Sep 11, 2009
Because Apparently Bossy Is All The Man You’ll Ever Need
These two words, that’s what Bossy saw when she opened her email program last night. Bossy gathered herself in hopeful anticipation, although believe you her, Bossy is no stranger to sweet nothings, where sweet nothings equals sister mercy mostly with the nothings, hold the sweet.
So Bossy read on, “My name is Andaline,honest and nice looking girl .”
Nice to meet you, Andaline, is it? Andaline who sometimes forfeits space after punctuation and sometimes adds too much? That Andaline?
“i am 25yrs old 160cm tall,” wrote Andaline.
Andaline continues, “i am chocolate skinned,with brown eye balls.”
“i am looking for a man who can be a true friend and a close confidant,so i checked the site of acquaintance and found your profile very interesting.”
“Remember age and distance should not be a barrier to finding true love,it should not limit us from discovering the beauty that lies in between us ok?”
In other news, Bossy would like to announce the winner of her $100 gift certificate for Yummie Tummie: congratulations Maggie! Bossy sent you an email.
For the rest of the class, as a thank you for participating, Yummie Tummie would like to extend a 20% discount on their featured Skinny Tank. Simply enter the following top secret discount code when checking out: SKINNYTANK. The offer is good until Sept 30th.
I love those emails. My daughter’s name is Adeline
Does Andaline perchance need you to deposit some cash in a foreign bank account in order for your true love to blossom?
FYI, I just spewed my morning diet coke through my nostrils.
I think your standards are WAY too high. Girls with brown eye balls need love & friendship just as much as the blue eye-balled girls!
I thought she sounded cute and sweet. Brown eye balls and all.
Is Andaline the one who has been telling me my flaccid penis will be like a rock pole if I order meds from Canada. She is very confused.
I am unfriending her
I don’t ever open those because it just means more will be coming down the road.
But, Bossy, you are more man then I will ever be.
But I’m every woman, so it balances out.
1. E#4, I didn’t know girls could get blue balls. Oh wait, that’s not what you wrote.
2. Bossy, I like how the OK extends beyond the sides of its box, and get shaded on the edge and all that.
Andaline probably thought Bossy would have a spare husband or three to toss her way.
Chesapeake Bay Woman is on the right track.
Andaline wants your John Cusack. Or your chocolate-skinned Barack O’Boyfriend.
You tell that Andaline to keep her mitts off your spare husbands.
Thanks for the giggle! That eyeball will be in my head all day.
you know where i’d send andaline and her brown eyeballs? same place i’d send the random number generator.
I’m guessing it was the other Maggie that won because this Maggie didn’t receive an email. Maybe next time.
Bossy shouldn’t flatter herself, this Andaline has been after me for months now. Finally, I wrote her back: “Listen here bitch, don’t be making fun of my Italian heritage. Just because I may have a slight moustache, that doesn’t make me a man!”
This girl’s a ho. Bossy should *delete* her.
There is a reason I read your blog everyday Bossy – you crack me up! I will be laughing about Andaline all day…
Maybe I’ve started too many comments with….”oh man,…
But…oh man, this was just tooooo funny around the punchline area.
My 13-year-old daughter received the same email. It freaked her out until she decided it was funny.
HAHAHA!!!! A penis! Good one!
I happen to think your profile is pretty interesting, too, but maybe it’s just the hat.
It’s sad for Andaline. If the penis thing is an issue, I can forward some information about growing one that I was kindly emailed recently. Well, it was actually about growing a bigger one, but I’m sure it would kind of work.
Andaline just wanted you to hold some cash for her while you gave her access to your bank accounts. She wants for make a deposit for you. She thinks you are in disguise with the lonish blonde hair and all…maybe that Northman on True Blood’s little brother or something.
That would be LONGISH blonde hair…dangit
her eyeball looks lovely.
I’m glad Andaline has moved on after our tragic break…delete up. The girl was an expensive date and I am a cheap date – just ask my husband. He once Western Unioned his brother $100 so he could take a girl out. When I asked if he ever spent that much on date with me, I got the “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..” look.
I once got a similar email from Jackline. It started with the salutation “Dearest One”. Jackline was a lovely girl of only 21. Maybe she and Andaline are friends.
She’s 5′3″ – personally I wouldn’t date any woman who wasn’t at least 170 cm. Did she tell you how much she weighs in kg?
Bossy, you’re going to let some little ole thing like a lack of penis get between you and your brown-eye-balled girl? You’re going to miss out on some wonderful closeness and friendship.
Bossy and these comments are cracking me up this morning! Love the illustrations!
This made me laugh…and great illustrations!
Oh my…u crack me up
Found ur site some time ago through Pioneer Woman`s..so glad I did!
Bossy’s all the man I’LL ever need.
You should go all Crying Game on her.
I think I look forward to your daily post as much as to my morning cup of coffee! You always make me smile! However, I think I LOL’d which is not good after taking a big gulp of water!
Thanks!
LOL! I love your attempt at math…. you got farther than I would have!