Feb 27, 2011

Bossy’s Absolutely No-Spoiler Review Of The 2011 Oscar Nominees

Only a few hours remain until tonight’s Academy Awards festivities, unless you live on the West Coast in which case you have a few hours longer to wait, or no, you watch at the same time but earlier, and what was Bossy saying?

Right! Time to review this year’s nominees for Best Picture! Which Bossy is uniquely qualified to do, having not seen the movies. Shall we?

First up is Inception. In this movie, which stars Leonardo DiCaprio, everyone stands on the glassy side of buildings. Except the women. They hang upside down.

Moving on:

Next up is The Social Network, which is yiddish for The Facebook Movie. In this movie, Facebook is invented. Oops! Bossy gave away the ending.

Next:

In this movie, Natalie Portman applies drastic makeup in order to become foul fowl.

Next!

The King’s Speech is about a King and a Queen so it will win. And the Best Special Effects award goes to Helena Bonham Carter for appearing matronly.

And now for the next nominee for Best Picture:

127 Hours is the story of a guy who sister mercy Bossy cannot even talk about it without breaking into a cold sweat.

Next up:

This movie is about a woman who doesn’t mind other guys dancing with his girl — it’s fine because she knows them all pretty well. And she knows sometimes she must get out in the light, and leave her behind with the kids, because the kids are alright.

And for our next nominee:

The Fighter is about… who cares? Because, lordy, Marky Mark without a shirt.

And then there’s True Winter’s Toy Bone Grit Story 3. Meh.

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13 comments

1. 1
   on February 27th, 2011 at 2:43 pm
   tina said:

   I am wondering what happened to Marky Mark’s third nipple??


2. 2
   on February 27th, 2011 at 2:44 pm
   Amanda in ATL said:

   You had me at Marky Mark without a shirt – The Fighter wins!


3. 3
   on February 27th, 2011 at 2:45 pm
   KathyB said:

   Now I am ready. Thanks, Bossy. It does seem odd that all the stars are gussied up and walking the red carpet in the middle of the afternoon out there. Of course if it waited for night time in California, I’d be asleep. Love the last poster.


4. 4
   on February 27th, 2011 at 2:49 pm
   Bev said:

   You are sooooo funny! Loved this post!!!


5. 5
   on February 27th, 2011 at 2:55 pm
   GrandeMocha said:

   The important questions are: what will you wear, what will you eat & drink, & who is your date?


6. 6
   on February 27th, 2011 at 3:33 pm
   Texas Susan said:

   I’m rooting for “The King’s Speech” . . . awesome movie! I loved “Toy Story 3,” too, but I can’t imagine an animated movie winning as best picture (even if it was . . . I saw it once in the theater and three times via Netflix DVD). “The Social Network,” “The Fighter,” and “True Grit” also were good. Didn’t see the others. Love the Marky Mark photo!


7. 7
   on February 27th, 2011 at 5:36 pm
   meleah rebeccah said:

   I’m so hysterical laughing right now. Hilarious post Bossy!


8. 8
   on February 27th, 2011 at 6:32 pm
   Gail K said:

   Whew! All caught up now. And the winner is…Really, do we even care? No one cares which movie wins, everyone watches to see what people are wearing.

   Personally, I would love it if everyone showed up in the clothes they would go to the movies in: jeans, t-shirt, possibly a hoodie, and sneakers. Pass the popcorn and uber-sized Cokes (forget the caviar and the trendy drink of the moment) and call it a Night at the Movies. The end.


9. 9
   on February 28th, 2011 at 9:26 am
   Angela@beggingtheanswer said:

   Awesome! Now I can continue not seeing these movies.


10. 10
    on February 28th, 2011 at 1:18 pm
    kate said:

    i never saw the fighter..(wait..out of all the movies nominated for stuff..i only saw the social network)…but marky mark got my vote too…he’s had my heart since the calvin klein campaign….


11. 11
    on February 28th, 2011 at 1:50 pm
    joeinvegas said:

    Helena Bonham Carter appearing semi-normal, yes, that deserves an award.


12. 12
    on February 28th, 2011 at 5:27 pm
    Aimee said:

    Wow, I really need to see the Fighter. I have seen almost all of the movies nominated. But why not The Fighter? Also, Bossy did a great job explaining the movies. OMG why have I not seen The Fighter? Marky Mark XOXO!!!!!


13. 13
    on February 28th, 2011 at 6:18 pm
    foolery said:

    The Oscars looked too painful so I read a fairy story to the kids. Which should indicate just how painful the Oscars looked.

    High fives on your movie poster; you should make those instead of whomever they hired to do the one for “The King’s Speech.” Theirs makes the movie appear to be a madcap comedy.