Mar 1, 2011

Ten-Word Tuesday: The Return Edition

Who remembers the bedtime story of Bossy’s Boyfriend jeans, hold the boyfriend?

For those of you who never heard the story, and for those of you who hate to follow links to other posts, like the one above, Bossy will tell you exactly what happened. Here’s what happened: follow this link.

Heh.

It all began while Bossy was on her 2010 (No) Book Tour — specifically on the day Bossy was staying with her friend Wendy in Arizona –- because on that particular day, Bossy and her friend Wendy decided to go shopping, where shopping equals drink.

But after Bossy and her friend Wendy were properly lubricated, they fell into an adjacent shopping center, where Bossy and Wendy tried on the same pair of Boyfriend jeans. Well, they weren’t the very same pair of Boyfriend jeans, because that would have been something of a circus trick. But they were the same style of pant. Pants. Pant.

When Bossy’s friend Wendy emerged from the dressing room with her rejected Boyfriend jeans under her arm, Wendy said, “They fit weird.” That’s when Bossy said, “Mine fit weird too, but I like how they look all baggy in the front like they’re not my size.”

This would be considered Mistake Number One.

Because not only did those boyfriend jeans fit baggy in the front, they fit baggy in the rear. Baggy in the front is Madonna in the Papa Don’t Preach video. Baggy in the rear is the sound technician running cables on the shoot of the Papa Don’t Preach video.

Are we all clear on the difference?

Which is why Bossy posted photos of her Boyfriend jeans, and asked her esteemed council if she should return them. The answer was a resounding yes.

And so Bossy did what any responsible blogger would do who agreed with her readers. Bossy took those jeans, she threw them back in their shopping bag, she nestled the receipt next to those jeans, and then she promptly forgot about them.

This would be considered Mistake Number Two.

Bossy forgot about those jeans — until yesterday, that is, when Bossy collected that shopping bag containing those pants and that receipt and she scurried to her local mall to, finally, make the return.

That’s when the nice salesgirl informed Bossy the store has a two-month return policy, and — imagine the nerve — it has been two months since the purchase!

But luckily, the nice salesgirl informed Bossy it wasn’t too late to exchange the jeans for store credit!

Which is precisely when the nice salesgirl informed Bossy she’d only be able to credit the jeans for the lowest clearance price on the item.

As Bossy stood at the counter imagining all the different ways she would spend her store credit, eyeing up the flirty summer blouses and the dapper sailor shorts, the nice salesgirl cheerfully entered the Boyfriend jeans’ serial number into the register and announced exactly how much store credit Bossy would have:

And so Bossy tucked those jeans back into their shopping bag and took them home to live among the other items in Bossy’s closet which, when worn, turn Bossy instantly into a teamster.

Bossy can sum up her experience with her Boyfriend jeans store return that never happened in this way: Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. Also dumb.

Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy about something you should return, but for whatever reason, don’t?

And be sure to check back later today for the least returned items on the web.

permanent link to post

50 comments

1. 1
   on March 1st, 2011 at 2:29 am
   Lynda M O said:

   Six pairs cords.
   Getting too small.
   Never say “size twelve”.


2. 2
   on March 1st, 2011 at 7:16 am
   Jean said:

   AT&T horrible DSL/phone service. Very expensive. MUST motivate to cancel.


3. 3
   on March 1st, 2011 at 8:57 am
   GreatAunt said:

   Christmas gifts – turquoise, black and white blouse and turquoise jacket.


4. 4
   on March 1st, 2011 at 9:16 am
   Sue said:

   GreatAunt, we must have the same Aunt. She gave me turquoise, black and white blouse and turquoise pants. Neither fit, plus turquoise??


5. 5
   on March 1st, 2011 at 9:16 am
   Katia / Crazy for trying said:

   sippy cups: they’re for babies, not 6 year-olds.


6. 6
   on March 1st, 2011 at 9:23 am
   Jennifer said:

   Spatula from MIL after 12 years of marriage & cooking.


7. 7
   on March 1st, 2011 at 10:28 am
   bossy's friend, martha said:

   Can’t concentrate…Bossy’s body too cute….keep the jeans…geesh.


8. 8
   on March 1st, 2011 at 10:43 am
   Kate said:

   ridiculous paisley platforms. go with nothing. ps – those jeans look great on you, wear them! I don’t see the aforementioned unfortunate bagginess.


9. 9
   on March 1st, 2011 at 10:44 am
   Kate said:

   I mean they’re SUPPOSED to be baggy, people!


10. 10
    on March 1st, 2011 at 10:45 am
    Teeny Tina said:

    Expensive Egyptian cotton sheets that are wake-the-dead noisy.


11. 11
    on March 1st, 2011 at 11:06 am
    Meg at the Members Lounge said:

    No returns here, but Bossy’s jeans make me think spring!


12. 12
    on March 1st, 2011 at 11:18 am
    BossysMom said:

    Comcast. I believe I will return Comcast when contract is up.


13. 13
    on March 1st, 2011 at 11:47 am
    pkzcass said:

    I don’t have anything I need to return, but I must say that those jeans look fabulous on you! Really. Wear them for a bit and see if you don’t fall in love with them.


14. 14
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:11 pm
    kathy said:

    Christmas pajamas with pants long enough for professional basketball player


15. 15
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:13 pm
    Lizzie said:

    Blackberry mail-in rebate. $150. Forgot to send it in. Shit.


16. 16
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:16 pm
    BOSSY said:

    The Guess earrings which are silver but look bubblegum machine.


17. 17
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:17 pm
    BOSSY said:

    The black Michael Kors pants from Marshalls, cut all wrong.


18. 18
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:18 pm
    BOSSY said:

    Is it ethical to tape pricetag back ON if never worn?


19. 19
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:26 pm
    Wendy in AZ said:

    boyfriend jeans are the new sweatpants


20. 20
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:27 pm
    All Adither said:

    They’re super cute. And your boobs look great too.


21. 21
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:44 pm
    CS said:

    Garnet Hill green pants, clearance: size 4 (not bloody likely).


22. 22
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:47 pm
    Gramps said:

    My second wife!!!!!!!!


23. 23
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:50 pm
    Little Miss Sunshine State said:

    Cute shoes from long ago. Worn twice. Hurt like hell.


24. 24
    on March 1st, 2011 at 12:51 pm
    Amy in NJ said:

    Must cancel weight watchers monthly pass-am 6 months pregnant.

    @gramps: too funny!


25. 25
    on March 1st, 2011 at 1:48 pm
    KathyB said:

    If you donate jeans you refuse to wear, tape tag!


26. 26
    on March 1st, 2011 at 1:49 pm
    KathyB said:

    Oh, and moi, most of the closet contents …just couldn’t.


27. 27
    on March 1st, 2011 at 1:51 pm
    Maggie said:

    sample floor tiles taking up closet space- went with bamboo.


28. 28
    on March 1st, 2011 at 2:36 pm
    joeinvegas said:

    No ten words, but you look pretty good in those jeans Bossy. Keep them out of the bag and wear them.


29. 29
    on March 1st, 2011 at 2:37 pm
    Ruth said:

    Shoes shoes shoes fit great in store. At home OUCH!


30. 30
    on March 1st, 2011 at 2:49 pm
    Robin said:

    Gift from husband. Behind the head earmuffs. No, just no,


31. 31
    on March 1st, 2011 at 3:24 pm
    Julz said:

    wetsuit one size to big for triathlons, diapers size too small.


32. 32
    on March 1st, 2011 at 3:25 pm
    heidig said:

    Lovin those jeans on you Bossy. Wear them, wash them, dry them – you might decide you like them!


33. 33
    on March 1st, 2011 at 3:51 pm
    Jean said:

    So, so many rejected after purchase bargains that it’s embarassing.

    And thank you for this post, Bossy. I thought I was the only one with month (read years) old returns.


34. 34
    on March 1st, 2011 at 3:59 pm
    Cincy said:

    2 pair (!) Teva platform flip-flops. Size 9. Sigh.


35. 35
    on March 1st, 2011 at 4:19 pm
    pvz said:

    I voted “keep them.”
    I’d still vote the same way!


36. 36
    on March 1st, 2011 at 4:26 pm
    Janine said:

    I’m in line with Gramps, my second husband. Anyway, I say wear the jeans, they are cute!


37. 37
    on March 1st, 2011 at 4:31 pm
    Scottsdale Girl said:

    Skyhighheel shoes (many), too small sundresses (it says SIZE 12 but it AIN’T!)


38. 38
    on March 1st, 2011 at 6:38 pm
    Summer said:

    Everything my well-intentioned mother-in-law ever bought me.


39. 39
    on March 1st, 2011 at 6:42 pm
    Cupcake Murphy said:

    Dumb designer shirt from Fred Segal sale…why oh why?


40. 40
    on March 1st, 2011 at 9:04 pm
    Angela@beggingtheanswer said:

    Sweatpants. Apparently I’m not a XXL after all.


41. 41
    on March 1st, 2011 at 10:43 pm
    Beth said:

    “Sell on Ebay closet” getting really full. I’ll procrastinate tomorrow.


42. 42
    on March 2nd, 2011 at 12:24 am
    Deb said:

    If it’s any consolation-they look better fitting in this pic…


43. 43
    on March 2nd, 2011 at 1:44 am
    Deidre said:

    Business dress. Big boobs, Small waist. I have not both


44. 44
    on March 2nd, 2011 at 2:05 am
    Julia Falci said:

    Reading this was so funny! hahaha I loved the “Yay”, “Boo”, and the “$9,98 she said”! lol
    To be honest I like the first pic, the jeans looks good, that’s how is supposed to fit.
    When I buy something I’m not too sure about it I go online and research for the item and see how people put the outfit together. Like a leather fringe vest (yes, cowboy style) I bought last year.. man……that was tough!


45. 45
    on March 2nd, 2011 at 1:20 pm
    foolery said:

    Too many to mention, too boring and embarrassing to list.

    BEST BOSSY POST IN A HEN’S AGE! — Love YAY, BOO and OH BOSSY’S GAH especially.


46. 46
    on March 2nd, 2011 at 5:00 pm
    AngAK said:

    closet full of “wishful” sizes. incentive? give up? gah.


47. 47
    on March 2nd, 2011 at 5:01 pm
    AngAK said:

    and, I think Bossy looks great. youthful and great.


48. 48
    on March 2nd, 2011 at 8:47 pm
    Jennifer said:

    What would be the perfect accessory for the “Un-divorced”?
    The “boyfriend” jean! Naturally!


49. 49
    on March 3rd, 2011 at 2:59 pm
    Lori in MN said:

    “Fit weird” but in closet two years; finally donated yesterday!


50. 50
    on March 4th, 2011 at 6:58 pm
    janny226 said:

    not sure “husband” is a politically correct answer. But sometimes…