have the body of say, Phelpsie.
I am waiting for the mumu with the industrial strength foundation garments to come back in style.
I just don’t get how some people are all into the Chicklet Teeth look!
Who gave you that picture of me in the speedo?
I keep it simple on “my side” of the closet, surfer tees, big dog shorts, camo hat and sandals (rubber boots when it rains). Did I mention no underwear? Ever heard of long in the tooth as we get older. ***wink***
If the ’shelf ass’ never came back in style…how do you explain J Lo? LOVE the pics!
I’m pretty sure when I swore I was going to summons “What Not to Wear” I was talking about your cowl neck sweater from 1976…
Spotted at the bowling alley. One young, adorable, hairdresser, friend of a friend. She was wearing denim shorts, a white tshirt, argyle KNEE SOCKS and bowling shoes.
The comments are as funny as your post.
I wish someone would tell young girls that bare muffin top has never been in style. I don’t want to see my own much less anyone elses.
Bossy, you got some splainin’ to do if any of these items are still hiding in your closet. Some serious splainin’.
Well the good news is that feathers in the headband have indeed come back. So Shelf Ass can’t be that far off, really.
I thought Shelf Ass DID return. As ghetto booty.
Bossys friend amy, how could you possibly question Bossy’s cowl neck fashions??
The last photo – Simon Cowell pre teeth-whitening, right?
so glad I stopped in for fashion advice today! Otherwise I might still be wearing my bell bottoms with my feather hat & fan… now I guess I’ll have to give them up.
I don’t know fashions, but Bossy still looked pretty good in the first two photos.
I kinda like the feather in the headband look. And those yellow bell-bottoms would look bitchin’ on Bossy’s tall frame!
COWL neck? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I thought it pronounced “Foul” neck. Ooooops, my bad.
(Stick pins and glasses with your initials on them have never come back. I don’t think.)
Dear David,
I believe you mistook Speedos being seen EVERYWHERE as an actual fashion statement. David, just because everyone is doing it does NOT mean it’s fashionable. Or pretty.
Sincerely,
Your mother
Swell…I am totally unfashionable, because I have a built-in shelf-ass.
Those genes never go outta style.
Hey those shoes with the bell bottoms kick ass and Louis shoes could be a little higher, love the red heels. Is the corset out of fashion? oops, sorry, Didn’t Madonna wear one in her show…..
Two words: gunny sack. Not the silly frous-frous dresses some of us wore to proms and stuff, either. I mean feed sacks.
Never in style, never out. Always ahead of the curve AND behind it.
I live in South Dakota where every trend comes here 5 years after it was really cool and then dies a slow tortutous death. So, I need to ask the internets:
A: Which skinny jeans are the best skinny jeans to get? Levis? Lucky’s? What?
B: Which are the cool tall boots to wear with said skinny jeans? Fryes?
Please help me out here! I want to be the coolest hip chick in South Dakota. It won’t be that difficult!
I don’t think that dark patch was a speedo. Um, ew.
The shelf-ass look has been replaced by the shelf-stomach look, which is really less of a look and more a way of life.
This way of life for men includes TV, potato chips, beer, pizza, Velveeta, DQ Oreo Blizzards, triple cheeseburgers and one optional–but recommended– field trip to IHOP.
For women, they just bear a child or two, reach the age of 40+ exercise regularly and then look at (or smell) one morsel of food.
Voila and congratulations- You both are now the proud owners of a shelf-stomach.
Laughed all the way through the post AND the comments. #27 really cracked me up. Shelf Stomach look – also known as the post-caesarian look. Not that I would know from experience! Much.
However, I DO need to point out that glow-in-the-freaking-dark teeth that Americans seem to adore are NOT in vogue down under. Sure we don’t love DIRTY yellow teeth, but realistic fangs are IN. Can someone PLEASE explain the whole whiter-than-white phenomena to me? Doncha thin it makes your eyeballs look yellow when a smile is too bleached?
(hurriedly checks teeth colour in mirror and does a close-mouth smile to sign off!)
BB
The first feater-in-hat photo, of the woman carrying an infant and grimly dragging along what simply MUST be a toddler in the throes of a fit of selective not-hearing? She was me today, grim look and all. Or I was her. Or whatever. My younger is the age of her older, and both kids were a fierce disaster while out shopping. I could have used a hat with a feather, if only to pretend I was more dignified than I felt hissing at them to behave for just ten more seconds till we could get out of there.
If I had gams like Ol’ Louis you can bet our last sou I’d have more than one pair of rockin’ red heels. Can I wear the sword too?.
Dude could use some white-strips.
I too rejoiced when I saw skinny leg jeans again!!! I’ve never stopped wearing my ‘95 Gasoline Jeans!
I, too, am sadly out of style, what with my own Shelf Ass.
I caught a glimpse of it in a window yesterday? And I swear, I reached back to “smooth my skirt.” Turns out? All ass.
You could have balanced four glasses of wine on it.
I went home and ate my weight in tiny cream puffs.
I think that Carrie in “Sex and The City” should’ve gotten the most recent memo on the NO FEATHERS ON THE HEAD rule.
Did you SEE the bird on her veil?
All I could think was Oh, sweet Jesus, WHY?
I’m sorry but skinny jeans don’t look good on anyone, despite their trendiness. Ok, they look good on skinny people.
Everyone else (including me) please wear straight leg. That is all.
Oh, but I have *seen* the shelf butt thing . . . on me . . . but not intentionally . . .
One day, sweet hubby said to me, “Wow, I can tell you’ve lost a lot of weight.”
I answered, “Yeah, but I still have the butt shelf thing going on.”
He replied, “That’s okay, it used to be a butt table.”
“What?!?!?” I yelped.
Frightened for his life, he quickly recovered, “Only a side table . . . ”
And there you go. Butt shelf.