Aug 31, 2011
Please Help Bossy To Understand
Our story begins last month when Bossy needed a bikini to take on her Vermont camping trip because common wisdom dictates that a one-piece bathing suit dressed as a ball gown is too cumbersome when you’re pooing outside for ten days.
With Bossy so far?
So Bossy purchased the following bikini as separates at an exclusive local couture boutique named Target:
But the problem with Bossy’s bikini is that a bikini can take quite a beating when one is sitting on lake rocks and splintery benches for ten days. Not to mention applying a mist sunblock numerous times a day which yellowed the white stripes of the bikini top.
Long story short — and Bossy realizes it’s already too late for that — Bossy decided to buy a duplicate bikini so she could have it for next year.
Although it was still early August, a visit to Bossy’s exclusive local couture boutique named Target revealed that their August inventory favors items more seasonal than bathing suits, such as Christmas ornaments. And so Bossy decided to turn to Target online.
Never mind that Target online is sold out of Bossy’s bikini top and bottom — that’s to be expected.
What Bossy didn’t expect were the disturbing Target bathing suit product shots. Don’t get Bossy wrong, a handful of them were perfectly normal:
But then things take a digital turn for the worse. Case in point, the following product shot featuring their Women’s ebony two-piece bottom:
The questions fill Bossy’s head and spill out of her ears. Is this a man? Is that hair on his her legs? Are those flat feet? Is that a tumor on its calf?
Could someone please explain to Bossy what she is looking at? And after that, can you explain to Bossy how to write that question without it ending in a preposition?
Bossy thanks her esteemed council ahead of time.
Could someone please explain to Bossy at what she is looking?
How’s that?
Could someone please explain what she is looking at to Bossy?
Maybe that?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I just snorted at my desk. This is funny beyond funny.
And what the hell is a two-piece bottom??????????
A bottom in two pieces? The suit or the models butt?
Target has weirded me out for the day, officially.
That is creepy beyond creepy! I hope it’s a very masculine woman. Or a miscategorized picture? Although that would still be weird…
ROFL. Looks like me last spring after my experiment with not shaving legs all winter. I was hairier than hubby! Won’t repeat that adventure in liberation any time soon…
I sure hope no female has big toes that are that long and ugly.
Those are total dude legs–someone got files confused in their photoshopping.
Totally a dude! That should tell you something if the “two piece bottom” only looks good on a dude!
Stay away, Bossy!
BTW – look at running shorts with built in panties – they are pretty darn durable and go with tankini tops or bikini tops or running bras, whatevs
“Could someone please explain to Bossy what she is looking at?”
Could someone please explain to Bossy what she is seeing?
(and yes, I can; Bossy is seeing an apparition!)
WHOA, dude.
Our Target sells bathing suits year-round. One rack over from the fur-trimmed sweaters and turtlenecks. Florida stores are weird like that.
OK, I can’t be the only one who did this, so I’ll admit it. Convinced that those were in fact dude legs, feet, and even hands, I zeroed in to get … uh… positive confirmation. Enlarged the target area as much as I could, and – nothing! So, WTH??
It’s either a lady who has a compulsive running habit who has also come down with Fifths disease OR it’s a dude who has a compulsive running habit who also has Fifths disease. Either way, eeeeeeeeeeek!
WTF is how you could describe the picture. I dunno what to tell you. I bought a couple of bathing suits at Kohls a while back. They seem fairly reasonable with sales and coupons.
Those look like the legs of one of those odd Olympic gymnast Hamm twins. The photo was taken of one of them during the ONLY TEN MINUTES IN THEIR LIVES when they are not training and twirling and piking and puking. Or not.
All you are looking at is the latest in androgenous (spell check on aisle 4 please!) models. Yeah, Abercrombie or is it Aeropostal (spell check on aisle 7!) didn’t get them all this time around.
Meanwhile, I’m checking out Ben & Jerry in aisle 47 – those boys come in one size fits all, are available all year round, and never let you down! (make your waist size go up, but at least you know they are behind you!)
Dude.
Never too late for the days laugh.
Haaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaa!!! And, eeeeeeeeewwwwww. The most confusing thing is that it’s not even clearly a case of mistakenly placing the wrong photo – one of a man in shorts – for the bottoms. It looks like a feminine belly and mostly masculine legs, but with a very kind of girly stance to them, and the hands – from what I can see – seem to be a perfect balance of half man/half woman hands… Sheeeeesh, who was smokin’ what?
Bossy, I have NO idea what I am looking at, but I want to thank you for making me laugh so hard that snot flew out of my nose (TMI much? Yes.). Bravo!
Yikes. That’s all. Yikes.
Bossy is looking at my reflection in the mirror, except my stomach would protrude more and I *might* have a higher heel on those hideous flip flops, to alleviate the appearance of tumors-and cankles. Oh, and I’d be sweating, cussing like a sailor, looking for something salty to eat, and probably sport way too much unwanted hair due to Worry-Menopause.
But I recognize those damn legs.
How’d you get a picture of me….oh wait a minute, that person(?)(please note I did not say he or she) actually has some type of waist and there is daylight between the legs. Sorry i ain’t real good at that english stuff…or typing for that matter.
I think I’m more concerned about the perfectly cupped hands that look as though they are about to rip the swim shorts right off her body and flash us all.
…Maybe it’s a man-babe. You know, part man part woman. The belly and hands kinda look like a girl and he/she/it even stands like a girl, but that lower half? So notta girl. Shoot, who knows. *giggle*shrug* ;o)
…Blessings
Maybe it’s an attempt on Target’s part to be more diverse and inclusive, but I’m confused as to when “ambiguous androgeny” was added to the list of diversity categories.
It is a dude. I have to believe that.
Just looks like a fit women to me that is chilly…
That’s either a dude in running shorts, the kind that if you run behind him, you need to pass and DON’T turn around, because the sight of those things riding up during a run is even worse from the front as it is from the back; or it’s and elderly woman modeling those things. I’m pretty sure it’s a man, the feet are the giveaway. Even if granny were modelling it, they would’ve hooked her up with a cute pair of heels, thus making those calves look trim and cute, and if she were having trouble balancing on such heels, they would have given her something to hold on to that was up above waist level. Bossy, your instincts are correct; that’s a man.
Bossy, by the way, you don’t need target for all your bathing suit needs. Old Navy has several cute patterns, and instead of relying on the man shorts for a little modesty, they have some light cotton cover up skirts that work well over the bathing suit bottom. And the prices are cheap too. Granted, they may not last the durability test of the Vermont Camping Trip year after year, but they should get you through safely. My suggestion is shop in early spring, unless you are an XS or an XXXL, all other sizes sell out quickly.
Read this at midnight and woke the household with my guffawing and snorting. Still wiping the tears from my eyes; this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while.