Nov 10, 2009
Ten-Word Tuesday. The Parental Weirdness Edition.
Bossy already posted this very photo today, right over there in the left column in her Poverty Party feature and sister mercy here’s a spoiler alert: It’s about lipstick.
While Bossy was taking this photo of her own hand, two things kept occurring to her. The first thing is how strange hands look when photographed.
The other thing that occurred to Bossy is a story Bossy’s mom tells, about a childhood friend Bossy’s mom had — a friend whose mother was an alcoholic. And whenever Bossy’s mom and this friend would go to the friend’s house after school, her drunk mother would be sprawled out on the sofa in a dark room, arms outstretched to the ceiling, her hands rotating on their wrists, and half-crying the mother would repeat, “I could have been a hand model.”
I could have been a hand model. This is almost funny if it weren’t for the alcoholic part, and the dark room part, and how creeped-out Bossy’s mom was standing there. Shiver.
The moms of Bossy’s childhood friends weren’t nearly as interesting. One mom talked like a baby despite a high-profile career. One mom would shout for her daughter to wash her face with distilled water. And one mom never wiped down any of the surfaces in her house despite the fact she had five young kids, so Bossy couldn’t even place a glass of Tang down on a TV tray without it getting stuck in a pile of yesterday’s grape jelly, and you would never believe the degree to which this made young Bossy vow to never have kids but always have sponges.
Bossy can sum up her friends’ moms in this way: They were vaguely neglectful. Then again it was the 1800s.
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you share a few stories about your childhood friends’ parents?
And be sure to check back later today for the parentest of all the friends’ stories on the web.
If you missed last week’s challenge, click here to read how Bossy’s council would place their breakfast order if Bossy were a short-order cook. Sure, it may sound like a stretch of an idea, but trust Bossy: you’ll want to read 130 of the most delicious sounding breakfasts imaginable.
Grace before dinnertime for this atheist; made me breakfast daily….
Best friend’s mom former teen beauty queen, became morbidly obese.
Absorbed in other interests; occasionally present for discipline or dinner.
Crazy neighbor rifled though cabinets for crazy siblings ADD drugs.
80’s version of June Cleaver. Still adore her!
One mom taught Bossy and friend to debone chicken. Girls.
Bossy had huge crush on friend’s dad. Full of hell.
How many stepfathers does one really need? I’m still bitter.
One drove enormous sedan. Her eyes pulsed looking over shoulder.
Oops, that was about me. Friends parents were patient, good.
Come to think: most of friends’ moms were divorced. Hmm.
Pierced my ears one snow day numbing them with vodka.
Called Kool-Aid ‘juice’ and traumatized me for life – otherwise unmemorable.
Wig heads lined up in bathroom & first boob job ever!
She watched soaps all afternoon while eating big ice cubes.
No dads figured prominently. Except one. Bossy’s dad makes 2.
friend’s mom constantly chewed on her tongue making weird sounds – i can still hear it now.
Holy roller had affair. Parents reconciled but ex-communicated from church.
Played bridge, beautifully coiffed, let us pass hors d’oeuvres at her cocktail parties.
AFFLICTED with a clean house, many cigarettes and biggest texas hair eva! Love ya GAYLE!!
Wonderfully fun, let us have biscuit dough fights, ‘n stuff.
Hippie chick who sold weed. Slept with her daughter’s friends.
She told me not to touch the stuffed water buffalo
Screaming “Hands off the woodwork, I just washed the walls”
mom was a slob, dad was a boy scout leader.
Friend’s drug was a druggie. Didn’t realize till was older.
Eight. Friend’s father. Stash of Playboys. Body image ruined forever.
Friend’s mom sat and flicked rabbit poo off her bed.
VERY modern house. Young Jamie squeaks, “where are the antiques?!”
Mom was a hoarder, Dad took nudie pix. Wierd basement.
Another friend:
Dad never closed bathroom door nor zipped pants. EWWW ick.
Ran over Pumpkin the dog with station wagon. Pumpkin survived.
Bitch hid behind curtains and watched us. Egged her house!
Mom went nuts and tried to kill son with knife.
Mother was then committed to institution and never came back.
Other friend. Mom let us make fondue and smoke cigarettes.
Another friend. Beautiful mom. Sold Avon. Let us have makeovers.
Virginia’s Dad was VERY funny….we’d giggle over Lice Glispies!
Washed the walls with bleach. Daily.
Brought us toast in bed. No such luxury at home.
Don’t remember much. Us kids ran free in those days.
Let us tap dance on tile floor in TV room.
Under cover narcotics officer, 5′ tall female, always obey Betty.
Friend’s mother was a professional dancer, taught us Jazzercise and gave us pimple advice.
Ooops, that wasn’t 10 words. Betty would be displeased.
Neighbor: didn’t like you telling friend that she needs makeup.
Driving carpool, smoking, with the windows closed. I couldn’t breathe!
One mom believed in me when no one had before.
Frosted lipstick, frosted hair, frosted martini glasses, clacking gum. (Child of the 60’s!)
Only had daughters. Taught me the art of girly stuff.
Pulling hands: “Got my boobs done! Give ‘em a feel!”
Friend told me man in bedroom with mom was “uncle”.
Paid the VISA with the MasterCard. Ruined friend’s credit too.
Stole from church. Fled to Canada.
Diabetic mom. Ceiling-high laundry pile. Funny – I finally get it.
She picked us up in a smoke-filled Ford Pinto.
Parents “taking nap” every Sunday, they now own nudist colony!!
Stomped ingrown toenail playing basketball; told me to stop bleeding.
Mostly bitchier than my own mother. Thankful mine was mine.
Younger and cooler than mine, in band, had junk food.
“supervised pot smoking” = fun but I still recognized notsogood parenting.
wouldn’t let kids use icecubes, would be any for later
Neighborhood kids ran in pack. Parents not large presence. (1940s-50s)
cool, taught me about antiques, art, theater and great books
Always wore skirts, played piano by ear, antiques, collectibles, homey.
Everybody’s parents were cooler than mine except the creepy ones.
Under-bed stash of Romance novels and racy magazines. Wooooo!
French-Canadian with southern accent, threw out great one-liners.
Let us watch Olivia Newton-John concert “Physical” on HBO!!!
She wore red lipstick and heels. Beautiful. Husband had affairs. ?
Caught me naked with her son, loved me anyway!
forbidding and distant, they kept no junk food around. tragic.
‘Ol Ray…..rundown shack, rundown horses, booze and outhouse. Coyotes.
Wore tons of lipliner, fake eyelashes, spoke like a baby.
She ironed clothes in her bra but never burned herself
Mom worked at the local adult book/novelty store. Let’s just say there were some interesting things to make squirt guns from.
Imagined there was a fire. Broke window, made us jump.
1979: Came into kitchen topless, towel around waist. Kissed hubby.
Asked us to play quietly while she had sex. European.
Maiden aunt OWNED the house his family lived in, with her. No one in that family ever (EVER!) spoke to her. She LIVED with them. Beyond weird.
(Yeah, sorry I broke the 10-word rule, but COME ON…..)
only person I know who got fat when doing crack
After her stroke, she called me to buy her beer.
They drank, smoked and were very relaxed….nice!
Much nicer than my own. No Shouting and negative diatribes.
Mother lived upstairs; father lived down. Too Catholic to divorce.
Also, piece of toast on floor for days on end.
Whole neighborhood, same Catholic parish, ALL the parents drank, Parties!
Janet called hers “Jimmy” and “Ruby”. Never Mom and Dad.
Why can’t I remember any other friends’ parents? Oblivious me.
They always said yes when my mom said no!
Now can’t even remember childhood friends. Surely I had some.
wow, they were old. like late 30s. my age now…
Left teenage girls at home and vacationed in the Catskills.
Psycho cop father shot the car when it wouldn’t start
best friend’s dad spoiled her on christmas, then left again.
Served Deviled Ham everyday for lunch. What is that stuff?
said she was sick but she was drunk every day.
friend’s dad commando in shorts.put mouse back in house!
She watched soaps; we ran amok. Wait, that’s my mother.
She worked; Friend drove me down road on a tractor.
She owned a country store and we stole Peppermint Patties.
I didn’t even like Peppermint Patties; getaway vehicle equals tractor.
And when I say “stole” I really mean “helped myself.”
And I say “helped myself” because we were half starved.
I get 20 words:
Told us about shoplifter so we wouldn’t consider ’sticky fingers.’
Three divorced women in neighborhood. Dad visited two often. Nice.
When you’re half starved, stolen Peppermint Patties are the bomb.
Neighbors mom fed me lamb. Eating Bambi made me cry.
Friend’s Mom was the nicest person I have ever known. (I never heard her say a bad thing about anyone.)
Other parents? Atticus Finch-ish compared to my boozehound pill poppers.
Beautiful Catholic neighborhood. Everyone kept having more and more kids.
Sat on heater vent in underwear, sliced leg open once.
Dropped kids at school on holiday, family bed, noone wore shoes.
These words were uttered by my best friend’s mom when I was a little girl: (and here begin the 10 words….)
“Ooooooooo, I love to squeeze your arms!” She really did.
Stacey’s glamorous single realtor mom let her be latchkey kid!
Sang ” Hello Dolly” LOUD doing her best Carol Channing impression.
Karen’s dad was always on the couch in his underwear.
One mom told me I had the gift of gab.
Nanny slapped us with a yardstick. Where was my mother?
Anne’s mom let us have ice cream for dinner – yum!
Lisa’s mom kept her gallstones in a jar at home!
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? every day. Counted my blessings.
Margie’s dad’s Cadillac horn played “The Eyes of Texas”!
Addicted to TAB, left dinner dishes on the table overnight.
Shaklee and Amway selling alchoholic. Wanna be romantic novelist. Baptist.
Overly involved, rarely cooked/cleaned; still thought she was great.
The Pope talked to her daily. Need I say crazy?
Friend’s grandpa announced @Easter dinner-”You eat like a farmgirl!”
“We thought they were all our relation until high school”
Pops up out of nowhere to administer random pop-quizzes.
Alcoholics, cleaned with vinegar, nasty beer/smoke/vinegar smell always.
Mom never home, perfect hideout, til discovered and in trouble.