May 28, 2010
Barbie Theater: Bret Michaels
Bret Michaels was born Bret Michael Sychak in 1963 in a small town outside of Pittsburgh:
Despite being diagnosed with diabetes at the age of six, his childhood passed uneventfully. He began playing guitar as a teenager and joined many bands before forming Poison, a glam metal band, which gained in popularity before moving to Los Angeles. Bret Michaels became the band’s bouncy frontman:
Poison penned many hits such as Unskinny Bop and um right! As was common in the 80s, Bret Michaels fell prey to the usual sex and drugs and rock and roll debauchery:
And then, over a decade later, Bret Michaels reinvented himself as a glam metal frontman! A glam metal frontman in the market for a wife! And so he became the subject of the reality television show Rock of Love:
This past year has been a busy one for Bret Michaels, who suffered a variety of things, including a stint on Celebrity Apprentice, and a subarachnoid hemorrhage in his brain.
It was mounting concerns regarding his health that landed Bret Michaels on the Aunt Oprah show recently:
During his interview, Bret Michaels became choked up and explained that he never lost hope, not even during his extended hospital stay:
Included in the Oprah interview was Bret’s girlfriend and the mother of his two children, who feels as though Bret’s been given a second chance, which mirrors their own recent reconciliation:
Bret’s medical condition remains tenuous, as he recently suffered another stroke, and then something worse than a stroke, which was his guest appearance on American Idol.
We wish you the best, Bret Michaels! Be well.
I love imagining Bossy out in her yard doing this photo shoot.
Better than any I’ve ever seen of VH1 “Behind the Music.” But did we really need to see Aunt Oprah naked?
Absolutely brilliant. And I am SO with you about his Idol performance. Casey, who butchered the hell out of that song, sang it better than Bret. How sad.
With all her billions, Oprah can’t afford clothes? Although, if I had that bod, I’d be tempted to be naked all the time too.
What kind of doll is the headless doll in pic #3? I don’t remember Ken having anything down there.
boy, that geneen roth book on women and food really did change oprah’s relationship with eating. she looks awesome!
but you didn’t answer my longstanding question: if bret takes off the bandana, does the hair go with it??
Where did you find that teeny bandana?
I think Brett wears the bandana to keep his brains from falling out. Or to keep his head from exploding. I don’t think he had a stroke, though – he just accidentally tied the headband too tight.
Bret does bear a striking resemblance to Barbie. And wears as much eyeliner. Brilliant theater!
I see Oprah’s been yo-yo dieting again.
I have so missed Barbie Theater
Now that….was awesome!
Fantastic! Can’t wait for the sequel. You should SO have your own (un)reality show. Cracking me up.
This is great, but I think you should have mentioned something about the hair weave. It almost has a life of its own. It’s practically his co-star.
I shouted “Yay!” (to no one) when I saw it was Barbie Thee-ay-ter day as I have a bowl of popcorn sitting right next to me! I was actually prepared.
Nicely done, Bossy. However I agree that we didn’t need to see Aunt Oprah naked and It would have been nice if Uncle Donald (Trump, not Duck) had put in an appearance.
Pencil for a microphone! Hahahahaha.
I now know more about Bret whatsisname than I ever have before. He hit the cover of People mag with that brain issue, and I thought, “who is this guy” which either shows you how out of it I am, or how I have a life of my own.
Thank you, Barbie Theater, for once again bringing me up to speed on issues of American Culture.
Poor Brett Michaels!
Loving the Barbie Theatre, especially the debauchery in the tub in photo #4!! And the car wreck!!
You have a very clever mind, Bossy.
I love the car crash scene, It looks real… I too said “Yea” when I saw it was Barbie theater!
Those are some pretty slutty barbies you got there.
This is the funniest thing I have seen all day.
Oh, this is my favorite one ever!
And yeah, another Rock of Love? Of course another Rock of Love! People will believe that these celebrities are actually searching for love and stuff on these shows, when in reality they’ve got a wife and kids at home. Case in point: Hoopz, winner of the first season of Flavor of Love, was at my house once (yes she was) and she explained that of course she knew she wasn’t really WITH him, but people got upset when they saw her around with her real boyfriend (a super cute basketball player). She said it was super weird and that those VH1 shows are freakin’ crazy on set and that she was saving the grill that Flava gave her in case she needed to melt it down or sell it on ebay or something for extra money. Weird weird weird and I LOVE the tub photo as well. I wish I could make it my screensaver but my five year old would ask questions.
We’re cosmically connected … I was thinking just YESTERDAY Bossy was due for a Barbie Theater reenactment … et violà!
Who’s Bret Michaels???? (I had to go look how to spell his name)
ihave really missed barbie theater. thanks! and where is far flung?
Too funny! I love the naked Oprah. It’s great that Bossy still plays with dolls.
I think there’s some shenanigans going on in that bathtub.
That is one absolutely teriffic post.
Oprah’s looking good. A little plastic though. I think she had some work done.
Fer chrissake.
Very informative and educational, though i do have one question: why is Oprah naked?
@grandmocha, I’m with you! Since when did Ken become anatomically correct (or approximate)? Skinny Oprah is fake, I think she hired a body double. I have never seen Barbie theater before, but it is AWESOME! You, too, Bossy.
I didn’t care about this at all–until Barbie theater. Wait, I still don’t care, but this was fun!
Every morning for two months or so now I wake up and jump in the shower. In the shower, I invariably ask myself “Is Bret still alive today?”
Prior to the hemorrage, I never thought about Bret in the shower. Or anywhere else, really.
My life has been reduced to wondering about the state of BM’s aliveness while I soap up. Sigh.
I’m such a hateful person I can’t get past the 24 HOURS A DAY BANDANA ALL THE TIME EVEN WHEN YOU’RE IN BRAIN SURGERY AND SUFFERING A BRAIN EXPLOSION can you stop with the Bandana? Obviously not.
Loved the baby bandana b/c of course baby Bret would rock the bandana! a babydana
the bandana helps hold his wig down. that’s my theory and I’m stickin’ to it.
My four year old daughter is standing beside the computer, absolutely entranced. I love the pencil for the microphone and she loves the car crash. I think that’s because the car is pink.
We had to have a Polly Pocket Intervention at our place the other day, so even though this is the first Barbie Theatre I’ve seen, it feels truly right. Too Hilarious! We’ll be back for more!
It is spooky how similar Bret Michaels looks to Barbie-Bret, loved it!
Bossy, you nailed the 80’s sex, drugs, and hair-rock-n-roll with the bathtub scene!!! Floating Ken-doll head? Spectacular!!! Two thumbs up!!
When did Oprah start doing her show naked?
ONLY on Bossy could I see Oprah’s Va-Jay Jay!!
My religious uptightness makes it so hard to comprehend the nice-guy-ness with the Pimp-ho-ness of Rock of Love….also, the hair, cant figure that out.
thanks for making me laugh!
Thank you, Bossy, for staging another magnificent Barbie Theater performance. Had to send the link to my daughter. She can use a crack me up performance right now.
I think BOSSY should try to get herself on as a Rock of Love mole candidate, reporting LIVE from the inside.
…and now I know what “Lesbian Barbie” would wear…
Hi. This is brilliant. Bye.
Excuse me.
I’ll be right back after I stop laughing at the headline and very first photo, which no doubt is followed by brilliant stuff and all, but then after I saw Barbie/What’s His Name in the crib in the second photo, and an emergency 911 call had to be dialed to ensure oxygen flow to my brain. So far, I’m still exhaling in laughter.
If I ever make it past those first two photos, i’m sure I’d say something like, “Dear Bossy, Thank you.”
Bossy, how do you think this stuff up? Really?
Hilarious.
BEYOND HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WOULD HAVE FUN DOING THIS!
I’ve got to get “digital photography for dummies.”
This was life changing inspirational my life will never be the same awesome!
Another fabulous edition of Barbie theatre. Thanks for clearing this whole Bret Michaels thing up for me- I was so confused…..
I absolutely love your sense of humor! This is the only site that doesn’t make me bored. Thanks for the CQE….(constant quality entertainment – yes, I just made that up)
Your minimalist approach is impeccable. Washcloth=hospital. Ken head in tub=debauchery.
I laughed. I cried. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. Theater at it’s best!
What a day at the Theater!!! Two Enthusiastic Thumbs UP!!!!! I laughed, I cried, I’ve cleaned myself up from the laughing and crying. Love the Mandana, Naked Aunt Oprah, and lesbian barbie sitting on Aunt O’s couch with her baby’s mama, oh, wait, that was Bret. Love Bret Michaels, but love even more what you have done with him!!!
I nearly spat out my tea at comment #8.
I heart Barbie Theater, thank you so much. xxx
I remember singing “unskinny bop” in the car when I was 8-ish. My mom asked, “Do you know what you’re singing?” To which I replied, “Yeah, it’s a song about boobies, right?”
I was a very mature 8 year old.
I was WONDERING if his headband was on the whole time!!!!
Oprah neked wasn’t bad. I hope Brett eventually meets his destiny, and she doesn’t take all his money (prenup)
another note of interest; Barbie’s makeup looks like Bret’s makeup from the 80’s. Well played, Bossy. Barbie’s eyeliner is applied a little heavier than Bret’s current guyliner, but hey, wonder if Mattel ever knew Barbie would become such an iconic figure in the theater, and styled her as such.
I live for Barbie theatre. Especially liked the eyeliner enhancement to Bret. Bring back Rock of Love.
Laughing too hard to leave a coherent comment…especially because I may or may not have dated Ricky Rocket (formerly of Poison) some many many years ago.
I had no idea that Mary-Kate (or is that Ashley) was a Bret Michaels groupie! I was happy he won Celebrity Apprentice even while laying in a hospital bed, that’s some serious talent there. Maybe that bandanna gives him superpowers!
This makes me feel better about playing with dolls when I was younger. And by “younger,” I mean earlier this morning.