Dec 1, 2009
Ten-Word Tuesday. The Neighbor Edition
By now you have all bathed in the story of the Windmere, Florida man who phoned 911 after his neighbor, Tiger Woods, was beaten with a golf club by his Swedish ex-model wife drove his Escalade into a tree.
Bossy has listened to the 911 tape, and she has only this to say: When Bossy is high on pain killers and having an affair with a nightclub promoter named Rachel and Bossy’s husband lashes Bossy about the face and Bossy careens down the driveway to escape his angry blows and Bossy’s husband goes off looking for her in a golf cart after Bossy first crashes into a fire hydrant and then a tree and Bossy’s husband has to break-out the back window of her SUV and pull her from the car and then leave her unconscious on the lawn, Bossy hopes her neighbors are more focused than the nice folks in the Isleworth subdivision.
Of course Tiger Woods’ poor neighbor — who told the 911 operator helpful things like “he hit a tree” while failing to mention there was a car involved — probably never imagined the need to phone 911 for a neighbor when he purchased his municipal library home:
One time many years ago in a land far away, Bossy’s neighbor knocked on her door. She told Bossy she was packing up and leaving her husband who was very dangerous and no telling what he might do, driven to rage and embarrassment as he was with a hastily departing family, and you have a nice day! And with that she turned on her heels and spun rubber on her way to a new life.
For weeks that bled into months, Bossy kept a vigil at her window, making note of this man’s comings and goings for the imagined court case. One time Bossy was so flustered by the sudden appearance of his car during a weekday afternoon — a weekday afternoon, people! — that she stumbled down her back porch steps and twisted her ankle in a way that left Bossy on crutches for an interminable amount of time, leaving her with nothing to do but watch the O.J. Simpson trial and oh yeah, did Bossy fail to mention the entire country was a little on edge regarding domestic violence?
Needless to say so Bossy will say it anyway, the neighbor incident passed without note — and then that particular neighbor moved and then Bossy moved and more moving was involved and even more moving, although not necessarily in that order.
Bossy can sum up her relationship with her current neighbors in this way: The patience of saints, what with Bossy’s constant carrying on.
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you share some neighbor stories with Bossy and her council?
And don’t forget to check back later today for the neighboriest comments on the web.
If you missed last week’s challenge, it’s because there was no challenge! But if you missed the week before, click here to find out how Bossy’s readers would fill in the blank, I love you but…
Neighbor experienced plane crash and Cuban prison spreading Christianity – gah!
Bossy stalked her neighbor, a Philadelphia Eagle. He watched Erkle.
Bossy tried to rendezvous in hallway w/other Philadelphia Eagle neighbor.
Bossy would race into hallway when hearing cute neighbor’s door.
Bossy thought one neighbor was Doc Severinson’s son. He wasn’t.
Bossy’s best friends lived next door, from England. Moved back.
Bossy’s farm neighbor had Dane TAUGHT to jump on people. Scary.
Bossy pretended husband was in FBI to scare hick neighbor.
‘Wall nights’ – sitting on the retaining wall drinking and talking.
Inherited house, jobless, throws our cat poop on our lawn!
(how are we supposed to tell our cat where to poop???)
Hog the street parking so ugly broken van can’t fit
NFL stadium close enough to charge for game day parking
Made 200 bucks during the superbowl a few years ago.
Painted their front porch neon orange, now painting shutters. My eyes, my eyes!
My neighbors probably talked about my sounds of breaking glass.
Because Elin Woods and me, we got something in common.
(Our NJ neighbors)
Fed my waiting husband 9/11, shoveled snow when I was pregnant.
They’re a disrespectful, malodorous, fly-attracting herd of bovines…literally.
My neighbors, mostly nice people. Lots and lots of kids.
But, don’t put garbage out too early. HOA is notified.
We know who reports it. Don’t leave garage open either.
Barbie lives down the street. She is a marathoner. Gah.
Angry. Rules for others, not him. Wish he would move.
Nervous mom of twin boys on the corner. Needs Xanax.
I hope my neighbors don’t read Bossy. No more Cosmos!
(Our CT neighbors.House 1)
Patiently return kids toys to our lawn,feed our Lab dogbiscuits
Our CT neighbors House 2)
Bring my newspapers to the top of our steep driveway
We live in Pleasantville.
We have signal if caught outside with too talkative neighbor.
Other neighbor? Nicest guy evah! ALMOST evens out ANGRY GUY.
I knew this would happen, Tiger went all Michael Jackson.
cute single doctor as neighbor we flirted alot nothing happened
Audubon Ron moved deep in the woods to avoid neighbors.
years later both married to others now he’s my doctor
Borrow a cup of sugar from Ron and goto jail.
It’s not that I’m asocial, it’s that I am asocial.
Drug Dealers. They kill my wasps, I bake them Cookies.
–>Front doors were 3 inches apart and still best friends.
Neighbor from 14 years ago – BFF’s like Thelma and Louise!
Neighbor today is a walking Nazi but makes good martinis!
They have twin 6 year old boys. We stayed anyway.
Anal. Rude to visiting friends. Owns the street in front.
Strange family across the street. Parking wars ensue. Aaah, cul-de-sacs!
Great neighbor!-now sorely missed–his yacht “Serendipity”–Johnny Carson…
Sort of surrogate parents to GreatAunt and hubby. Love them!
Twitter quarrel ensued over car tracks on the grass.
Serendipity–the effect of stumbling upon something fortunate especially when looking for something totally unrelated–this was Johnny Carson–a humble, humble, man!
Make my kids do his yardwork. He’s 88 & stubborn.
unemployed, crazy, boozing, abusive common-law-relationship, annoying doorbell-ringing-at-all-hours, no car, can-you-give-me-a-ride-to-the-liquor-store?
I’m the sap; husband told her stay away; she has.
Told downstairs neighbors that some Phila. Orchestra members were coming over to jam….taking the heat off the actual rock and rollers….
shelf fell. wine glasses broke. all my neighbors brought basket of gorgeousness.
Made kids stay upstairs while they hosted “Swingers” parties downstairs.
Just like grandma – always baking us stuff – totally love her!
Mow my lawn. They know we’re busy with baby. Awesome!
Hit our car and ran. Never fessed up. It was him.
Made us lamb chops when had new baby. Yum! Yum!
Crazy Mrs. Kravitz screaming & yelling about my leaves blowing into her yard.
Croaked, found two weeks later when smell permeated five apartments.
Invited in to see remodel. Saw naked boudoir photos on wall instead. SCARRED.
Three dogs. Yip yip. Yap yap. Bark Bark BARK BARK.
Crazy neighbor. Accused us of throwing urine at her door.
Unemployed, selling pharmaceuticals, had gun, paranoid, so glad they moved!
Next-door neighbors have annoying little yappy dogs. Dislike!
Can’t enjoy deck due to their dog poop smelling backyard.
Fall leaves on property line— they were from my tree.
Gah
After 13 years, finish the siding on your house, already.
13 years and no access to your front door, gah!
Just finish one damn project that you’ve started! (I’m done.)
Banana bread making, block party loving, babysitting when needed: ANGELS.
Wet stuffed animals-stuck them to long icicles on house.
And Bossy loves spamming her own comment box!
Neighbor’s jackass landlord foreclosed, no payments made, favorite neighbors moved!
My now EX-mother & father in law -BEST neighbors EVER!
Neighbor came to borrow money, after he’d pissed his pants.
Can hear them having sex sometimes. It sounds pretty dull.
Best. Neighbors. Funny, love us, pour wine when I knock.
Have key to our home. Have best tools for borrow.
Hold on a second Bossy: What nightclub manager named Rachel?
BF/GF screaming matches. Definite violence. Called cops anonymously- protected self.
Took care of children when emergency called us out of town.
Barking dog. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark. Bark.
Pretty sure we don’t make the cut like they do.
A bleached, boobed, botoxed neighbor said my kid wasn’t perfect.
Beagle Guy. Carries a gun and walks his beagle alllll daaayyy looonnng.
Driveway vacant but parks in street. Rest are all foreclosing.
Perpetually stealing my parking space – their carport is “beneath her.”
Mostly quiet, but will graciously help out in a pinch.
pushy, my stuff is never good enough; built a fence.
Over every day telling us he was dying. He wasn’t.
Jeuvenile delinquent daughter howling in the shower. Off key.
JD daughter caught siphoning our gas late one night. Busted.
We paid our bad neighbor karma with those wack jobs in the 70’s.
Stole our (barking) dog. Dropped him 50 miles away. But we found him 3 months later (he was well taken care of, in Pacific Palasades, mind you).
They sued us. They lost. Very uncomfortable now.
In 3rd grade, thought I’d marry classmate. Then they moved.
Corner mom was sweet. Forgot carpool. Making strawberry shortcake instead.
Toby. Hosted Brownie meetings. Sided with instigating son. Bullied me.
2 Airdale Terriers. Giant feather plumes in living room. Awesome 70’s decor.
Babies brought together a friendship that will last a lifetime!
I always used their telephone when I locked myself out .
Neighbor related that her Hubby’s legs had been CHOPPED OFF – Gah. (While performing a chopping motion)
Neighbor has house that is pure white and pink – Fairyland!
Dysfunctional daughter, disabled mother, always screaming at each other. Called police. Very sad.
Two pit bulls, four adults, dog poo on my yard.
Weird situation – never see them, hear lots. 48 hours much?
Says, “best one hundred dollars I ever spent” about everything.
lived here twenty years spoken to us total four times
horrible little bleep-heads that ring doorbell at 7 a.m. on Sunday!!!
threw dead garden snakes on them from roof of house as paybacik!!
Crazy cat lady propagated colony. Family fumigated house, cats vanished.
says house is making him sick-we think he’s mental
they loiter loudly outside building EVERY night; I call police.
… and I’m no buzzkill, I just need some sleep damn it!
After reading the comments, thinking my neighbor’s no so bad.
Neighbor wants $1.00 yard sale item for .50 cents Duh!
Different politics but co-existing beneficially, they always cut our lawn!
Neighbor selling power stilts, only $700, according to mailroom flier.
Vietnam War vet named Ace was murdered by his mother.
(Or so I had convinced myself. Turned out I was wrong.)
Shared walls. We love clapping. They love screaming. Good times.
Cut your freakin’ grass so we can sell overpriced house.
Scary herb-smoking cougar crushes on my husband. Please move?
Neighbor’s face bloodied by husband, I felt same paranoia Bossy.
Weird old man cuts grass at nite – with a light!
Stole quarters from the bank where she worked – $10,000/WEEK!
Totally insane, pot smoking, lingerie wearing, drunk–hallway hanging–over-chatter!
(In other words it’s not unusual to see her in her intimates at 10am when she’s drunk, high and interested in conversation. I hide from her.)
noise complaints over band, our van rolled into her house
(live in boyfriend had band practice in the middle of the day, she complained that she couldn’t hear her soaps over the noise and would call the cops repeatedly; one day the boyfriend forgot to put on the parking brake and our van rolled down our driveway, through her fence, and into her laundry room. Woops.)
Samoan royalty, baby luaus, fire dancers, carport karaoke, boooooze, chaos.
Gay pumped-on-roids boys who shared teensy weensy car – funny sight!
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Neighbor completely naked at my door.
Crazy vortex centered over street draws all kinds of nuts!
(Myself included)
Male international students who loudly sing Christina Aguilera at all hours.
cat lovers on both sides, good friends, help without asking!
Thought my neighbors were bad – then read about Adria’s. YOWZA.
Eleven boys under 10 + big leaf piles = suburban bliss.
all of vuboq’s neighbor stories end with a bad hangover
wonderful-friendly-watchful but not obtrusive-responded with a gun to protect our property
South of me. 2 boys who will end up in jail by the time they are 15. It runs in the family. Behind me. Couple who think the lot line is 5 feet closer to me then it is. North of me. Very old and very cranky couple who I don’t think will ever die. Across the street from me. Very nice couple. They moved away. Don’t know who is moving in. Sorry but I can’t keep it under 10.
1. Acre+, dont know them. I just like my own friends.
2. Probably why all my “neighbors” chose to live around here.
3. Also, man I feel bad for some of Bossys readers.
Cougar sneaks BF in and out after putting doggie out
Keep gun ready in case nabors BF gets wrong house
Upstairs neighbors with big boots. But it could be worse.
Previous neighbor worked from home. Listened loudly to ABBA. Constantly.
Secret of obese dog solved: neighbors were feeding her too.
Neighbors now: great cooks and ready to pour wine. Lovely!
Roses, our side of fence, “scratched her.” So she poisoned them.
(We wondered why she was reaching so far through fence.)
We weren’t exactly sad when she moved to The Home.
Next: a huge, fun, Hispanic family who fed and beered us.
Redneck teenager, please:
1) buy a muffler
2) stop squealing tires
3) NOW.
Spreading the word of god with bongos, never a shirt.
Ours slaughtered their goat, then invited us to eat it.
(P.S. We live in California, not a third world country.)
Friend’s dad obviously a spy. Otherwise, why so many turtlenecks?
Cops on one side, Mormons on the other. No parties.
Stays with our napper while I drive older siblings. LOVE!
Learned early that childhood neighbor wouldn’t squeal to parents–Best!
Me teenager, babysat their four kids one weekend. Childless since.
Rented apartment (unknowingly) behind Lesbian bar. RickyMartin ‘She Bangs’ tilltwoam.
Boozehound father-son duo in constant bar brawl. Simply lovely.
Rented apartment adjacent EMTs. Every shift ended with ‘glaucoma medication.’
Adolescent psych ward supervisor. Funny but horrifying stories. Childless since.
Never have affairs with neighbors unless prepared to move suddenly.
I’m ten, awake to hearing neighbors effing for tres horaz.
They look after me, take out my garbage and recyclables.
KEEP BELIEVING
Be still my heart—-it’s Gerard Butler’s twin brother!
They alert me if I leave my garage door open.
KEEP BELIEVING
He tells me I look good when I wash car.
KEEP BELIEVING
One leaves out corn for birds. Chipmunks find and bury.
KEEP BELIEVING
One speaks no English. Grows interesting Chinese vegetables in garden.
KEEP BELIEVING
Another speaks no English and does not own lawn mower.
KEEP BELIEVING
Thoughtful. Generous. Bought me Wii Fit. Makes me powerwalk.
Other neighbor: Always perfect. Bar high. Even when getting mail.
Full-time RVer. Don’t like neighbors? Move. (3 roll-over words.)
Punted our mailbox onto roof, husband made him get it. (and then he moved – good choice!)
Cows don’t care if you dance naked singing ABBA songs!
Bureau of Alcohl/Tobacco/Firearms raid means we are moving.
We have loud sheep and a louder rooster. Sorry, neighbors.
Casting aspersions on species, parentage, and maternal relationship, really loud.
Married. Screwing my brother-in-law. Lusting after my husband. Always over.
neighbor one: Meth addict who set our fence on fire
#2-nickname Dick, because he is one
#3-Mole People,hang dolls from their ceiling by the neck.
Crazy neighbor rescued possums, called me an animal hater!
read comments -glad neighbor only spoke to us four times!
Wouldn’t trust them with a plant. They have a baby.
Nice neighbors, crazy neighbors, never know when they’ll switch sides.
Neighbors cut up and burned tree in their grill. Really.
(Their) son broke in garage for sex w/ GF; left evidence. (eww)
(parenthetical words don’t count)
Competitive. Always looking for something. Not our cup of tea.
Heard through walls: “I’m gonna make you F__ the dog!!”
stinky food wafting from windows make me want to barf
See them in summer, rarely in winter. Nice, though. Mostly.
My neighbors define fabulosity. We take care of each other.
Former neighbor — cross-dresser. SGT Tex? Mrs. Tex? Who today?
(V. late). Nosy inquiries about roof repairs, parenting, garden, pretty much everything.
Loud music at 3 am wakes us up. We’re moving.
The polysterene santa boot I chewed the heel off, aged 2. (2’s a number right, not a word. Oh, come on!)
fell in love with landlord/neighbor, tore down walls between
They stole my doormat when they moved away. So lame.
Wow. I’m way late on this one, but can’t resist because no one can beat mine.
R Durst. Wealthy schizophrenic killer transvestite, His wife still missing.
Sorry I’m late to the party….but here is my 10 words about my neighbors:
In the 80’s could watch Rod Steward come and go.