Oct 13, 2009
Ten-Word Tuesday. The Family Idiom Edition.
You are looking at a plate of cookies. Cracked cookies, to be exact. And no they are not broken cookies or even crumbled cookies, because then the whole idea behind this post would fail, which would be the absolute not first time that ever happened.
Where were we? Cracked cookies. You see, in Bossy’s family growing up, this phrase had a different meaning. When one is crackin’ cookies, one is said to be — how to put this delicately — one is said to be exhaling. Exhaling anally.
You know, the call of the backdoor trumpet. A bottom burp. Fannitosis. Laughing ass. Thunder in the buns.
Bossy doesn’t know why her family historically referred to farting as crackin’ cookies, except there’s a disturbing parallel in the sounds both make.
Bossy can sum up this idiomatic family expression in this way: This whole post was Bossy’s mom’s idea. Please blame her.
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy about an expression that is very specific to your family?
And be sure to check back later today for the most expressiony family idioms on the web.
If you missed last week’s challenge, click here to read about the assorted icky jobs held by Bossy’s council.
In our house we call it “Firing the pants cannon.”
“The embarrassing planet” = one’s, um, anal opening.
(Ur-anus, get it?).
Doggie Diamonds = dog poo.
Got five words to sell…
Stew with ketchup and beef is Smutyard Stew. Mmm. Smut.
As trips started: “We’re off like a herd of turtles.”
When my daughter was little I was trying to explain to her why we limited the amount of time she could play on the computer or watch TV. “It’s because you get . . .” I said, searching for a way to describe the irritable, bitchy, overall unpleasant crackfiend type behavior that overtakes kids who engage in excessive amounts of audio-visual stimulation.
“Watchy?” she asked. And that was the perfect word for it. “Getting watchy.”
Getting flat. Means taking a nap, or having a lie-down.
Gah! That wasn’t ten words. sorry!
“Quiet Time” yelled loud meant parents were going to bed.
The driver of a car that backfires is called “Uncle Buck”.
Menz Mood = bad mood; came from a restaurant, Menz’s.
Stinky cheese = an inedible-sounds name for parmesan. Ewww, right?
Spit fit. When you are crying uncontrollably. Like kid tantrum.
“Whatever floats your boat” echos our family halls, uh huh.
“open the windows and let the stink out” – my grandmother
Drop the wood = just let it go. let. it. go.
Tootcher – With the “oo” sounding like the “u” in push. It’s our family name for a pacifier or Nuk.
PTA bath – Pits, tits & ass washed in the sink with a washcloth.
“Let’s get out of here before it bursts into flames.”
My dad’s way of saying that its time to go. Like, right now.
When someone starts rambling on and on my grandmother would say:
“Freeze your tongue, and give your tonsils a sleigh ride”
and coincidently, it’s exactly ten words with no embellishments!
TV doover. Teen embarrased at friends house. Remote!Why parents?
My baby daddy says, “Let’s get the kids outta here and blow the stink off ‘em”
Oh my hat. ‘Hat’ can also be substituted with ‘nipple’.
another name for passing gas in our family “Ripping Ass”
Pesto dishes are called “Alien pasta” for their green color
Siblings referring to our parents as Your mom or dad…
The split down your backside = The Crack of Doom.
“Makes my cheeks sweat” – when you eat something super tart.
My fricks are cheesing. Cold weather, originally mixed up words.
Noonie Bird = PC term for raging asshat or bad driver.
“What kind of potatoes do you want?” = someone died.
Childhood in the early sixties meant ‘gas pops’ instead of farts.
Ooooooooah….it is the sound that we make when we give a hug…so we give ooooooah’s not hugs.
Air Potty = passing gas
“Trouser ghost” meant passing gas. “Diaper ghost” used for babies!
“I’ve been busier than a cat covering up shit”===BUSY!!!
“han-i-ty-zer” = my kids version of hand sanitizer.
“Have you pooped lately” was Mom’s remedy to EVERYTHING amiss.
If you keep touching it your sheldon will fall off
in our house we eat GOLO 2 or 3 times a week. GOLO = Good Old Left Overs. We also sometimes have VOLO (Very Old Left Overs) and when staying with family or friends OPLO (Other People’s Left Overs).
It was a phrase my late Uncle came up with an the whole family uses today. New people (read: new girl/boyfriends) sometime think we don’t speak English.
Time is measured in “Godfathers”. How long? About three Godfathers.
We called it “shooting bunnies” which, now that I reflect back on it, seems a bit morbid.
My mom calls it “boating”.
Who Fard that shot? My dad was one classy guy.
Bippers. That’s pacifier, and Bossy never needs to see another.
Looks good from Broadway & Federal. (distant intersection; means good enough.)
“Happy Birthday” means oversharing. Confusing but also very funny, useful.
Busier than a one-armed paper-hanger with crabs. Busy!
Ahhh… 21st Century Housewife! You brought back memories.. EVERY single trip started with that statement. “We off like a herd of turtles”
Love it!
Departing in a hurry? You’re “off like a prom dress.”
Raining to beat the band. No ordinary rainfall, no sirree.
Going to Collingdale. Means died. Due to *busy* local cemetery.
Did you do someone else’s chores? You are a SMACK.
“It’s raining pitchforks and hammer heads.” Super storm. Hail, too.
Arnold = a wedgie
butt trumpet = fart
“Standing there with your teeth in your mouth” = not busy.
My kids changed “chicken pot-pie” to “Pappa Chick Eye”.
Behind the door when God passed out the brains = stupid
“You have the same pants to get glad in”= don’t be mad
Leaving on a trip is “off like a new bride’s panties”
“dusting the furniture” = parents gettin’ bizzay = GIANT EWW.
“My butt said cookies” term for passing gas, coined by youngest daughter.
“Sew buttons on your old man’s underwear zippers are out of style.”
Happy hour = “Anybody want a dinkie?” asked Dad. Couldn’t wait until I was 18 (the drinking age where I come from back when I came from there) so I could say, “I’ll have one.”
When asked what the Doctor said, you ALWAYS reply “He said, “buy your jelly beans one at a time and don’t start any continuing stories”.” (Double quotes??)
“Kennelty box” = where the dog goes when he’s in trouble.
(= kennel + penalty box)
pee = “little”, poop = “big” go big or go home = HILARIOUS
“You drive like Steve McQueen” when someone takes a fast corner!
If I drink coffee too late it makes me owlish
“Going to the movies with your mother” meant excitement ahead!
“I’m sweating like a turkey on Thanksgiving Day”. = really hot
Frontbottom…too funny UK….our families’ is “ticket”.
Don’t ask.
At 15 when I learned chutebomb doesn’t mean laundry chute.
Top dog is “One who swings the biggest dick”. thanksdad.
We call farts “fluffs” at our house.
I have to go do my big job = #2.
There aren’t little jobs – Only ‘big jobs’ in my family.
“I’m as nervous as a whore in church”—well you get the picture.
Potty Puff…”do I hear thunder”…”where’s that dog?” – ripper!
“Guaranteed not to rust, bust, collect dust, rip, ravel, or run down at the heels” = fixed
Husband’s family called the penis a “tallywacker.”
My family: pacifier = binky.
“to oar (someone)”= to decapitate by use of an oar
my rowing teammates (college fam) use this terminology to express our frustration with others.
Harry (the dog) “let a booper” (farted). Farts = boopers. You “let” a booper.
“We have a security breach at los pantalones.” (zipper is down, of course)
When referring to time passing quickly – “The tempest sure do fugit”
Big Mama: “I love you a bushel and a peck.”
“Chee mu” used for “excuse me.” Thanks dd2, now 8.
A boring story is called “a turkey sandwich.” got mayo?
Pluggie = pacifier. Poo Poo Bubble: well, you get the idea.
need a nap?Just say you need to “get organized”
Poop left in the toilet is called a “brown trout”
Biddabiddageek=down there. Because apparently the word vagina was inappropriate.
Grandpa’s farts were marked by phrase “the spiders are barking”
“gopher’s in the hole” = gotta get to bathroom right now
“Squishy Chicken” for I love you as a wee one.
–I have no idea where it came from, by the way, but now it’s ingrained in family vocabulary.–
straight as passyunk avenue (a very crooked street in Philly)
Summertime- my family knows all about the barking spiders!
“You can want in one hand, and $h!t in the other; see which one fills up first.
Standard response to “I want….”
husky pivens a.k.a. intestinal distress
Never made much sense to me, but…Bird chill = cold.
Oh – I am laughing so hard – Great pick Boosy’s mom!!
Here’s one my husband made up:
“Got to go – Senor Poop is knocking on la puerta!”
Now look who’s suckin’ the hind tit. (When unfortunate circumstances.)
Ahh… the ‘ol Adirondack barking spiders. (outdoor types
Watching I, Claudius. Bossy’s mom’s code name for General Hospital.
“Stepping on frogs” politely refers to those sounds originating anally!
“sniffin’ bananas” = distracting someone from the larger issue at hand
(I need more than 10 words to explain tho…..my aunt and uncle had a cat back in the 70’s who was caught on the dinner table, as we were setting it. The centerpiece was a bowl full of assorted fake fruit. The table had a lot of food on it, but the area of interest was a platter of pork chops. When she was caught, she was sitting by them, but when we came in the room, she started sniffin’ the bananas. Like yeah, right, I’m not really trying to snag a chop, I’m just here sniffing these yummy bananas)
“frog barks” = farts
“If you stick that lip out any further, you’re gonna step on it.” = Stop pouting.
Letter in the mailbox = wedgie
Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
“Did you see that baby elephant run by?” = passing gas
Squeebles = Diarrhea
“Pushing bitty’s in the bush” and “telling toadlies” = fibbing
“That’s more gooderish” = that’s better
Can I sleep out tonight? = Bring me Toilet Paper!
I’m sick of talking to you = Love you, bye.
“G’n'P it” means speed up and overtake meandering Geriats and Pediats clogging NYC sidewalks.
floating air biscuits = farting
“Throw some spit on it” = Grandpas’ way of healing every boo-boo
Passing gas = “Flats.”
Was 35 before realized short for “Flatulence.”
Different means ugly. Well that’s different leads to any of us wincing. No matter who says it. LOL
Sister’s dog eats catcrap from litterbox
now forever called “Scoobysnacks”
“You girls make yourselves useful as well as ornamental!”
nine words. that’s how long the saying was.
[Addendum to above note: it wasn't a "saying" but Mom's stern instruction to us to get cracking. Er, that is, to get to work.]
“I’m wearing the booby earrings for my New York trip.”
“It’ll never be seen on a galloping horse.” My grandmother’s expression for “not perfect, but good enough.”
You are no bigger than a minute = you are thin.
I have a turd honking for the right of way.
Dgm/6 — that story was totally worth all those wordy words.
Suspicious noise. Lift sofa cushions, search everywhere. “Where’s that spider?”
“If I get there first, I’ll draw a blue line. If you get there first, you rub it out.”
too long for 10, but I’ve always loved the illogic of this and had to include it. That West Texas grandfather of mine had some great sayings.
My civilized mother called farts “stinkers”.
Okay, I’ll stop now.
“Gonna get comfortable” – means changing from sweats into worse sweats.
“Good enough for the girls we go with” : That’ll do.
“Cickie” is what we call chicken. All young cousin’s fault.
“I’m going to crown you.”
Never heard it from anyone but my mother. And thank goodness! It would be pretty presumptuous from anyone else, really.
Nutty as a peach orchard boar = you’re acting crazy
Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock = raining really hard
Happy as a pig in shit = contented
Sweating like a whore in church = really hot
I could go on and on. Did I mention Mom’s from Arkansas?
1. My hair was “hooraw’s nest” to my grandmother. Not complimentary.
2. “Your hair looks like the cat’s been suckin’ on it.”
3. If anyone questions why I have serious issues, see above.
When we sneeze, my mother says, “Wootchie Gootchie.” Yes indeed.
When we’re idling, doing nothing, my father says we’re “goopin.”
When there’s no other response, we say, “Boom Bam Bippy.”
My entire famliy speaks a different language known as Loco.
“Speaking of Rootbeer” is code for “Wow, that was Random.”
“You look like the wreck of the Hespress” = bedhead
“Cracking up” means “You have plumber’s bum – hike up pants”.
“The things you see when you don’t have a gun”
“Do they throw tinsel in bunches or strand by strand?”
“The kitchen drawer.”: answer to any Where Is It? inquiry.
“Do NOT engage” = don’t take mother’s crazy bait loony talk.
“I’m so hungry, I could eat the north end out of a south bound skunk!” More than ten words, but way worth mentioning!
“You’re number one”–said instead of raising the middle finger
Called godmother “Uncle” Patty as a tot and it stuck.
She hosted my bridal shower and introduced herself to my friends as my uncle. Hilarious.
“Ishkabibble” is MIL’s exclamation when she hears/sees something disgusting.
When leaving, we say, “We’re off, like a dirty shirt!”
“You big baby, I’ve had worse hurts in my eyeball!”
-Hey dad, where’d you get that?
-At the gettin’ place.
NOCD = “Not Our Class, Dear.” Said facetiously, kind of.
Conshimfee = Out of control
You can look conshimfee, feel conshimfee or act conshimfee.
Who’s playing the buh-tuba? ( as in but-tuba)
Busier than a 1 legged man in a butt-kickin contest
When looking for something……”well If it was up my ass, it’d be sticking out.”
A non-sequitar would be followed by “Zucchini Bread!”
Who stepped on a duck? = fart
Sana sana culito de rana, si no sana hoy, sana manana.
The literal translation of this spanish saying is”
Heal, heal little frog’s ass. If it doesn’t heal today, it will heal tomorrow. This was used to sooth a child’s boo-boo, but was cool because it rhymed in spanish.
Pap-test=checking to see if your hat is on straight.
Anything stupid, hideous or annoying= Assy, MIL says so.(often)
“Look, there’s a chicken” for going seriously off-topic or getting your attention diverted
“Close enough for government work” meaning it’s really half-done, but it will do
“Tiny-pee-pee” for anyone driving a car in a way to show their macho: squealing tires, speeding, etc.
“Take me off your rooster” for take me off the list or I don’t want to do it. Based on a very funny piece called Take Me Off Your Rooster.
If things are bad = red alert. Really bad = purple alert.
Tammy at 145
We have lots of “I’m so hungry”s
I’m so hungry I’d….
eat the cross of the back of a donkey
eat the bare arse of a dummy child through the rungs of a chair >>>what the hell is that one????
eat the hind leg of the lamb of God,
I’m so hungy I could eat the ass end of a hobby horse.
He’s lost as an easter egg = someone who’s confused
I’m going to see a man about a dog = going to poop
“Broadway&Federal”—that’s Camden;that’s my old buddy Walt!
How about” Defective” for any thing that goes wrong or doesn’t work correctly
got the epizoodic = has any illness that’s “going around”
off like a bat out of Joplin = leaving quickly (we were from Kansas City)
putting on foo-foo = started out as perfume, evolved to mean “freshening up”
“Are you going to the movies? ‘Cause you’re picking your seat.”
To go “ass over tea kettle” = to take a tumble.
“Uglier than a bushel of assholes” = self-explanatory. Thanks, Nana
“Hungry Bum” = wedgie
“dropping the kids off at the pool” = going #2
“The turtle’s peeking his head out” = need to go #2
Outta here = “Off like a prom dress”
Outta here & feeling sassy = “Off like your mom’s prom dress”
Also used for not-so-bright people:
“Sharp as a marble”
” a few sandwiches short of a picnic”
“a few eggs short of a dozen”
Some gems from my dad:
“Ain’t got the brains God gave a goose.” (No so smart)
“It’s better than a sharp stick in the eye.” (Not good, but could be worse)
My siblings and I:
“I’m gonna sign you.” (flip you the bird)
Your hair looks nice, I hope you win! = you’re an idiot
This pizza’s gotta roll! = Get in the car, we’re leaving
Come a toad strangler = massive amounts of rain
Paradigm shift without the clutch.
A conversation shift so abrupt that you are baffled.
When leaving…
We’re off in a cloud of heifer sh*t.
They’re off, said the monkey as he backed into the lawnmower.
“I see a pencil holder” when plumber’s crack is seen.
Western dressing — steer on the front? That’s “The Cow Kind.”
Via mom via her SIL: “Oops, stepped on a duck.”
These have just been priceless. Americana at its most descriptive.
End of every trip: “Home again, home again, jiggidy jig.”
“Rented meal” resulting in immediate and lengthy trip to loo.
expanding on “dropping the kids off at the pool” we say which kids we’re dropping off to indicate level of discomfort. Quantity is expressed in an entire ensemble cast of a sitcom, or sports team.
“I’m touching Cotton” indicates level of urgency.
The sound of your butt sliding along the bottom of the bathtub during a bath that can be heard the floor below by dad drinking a coffee is called “gorping”
“Popo” is a term utilized for “downtown” male or female. Used in a sentence often heard yelled round my neighborhood in the 70’s….”Girls!!! Time for bed!!!! Don’t forget to wash your hands, face, popo and feet!!!” Funny how we didn’t have to brush our teeth, but somehow feet made the cut, along with the popo.
Popo regained a surging popularity in the mid 90’s when my neighbor’s daughter began spawning children, and my uppity neighbor told us that instead of grandma and grandpa, she and her husband would be referred to as “Sasa and Popo”. My sister and I used to crack up when she kept calling her husband Popo. She would tell us all about all the things Popo would do, and how much her grandson just loved his Popo. Most little boys do, I would tell her. The double entendre was just lost on her.
i don’t give a flying rat’s ass = i don’t care
“I’m F.E.I.N.” which obviously means you are really not fine!
(with apologies to the real Dr. Fein)
“not a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out” – means foolish spending. E.G “I can’t believe they bought a new car, when they don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out.”
Must go make an important phone call = #2
Chaka, Chaka = have sex
My mom is too modest to say the “s” word, so she says Chaka Chaka instead. As in, “after his surgery doctor says they can’t do Chaka Chaka for a few weeks.” It’s hilarious when she says it!
#180 runnergirl…..”I’m touching cotton”…literally put me over the edge, sooo funny.
Won’t be ten words…oh well.
My dad use to always say “she went to shit and the hogs ate her” when we would ask where my mom was. Nice huh? You have to know my father. Anyway, he said it ALL the time. When my sister and I were about 11 and 14 she asked him what a hogsater was? She always thought it was a place or a thing. When we really slowed down the sentence for her she just said “Ohhhhhhhhh.” Til this day when I ask my dad where something is he will say right next to Hogsater…as is “where is Cleveland?” “Right next to Hogsater”. Then we both die laughing. My sister doesn’t think it’s as funny as we do.
Mom: Goodness, who boeuffed?
Dad: Did you hear that jet?
A good parking space?: “Do we live right or what?”
“Rub some grass on it!”– means just deal with it.
To describe someone with a large rear end–She’s a two-tripper meaning if she were told to haul ass, it would take two trips!
Like a bolt of cold molasses – means we’re leaving, at our usual snail pace.
Use mackarel in a sentence – means “Are you unhappy but don’t want anyone to know” – employed on the phone when one sibling is dealing with one of our ornery parents and the other sibling is calling from the comfort of their home.
She’s a sharp as a sock full of soup (With apologies to Corner Gas tv series)
“Spectacles testicles wallet and watch” my dad’s joke about how the Catholics sign themselves and also it is to check that you have all your essentials when going out