May 6, 2010
Ten Shiny Happy (No) Book Tour Things
Bossy already surpassed Week Four in her six-week, 12,000-mile
(No) Book Tour, and since Bossy isn’t the type to complain, she thought she’d look back on some of her favorite aspects of being on the road, with more being on the road thrown in for good measure.
Shall we?
- You won’t ever hear Bossy saying Something smells funny. Nothing smells funny when you are driving in the middle of nowhere.
- Sirius satellite radio provides a constant supply of 80s music, which would normally necessitate one to veer off the side of a California cliff in order to extricate a song from your brain — but since the station is so relentlessly thorough, Bossy can listen to We Didn’t Start The Fire, and before she can say Oh Billy Joel, Bossy remembers you before you were drunk driving, Owner Of A Lonely Heart comes along and eradicates the previous ear worm, leaving you with something way more challenging.
And challenging keeps one awake.
- And while on the subject of music, Bossy has the opportunity to do her fair share of dancing behind the wheel. In fact, with an average of eight hours a day to practice these moves, soon Bossy will be able to audition for Dancing With The Stars! That is, when ABC debuts their spinoff show, Dancing With The Stars In Cars.
- Bossy has the chance to sample a different phallic Burger King breakfast sandwich every single day:
- Bossy’s day is completely her own! Should she stop here for fuel or there for fuel? Should she poo in this truck stop or that rest stop. Bossy is responsible to no one but herself! Herself and the five-hundred people who signed up to be a part of this poo festival.
- There is nothing more fun than obsessing over car snacks, and in Bossy’s case, she’s been enjoying Pringles, cheese-peanut butter crackers, Blue Diamond almonds, and gum and gum and gum. And gum.
- Speaking of which, with such a prolific gum-chewing routine, Bossy is going to have the strongest jaw in the nursing home! Unless they discover gum gives you cancer, in which case: this six-pack of CitrusMint Orbit gets left in Bossy’s will to the lady doing 50 mph in the passing lane.
- With all of the practice Bossy has accrued washing things out in hotel bathroom sinks, Bossy will be able to get a part time job on the banks of the Nile River!
- Meeting the amazing people Bossy convenes every night from every different walk of life, where walk equals Drive. Mostly they drive.
- Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Or maybe it just makes us drink more, Bossy keeps forgetting which.
For instance, this past oh Bossy’s gah she can’t remember the day, Bossy met with her Seattle council, such as Bossy’s host Angie, Stacey, Jennifer, Beth, a real live man Whit, Tricia, Bossy’s Scottsdale meet-up attender Cynthia, Wendy, actual author Sondra, and Annette, with a special shout out to (no) bloggers Debbie and Alyssa!
And then a couple of days after that, give or take one icy Seattle mountain pass, Bossy convened her Boise council, such as Lisa, Ariel, and Tara:
And then a couple of days after that, give or take one Rawlins Wyoming hotel room and a bowl of Tom Kha soup, Bossy convened her Denver council, such as Zadge, ZDub, Julie, Tara, and Gabrielle, with a special shout out to Lucy, Bri, and Ben!
And then the very next night, Bossy convened her Kansas City council, such as Rita, Average Jane, Kelli, Angie, Anne, Becky, Kate, Jenny, and Deanna, with special shout out to Kim and Linda!
And then the very next night, which was last night even though it feels like two nights ago wrapped in a month ago, Bossy met with her beloved St. Louis council, including Angela, Raquita, and Maureen, with a special shout out to PJ!
And finally, the last reason Bossy is taking this (No) Book Tour:
It was great seeing you! I feel like a such a slacker that you’ve posted about your KC visit before I had a chance to. It’s coming, though.
This makes me tired just reading it. I salute Bossy’s extravertedness, driving capacity (which may or may not include taking photos WHILE driving), and general nuts-ness for taking on this extravaganza.
You have a lot of happy council members, I suspect. Quite the rock star. Did Billy Joel have to drive 8 hours a day and poo in truck stops, do you think?
I’m 100% amazed by you. Thanks so much for making St. Louis one of your stops.
Burger King support aside, have you really had to eat something like that chumpie every morning for a month? My stomach rolls at the thought.
–>Dancing with the Stars in Cars made me LAUGH.
HOW DO YOU STAY AWAKE???????
Dancing with Stars in Cars? Heheh I would watch that!
I am so friggin’ exhausted reading that.
Do you make the car dance? Or do you just wiggle in your seat?
After all those Chumpies, I imagine it is your seat that wiggles
Except that you are so skinny
Aww everyone else looks absolutley beautiful in those pictures. I look overly excited in one and absolutley pudgey in the other.
Zowie! Looks like your (no) book tour is going great, and you’re meeting tons of fun people, and they’re all beautiful and fit – are you sure you’re touring country of America?
The Burger Beeyatch sandwich scares me a bit. If I had that for breakfast, I’d be hootin’ and tootin’ all day!
Keep on keepin’ on sista friend!
Bossy, your “complaining” isn’t complaining at all. It is insightful reflection on the vagaries that seem to land in the passing lane of life, going 50 mph when we are toodling along at a spiffy 65. So, don’t even go there, k?
I can’t figure out what the picture is in number 6. Is this some sort of Rorschach (sp?) test? Cause I see what appears to be a pregnant lady who’s carrying the baby in her butt.
This post just made me that much more excited to meet you tonight, assuming that I remember which of the 100 different spots we decided on.
Bossy, I’m so enjoying your tour vicariously. I was about 2 days behind you when I was on vacation in Texas; now I’m back in the Midwest and can’t get time off work to meet up with you in the Midwest. So I’ll just roll with you in spirit.(except for that horrific “chumpie”)
Your eyes are so blue. Reminds me of the Crosby, Stills, and Nash song “Judy Blue Eyes”. Has Sirius played that one for you yet?
I am enjoying reading all about the (No) Book Tour, and am horribly sorry I missed you in Nashville last month. However, I have a question. Is Bossy’s son ever going to fling his far-flung self back in our direction? It has been quite a while since he corresponded with Bossy’s council.
Thanks, and have fun and be careful on your trip.
It was awesome being a part of the Bossy Posse this week in KC! Thanks for dropping by – next year, we will pick a QUIETER venue (there will be a next year, right?)
Love that you beat me to posting about your visit, but I guess you have nothing else to do but tap posts out on your laptop while driving long lonely miles and listening to Sirius, eh? Multi-tasking!
The way you pull all this together in one post? It’s pure blogging genius!
So sorry you spent a night in Rawlins, Wyoming. Maybe some day when you don’t write your next book I can find some bloggers (I don’t do that) in Wyoming that can get you to a nicer part of our state.
Even if I didn’t write a book I would never, never, never, never drive eight to umpteen hours a day. I bet you really could write a book now.
With all those breakfast sandwiches and hours sitting is this affecting the size of Bossy? To be indelicate, how many pounds have you put on because of this trip?
Exhaustion helps to burn off the breakfast sandwiches I’m sure. Bossy isn’t going to say anything unkind about her breakfast sponsor’s food.
Besides, the meetups are mostly adult beverages if you recall
Wears me out to read about it but love that you are doing it. Go Bossy!
I love seeing all of these faces! Bossy is like Barack Obama the way she brings people together. Bossama.
hi honey.
Besides the fact that this summary is full of WIN, how many Angie’s have you met besides the most Awesome one, me?
Dang. I aspired to St. Louis. But Bossy got there so FAST.
Can we go back to Chris the cameraman? I have decided. I want him for Christmas. He is a little John Irving, a little Baryshnikov, and plus I think I could steal his camera.
Bossy, ho in the world to you manage to loon so un-tired at this point in the trip. I mean, goodness knows you must BE tired But no bags under those shining eyes? What the heck’s your secret?
Speaking of secrets, it’s a little late in the game for me to mention this, but I swear by sunflower seeds for stayin’ awake on long road trips. I’m sure they don’t actually have caffeine in them, but I tell ya, someday Science is going to discover that they do have something *like* caffeine, minus the twitchy jitters.
The act of crunching them, and then dealing with the shells is great for diverting your attention from scary wavering 18-wheelers in the next lane, and then when you get to that rest stop, oh my…you’ll find that they have created a *really* satisfying mess around the dashboard and adjacent areas, perfect for stretching (contorting) all those road-weary muscles as you attempt to clean up (Harrison) Ford a little.
You’re in the home stretch now, Kiddo. Keep on keeping on!
Ack! Bossy ho??? Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!
How HOW in the world…
And “Loon”?
Feh! Who the heck prof-read that comment??
Sooo glad I made the meet up in St Lou. And other Bossy’s Council members in the (no) Book Tour cities left? Seriously, make the effort to show up. Bossy is awesomeness. If Bossy can drive ten hours to get there, you can make time in your busy schedule to represent, you won’t be sorry you did.
It makes BB tired just SCROLLING down this enormous post. Not even taking into account the huge effort to prepare photos and write witty repartee and upload and spell check and… Sorry. Need some Lindt and a lie down.
Carry on. You rock.
BB
Kinda looks like Michelle Pfeiffer made it to the St. Louis meet-up as well! Sure wish I hadn’t been in California during the Seattle one. I sure hope you do the tour again next year.
That which does not kill me definitely makes me drink!
All those people look great and I’m sure you are exhausted from having so much fun… but all I want to know about is your trip to VERONA!! I am seriously waiting with baited breath to hear about my friends back home and see photos of their smiling faces.
Go, Bossy, go!!! Keep on truckin’ and bloggin’ your way through the USA.
Bossy made it to KC and I was there too!! Stay strong and car seat dance all the way to the finish line. When you get home you can celebrate and make Beet Hummus.
I was not aware that Denver was so packed to the gills with hot women.
Note to self…
Ok so I guess I don’t absolutely hate those pictures of me. Maybe Bossy has the magical camera.
Seattle misses you enormously.
XO!
How do you eat those phallic shaped breakfasts and not gain any weight? Are you running while on the road? Or are you burning calories by chewing gum, gum and more gum?
Dancing With The Stars In Cars would be an awesome concept!
Hey, what happened to Toronto? I’ve been keeping an eye out for updates. Bossssssyyyyyyyyyy!
oh Bossy….so glad you spent time with my best friend in the world, Kim!(Kansas) Her picture is adorable with you and she is sooo sweet. Especially because she told me about you!
Seattle just hasn’t been the same without you. There is talk of closing it.