Oct 26, 2009

Blog Kindergarten: A Bossy Tutorial. How To Watch Cable.

Recently Bossy’s household was awarded the privilege of three months of free HBO, where privilege and free equal the $130 a month Bossy pays to curse her remote control, ignore her ringing phone, and experience failed transmissions while trading music with friends through Instant Message,
not that Bossy partakes in the giving or receiving of pirated material — are you kidding, not on her house!

In her house, maybe. Not on it.

But back to HBO: when Bossy talks about receiving free HBO, she’s not just referring to one HBO channel, because one cable channel per network is so 1986 old-fashioned-ish. No, Bossy is talking about 30 thirty treinta dertig trente dreißig draysik trettio different HBO channels.

And guess what? Each and every one of those thirty HBO channels feature completely different movies! Until you actually track the schedule for more than 24 consecutive hours! And then you discover, no, it’s not thirty distinctly different HBO channels, it’s one HBO channel, splintered into thirty pieces, playing the same movies over and over and sister mercy even Bossy isn’t that desperate over.

Except maybe Bossy is that desperate, as she’s been taking full advantage of her free HBO, a feat she accomplishes much like moviegoers in generations prior to the 1970s: Bossy isn’t picky regarding flicks already in progress. Because, chances are, if you wait three minutes, the same movie will repeat on a different channel! And this time you can catch the beginning, or start viewing at the end, or other cinematic permutations regarding Dear PBS Bossy misses you.

And this is how it’s come to pass that Bossy has seen many movies over the past few weeks, such as Slum Dog Millionaire and Ocean’s Thirteen and Marley & Me and Marley & Me and Marley & Me.

When it comes to choosing a movie, Bossy is very selective, in that the movie must be set in places and have people in them and stuff. Unless it’s a documentary, in which case none of that fluff is necessary.

Come along with Bossy as she investigates what’s on HBO!

First Bossy pulls-up the online program guide that comes free with her cable/phone/internet service, where free equals $130 a month. Shall we?

• When a wealthy financier from an upscale suburban neighborhood cheats on his wife… Maybe. But let’s keep looking.
• A woman who has attracted the attention of a local reporter by serving as a bridesmaid 27 times… Dumb.
• An evil crime syndicate… No.
• A reporter working in New York City returns to the small town in Maine… Maybe… where her mother has been accused of murdering… No.
• Three musical chipmunks… Sister mercy no.
• Two terminal cancer patients sneak out of the hospital to meet unfinished goals… Yeah, sounds great, only, right, maybe some other night. After Bossy hangs herself.
• The last surviving member of a family… Yes… of vampires… No.
• Un grupo de chicas chismosas de la alta sociedad, que frecuenten los desfiles de moda y loss alones lujosos deben buscar apoyo entre ellas cuando… No. Nein?
• A navy warship… No.
• A CIA operative… No.
• As an aging divorcee’s relationship with a younger man becomes more serious… Yes. Oh, yes.

permanent link to post

33 comments

1. 1
   on October 26th, 2009 at 8:55 am
   km said:

   If In Bruges is on HBO Bossy should watch it. Don’t read the blurb or you would reject it. But watch it. It is a very dark comedy.
   Beware, lots of Irishmen swearing:)


2. 2
   on October 26th, 2009 at 9:08 am
   Kristi said:

   Juno. You forgot Juno. If you happen to turn on Juno, why is it impossible to click away from Juno? Why does she hold such a spell on me?


3. 3
   on October 26th, 2009 at 9:15 am
   Dawn in Austin said:

   In Bruges is one of my favorites, too.

   I don’t have HBO, but I recognized almost all of those movies. Maybe I should get the free for $130 HBO special so I don’t have to go out to the movies and pay $30 for popcorn and a diet Coke.


4. 4
   on October 26th, 2009 at 9:15 am
   thatgirlblogs said:

   bossy has been spending a lot of time in beds and on hbo “reflecting” and I am a little worried about her.

   pass the remote.


5. 5
   on October 26th, 2009 at 9:44 am
   21st Century Housewife said:

   It is funny that we get 250 channels and can never find anything good on TV. We don’t even get HBO, so that’s thirty more channels we could turn our noses up at!


6. 6
   on October 26th, 2009 at 10:13 am
   WebSavyMom said:

   –>We have Fios now and free HBO, Cinemax and Showtime. It’s sad when when we still can’t find anything to watch. However, did Bossy’s daughter identify the button on the remote called On Demand? There, you can start many, many of the movie channels and regular tv shows when You’re ready and often without commercials.

   I recommend Entourage on HBO. LOVE that show!

   http://www.WebSavyMom.com


7. 7
   on October 26th, 2009 at 10:44 am
   Debby said:

   The chipmunk thing wasn’t awful. And if you catch the “underwater alien movie from 1989″ (The Abyss) it’s still damn good after 20 years. Or at least that was my justification for staying up ’til 2:15 am Sat….


8. 8
   on October 26th, 2009 at 11:39 am
   Lizzy said:

   We pay 130ish/month for free HBO and crap, too. Fortunately, I don’t watch TV that much so … I’ve got that going for me. I’m all about good financial decisions.


9. 9
   on October 26th, 2009 at 11:47 am
   hollygee said:

   smugness: no television, only Netflix at $12 a month. Only the movies I want to see when I want [as long as I allow the 3 days to ship them to me].


10. 10
    on October 26th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
    emilie-vt said:

    again with the eluding…..hhrrmmm


11. 11
    on October 26th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
    Meg at the Members Lounge said:

    I third “In Bruges’. Also, if HBO series Hung is still available, through On Demand, it’s very good. Even hubby liked.


12. 12
    on October 26th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
    Fiona Picklebottom said:

    I have that same HBO deal and am taking full advantage of it by DVR-ing everything that looks even remotely interesting. Since it takes me about a week to watch a movie (in ten to fifteen minute increments due to the four kids), I’ve managed to accumulate approximately 5 years worth of programming.in a short three months (that runs out next week, which is good because my DVR is completely full)..


13. 13
    on October 26th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
    chook said:

    wow, you made it through slumdog millionaire? you have bigger lady balls than me!


14. 14
    on October 26th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
    Cactus Petunia said:

    We’re thinking of downgrading to “basic basic cable,” where you get about three broadcast channels (and oh! they throw in WGN, so I can at least still watch Matlock, the Beverly Hillbillies and I Dream of Jeannie reruns ) AND we’ve cut back on Netflix. (I ordered Marley & Me three times and sent it back unwatched, because I can’t bear the thought of a sad ending)

    Am I the only one left at the Poverty Party? It’s a pity there’s no deposit on wine and gin bottles. I could clean up!


15. 15
    on October 26th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
    David said:

    Ha! Love it.

    Not that I’ve ever subscribed to HBO. I barely turn the durn thing on now as it is.


16. 16
    on October 26th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
    Amy said:

    Oh, you should watch 27 Dresses – it was one of the funniest chick flicks I’ve ever seen. The last scene was really cute.

    I don’t generally even like chick flicks anymore… But even my dad liked it!


17. 17
    on October 26th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
    Shelley said:

    Ha…I would be the same, the description “CIA operative…” um, no. If they have The Reader, though? Would highly recommend that. It was out at the same time as Slumdog Millionaire, and was a much, much better movie.


18. 18
    on October 26th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
    trinity67 said:

    OH DEAR GOD YOU’RE SO FREAKING FUNNY!!!!


19. 19
    on October 26th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
    Z. Mulls said:

    Yes. Oh, yes.

    Oh *god* yes


20. 20
    on October 26th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
    Reeb said:

    Is being thankful for Netflix.

    Oh wait, now I’m writing in Facebook style, assuming that “Reeb” is the beginning of the sentence.

    I’m just happy with Netflix.


21. 21
    on October 26th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
    Lizzy said:

    Turn that dang thing off! Off with it’s head! Because once you start watching Hung and Curb your Enthusiasm and Entourage and and and……………you’ll be a permanent card carrying HBO’er. Just like us. Oh….we tried going cold turkey. Yuppers. God help us all. Say a prayer. The free service will become a permanent we pay service.


22. 22
    on October 26th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
    Little Miss Sunshine State said:

    I think we only have HBO to watch Entourage and Inside the NFL.

    I have to REALLY be in a mood to watch a movie. Too ADD to sit that long. I DVR GLEE (!!!!!!), So You Think You Can Dance, Biggest Loser and Grey’s. I can zap the commercials and watch a 1 hour show in 1/2 the time.


23. 23
    on October 26th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
    Well Read Hostess said:

    I know I’m hopelessly unhip, but Brugges made me want to drink Drano (preferably in the company of a very nude Colin Farrell, but drink Drano nevertheless).

    Entourage is worth the 130. But what I want to know is this, and I suck at math so forgive me if I’m forgetting something, like to carry a three or whatever: Comcast Triple Play = $90. My bill for Comcast Triple Play = $130.

    HUH?


24. 24
    on October 26th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
    ann's rants said:

    Because we’ve denied ourselves both cable and netflix for no sane reason whatsoever, Husband and I just watched seasons 1 or 2 of Curb on DVD again. And laughed. No way to do it after watching that show. You just don’t want Larry or Jeff or Richard in bed with you.

    Anyway.


25. 25
    on October 26th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
    Lovelyn said:

    I love free. Whenever I get a chance to sample a movie channel for free for the weekend, I spend a whole two days glued to the TV.


26. 26
    on October 26th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
    F HBO Susan said:

    Turner Classic Movies, guys.


27. 27
    on October 26th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
    egplnt21 said:

    until free and 130 become not and 219.92 at the end of the promotional period. And you have to pay for three months before getting back to free and 130


28. 28
    on October 26th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
    cat said:

    Um…is this the same Bossy who writes the poverty party? Couldn’t that Bossy tell this Bossy she could save, er, um, $1500.00+ per year if she got ride of the cable? That’s a lot of dinners out, and at least a couple of cases of wine…..


29. 29
    on October 26th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
    cat said:

    Chook, chook, chook…we BOUGHT Slumdog.
    Shelly, I struggled with The Reader. The book was hard enough. Had a time with Inglorious Basterds too. Can’t take historical rewrites.
    Loved In Bruges. Very grimy with ethical dilemmas.


30. 30
    on October 27th, 2009 at 12:57 am
    sugarpie said:

    Argh! Choke choke choke..,. cable bills! No no, no. $130? Gak!


31. 31
    on October 27th, 2009 at 1:51 am
    Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said:

    27 Dresses was cute! I liked Slumdog. I second the On Demand button. Lots of cool HBO series. True Blood and Hung are great.


32. 32
    on October 27th, 2009 at 8:36 am
    Cat said:

    Watching movies on HBO sounds like our Christmas Eve tradition of turn TBS and watching A Christmas Story. The run it for 24 hours, so we start where ever the movie is an just watch to the same point in the next showing. It’s great fun.


33. 33
    on October 27th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
    Mr Farty said:

    We have lots of free movies too, but when is there time to watch them? That one with the buckets might be worth a shot.